The Forsaken
by ohxmyxria
Summary: -AU- Abandoned by her mother, rejected by her father, forsaken by her classmates; Bella Swan has lost her faith in humanity. Can Edward Cullen show her that falling in love is a risk with taking, pain and all? -by Ria & Rio-
1. The Burden

A/n: Formally known as "Tears of Blood"

_A/n: Formally known as "Tears of Blood". This story is posted with permission of Mourningxrio, who, sadly, will not be returning to Fanfiction. He has given me the okay to post all the stories I helped with on my own profile. I hope this won't confuse anyone. __**x-x**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Series. **_

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

Ever so slowly, the minute hand climbed around the wall clock. I want to scream at it. _Hurry up! Please. Move just a little bit faster._ But of course nothing good could come from screaming at an inanimate object. It wouldn't do for someone to hear me. I had enough problems to deal with then having my classmates try to ship me to a mental institution. I cringed when I remembered what awaited me at home after my shift at Newton's. Then again, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I tore my eyes from the clock. Instead, I traced the edge of my textbook with my eyes. The large book slid in and out of focus. Repressing a sigh, I rubbed my fist into my eye, trying to shake of the wave of weariness. Considering that I was running on three hours of sleep, I thought I was holding up very well. My eyes protested as I held them as open as possible. How desperately I wanted to shut them and doze off. The idea was even more inviting when I realized I was looking at another night of little sleep. Is it possible to die from sleep depravation? If so, I was a medical miracle.

Beside me, a blonde girl tapped her pencil on the surface of our shared table_. Tap. Tap. Tap._ The tip of the lead pounded lightly on the black marble. If she was aggravated, tapping her pencil wasn't going to help. It might actually make the situation worse; the sound was dragging me out of my numb stupor and into one of annoyance. Just as I was contemplating snapping the stupid writing instrument in half, along with it's owner, the bell rang. School was over for yet another day.

I hastily jumped to my feet, swung my backpack over my shoulder, and made a mad dash out of the classroom. I dove in-between the hallway mess with ease. Most of the student sidestepped me as I came into view. Good. All the better for me. Less obstacles to dodge equals less time wasted on my way to the parking lot in my book.

I shoved open the double doors. Sweet freedom. I welcomed the light drizzle as I hurried to my red truck. Rust covered the frame of it, but still I found it beautiful. After all, she was mine. I owned her, and I was proud.

Billy and Jacob had given me this beauty as a sweet sixteen present last year. Jacob said he was embarrassed by how bad of a shape the truck was in, but I was grateful for a set of wheels. Anything really. Just as along as I didn't have to ask Charlie for rides to and from school. I wanted to refuse the car -I mean, a car! A bit overboard for a gift to your friend's daughter- but Billy wouldn't hear of it. He told me it was useless to him anyway since he had been condemned to a life of wheelchairs. So, in good grace, I had tightened my fingers greedily around the keys to my ancient red wagon.

I dropped my bag into the passenger seat after I shut the door. The sound of the falling rain became muffled immediately. I smiled thankfully. The rain could be nice on occasion, but nonstop rain gave me a headache. And nonstop rain was basically the definition of cloudy little Forks, WA. God, I hated it here. But, here was my home. So here I was stuck. _Just 16 more months_, I reminded myself. Once that diploma is in your hands, you are out of Forks and out of Charlie's hair. For good.

I pulled into the line of car begging for a quick escape from the parking lot. I let my eyes travel along the line. Wow, at least fifteen cars in line. What a pileup. I cursed quietly. Great, I would be late for work at this rate.

My shift started at 3 pm on the dot. Mrs. Newton had protested the idea at first, telling me I would only have roughly an hour to cool off from school before having to hightail it to work. A normal teen would have seen her logic and pushed their hours back. I wasn't normal. In fact, I insisted on the hours. 3-closing at 11. Eight hours shifts on top of seven hours of school. A schedule that should have killed me. It didn't.

I was the type of person who had to constantly be busy. If my hands weren't busy, then my mind had to be. I couldn't stand having free time to myself. Mild OCD, perhaps. Whatever the case, I needed my time occupied. Otherwise I might end up stuck at home. I wanted desperately to avoid that at all costs.

Eventually, the line thinned out as cars slipped through the gate. I might be able to make it yet. I would just have to pick up and drop Charlie's dinner off later. As for me, well… I could always grab a snack at work. Mrs. Newton always had a bag of chips in the 'break room'. Our break room was really more of an emptied closet with some magazines and a coffee pot. Still, it was my sanctuary. Thank god for my caffeine! Or else I might be dead already.

I pulled into the parking lot at 2:48. Mrs. Newton waved at me through the class window as she taped a poster to the wall. She was a very sweet woman. Kind blue eyes that always seemed so full of life as she skipped merrily around the store. Mrs. Newton wasn't the type of woman you'd expect to see working at a hiking gear store. She was more like the pretty woman you'd see tugging children by the hand in a nursery school. Her soft blonde hair was tied up, away from her face, as she forced the poster advertising a sale the weekend to the plaster.

"Hello, Mrs. Newton." I shyly called over the light 'ting' of the bell when I opened the store's door.

Her lightly tanned face lit up at my voice. "Hi there, Bella! Right on time, as usual. I wish I could say the same for my son." She lithely added as she backed away from the wall to admire her work. Mrs. Newton adjusted a few buttons on her bright orange vest as she made her way to me. Worry covered over her face. "Are you all right, sweetie? You look a bit pale."

"Paler then usual?" I smiled a bit as I walked through the break room's open door. I, too, donned the sickeningly bright vest. I pulled my hair up in a messy bun and turned around. The mirror jumped out at me before I could exit the room. My chestnut hair was spilling into my face. I tucked a few strands behind my ears. I casually swept a hand over my cheeks. The color in them did seem faded. My eyes skimmed along my heart shaped face to the full lips that sat in an unhappy frown. It tore my gaze away from the girl who stared back at me. I didn't even know her.

Mrs. Newton watched me carefully with sadden eyes as I emerged from the makeshift break area. Her arms were folded across her chest as she spoke. "Bella? Did you get to eat today?"

I froze. Darn it, she was persistent! "Well, of course, Mrs. Newton!" I lied cheerfully. "In fact, I just had half a sandwich on my way over here. No time to stop by home; there was a huge line in the parking lot." I rambled on. She nodded, seemingly satisfied.

The next three hours just flew by. I could count the number of shoppers we had seen on my hands. Strike that, on one hand. Even though it was early February, we hadn't seen much business. I just did stock and reorganized the hiking boots. Mrs. Newton sat behind the counter, her hair falling out of the delicate twist on her head as she slumped forward on the counter. Only when the electronic ting sound alerted us of a guest did she look up. Her face split into a smile as Mike Newton flicked his hair back.

"Mike! You're here. I can go home!" She squealed as she tossed her vest off. I couldn't help but to giggle at her glee.

Her blonde son smirked. "Of course I'm here. This is my shift after all." His pale eyes skated over to where I sat on the rug beside the tethers. A smile crossed his round face.

"I was starting to doubt you, honey." She unclipped her hair and let it tumble down her back. "By the way, your shift started at six, not 6:20. Can't you be more punctual? Like Bella here?"

Mike made a face as he shrugged on her disregarded vest. "If my being late is such a big deal, why don't you just fire me?"

"The thought has crossed my mind, Michael." She muttered as she walked out the door. "See you next shift, Bella! Take care of yourself. And if Michael starts to slack off, don't be afraid to put him back in line."

I merely nodded. I really had no intentions of telling Mike off, even if he was an irresponsible coworker. I knew him only in passing really. I had just transferred to Forks High last week. Before, I had attended the high school in the Quileute lands with my friends Rachael and Rebecca Black. They had graduated last year and getting to school had been a pain since then. Even with my truck, it was still a half an hour drive. So I had myself transferred to Forks High.

I had met Mike over last summer, when I first started working at Newton's. He was a nice kid, really, but a bit annoying. He tagged after me like a dog. I did not need a shadow; I needed a competent coworker.

Once I had transferred, Mike saw fit to show me around. And I was grateful. Except for the fact that he seemed to be showing me off. His arm was constantly around me. Like I was his. Insert gagging here. It was rather annoying.

He wanted me to sit with his friends, but I quickly excused myself and ran to my truck. My safe haven. Mike thought it was because of the girls throwing me death glares, or perhaps nerves caused by the first day of school. Both were way off. I just couldn't stand to be around them. I didn't want to be mean, but…

To put it simply, I did not play well with others. That's not to say I didn't have friends, but more that I couldn't relate to people my own age. The Twins, Rachel and Rebecca, were three years older then me. The only other person I considered my friend was their brother, Jacob, who was two years my junior. He was very dear to me. Having grown up with him for the past three years, he was just as much family to me as his sisters were to him. My little brother, and my best friend.

Thankfully, I mostly sat by myself in school. The student body seemed to have some sense about them because most of them avoided me gladly. I enjoyed my solitude, often burying my nose in a book to pass the time until my shift at work. I had a regular routine. School. Charlie's dinner. Work. Dishes. Laundry. Homework. Sleep. Typically in that order. I liked being in a regular practice. Keeping things neat and orderly was my fetish.

I sighed deeply as Mike sat on the floor beside me. He held my eyes to his as he folded his legs. "Hey Bella."

I dropped my gaze to my shoes. "Hey Mike."

"How have you been? I mean we haven't had a good chance to talk in a while."

And whose fault was that? Mike's, of course. Whenever we had a 'talk' it usually ended with him asking me out. At first, I was flattered. Now, it was just bothersome. But of course I held my tongue. "Really?" I said offhand as I played with the carpet. "I hadn't noticed."

His face darkened. Mike drew closer, his eyes ablaze. Habitually, I pulled my head away. "Bella, just give me a chance. I really like you." His hand gripped my arm.

I resisted the urge to scream out in pain. I yanked my sore arm free and glared at Mike. "I've told you before. We'll never be more then just friends. Not only am I not interested, but my father won't let me date." And it was true. Charlie wouldn't hear of it. He didn't even like me going out with my friends. And it was not wise to go against his wishes. I shivered. "Please, Mike." I pleaded. His face softened. "Please, understand when I say we aren't going to be more then friends that I mean it."

Slowly, he nodded. That meant a lot to me. Mike wasn't a mean person; he just couldn't take a hint. I smiled warmly at him.

The end of my shift came soon. I called a hurried good bye to Mike and his father, who were closing up. They waved back as I pulled out of the parking lot. I pushed lightly on the gas, jumping on the main road.

It was rather late. Most of town was happily at home and perhaps asleep. How I envied them. The loud clunking of my truck echoed as I drove, drowning out the sleepy silence. I mentally created a list of things still to do before I fall into a fitful sleep. Charlie might still need to be feed. I could warm up the rest of the lasagna from last night. I only hoped he wouldn't mind leftovers. Then, of course, the dishes. Laundry could be held off for the day. Today was only Wednesday, after all. I had an essay for Biology tomorrow, but that wouldn't take too long. There were still a few math problems that I needed to work over as well.

The lights were off as I put my truck in park. That boded well; maybe he had fallen asleep. I shut off the engine, grabbed my bag, and walked up the door. I slid the key in and turned it quietly.

The lights were off in the living room, too. The kitchen was empty. I sighed in relief. Now I could avoid him until tomorrow. Perfect way to end another boring day.

I hurried to the sink and cleaned his dirty dishes. My grumbling stomach protested it's emptiness, but I ignored it. I dry each plate and cup delicately before storing each dish in the proper cabinets. I dried my hands and shuffled to the refrigerator. I selected a shiny red apple and bit into it hungrily. In no time at all, it was gone.

I quickly wiped down the counters for any lingering mess. A few empty beer bottles sat on the table. I picked them up. I had to be extra careful in the near blackness when I dumped them into the garbage. _If we recycled,_ I thought bitterly, _we could be millionaires from all these bottles. _

With steps heavy from exhaustion, I trudged up the stairs. A light flashed on in the hallway landing were the bedrooms were. I could feel the blood leaving my face. Crap. Now I had woken him up. I quickened my pace, hoping to escape into my room before he could realize I was home. Luck wasn't with me.

His bedroom door swung open as my hand gripped the handle to my own room. I sighed lowly and turned to face my father. His narrowed eyes were bloodshot. A stench of alcohol hung around him thickly, flooding my senses even from a few feet away. The tall balding man took one rough step forward.

Instinctively, I backed away. He smirked. "What's wrong, Isabella? Not even going to greet your father?" Charlie was quite clearly drunk. Now I was really afraid. "Come here." He demanded.

I knew better then to run. Shaking, I step two feet closer. He reached his hand out and stroked my face. I gulped.

"Bella." His voice was quiet. "Everyday you become more like her." I didn't have to ask whom. We had this conversation so often. He told me that I looked just like_ her_ all the time. At that very moment, I had never felt so angry with _her_. My deadbeat mother.

Charlie shut his eyes, inhaling deeply. I didn't even try to breath. I knew what was racing through his mind. And I couldn't stop shaking because of it. I knew what came next. Every conversation we had that had to do with her ended the same. Just do it all ready! As if he could read my thoughts, he complied.

Charlie smacked me.

I felt my head slam into the wall beside me. My whole body screamed in agony. But I held my lips firmly closed. I knew better then to scream out in pain. I held my hand to my stinging cheek, holding back my desperate tears. I just wanted to lie in my bed and cry my heart out.

But he wasn't done.

Charlie stepped to me and held me by my hair. "Damn it! Why do you have to look like her!?" He roared at me. I flinched back. "You look so much like her… so much like her. But you aren't her." His voice was taunting now as he shook me by my hair. I just wanted to scream out.

"You aren't Renee. Renee was prettier. Renee was smarter. Renee was perfect. You're just a mess." He hissed against my still burning cheek. "A sad copy of your mother. That's why she left you; you weren't good enough. You aren't good enough. I am not good enough. Not good enough… No one is… not for her." He mumbled and released my hair, letting me fall to the ground, leaning on the wall for support. The man who was my father stumbled back into his room. I watched him go through a veil of fresh tears.


	2. Trapped

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight series.**

I only opened my eyes once I heard his door shut. After that, I jumped up and raced in the bathroom.

I braced myself against the sink, gulping down air, my head downcast as the tears freely flowed. I won't let him see me cry. Not anymore. He had broken me, yes, but I wouldn't let him see how much I was hurting. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

_Hate._ I wanted to hate him. Truly, I did. Nothing would make more sense then hating the man who had made my life a living hell for the past year. He was a monster. He abused me. He tortured me. I should be able to hate him. Shouldn't I? Any sane human would.

But I... I just couldn't. And that was the worse part.

No matter what happened, he was still my father. He had to love me, even if only a tiny bit. In fact, that was why I believed he hurt me. Because he loved me. And Mom. without her, he was hurting. He wanted us to be a family again. But it would never happen. So he was angry and frustrated. It wasn't his fault that he never got over Renee. It was my fault.

If I didn't exist, maybe he could have moved on. But since I did, he was forever reminded of a life that was over. Of a love that had ended, but had once been. Of a woman who he could no longer hold. With me, he couldn't move on.

And I looked like her. Too much like her. Charlie was right; I wasn't as beautiful. Still, I had her same heart shaped face and large brown eyes. While hers were more almond shaped and attractive, there was no denying the resemblance. My chocolate brown hair fell in just the same way as hers did when she was a teenager. Renee also had very full lips like my own, I had realized when I saw her old yearbook. But that was about the only resemblances. She was tanner and always seemed to be smiling. Even our personalities were like day and night. She was forever young, happy and smiling. I was more serious and mature, and now, anything but happy.

I remembered her from pictures I kept in my closet. I wanted to burn them, but I couldn't do it. Another thing I wasn't strong enough to do. It was my guilty hobby to skim through the picture of Renee, a mother I once had. A mother who had taken me away with her when she left Charlie. But a mother who had left me behind when she met another.

I remember hearing often that love was a myth. Renee told me time and time again that real love was something reserved for older, more matured couples. That when I did fall in love, I would know it. That it wouldn't be some silly high school crush. And that I would have to be wise about it. In her own words, 'men are only out there to hurt you, so you must never give them the chance'.

So far, I hadn't learned anything to oppose that theory. But I had a better generalization. People everywhere hurt each other. They can't help it, but that doesn't make it right. And when you love someone, it is only giving him or her the opportunity to hurt you in the worst way possible. I loved my mother. And she left me. I loved my father. And then he hurt me. And while I knew I could never trust them, I still loved them. Hence the third part of my theory: love is irrevocable and unconditional. Once you let them into your heart, they are there to stay.

I couldn't blame Charlie for hurting me any more then I could blame Renee for leaving me. She wanted a new life. One with a new husband and a new adventure. It must be annoying to have a kid following you around. So they left.

I remember it clearly. I was coming home one day after middle school. We had been living in Phoenix at the time. Renee and Phil had been dating for a while now. That in itself was a miracle. She normally found some flaw with her boyfriend and sent him packing after a few months. It was rather annoying, to be honest.

But here they were, two years into the relationship, and still going strong. And I was happy. She liked him and there didn't seem to be anything wrong with Phil. A bit young perhaps, but age was just a number. Phil was nice and showered Renee with affection. I couldn't remember ever seeing her so happy. And her happiness was all the really mattered.

My mom could be very impulsive. And that was putting it mildly. She liked to try new things and push her limits. Childish, some would call it. I was one of those people. It used to annoy me, but I knew that was just how she was. A rolling stone perpetually searching for the next passing fancy. I often wonder if that was why she married Charlie. Maybe marriage was the big thing of the week.

When I came home to an empty house, I was scared. I mean, it was_ empty_ empty. Everything was gone. Renee's clothes were all missing. The usual mess of her room was clean and clear. Only her dresser and bed remained. With shaking hands, I picked up the note my harebrained mother had left for me. She had left me. Gone.

I poured cool water on my face as my eyes avoided the mirror. _Stupid woman_, I thought viciously. Eloping with a man she hardly knew. Renee and Phil had just run away, like a romantic movie. No worries, no cares. And no fourteen-year-old daughter.

Was I really in their way?

Her note had apologized over and over, saying she just wanted a fresh start and they didn't want to wait four more years till I was in college. They were a young couple in love. And I was a reminder of an old flame that had long since been extinguished. But how could she been so flighty to just leave me alone? I was a child back then, even if I didn't always act like one. The last line of the note said I should move in with Charlie until I was an adult. She never said where she was going, how I could keep in contact with her, or even if she was coming back. At the time, I had excused all that up to her harebrained tendencies. I wasn't so foolish anymore; I knew she hadn't given me any more information on purpose.

I tired living on my own for a few weeks. It was partially in defiance to Renee's note, hard headed as I could be, but also so as not to burden Charlie. I couldn't do it, however. So the day after eight grade ended, I was on a flight to Forks. I think my old house is still there in Phoenix, fully furnished and payed off - I had long ago set up a direct deposit program that tapped into Renee's bank account. Since I never got a notice of foreclosure, I felt I could safely assume she had never closed that account.

I hadn't seen much of Charlie over the nine years since Renee and I had ran off. He used to have me stay with him over the summer, but that ended by the time I was seven, making him come see me every summer for two weeks. I just couldn't be up there. Forks was so boring, and the rain made the town even more dreary. And now that dreary little flooded town was to be my own. Imagine my joy.

Charlie hadn't been coping well without us, that much was obvious. He had been miserably alone until he finally agreed to move in with his old friend Billy Black. Billy was a nice man and almost like a second father to me. When Charlie was too overcome with his grief to pay his only daughter any mind, Billy would take me, Jake, Becca, and Ray to the beach. I liked it. It was like I had a second family. Having grown up as an only child and basically friendless in school, it was nice to belong to a large group. To have 'siblings' who cared about me. I loved each and every one of them more then I could have if we were related by blood.

The summer before my junior year started, Charlie decided he wanted to move out of the Black household. Everyone was devastated. Rebecca had just moved out the month prior after getting married to some Hawaiian surfer. Rachael was well on her way out as well; she was moving to Alaska for college in a few weeks. Jacob threw a huge fit. He didn't want to lose all of his 'big sisters', he often cried. I felt the same way; I loved the Blacks. But Charlie wouldn't be persuaded otherwise. So we packed our things and moved into the two-story house we had once occupied with my mother.

That was about when this all started.

Being in this house where her presence still lingered triggered unpleasant memories in my father. The cabinets that she painted, the furniture that she picked out; every little thing held some reminder of her. And Charlie just couldn't take it. He needed an outlet from his agony, one that wasn't just his job and his beers.

Hence, me.

But, through it all, I never blamed me father. I can't even say I hated him. After all, this was my fault. He told me so often enough that I had learned to believe it. There was so much logic behind that statement that I couldn't just shrug it off. If I had never came, their marriage would have held together. If I had never came, Charlie and Renee would have been happy. If I had never came, everything would be better. Much better. And looking at the sad remains of my and Charlie's life, I couldn't disagree.

I found the antibiotic and applied it to my face, wincing slightly. Hopefully the swelling would go down before school tomorrow. I was running out of 'accidents' involving my clumsiness that could have lead to my bruises. _Perhaps I could use the 'I fell down the stairs' one again._ A few teachers had been suspicious at first, but then they saw me in gym class. After that no one doubted that my pain was self-inflicted.

I couldn't say for sure why I was defending my father. I don't know why I just don't tell a teacher and end the suffering. Maybe it was because he had a reputation to the city of Forks. He was the police chief, a well-respected man. Perhaps it was because I thought no one would believe me. I had lied about my injuries for so long, it was becoming second nature. Even more plausible, was I afraid? Surely. What would Charlie do if he found out I told someone? I didn't even want to imagine his rage and what he could do in such a state.

Oddly enough, my fear wasn't for what he would do to me, but what would happen to him. Sure, he could end up hurting himself, but that was much more on the line. I am still 17, a minor. They would take me away even if they didn't put him in jail. And he desperately needed me. Not because I was his punching bag, but because I did everything for him. The man had no idea how to make his way around the kitchen. And then there were plenty of other things like the laundry, dishes, cleaning… The list could go on. So I kept my mouth shut.

I winced again as I lifted my shirt over my head. An angry red bruise sat just above my left hip. I groaned. Another one. _Just perfect._

To be honest, I was a mess. I had more bruises and scars then I could count. My arms especially. I had the bad habit of trying to back away when Charlie stepped to me. He didn't like it. So Charlie would grab my arm to bring me back to him. Thus the marks on my wrist and forearms.

I lightly traced one on my right wrist. It was hurting a lot. I think that was the one Mike had unknowingly grabbed earlier. I cursed softly as I squeezed the medical paste tube again.

I hobbled stiffly to my room, decked out in the gooey green antibiotic. The smell clung around me almost like a second scent. I wondered vaguely if too much inhaling of the smell could cause brain damage.

Unlike most of the house, my room was always neat. Clothes smartly hung in my closet or else lay folded in my dresser. Books primly organized on the shelves. Backpack ready for the next tedious day by my door and sneakers. Since I barely had any time at home when I wasn't sleeping, I didn't make a mess. It was like I didn't live here. I almost wished it were true.

I fell onto my bed after setting my alarm clock. I mentally fixed my check-off calendar. 7 months and 17 days until my 18th birthday, when I become a legal adult. 16 months and 9 days until I graduate and move out. By then, Charlie won't be able to hold me back. I had already talked to Billy who agreed to watch after my father once I was gone. He had gladly accepted his job of 'Charlie-sitting' and decided to invite him back into his house once I was gone. I was so grateful to Billy for that. One less thing to worry about.

But for my plans to work, I had to get into a far away college. I applied everywhere: Universities in Florida, New York, and Texas where my first hopes. But I also put in my tests for the University Of Alaska Southeast, Juneau. That's where Rachael was currently. And it was still far away enough that I could be excused from visiting here often. _Or ever_, I added mentally.

My weary eyes shut as soon as my head came in contact with the pillow. So I fell into a hazy, dreamless sleep, per the usual. And also per the usual, I woke up still exhausted with a fresh batch of fallen tears on my face and pillow.


	3. First Sight

**Disclaimer: Do not own any of the Twilight Series.**

It was raining when I woke up. I know, big surprise, right? However, all of last week, the sun had been shining through the clouds a bit. Barely peeking through, but still there, and bringing the temperature up into the early seventies. I took it as a good sign for my first week at Forks High School.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

My first week was chaos. I was labeled the new girl and that came with constant staring and whisperers. Technically, I wasn't new. New to the school, maybe, but not to the town. Most of the student body knew I existed at least, the daughter of the Chief's flighty ex wife, but had never met me. I had spent the whole of the past three years in the Quileute lands so I might as well have been a new person completely to the students of the school. I came to Forks sometimes, but avoided having to meet people my age.

Now it was inevitable. Mike escorted me rather unnecessarily from class to class, even if that meant him being late for his own. The school wasn't that hard to navigate. But Mr. Newton wouldn't here of it. He simply rolled his eyes and tightened his hold on my hand whenever I tried to wiggle away.

There was another reason why I was annoyed with his presence, though. Clearly, Mike was popular. Popular boys are sought after. So seeing him with another girl, the new girl no less, was sure to get someone's panties in a bunch. This someone was Jessica Stanley.

She was in my Spanish and English class. I had barely taken my seat when she rounded on me with narrowed bloodshot eyes. Her thick curls bounded in and out of place as she hissed at me and shook her head with anger. Apparently Mike was 'hers' and she did not appreciate 'some nobody' trying to 'steal him'. I smirked that that.

"Jessica," I couldn't stop the stream of sarcasm and rage that had built up from the constant whispers and Mike's persistent shadowing from infusing itself into my tone. "Sweetie, what in your pretty little head makes you think I want him? In case you haven't noticed, I am trying to blend in. Mike is so not my type that it is not even funny. In fact, I would be eternally grateful if you could get him to _leave me alone_. I don't need a watched dog." And with that, I got up from my seat and found another in the back row.

After that little outburst, she and her crony Lauren Mallory followed me with hateful glares. I went from being labeled 'the new girl' to 'that bitch with anger issues' all in one day. I actually saw it as an improvement.

Needless to say, word spread all around the school. With a student body as small as the one at Forks High, I was 99 percent positive that every student had heard about my encounter with Miss Stanley by lunchtime. The sidelong glances I received coincided with that theory. After shaking Mike off by faking stomach cramps, I was able to shake him off in the lunch room and finally seek solitude in my truck.

My alarm clock blared, shaking the horror that was the past week temporarily from my mind forcibly.

I stretched carefully as I glided out of my bed. My covers fell to the floor in a plop. I ran my finger along my face, following along a thin line that was barely visible. At least I hoped it wasn't. If it all possible, I wanted to avoid another few inquires about my newest scar.

With slow steps, I ambled towards the tiny bathroom, groaning as the pitter-patter of the rain on the roof intensified. I took a quick shower and washed my hair; the morning routine was so ritualistic that I didn't even have to think about the motions. This left my mind free to wonder, unfortunately. _Another boring day of Forks High, and only 24 hours closer to graduation._ I sighed deeply.

As I brushed my teeth, I stared into the mirror. My eyes trailed along my pale cheek. If you didn't know you were looking for a scar, you really couldn't see it. That was good. People stared at me enough as it was.

Charlie was already gone when I walked into the kitchen. That pretty was the normal so I didn't give it a second thought. If he got angry with me at night, the following morning he left for work early. I think it was just to evade looking at the damage he had done. That at least proved he regretted his actions. And that was enough for me.

As I walked over to the refrigerator to get my milk, I spotted a note he had left. _Isabella, would you please go to the store today? Please pick up milk and antibiotic cream. Thank you, Charlie. _I rolled my eyes as I spotted money next to the sticky note. He must have noticed I was running out of my medical paste.

Part of me was annoyed with him. Did he only want me to get the cream so I could heal up and pretend it didn't happen? And he had the nerve to try to give me money for it, as if to pay me off? Ridiculous. I had a job after all for the soul purpose of not having to depend of him for anything. Did he think that by paying for my cream he was making up for hurting me?

But as quickly as my agitation had come, it was gone. Instead, a slight happiness filled me. _At least he is making an effort._ That was much more then I expected from him. And I couldn't be annoyed properly since he was trying. Maybe he really didn't mean to me, and maybe it was just the alcohol talking last night. Maybe he was worried and wanted me to get better. Maybe he cared that I woke up crying every morning. Maybe he loved me back. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Oh, how I loved to lie to myself.

I stroked my cheek clear of my new batch of tears. I had always been an easy crier, a fact that annoyed me to no ends. Seriously, every movie with even the slightest bit of a sad ending brought out the water works. Titanic, Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde. I cried while reading them all too. I was so pathetic.

I slowly munched on a chewy bar as I stared out the window. With the sun hidden by the thick veil of clouds, this town looked so much like the Forks I remembered. The never-ending rain coupled with the occasional bouts of sunshine made this town look beautiful. The healthy forests made this place look peaceful. The rainbows the sun caused made this town like magical.

But I knew better. This town was anything but those fanciful words.

I slid into my raincoat as I stepped into the gloom. In the distance, booming thunder could be heard. Bright streaks of lightening dashed across the sky. And the pouring rain made it almost impossible to see my truck. Yes, this was indeed the Forks of my early childhood.

My truck roared to life, interrupting the silence of the dreary little town. My heater was turned up to maximum, but I still was shivering. It was amazing that half the townsfolk didn't die from pneumonia. I threw my rusted truck into reverse and pulled out of the driveway wearily.

The drive to Forks High School was short. The school was only a few miles from my house, making for a much easier commute then it was to the Quileute School. All the same, I missed that school. Sure, there was always a few people who just rubbed me the wrong way, but that was how it was at all schools. Here it was Jessica and Mike. There it was Leah Clearwater and Sam Uley. Urgh. I guess it's true; you can't like, nor be liked by, everybody.

The parking lot was still pretty empty when I arrived. I pulled in and parked across from one of the only other cars in the lot: a silver Volvo. Nice car. Strange; you'd think a car like that would stand out in a small town like this. How had I not noticed it earlier?

I swung my backpack over my shoulder with great care to avoid hitting a sore spot on my back, slamming my truck door close with my elbow. The sound echoed eerily in the early morning fog. The lack of people made me feel so alone. And as much as I loved my solitude, I couldn't deny that I felt safer in a large company. But standing here, forlorn in the silence, I had never felt so apprehensive. It was kind of creepy.

I ran towards the covered school building. My feet splashed loudly in the numerous puddles. The crashing and splashing as my boots rushed across the blacktop pounded in my ears. I was comforted by the sound. It blocked out the quiet.

The sound of the rain tipping on the roof followed me along the deserted hallways. A constant tapping that seemed to blend together. While the sound always made it hard to fall asleep, even I could appreciate the simple tranquility of the sound as I made my way to my locker.

Being alone a lot of the time, I was able to register simple yet beautiful wonders that would long since have been lost upon any other teenager. The intricate patterns carved into the tiles bellow my feet or else the vast clouds that blended together so perfectly; they could be mistaken for a single entity. Life was full of wonders that could be no more interesting then your own surroundings. All you had to do was open your eyes.

I kneeled to the floor and twisted the dial of my lock, groaning in annoyance at the locker stubbornly refused to open. Of course, I had to get the bad lock. It figured. I tugged fruitlessly at the contraption for several more minutes before giving up. I let the metal trap slam onto my lock with a bang as I dropped my butt to the floor.

Okay, so I wouldn't be able to use my biology textbook to write the essay I never got around to last night. "Looks like this will all be from memory." I growled as I lifted a binder out of my backpack and opened it to a clean sheet of paper. I racked my brain for all details I could remember from the topic: how does the integument system help protect the body from harm.

I had barely uncapped my pen when the bell signaling students to start entering their first period rang. "And now it looks like said essay will have to wait until lunchtime." I tugged one last time on my locker, and, to my amazement, it surrendered. My bio book now in hand, I raced off to my first period.

I was the first one to enter the room. My English teacher smiled at me as she paused in front of the podium after writing the lesson plans for today on the chalkboard. "Good Morning, Miss Swan." She smiled warmly before changing the date.

"Morning," I replied as I skirted around the desks to the one I occupied in the back. My books tumbled from my hands, turning into a leaning tower on my desk. My head fell on the desk as the first of the students trickled in.

The day dragged on. Thanks to my lack of sleep, I was irritable and in a daze the whole day. I blamed it on my empty stomach when a girl with long brown hair turned in her seat to ask, with worried eyes, how I was. It was unusual for anyone to approach me, but I could remember this girl trying many times over the last week.

"Do you need to go the nurse's?" she asked again in a soft voice that was no more then a whisper.

"Really," I assured her. "I'll be fine after lunch."

"If you say so. I hope you won't think me prying, but you don't seem well, Isabella." The girl -I couldn't for the life of me remember her name- turned her face downward as she spoke. "You see, I always take care of my brothers. When they are feeling sick, Isaac gets very pale and peaky. He breaks out in a cool sweat and gets very quiet. For a nine-year-old, that is extremely strange."

I chuckled as the girl watched me more carefully, inspecting my face perhaps for more telltale signs of a fever. "You have brothers? Must be nice."

"Are you an only child, Isabella?"

"Bella, please. And to your question, that's a yes and no." I smiled at her confused face. "There is a boy who is almost like a brother to me." I admitted. "He's my father's best friend's son. Jake. He's the cutest boy. Well, he's only a year or two younger then me, and taller then me by at least a good five inches, but he's still my little brother."

The girl, I later got up the never to ask her name and found it to be Angela Weber, and I talked back and forth for a while about our family. I skimmed over the bigger details such as why I had moved to Forks and was only just now attending the local high school. This girl seemed very nice and knew better then to dig into my life when I wasn't so forthcoming. I appreciated that.

The bell rang again for the ninth time today announcing the beginning of lunch period. Forks High consisted of a riveting student body barely scraping into 1000. Needless to say, only one lunch shift was required. The Quileute School had been small too, even smaller then this one, but that never really registered.

As politely as possible, I excused myself from Angela's side in the lunchroom. "Oh no, I have an essay for Biology to work on, sorry." I derailed as she pulled me to her usual table. I might have joined her -I was desperate for human attention at this point- if not for the two whispering girls across from her. I held in a groan as Jessica Stanley bounced her curls angrily at me.

Angela had that worried look again. "Are you sure? You said you needed some food in your system to feel better," She reminded me in a tone that was no unlike a mother's.

I waved my hand and skipped back a step. "Not to worry, Angela. I'm sure I have some chips in my truck that I can scarf down as I scribble up my paper. No really, I'll be fine. See you in next period." I turned around to make a hasty retreat. However, my feet had other ideas.

I had barely taken a half step forward when someone caught my eyes. No, wait. Someone_s_. At a table not twenty feet away, I first saw them.

There, secluded in their own world, sat a group of the most heavenly looking people I had ever saw. Each unique and contrasting, from the hard-faced blonde girl to the cheery pixie with jet-black hair, yet all undeniably beautiful. Three males, two females. The largest guy, the one with a mop dark curls on his head, held his arm around the stunningly blonde beauty; the petite, pixie-like one was holding hands with a honey-blonde haired teenager who could have been the golden-haired girl's brother. And though each of the boys -the older looking two could have passed for college kids; they should be hardly considered 'boys'- were clearly handsome, one face stuck out from the pack.

His auburn hair casually fell across his face and only brought out the more distinct color of his mysterious, topaz eyes. While much leaner and younger looking then the other two males, there was no denying the slightly muscular build that his clothes hinted at. I could tell he was tall, too; much taller then me, anyway. Glowing, pale face distinct against dark rings under his eyes; he was the most beautiful man I had ever saw. Much more of a model then a high school student.

In the time it took me to register their flawless faces, one more perfect then any of the others, my legs had tangled together causing a twist that should have resulted in a face plant. I only had time to squeak out and shut my eyes, preparing for impact.

But instead of feeling the cool, hardness of the tiled floor, I was being held against a well built, but still equally cold, person. Cradled against him, I dared to peek open one eye to see my savior. My eyes widened as I looked into his face. The face of the impossibly attractive boy from that table who had held my attention.

I inhaled a breath shakily. Time stood still for me as I looked into the eyes of my hero. At this close of contact, I could count each of his eyelashes. The fragrance coming off of his clothes was unbelievable. I just wanted to lean in closer to take a better smell. But at the same time that thought crossed my mind, my savior pulled me to my feet and took a few steps back.

I blushed as I realized every eye in the room was focused on the two of us. "Erm… t-thank you." I mumbled to the floor as he retreated farther. I chanced a peek at him and almost backed away myself. The strange boy's eyes narrowed as he looked at me fiercely. I flinched involuntarily. He seemed to notice. A second later, the tall figure was running -more like gliding- out of the lunchroom. The door that led to the student parking lot slammed with a resonating bang. Silence filled the cafeteria. I couldn't help but to stare after him.

Soon, though, my shock had worn off only to be replaced by annoyance. _Rude much?_ He had just stormed off with out a word to me. What was his problem? Was he always that strange?

I sighed deeply and fell into the seat beside Angela, giving up on my plan to finish my Biology homework. I knew I would have been too distracted to have gotten very far with it anyway. "Well, that was strange."

She offered me an understanding look. "Oh, yes it was. I've never seen Edward act like that before. He's normally so polite and quiet."

Great. So that _wasn't_ his normal behavior. "What do you think was wrong with him?"

She shook her head, her hair swinging about her. "I'm not sure. The Cullens are pretty inwardly drawn. Not unfriendly, but… more like they don't want to be bothered."

I folded my arms on the table, resting my head on top. "The Cullens?" I turned my face towards her with increased curiousity. "As in they are all related?"

"Yes. That was Edward Cullen, one of the youngest. Then there's his sister Alice. They are both in our grade. Emmett Cullen is their older brother, a senior." Angela looked over to where Edward's siblings were still seated. "He's the big one. With the dark hair. Alice is the smallest. The one with the pixie cut."

"How come I've never noticed them before?" A family that beautiful was bound to be noticeable. There was no way I could forget such radiant faces.

She smiled. "The Cullens moved here freshman year. Their family is very outdoorsy. Whenever it's sunny here, the whole family goes out camping. The other two are part of their family too. Jasper and Rosalie Hale. You know, the blondes? Seniors. The two are twins and Mrs. Cullen's niece and nephew."

I stared in shock. "They are all siblings?" But… the big one and the blond girl seemed to be together! And I knew I didn't image the pixie holding hands with the male Hale either.

"Yes, it _is_ a bit odd," she admitted, her voice void of the 'small town gossipping' tone I would have expected. "Dr. Cullen and his wife are still pretty young. But Mrs. Cullen's sister left her children in their care. Soon after they adopted Emmett, Alice, and Edward. Only the twins are really related." Angela took a bit out of her pizza.

I turned thoughtful. So they were all adoptive siblings. I guess it wasn't a bit deal that they were together then. And they all went camping when it was nice out, which would explain why I hadn't seen them last week. What a close family. Must be nice.

Mike decided to jump in the conversation. "Those Cullens are a bunch of weirdos. I mean, dating your sister? Gross." He made a face, but his sidelong glances back towards the Cullens' table made me think he wouldn't think twice about dating either girl if he had the chance.

"It's… odd. But if they aren't really related…" I countered.

Jessica smirked. "Oh, Isabella, you can be so naïve. All those teenagers living together? Pul-lease! It's pretty obvious what must be going on in that house." She shook her head in disgust. "Sure, they all look nice, but that family has like no boundaries. And they are too good for the rest of us mere mortals. I sat next to Edward all freshman year and he didn't say _one word to me_." Jessica hissed with antagonism. I got the vibe that she was not used to being ignored.

Angela and I exchanged a knowing look as Jessica continued to ranmble on about Edward this and Edward that. Clearly, this girl had a crush on the youngest Cullen. And also clearly, he didn't like her. Her irritation was hilarious.

"Maybe you weren't his type." I offered as politely as possible. She responded with a death glare. I turned to Mike instead. "So what did you mean by the Cullens being weird?"

He looked startled that I spoke to him. "Well, uh… you know. Just not getting involved in any groups besides their little family. Jess is right; they act like they are better then the rest of us. I bet it's because they've got a fair bit of money thanks to Dr. Daddy."

So they were rick kids. That might explain the additude. But... I got the feeling that wasn't the case. I paused, carefully turning over my words before voicing them alloud. "They don't seem rude or anything."

He laughed humorlessly. "I guess I'll let you be the judge of that. We've got to deal with too-cool Edward Cullen next period. Oh joy," he added sarcastically. But I couldn't help but to squeal within my mind.

I couldn't understand why I was so excited to see him again after he had stormed off so curiously. But he fascinated me. Edward Cullen. What was so different about him that drew my attention?

The bell rang to let us into sixth period. I smiled widely. At least now I had a full hour to find out. And I would.


	4. Discovery

**Disclaimer: I do not own the any of the Twilight series.**

Mike was chattering on about something all the while to our Biology classroom. I felt it only polite to feign interest even though my mind was elsewhere. As long as I looked at Mike, no dialogue needed be added. He seemed content enough with my attention. Well, not so much my full and undivided attention, but rather a dazed glance into his face. So while he prattled, my mind wandered.

Edward Cullen. Just thinking his name sent shivers up my spine. I chalked it up to his icy indifference and cold exterior, traits any girl couldn't help but to ponder over.

I processed what Jessica said about Edward and his family. They seemed to belong to a private class all their own from what I had seen. Everyone spoke about the Cullens/Hales as if they were teenage royalty. But instead of being adored and admired, the family was talked ill of. If memory recalls, beauty usually attracts people by the dozens. And their was more then enough good-looks within that family to have the town bowing at their feet.

I pieced everything together slowly. Was Jessica merely jealous? Nothing they did hinted at haughty attitudes from them. And it didn't seem as if they were the 'in crowd' though they had the look of one. If anything, the crown of Miss Popularity seemed more of Lauren Mallory's thing. But that didn't fit either! Her looks had nothing on blonde, bombshell Rosalie Hale. The most beautiful girl should be the most popular, in respect to teenage hierarchy. Despite being a social leaper, even I knew that much.

But everyone gave the Cullens and Hales wide breath. They were avoided. Referred to as 'weirdos' by Mike and company. They were… treated like they were freaks! Did that lump them in my same boat? I winced.

Maybe I was reading too far into this. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with them, save for an extremely unusual brother in their midst. Their hauntingly beautiful face were the only thing that made them stick out. And being attractive was hardly something to be ridiculed over. Envy was understandable from the typical teen in the face of their perfection, but to shun them completely? It was unheard of.

Mike opened the door to Mr. Banner's classroom for me, drawing me out of my mind that was getting no where with mystery of the Cullen kids.

I beamed warmly to him as I passed through the threshold, attempting to shake off my thoughts. Mike scrambled in after me, letting the door close loudly.

I directed myself to my empty table in the third row. The black marble surface was cleared of the usual lab supplies and textbooks. We must being doing a special assignment today.

I dropped my things on the right side of the long table. That side was always empty. While most of the students were partnered up, I worked alone. Like I'd said before, being alone didn't bother me. It was more a relief, really. I didn't have to pretend to listen to someone. I didn't have to fake a smile here, a laugh there. I could brood in silence.

In my isolation, did I frighten others away? Did there seem to be a large 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign on my forehead? Perhaps there was invisible police tape that warded off my classmates encircling me. Was that another reason why I was sidestepped and only talked about in whispers amongst those with mal-intentions?

My thoughts were dragged back to the pale-faced siblings suddenly with a realization.

Mike had said they didn't interact outside their family, that everyone assumed they thought they were too good for the rest of the student body. But that didn't seem so much as fact as it did circumstantial assumption. Maybe they _liked_ being secluded. Maybe they didn't want to bother with the useless chatter of a gossiping student body. Maybe they enjoyed the quiet peacefulness in their own little world, one without annoyances. Maybe the Cullens and I were one in the same after all.

I looked up as the final bell rang. Mr. Banner must have been running late because he was nowhere to be seen among the final group of students rushing into the room. My gaze swept along the rows as chatter broke out. And it appeared the teacher wasn't the only person missing. Edward Cullen wasn't seated at any of the tables. I wallowed in disappointment.

Mr. Banner hurried into the classroom a few minutes later. In his arms, a precarious tower of boxes tilted as he walked. The pile was dumped carefully at the table Mike and his partner occupied. The teacher wiped his brow with his sleeve before calling the class to attention.

"Sorry I'm late, everyone," he apologized. "Today, we will be doing a special project. As some of you know, there will be blood drive in Port Angeles this weekend for the Red Cross. I think it would be a great idea for our school to participate." He clapped his hands together, looking rather proud of his lesson plans for today. My stomach was doing flip-flops. _Oh no. _ "Now, it has occurred to my that not all of you may know your blood type. Today is devoted to blood typing. Now, Mr. Newton, would you be kind enough to pass out the kits to each table?"

Mike scooted out of his chair. He went around the room dumping a box to each table. I offered him a weak smile when he put one on my desk. He looked a little worried; perhaps my face was paler already. I focused my breathing._ In, Out. In, Out._

"Good, good." Mr. Banner nodded when each group had their own box. I noticed Ben Cheney pulling a tiny plastic poker from his box. I blenched mentally as he spun it in his hands. I shoved my box farther away.

Banner was droning on again but I couldn't hear over the pounding in my ears. I tore my eyes back up to the man as he spoke, trying to make sense of the words. "For those of you who aren't eighteen yet, I have permission slips you'll need to fill out to perform this lab. Well. Get to sticking!" He chuckled as he walked up the rows to raised hands.

I pushed my face onto the counter, savoring the cool-smooth marble against my flushed face. My eyes closed as I took in deep breaths. Around me, my classmates squealed and laughed as they pricked their fingers. I could almost image the little bubbles of blood squeezing out of their fingers. It was almost enough to make me lose my lunch. Well, breakfast anyway. Or lack there of.

Mr. Banner's footsteps stopped next to my chair. "Miss Swan?" I turned my head. He looked concerned as he kneeled beside my station. "Are you feeling sick?"

"Yes, sir." My voice was weak. I could nearly taste the bile on my breath. Today would have been a good day to stay home. "I think I may need to go to the nurse's office" I admitted, frankly embarrassed at my weakness.

He nodded and straightened up. "That may be for the best. Would anyone like to escort Isabella to the nurse's-"

"No, no." I sat up with a small amount of difficulty. "I can walk myself. Besides, everyone has already pricked their fingers; seeing the actual blood would only make this worse." I pointed out. Mike's face fell as he stared at his cherry red finger. I looked away.

"Okay then. Feel better, Miss Swan."

I backed away from my desk quickly and pulled my things into my arms. A few people snickered as I wobbled unsteadily out the door. Once in the hallway, I broke into a run, quickly leaving the shelter of the building behind in my dash to the office.

I was dripping wet with rain by the time I reached the office. The red-haired secretary was the only person in the small room. She looked up from her clicking and typing as I entered. Ms. Cope looked startled as I dragged my feet, approaching the front desk, shivering as I went. I placed my books on the counter.

She studied my face. "Oh my! You look so green. Are you here for the nurse, dear?" I didn't have the strength to say anything, so I just nodded. Ms. Cope pointed to a side room door at the end of the hallway. "Go on in and see her. Right now she has another student in there helping her out. I hope you feel better!" She added and waved.

The door was open when I arrived. I waited outside, shyly, not sure if I should go in or not. But a rounded woman beckoned me in quickly when she spotted me lurking in the doorway. "Are you not feeling well? Come in, come in." I complied.

The room was an off-white color. Two cots sat against the back wall beside a hand-washing station. Thanks to the fluorescent bulbs over head, the room had the sickly feel of a real hospital. I tried to hold in my nauseous feelings. Hospitals always freaked me out. Maybe it had to do with my once frequent visits there.

The large woman smiled at me kindly. Her flyaway hair was cropped shortly around her grandmotherly face. The nurse's eye widened as she took in my appearance. "Oh dear, you look quite green. What happened, honey?"

I rubbed my watering eyes before explaining in a small, embarrassed voice. "Um… well, we're blood typing in Biology today. Ever since I was little, blood has made me sick." I shivered. "So Mr. Banner sent me to come here."

She nodded, understanding. "There's always one. Would you like to lay down?"

Oh, yes, I would. More then anything. I would love to sleep through the end of the school day. But, against my own wishes, I shook my head. "No ma'am. It's okay. I think this should pass soon. It usually does."

"So this happens often?" She asked as she ducked into a cabinet. The nurse emerged with a cold compress I did not need. I was ushered onto one of the cots to sit down.

"Well, I'm rather clumsy," I explained at the cold compress was applied to my forehead. The cool sensation was rather refreshing. In fact, it reminded me forcefully of my run-in in the cafeteria with the Cullen boy. My stomach did an unnecessary flip-flop that this time had nothing to do with nausea. "I get hurt tripping over everything, so breaking the skin does happen. My friends used to joke that I spend more time in the hospital then I do in school."

For the most part, that was true. At least, it used to be. Ever since Charlie and I had been living on our own, I had refused any trips to the hospital. Billy used to take me all the time when I got hurt. But I had the strange feeling Charlie never would. Besides, if they checked me, they may have discovered the numerous bruises all over my body. I doubt even my clumsiness would be a good cover should that happen - fooling teachers and gym coaches was one thing, but I highly doubted a trained professional would by my lies.

Since I hadn't been to the hospital since my last year of middle school, it made sense that I had never met the Cullens. They moved here the very next year. From what Mike told me, they were rarely seen outside of school besides the father. Dr. Cullen was the newest member of the Forks Memorial Hospital staff. Jessica said, with stars in her eyes, that the father was just as handsome as his children.

"Well dear," the nurse interrupted my daydreaming. With tiny steps, she came to my side. "You seem to be looking better. But I just want to do a routine check up very quickly. It that okay?"

I froze. _Crap! _This was exactly what I needed to avoid. "Um… actually," I started hesitantly, but was interrupted as the door to the nurse's office opened. I stopped mid-sentence to gawk at the newest occupant to the room.

He peeked slowly into the room before entering. His topaz eyes narrowed as he spotted me, but he went on talking to the nurse as if I wasn't here. "I restocked the ice packs, Mrs. Hammock. The needles have been cleaned too. Is there anything else you might need me to do this period?"

I didn't realize that as soon as Edward Cullen had opened his mouth, I had stopped breathing. His voice was hypnotizing. Melodious; it was like a perfect song flowing from his lips. It drew me in to where I forgot even where I was. I only wanted to hear his voice again. The song of the most beautiful archangel.

Mrs. Hammock seemed just as flustered as I. "Oh! You're such a wonderful boy, Mr. Cullen. So helpful." _And so handsome_; her warm smile almost made her thoughts echo to me. The older woman was clearly enamored with this student. Understandable, of course. He was much more then beautiful.

He smirked. It was enough to make me intake a shaky breath. His eyes flickered to me for a fraction of a second, his features hardening into a dark frown. "So, can I be of further help today?" His voice was like tainted velvet, wrapping around my throat, making it difficult to breathe.

The nurse quickly searched around the room to find something for Edward to do, not wanting him to leave, I would guess. Her eyes rested on me. "This girl needs to be checked up. Nothing fancy. Just a quick once over. I'm sure you've helped your father do this sort of thing. You can help me give her a check up. If she doesn't mind of course." Both eyes, baby blue and tarnished gold, turned to me.

I stuttered out my reply. My eyes unglued themselves from the perfect angel to stare at the checkered floor tiles. "I-I really feel okay. I don't think I n-need a check up."

After a second, Edward spoke up. "You don't seem okay. Otherwise you wouldn't be in here."

Mrs. Hammock nodded. "This will be a short examination. Don't worry, sweetie."

"Bella." I corrected her. "My name is Bella Swan. And I'm feeling a lot better, thank you." I made to jump off the cot, but my feet gave away under me.

For the second time today, I found my eyes shut as I prepared for impact. And for the second time, said impact never came. Stone-like arms held me tightly just above my torso. I felt my whole body being lifted up as I was sat on the cot again. I was too much in shock to be angry about being held in the office against my will.

"I think that answers that question." His drawling voice patronizing. I blushed. "We will start the examination now, then." It was a statement, not a request. I nodded dumbly.

Mrs. Hammock fiddled with her stethoscope as she waddled to me. "Okay, Miss Swan. If you would lift the back of your shirt. We will check you heart and breathing first."

I glared pointedly at Edward. He rolled his eyes, but took the hint. I could have sworn I saw him smile as he turned on his heel to stare at the wall. With his eyes safely elsewhere, I brought the back of my t-shirt up to my shoulders and turned my back towards the expecting nurse.

"Oh my!" I winced as her tiny hands came in contact with my back. She traced a welt with her fingers gasping as she felt bruise after bruise. I held still, barely breathing. She pulled her hands away, the slight warm leaving. I twisted my fingers together, waiting for her predictable question. "Miss Swan! What happened?"

I heard Edward almost inaudibly take in a deep breath. He spun back around, his eyes finding face as I looked over my shoulder. I was frightened as I saw his eyes were no longer a sunny topaz but black. Pitch black. Must be a trick of the light… "What happened, Bella?" His tone was a deadly whisper.

I smiled blankly at the two of them like an actress preparing for her role. "Oh, those bruises? Yeah, I fall down a lot." My answer was blunt and falsely cheery. "I told you, I trip over everything. Mostly falling off my bed or down the stairs. And Gym class doesn't help much either." I added sheepishly.

_How sad_, I thought to myself, _the lies come so easily to my tongue now._ If I didn't know better, even I would would have believed them. I guess after repeating them so often, its no small wonder. _I really should seriously consider a career in acting._

Mrs. Hammock's face lit up with comprehension. "Oh! You weren't exaggerating then. I see that. Wow, you sure did some damage to yourself, dear." I acted embarrassed, shuffling my feet. "I hope you take care of yourself."

"Oh, I do." I stroked a bit of my ponytail as I spoke to the ceiling. My voice sounded slightly hallow even to me; I hoped they would mistake it for airiness. "I've been doing it for a while now. No need to worry. So can I go-"

"Mrs. Hammock?" Edward never turned his attention from me as he spoke to the nurse, abruptly cutting me off. "I think I forgot to tell you. Your husband called about ten minutes ago. He said it was urgent. You might want to call him back."

She sighed. "I'll be just a few minutes. Edward, would you be so kind as to finish the check up and ask Ms. Cope to send Miss Swan home?" He nodded. "Very good. Be careful, Miss Swan. And have a good night." The door shut quietly after her.

"Thank you." I felt so relieved. This nightmare was almost over. I pulled my shirt down as I slid of the woolen cot. "Like I said before, I don't need the check up. I'll just go get my note to be sent home," I told Edward with a smile that didn't seem to reach my eyes. "See you later." I waved a bit, already planning my escape from the school.

But he had other ideas.

Edward put his arm out to bar my exit. I clenched my fist. "What is the big deal, Edward?" I tried to ignore the thrill it sent through me to say his name. "She said I was fine. That I could go home."

Suddenly, he grabbed both of my wrists, unyielding and unrelenting. But unlike Mike's rough grip the other night, Edward's hold was gentle and did not disturb the bruises. I gasped as he stepped closer. Edward's face inched down until it was just inches from my face. My eyes widened as he released a breath into my face. My brain felt flooded with the intoxicating fragrance.

"Before you go, Miss Swan, just tell me why you're lying about your bruises."

* * *

_A/N: Dun, dun dun!_

_Now, I know some of you will ask, so now it's time to explain some things. _

Question 1: Is Bella still Edward's singer? If so, how can he be so close to her? They just met!

**Answer: When one is banged up like Bella is, the body has to work twice as hard. Cells that flow within the blood system focus mainly on healing the damage. Blood flow is slightly slowed, making it slightly less potent. And Bella hasn't eaten (besides a chewy bar) since the night before, recall? That stems the flow of sugar in her blood. Those factors make her blood, the smell that attracts Edward, weaker. It's still there, yes, but not as strongly.Just consider Bella on the lesser degree of the singers chart now, mmkay?  
**

Question 2: How did Edward know Bella was lying? Didn't you say she's very believable since she's been saying that lie for so long?

**Answer: Yes, Bella is a very good liar in this story, unlike her counterpart in Twilight. She wasn't a good liar then because her mother always caught her in those lies, so she stopped trying. But in my story, lying is a way of life for Bella. So how did she get caught? When you lie, the adrenaline gets pumping. That only happens if your body is under stress, whether it be physical stress such as climbing a mountain or mental stress from not wanting to be caught in a lie. Adrenaline makes the blood smell sweeter, and it is quite obvious to a vampire. Not to mention, Edward saw her bruises through Mrs. Hammock's mind. He has been through medical school a fair few times, unlike the nurse. He knows when a bruise is self-inflicted or not.**

_That answer your question? If not, send me a review with your inquiry and I'll be sure it answer it!_


	5. Questions

**Disclaimer: Do not own any of the Twilight series.**

I just stared at him; sure I hadn't heard him right. He couldn't know. He couldn't. I hadn't done one thing to give myself away. How could Edward possibly know I was lying?

I decided to play dumb.

I tilted my head slightly, a tiny frown masking my fear. "What do you mean?" I spat it out a bit quickly, offended that he would challenge my honestly, so I took a deep cleansing breath before continuing. Exercising great restraint, I was even able to manage the slight trembling of my hands. "I was telling the truth. Ask anyone who knows me. I'm so clumsy, it's almost a handicap."

He held my gaze for the longest time before pulling away. "What am I doing?" It seemed as if he was talking to himself. Edward raked his carefully disheveled hair with his pale fingers. "This is none of my business. Shouldn't be getting involved…"

"If that's all then…" I attempted to side step my handsome captor in vain. Edward moved agilely to block my escape.

He shook his head with a sigh. Edward gave me a perplexed look. "I honestly can not understand you," He admitted in a frustrated voice. "What could you get out of this? Out of defending him." He added to clear up my conclusion. "Any sane person would want to tell the truth about your bruises. To stop themselves from getting hurt." He took a semi step forward.

Now he was angering me._ He doesn't know me._ _He doesn't know what I've gone through and what I've dealt with. Who is he to be lecturing me? Some girl he just met. It's my problem to handle however I choose. _One of my weaknesses - and I didn't see it as a weakness since I could admit to it - was my pride. I had so long felt like an adult, that I rued when I wasn't treated as one to the point that I would seethe with anger.

I ducked under his barring arm with a scowl. "I am not your charity project, Cullen. You can't help me. No one can." I added to myself in a whisper. I glared at him over my shoulder. "You know what, you were right. This _isn't_ any your business. So stay out of it. I don't need to be saved." I closed the nurse's door in his face.

I held my head high as I ambled through the dimly lit hallway that led to the main office room. It was about ten whole steps from the nurse's door that I lost my composure. I collapsed right then and there.

My arms folded across my chest as soon as my legs gave out on me, leaving me kneeling on the mismatched tile floor. Bile rose back to my throat, but I knew this feeling had nothing to do with illness. Rather, it was a sickness in my head. I always got like this when I had to lie repetitively, for some reason. As if my body was punishing me. I gripped my forearms tightly, digging my nails into my skin lightly as I tried to hold myself in one piece.

This was all getting to be too much. Edward's words were floating in my skull as a fresh wave of nausea and disgust flooded my system. Really, what _did_ I get out of hurting myself time and time again? All that happened was Charlie got to keep his pristine reputation perfectly intact to beat the shit out of me another day. I knew I might need so therapy after this whole ordeal. Charlie, too. Maybe if I could convince him to go sooner rather then later we could both heal somewhat easier. Or we could heal altogether if I removed myself from the situation entirely. Would he be better off without me as an outlet, forcing him to find a new way to cope with his pain rather then causing me pain? Would_ I _be better off?

I couldn't stand this flip-flopping. I usually just make up my mind and stick to it. Once that's over and done with, I see my plan through and deal with the consequences as they come. Clean and simple. No changing my mind half way through to try another way. Deciding a path is always the worst part. Afterwords, when complications arise, but I always charge ahead through. Basically, I was stubborn.

This was this case this time.

My problem: I couldn't live the rest of my life at Charlie's mercy. Complication: Charlie needs to be taken care of. Solution: Charlie moves back in with Billy. Resolution: I go off to college and trudge through the rest of my life with no contact with my father ever again. My plan, all laid out in an instant.

My heart was ripped in two. One half screamed to just get the hell away from my abusive father. Screw the consequences. Charlie was a big boy and should be able to take care of himself. And even if he couldn't, no skin off my nose. At least not anymore. I owed him nothing.

But the more sensible side of me refused to go that route. I was still a child in the eyes of the world, no matter how wrong that felt. I needed my education. And no matter what Charlie did, I was still his daughter whom he depended on. If I followed my plan, I at least had a future. Even if my present was taking a hit.

The future. Everything would be better in the future. _Just keep your eyes on the prize, Isabella._

I took a few calming breaths before lifting myself from my fettle position. I was sure I looked like a train wreck by now, but it didn't really matter. I rubbed my eyes on my T-shirt as I walked out of the dreary hallway into the main office.

Ms. Cope was still dutifully at her station. She gave me an apologetic smile when I explained that I was going home, sick. I was handed my excused slip and walked out the door within a few minutes. "Feel better, Isabella!" Ms. Cope called after me with a kind smile. I politely waved before hightailing it to my truck.

"Okay, first stop, the store." I mumbled as I switched the truck on. My rusted automobile roared to life, nearly scaring me out of my skin. As usual. Some things you can just never get used to.

A gentle tapping on my window made me jump. I looked over to see a perfect pale face staring back at me. I couldn't help it; I jumped again. I guess Edward Cullen was another thing you just never get used to.

I fought with my window leveler briefly before admitting defeat. The glass was stuck an inch down firmly. I sighed and opened my door. Edward stepped to the side to avoid it. "Can I help you?" I was still aggravated from our conversation a few minutes ago.

He smirked, clearly amused with my irritation. It did nothing to help matters. "As a part time assistant to the nurse, I felt it was my duty to make sure you arrive home safely. And I'm not sure driving in your condition is the smartest thing at this time."

I groaned. "I'll be fine. In fact, I'm going to the store right now to pick up some things. I'll pick up aspirin, too, and I'll be better in no time. No if you would be so kind…" I waved my hand for him to back up so I could close the door.

He arched a perfect eyebrow at me. "But what about now? At this point, you are a danger to yourself and all other drivers on the road."

"I am a wonderful driver," I hissed.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'm sure. Perhaps on days were you are not half asleep and nauseated from a little blood testing."

I rubbed my eyes as he spoke. "I'm always half asleep. I'm practically a zombie."

That seemed to be funny to him. "A _zombie_? How creative. I believe they are half dead, not half asleep."

"Dead, asleep. Same difference." I looked at my truck's dated clock. "Shouldn't you be getting back to class?"

He shook his head. "This month I intern with the school nurse every Monday. I get to skip 6th and 7th period and am allowed early release if the nurse has no need for me. A rarity, I assure you."

I couldn't help but smile mildly at him. So he _could_ be charming... when he wanted to be, anyway. "Oh, I'm sure she could find a few ways to make you stay around. Stab a few students or poison the cafeteria food to keep you in her office." I laughed quietly when he shook in mock fear. His every movement was graceful and fluid, capturing my undivided attention, along with my envy. "Are you offering to help me home because you want to be away from the nurse so badly?"

"That could be one reason."

His eyes were a melted butterscotch color again. Edward watched me with such intensity that I had to look away. I felt my all-too familiar blush crept over my face.

"Then again," I turned back to look at him suddenly, unnerved by the change of tone. He voice sounded strained now, like he was in pain or something. Edward's eyes seemed to change color right before my eyes. I blinked. They were the same color as they were in the office again. _The lack of sleep must be getting to me. _"Then again, maybe it isn't the best idea. Taking rides from strangers must be a thing the Police Chief warned you against as a child."

I couldn't help but to pale at the casual mention of my father. Edward seemed to notice.

His long fingers slide over mine, which were still firmly gripping the steering wheel. But at Edward's touch, my aggravation alleviated, my muscles receding. He was just as cold as he was in the lunch room - perhaps he was sick? Still, I turned to mush in the instant our skin collided. The icy touch was a godsend, and, foreign as it was to me, I couldn't help but yearn for it. God, what was happening to me?

Edward pulled his hand away in a movement too quick for my eyes to catch. His face loomed closer to mine. And a strange almost _hunger_ swept over his features. My heart was going a mile a minute now as I stared back, unable to break his gaze. Or was _unwilling_?

Almost subconsciously, I started to lean forward, towards Edward. It was like I was under a spell of sorts. But I didn't bother fighting it. I couldn't deny that there was something between us. A gravity surrounding him that was pulling me in. A tingling at his touch; a feeling of electricity.

Edward reached out his hand again, placing it on my shoulder. He lightly applied pressure, pushing me back in a sitting position.

My face lit up again as the blood filled my cheeks. I hadn't even noticed that I was falling out the car in my quest to get closer to Edward. I felt like a total fool.

He sighed, rubbing his fingers over his eyes, clearly annoyed. I sunk lower into my seat in embarrassment. "Oh Bella, what shall I do with you?"

I couldn't help but to swoon. My name sounded like a chorus of angels when pronounced in Edward's harmonious, ringing tone. My name… I blinked several times. "Um… how did you know my name?"

He smiled a bit. "You're the new girl in school. In a town this small were gossip is so scarce, I would have to be ignorant to not know it."

I bit my lower bit. "I know, it's just… Well, everyone here has been calling me by my full name since I'd never came into town before to tell them otherwise. I was just wondering how you knew to call me Bella."

"Would you prefer for me to be call Isabella?" I shook my head. He paused for a split second. "I heard one of your friends calling you Bella in the cafeteria. Right after you tripped."

A faint blush colored my cheeks again at that. "Oh. Yes, that."

"Yes,_ that_." Edward smirked. "That was quite a spill. Would have been quite a nasty fall."

That jogged something in my memories. "How did you save me?" I blurted out.

"The customary way: by catching you."

"No, no I mean how? You were all the way across the room." I mentally replayed the scene in my head. It was much too far away to just spontaneously yet chivalrously appear from nowhere to keep me from falling. Had I miscalculated the distance somehow, or did he sprint? Neither seemed possible.

His face darkened a twinge. "What are you talking about? I was right next to you when you fell. You must have been distracted."

I stubbornly shook my head. "No way. I remember seeing you sitting with your family. I was looking at you when I fell." I stared at my feet, embarrassed to have admitted openly staring at Edward. "I know what I saw," I mumbled to my shoes.

He didn't say anything for the longest time. Then he finally spoke my name, calling my attention to him. He placed his hand under my chin, lifting my face to look deep into his eyes. "Bella, I was right next to you in the lunch room."

He eyes seemed to swirl right before me. Beautifully flawless oceans of topaz. I didn't want to pull away from his gaze. To lose sight of his gorgeous eyes seemed criminal. I began to feel dizzy and lightheaded. "Ummm… what?" I lost track of what we were even talking about.

"In the cafeteria. I was right next to you when you fell." Something about that seemed wrong, but I couldn't remember why. I know I had a sound argument against that, but I had no idea what it was anymore. My whole brain was a bit fuzzy now, my body like jello. I slumped forward, tumbling out of my car. And right into Edward's arms.

"A bit too much," He grumbled in a low voice. "Oh Bella, you have no idea how much you are endangering yourself right now." He pulled me completely out of my truck in a flash, tossing me lightly over his shoulder. I heard my truck's engine groan and then stop. My keys jingled suddenly as the door to my rusted pick-up was shut with a snap.

I closed my eyes as he walked. I wasn't sure where we were going, but I was perfectly content to just be near Edward. Yeah, I was pretty confused by my actions too. While my brain was staying that this was not normal behavior between two people who had just met, my body refused to listen. So I just rested over his shoulder, watching the pavement slowly change - he was clearly walking not so briskly. So as to not rock me too much, I could only guess; either that, or my weight was dragging him down.

One of his icy cool hands was resting on the small of my back to keep me in place. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

_His cool touch... _He was touching me. Edward Cullen was touching me. I was being touched by Edward. Any way it came out, it sounded so intimate that I felt myself flush. Meanwhile, my pathetic little heart was pounding like a drum in my chest. I heard him chuckle lightly, but he didn't elaborate on it. I wanted to smack him, but I also wanted to giggle like a school girl - he had a very musical laugh. The range of feelings were head-spinning.

Edward stopped, digging his hand into his pocket for something. He placed his hands to hold me firmly around my waist. Then, Edward lifted me so I was more securely cradled in his arms, pressed against his chest. I inhauled deeply. _Does he _bathe _in that cologne? _He held me there for a second, staring into my face, before sliding me into the seat of a car.

Slowly, my wits were coming back to me. I was sitting in a rather nice silver car, I realized. The same silver car I noticed this morning for the first time. It figured that this car belonged to him. Edward leaned over me to snap my seat belt in place. He was so close, too close. My heart picked up speed. But he was quick to pull away and close the door behind him.

I knew I should be frightened about now. Here I was, still feeling slightly weak, sitting in a boy I had just met today's car. I had no idea what was going on; he could be planning on kidnapping me. I didn't know where he was taking me and I didn't have a cell phone to call with if I needed help. I didn't know anything about him, for crying out loud! Yet I still sat calmly, as if nothing was wrong, as if this was the most normal thing in the world to be driving off with a stranger. I blamed the hormones.

Edward slipped into the seat beside me. He started the quiet purring engine of his car and turned to look at me. "Feeling better, Bella?" He seemed generally worried.

I nodded, but then stopped because it hurt my head. Holding my hand to my forehead, I replied, "Just peachy." I looked out the window as the world sped by. "Where are we going?"

"You said you needed to go to the store, correct? Since you are in no condition to drive, I'm taking you." His eyes never left mine as he drove, a rather frightening aspect since he was going well over the speed limit.

"B-but what about my truck?"

"Once I drop you off at home, I'll go back to the school for it. My siblings can follow me in my Volvo to your house and then we can go to our home. If that works for you."

I looked at the clock. "Well… okay. But I have to be at work in about two hours. So I'll need my car before then." He just stared at me. "What?"

"Work? Are you serious?" He scoffed. "You are in no condition to do anything today. After you go home, I suggest you take a few aspirin pills and sleep this off."

I folded my arms across my chest and shook my head. "Sorry, that doesn't work my schedule. Mrs. Newton will be expecting me promptly at 3."

He rolled his eyes. "You work at Newton's? Bella, how much business could you really have there right now? I think they will survive one day without you."

I didn't answer. Instead, I pointed to the speed meter. "Sheesh Edward! Are you insane?" I yelped as the little orange hand sailed past 90 mph. "Speed limit! Watch the speed limit!"

"Oh please. I'm an excellent driver, Bella." I continued to glare at him until he gave in. "Fine. Happy now?" He dropped his speed to 75. Still too fast, but better.

"Reasonably."

"I hate driving slow."

A few minutes later, we were pulled in front of the local grocery store. A tiny brown building with a blown out sign on the roof. It wasn't much, but in a town as small as Forks, it would do.

Edward escaped his seat and was at my side in a second flat. I blinked rapidly as he opened the door for me. "How did you get over here-"

"Bella, you really should try to pay attention a little more instead of spacing out." He took my hand and pulled me out of the seat. I stumbled, predictably, right into Edward's solid chest. He steadied me and then quickly stepped away.

Edward followed me into the store. And the eyes of every person in the store followed us. I guess Edward was far too used to this treatment to notice much. He merely shrugged it all off as he got a shopping basket to hold my things.

Everything was relatively easy to find. Milk, eggs, bread, pasta, cereal, pancake mix, and some other food items. Edward insisted on holding the basket for me, also, saying he wouldn't be a gentleman otherwise. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. But, his manners didn't really surprise me; he did seemt o fit the 'Prince Charming' role quite nicely, and what was a prince without chivalry?

I couldn't help but notice how distinctively different Edward was from most boys our age. He was well-mannered and courteous. Neither rude nor obnoxious. A bit old fashioned in a way. Edward had impeccable manners, too. He opened doors for me, helped me out of the car, offered to hold my burden, and was nothing short of respectable towards me. He didn't seem to belong in this era, or perhaps just not in his 17-year-old body.

As I was growing up, Rachael and Rebecca had always called me middle aged. They said often enough that it was hard to tell who was older then whom with us. And it was true. I had always fairly mature for my age to the point it was a little sad.

As far as I could remember, I was always the levelheaded one. The one the parents trusted to watch over everyone else. The one who got all my chores done before being asked. The one who could be depended on to do all my homework without prompting. The one who was responsible. Or boring, some would say.

When I lived with my mother, I was constantly taking care of her. She was like a big kid and needed a parent of her own. My irresponsible and erratic mother. Maybe she was the reason I was mature beyond my years. I spent my own childhood babysitting my mother. So I grew up quickly.

In that aspect, Edward and I were both alike. We were different from everyone our own age. I felt a little warm inside to have found a similarity between the two of us who were so like water and oil.

Beacause every time I looked at Edward, I knew we couldn't be more different from each other. He was beautiful in a way most models could only dream. Edward moved so gracefully and practiced ; no one would evert hink to call him klutzy. He seemed unaware and careless with his every step, yet he was still walking perfection. So out of my league it wasn't even funny. Yes, just like water and oil - we didn't mix.

"Anything else, Bella?" Edward pulled me out of my thoughts as he approached me silently from behind. I jumped a bit but then smiled.

"Yeah, I still need to go down the health care aisle. Come on." I turned down the last aisle was Edward quickly in tow.

I found the aspirin Edward recommended and tossed it in the basket. Next, I located my 'miracle cream', as I called it. Edward turned stony when he saw me place the antibiotic on top of the basket without a word. I chose to ignore that and headed towards the checkout counter.

A soft-faced woman in her mid forties was our checkout lady. She slid each item through the scanner and into a neat pile of plastic bags. "Okay sweetie, the total is 37. 65." I nodded and dug into my pocket for my money savings.

Edward, however, had other ideas. He pushed my hand away with a smile, giving our cashier a silver credit card.

"Edward!" I tried to hand the lady my money but Edward wouldn't allow it. "I can pay for my own things."

"Bella, don't be difficult. It's not a big deal." He put the tiny card back in his pocket with the receipt. He grabbed all of the bags and headed out the exit.

"I could have paid for it," I mumbled. I helped him load the groceries in the trunk of his car.

"I don't doubt it. But I _wanted_ to pay for it." With that, he closed the discussion.

Edward walked to my side of the Volvo and opened the door for me again. "What a gentleman!" I pretended to curtsy before jumping into my seat. He grinned and hurried to his seat as well.

The ride home was comfortably quiet. I had my hands folded in my lap, watching the trees pass by still too fast for my taste. I noticed from the corned of my eye that Edward was watching me again. His gaze was unwavering, making me feel like I was being observed and thus naturally self-conscious.

He didn't break the silence until we were pulled into my driveway. I didn't even bother asking how he knew where my house was; I'm sure that in a town this small, everyone knew everything about everyone.

"Bella," He started. After a second, he leaned forward, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Bella, I would like to speak with you again at a later time. And you know what this talk would concern," He sternly added. I nodded my head solemnly, not thinking for a second I had been able to distract him. "Even after spending the past hour with you, I can honestly say I don't understand you any better then I did in the nurse's office. You're a mystery, Bella." He opened his door and came to open mine.

We gathered the groceries, with Edward carrying most of them, of course. I opened the front door and had Edward drop off the food items on the counter of the kitchen. We both paused in front of the front door afterwords, the air somehow awkward.

I shuffled my feet shyly. "Thank you for everything, Edward."

"It was not a problem, Bella. Are you going to take my advice and skip work today?"

I bit my lower lip. I was conflicted; on one hand I was dead tired and knew I shouldn't be working tonight. On the other, however, I didn't want to stay home with Charlie tonight. I wanted to avoid being in the house as much as possible. "Well… I'm not really sure right now."

Edward shoved his hands in his pockets. "If you do decided to skip work tonight, I would like to take you out. You shouldn't be working right now but I don't think staying here with your father is a good option either." He slipped me a tiny piece of paper. A number was written there. "Call me when you make up your mind." And with that, he walked out the front door and closed it tight.


	6. And No Answers

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight series. **

_A/n: I was skeptical if Bella and Edward could make it to Port Angeles and be able to have dinner in the short amount of time of roughly six hours and thirty minutes. Then I checked on Mapquest and found the drive to only be an hour and twenty minutes. So Edward could make it in roughly 45 is he tried not to freak her out too much with his driving. Thank you Mapquest for the help._

By 2:45, I was still undecided.

I exhaled loudly, tossing my bangs out of my face before letting them fall down again. I could almost feel myself slip into melt down mode. _Urgh._ My current crisis: Edward Cullen.

I had known him for all of a few hours, but I knew he was already worming his way under my skin, as difficult as they was to believe. Normally, i had no problem keeping people at arm's length, but this time, I had been the one curious about him. Very unusual. There was just something about Edward. I couldn't place it. All I knew was he was quickly becoming a very important person in my life. I could just… sense that Edward could be a person I would get along with; a good friend. Or something more.

There was no doubt that I was physically attracted to Edward. I would have to be blind to not be. But there was something more to it. Like a special bond. You know how there are just some people you click with instantly? You meet them and just know you both will get along great. Like that. Kindred spirits. Only deeper.

But did that mean I was crushing on him?

I pounded my head on the kitchen table, closing my eyes. Three hours. That was how long I had known him. I didn't know him from Adam. I could hardly fall for someone I had just meet. That would be ridiculous. It honestly sounded like a bad movie. Girl meets guy. Girl falls for guy. Happily ever after. The end.

I knew life wasn't that simple. I wasn't some naïve child. This was no Disney movie. Edward was not my daring and handsome prince - he was not my anything at this point. And I most definitely not was a princess or anything close to it. But, most definite of all, there was certainly no happily ever after waiting for me.

We were just friends. Actually, I don't even think we were that. God, why did things have to be so confusing? How did normal teenage girls deal with this crap? _Why _would they? In all honestly, this relationship stuff seemed like more trouble then it was worth.

In moments like this, a girlfriend would be nice, like the ones all the girls in TV shows had. Someone I could call about boy related topics and squeal or dish respectively. A female companion who could give me advice about this sort of…thing. She could tell me why I felt so awkward around Edward, why I couldn't help but blush frequently, why I liked being near him so much. A girl who could give a second opinion besides the obvious. I had never needed a female friend before (because I had had as little to do with boys and girls alike as possible) and if I _had_, I could have talked to Rachael or Rebecca. But no; I was stuck in this conundrum all alone.

Boy-wise, I was as clueless as they came. They were a mystery. And not one I really cared to unravel. I just had too much on my mind to really giving dating of any kind a single thought. So I had never had even so much as a crush, much less a boyfriend. Boys were just there. Like air.

Until now. Wow. 17 years without a boyfriend and now I thought I was in falling hard. Someone stop me before my brain explodes. If it hasn't already. But then, how could I even be sure that was what this was, that this was some form of love? I had never been in love before so I had nothing to compare this to.

Maybe I only liked him as a friend and was getting it all confused. That seemed much more likely. And as it was, falling in love wasn't high on my priority list.

But I was getting ahead of myself. _One issue at a time, Bella._

I looked up at the clock again. It now read 2:56. My mini freak out session had made my choice for me: looks like I'm skipping work today. _Just perfect._ I sighed and hobbled to the house phone, punching in the number to Newton Outfitters.

It rang three times before being picked up. "Newton Outfitters. How many I help you today?"

"Mrs. Newton?"

"Bella!" She exclaimed. "Is that you?"

"Yes, it is." I bit my lower lip, twirling the cord around my fingers. "I'm sorry for calling in so late, but I can't come in tonight. Um…"

Before I could come up with a believable reason, Mrs. Newton cut me off. "I figured as much. Mike came in early today looking to see if you were here. He offered to work your shift this afternoon. He told me you got sick in Biology today. Are you okay, sweetie?" There she was with that mothering voice again.

"I'm feeling a little better," I answered truthfully. "I took some aspirin and ate a sandwich."

"Good, good. You need to take better care of yourself, Bella," she berated. "I worry so much about you. Just you and the Chief alone in that house. God knows Charlie hasn't been doing well. He's hardly able to take care of himself. So I'd imagine that task now falls on you. Poor dear. Just make sure you eat properly and get a good night's sleep, okay?"

I nodded, forgetting she couldn't see me. I cleared my throat a bit. Her worry for me touched me deeply. "I will," I choked out. "Don't worry, I'm a big girl."

"Of course, of course. I forget." She laughed a tiny laugh. "Oh, Michael wants to speak to you."

Before I could tell her to make up an excuse, Mike's voice came over the phone. "Bella?"

I wanted to say, something along the lines of 'no duh', but decided it would be rude. "Yes, it's me Mike. I just wanted to thank you for taking my shift."

"It's not problem Bella." He replied in a voice that rang with love sickness. It turned my stomach with a mixture of guilt and pity. "Glad I could help you out. Say, I was wondering, when you're feeling better, if maybe you-"

"Oh, what's that, Dad?" I interrupted to the empty house. I pretended to listen to 'Charlie's' reply. "Oh, okay. Sorry Mike, I have to go. Dad's needs me to wash the dishes. See you tomorrow!" I chanted before hanging up the phone.

I know it had been a little insensitive, but Mike was well beyond my last nerve. I could tell that he liked me, maybe even loved me, but I couldn't return it. I would have thought before that I was incapable of feeling anything but discontent for my fellow humans - until I met Edward.

I winced. A sick thought has just occurred to me: if I was in love with Edward, would I end up being like how Mike was to me? Annoying to the extreme and anything but sane?

Mike's eager face appeared before my eyes. No matter how many times I said no, it never seemed to penetrate his thick skull. I wondered, in horror, if he was one of those guys who would never give up. _God, I could be dealing with this constant annoyance till college!_ I shivered. Or until I got a boyfriend.

This brought my thoughts back to the second part of my problem in the form of 7 glorious digits.

I fished the piece of paper with his number out of my pocket and stared at it. Since I clearly was not going into work today, I had two options. Option 1: I could stay at home. Charlie would come in and demand to know why I wasn't at work. I'd make him his dinner. He'd get drunk by third quarter of some basketball game. And then I would hide in my room for the rest of the night like a child.

I twirled the paper in my hands.

Or, Option 2: I could give Edward a call. I wasn't quite sure what he had in mind for us to do today. It was still pretty early so we could make it to Port Angeles and back before it got too late. I didn't really know why he wanted to hang out in the first place. _Is it just to get me out of the house? Or… _I pressed my hand to my chest were my heart was threatening to explode. _Or… is it a date?_

I tried to look at it logically. In the technical sense of the word, it would be a date. Two young people going somewhere together in the intent of learning more about each other.

But in girl world, a place far beyond my expertise, it meant a lot more then that. I mean, this was _Edward Cullen_. A Greek god, more beautiful then any man had the right to be. He didn't seem the type any girl would just go to hang out with. So if I was going somewhere with him, did that make it automatically something romantic? So thus, a _date_ date. The type girls imagined that involved hand holding and kissing. Emphasis on kissing.

Unfortunately, the very thought was far beyond my comfort zone. I could feel my face light up at the thought of kissing Edward Cullen. That perfect jaw line, muscular chest, slender nose, dazzling eyes… 

_Breath, Bella!_ I shook my head to clear it, but the image of his radiant golden eyes never fade. The color shifted to black though, curiously enough.

This was not a_ date_ date, I decided. Simply two sort-of friends hanging out. That was all. No commitment or anything. Friends. At least, that was what I kept telling myself, but my stupid heart just wouldn't heart of it and was still going far too fast to be healthy. I took two deep breaths and opened my eyes.

Somewhere in my fantasizing, I had lost the strength of my legs and was now slouched on the tile floor, leaning against the wall for a tiny amount of support. I pushed off the walling, balancing myself before turning to the wall phone again. With trembling fingers, I dialed the number of the slip of paper. Finally, it started to ring. I felt I deserved a gold metal for not hanging up the phone like I wanted to when the ringing echoed in my ear.

"Hello?" When he answered in his velvety voice, I almost lost my nerve.

Cue the inner voice now. _Calm down, deep breaths, try not to sound too pathetic, try not to throw up._ "Um… Hi, Edward." I shyly said after a few seconds.

"Bella," he responded sounded surprised, but pleased. That made me feel a nit better. "Does this mean you're taking the day off work?"

"Uh, yeah. Mike said he could cover my shift today." I pressed my back against the wall to keep myself up, fearing my strength would leave me again. His voice was simply hypnotic. "So, you said you wanted to hang out?"

"Yes. Do you mind if we go to Port Angeles for dinner? There are no good places to eat here."

I looked at the clock again. If we left in the next half hour, that would only give us about six hours. Three hours to get there and back, not accounting for traffic. We'd be hard pressed for time. "I have to be home by 10, though. Would we have time to get there and eat?"

He laughed quietly. "More then enough. I'm a pretty fast driver remember? I hope it doesn't bother you if I ignore the speed rules this time, though."

"No, no, that's fine," I sighed. I promised myself I wouldn't complain this time since I owed him for taking me out. "So, by when should I be ready?"

"I'll be there a quarter to four, if that's alright."

"Prefect." Just enough time to cook for Charlie and take a quick shower. "I'll be ready then."

"Prefect," he echoed. "I'll see you in half an hour."

"Bye." And I hung up the phone.

As I skipped up the stairs, not tripping for once, it all came crashing down on me.

I stopped on the top step. I was going to dinner with Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen. He was taking me out. Maybe not on a _date_ date, but still. It counted for something right? Honestly, I didn't have a clue, but it meant something to me, at least.

The next twenty minutes were a tornado of hazardous proportions. I raced in the shower and washed so thoroughly, I felt as if a patch of skin had been pealed off. Then came my outfit. _Urgh!_ Never had I felt more like a girl. Squeals of "What do I wear!? What do I wear?!" issued from me as I tore apart my closet, making the first mess in months. Seven blouses, three skirts, five pairs of jeans, two pairs of shoes, and four hairstyles later, I was actually ready.

I examined myself in the bathroom mirror, for once feeling something other then despair. Sure, I was no Rosalie Hale, but I actually looked alive for once. Decent. A healthy color had filled my cheeks for my excitement. My eyes were larger, brighter then usual. And my recently washed hair that I wore loose had a bounce in it rather then the typical lankness. I could actually pass as a human today, a strange prospect, I assure you.

I gave a quick look over of my outfit to check for clothes on the wrong body parts that might have been applied in my nervous state. I had opted to go with jeans, a dark denim color, and a light blue button-down with sneakers. Casual, but not horrible looking. At least, I hoped not.

Right as the macaroni had finished being mixed, the doorbell rang. I looked at the digital clock. Right on time. "Coming!" I shouted as I poured Charlie's dinner in a Tupperware container and put it on the oven. I licked the cheese off my nails and grabbed a purse I rarely used, shoving some money in it. In typical Bella fashion, I took a spill over a chair's leg, falling on the thankfully soft carpet in front of the door.

I climbed up in good grace, unwrinkled my shirt and opened the door.

There, Edward stood, looking as striking as I had come to expect. Light jeans and a mint green shirt had never looked more awe inspiring on anyone but Edward Cullen. He looked like a model for a clothes catalog, holding himself with an air of pose that I greatly envied.

I tore my eyes from him to lock up the house. When I turned back around, he was staring at me as deeply as I had him, though I couldn;t imagne that he was enjoying the picture as much as I had. In fact, it looked as though he was scrutinizing me.

His voice low with concern, Edward asked, "Are you okay? I thought I heard you fall before."

I blushed, of course. "Yeah, the chair leg caught me. But no damage." I tugged on a strand of my hair, biting my lower lip.

"Shall we go then?" He waved me towards the silver Volvo. Edward walked to the passenger side and opened the door for me like he did at the store. I shyly ducked under his arm and climbed in. He was in his seat and pulling out of the driveway as I clicked my seat belt.

The drive was rather quiet again. I didn't really know what to say to him. Being alone with Edward was a little intimidating. Mostly, I stared out the window, watching everything blur together in a muddle. He hadn't been exaggerating; he did drive much faster then he had in town. I was too frightened to look at the speedometer for fear of blenching at sight. Instead, I tried to imagine it was a rollercoaster ride like the one at Six Parks Billy had taken Becca, Ray, Jacob, and I to one year. It was scary at first, but then you started to enjoy it.

We arrived in Port Angeles around 4:30, a fate I would have thought impossible before driving with Edward. The tourist trap was looking a bit empty. This time of year was the off-season. Besides the occasional odd couple, the sidewalks were empty. Teenagers from the small surrounding towns had made this spot a weekend visit spot. But on the weekdays, no one bothered with the hour and a half drive. Or forty-five minutes if you drove like a maniac.

"Are you hungry right now?" Edward's melodious voice startled me after ¾ of an hour in silence. I turned towards him to see him staring at me with those golden orbs.

"Um… Not really," I answered. "It's a bit early to eat."

He drummed his fingers on the dashboard. "Then would you like to scan the shops? Or go down to the pier until you get hungry?"

Those seemed like the kind of things couples did. I tried not to process that. The pier would be the typical date spot, so I took the coward's way out. "How about we roam the shops? I've been meaning to find a good bookstore." _Chicken,_ I scolded myself mentally, _you great, big chicken._

Edward didn't seem to notice my exashperated expression. He merely nodded and turned into a parking spot.

We got out and started out non-romantic walk along the storefronts. The couples we passed gawked at Edward, girl and boy alike. I guess seeing an angel walking around _was_ an unusual sight - and that was understating. And then their gazewould turn to me. I always felt that they were saying with their eyes, "Why the heck is he with her?" when they observed me. From the distance and silence between us, maybe they though I was his sister or something. That's what it felt like to me. It was a bit depressing.

But then, I had been telling myself over and over that this was strictly sort-of friends anyway. What right did I have to be moping? So what if we had a solid foot between us? It wasn't like he was my boyfriend or something.

So, since this wasn't a date or anything, why should it be awkward? I should be trying to be his friend and get to know him like I knew I wanted to. I had no reason to be nervous. When Edward caught my eye, I smiled at him. He seemed confused, but smiled back all the same.

Step one: check. Now to step two: casual conversation.

"Do you come into Port Angeles often?" I asked, swinging my arms and looking forward. "I've only been here twice so I have no idea where everything it."

"I don't come here too often either. Unless Alice needs me to hold her bags when she goes shopping."

I couldn't help but chuckle at the idea of Edward following his tiny sister into clothing stores. It just seemed like a funny thing. "Shouldn't she bring Jasper or something? That seems like a boyfriend's duty, not a brother's."

"You would think." I could hear the annoyance thick in his voice without looking at him. "But Jasper will make any excuse to get out of it. And she takes pity on him, so she doesn't make him go with her."

"But no pity for her brother?"

"None at all. She's a relentless shopper." Edward stopped as he looked at the shop across the street. "Do you mind if we go in there?" He asked, pointing at it.

I read the sign. It was an older music store that looked quite battered. "Sure. Are you a big music fan?"

"You could say that."

I mentally added that to the things I knew about Edward.

The store's bell rang as we walked in. It was a small, brown room with a faintly musty smell. Old vinyl records adjured the walls. Most of the bins had cassette tapes, only a few CDs in the back racks. Edward led me down a row labeled "Oldies but Goodies" on the far right.

"Okay, I'm curious to know what older music, if any, you would listen to. Pick out a few tapes." He smiled. "You'd be surprised what a person's taste in music can say about them."

I strolled the aisles, looking for any music that might have been familiar. This store had listening booths so I was able to find songs that struck my fancy. I soon became immersed in an album by Frank Sinatra. It was catching, in a swing dance sort of way. Next to catch my eye were the Andrew Sisters. Fairly upbeat, but still dance music. The last of my picks ended up being Nat King Cole. His voice was soft but powerful. Proud of my picks, I brought them over to Edward.

He raised an eyebrow when he saw the ones I had chosen. He plucked them from my arms one by one. "Hmm, all from the 50s era."

I shrugged. "That music appealed to me the most. Swing music, I guess. I thought they were catchy." I drew my arms back in, crossing them. "So, oh wise music critic, what do you think of my picks? Not your style?"

He just smiled a secret smile. "Actually, I have every song Frank Sinatra every wrote at home. As well as Nat King Cole. The Andrews Sisters didn't appeal to me as much, but I've heard good things."

"You actually listen to older music? I had never heard of these songs before coming in here."

"Yes, the 50s was a good time for music. Much better then the 60s and 70s, anyway. But the 80s were pure torture." He then drew me over to the classical section in the back. "Now let's see what you find here."

"You really have a thing for older music I guess," I muttered as I picked through the rows.

"What can I say? I live in the wrong era." He laughed when I rolled my eyes. "See anything you like to keep? I'd like to get you some decent music to take home with you."

I was about to retort sharply about that when my eyes fell on a familar CD. I froze, looking at a decorated cover that I had once memorized as it sat in the front of the rack. It was a medley of classical music by Debussy. With a shaking hand, I lifted it up. My finger down the back, reading the songs. I stopped on track 17. My mother's favorite song and mine as well. "_Claire De Lune_." I whispered.

He looked over my shoulder. "Claude Debussy?" Edward sounded surprised. "You actually know his songs?"

I nodded, blinking back tears. "My mother always played them around the house. I only remember my favorites. And it was one of hers too. She played it all the time." I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. "I think it was to help me sleep at night."

"Are you crying?" When I shook my head, he came up behind me and turned me on the spot. I felt his hand slid under my chin and lift my face up for him to examine. I'm sure I looked like a mess with my puffy red eyes. He didn't say anything but merely ran his hand under my eye, wiping away the moisture. "What's wrong, Bella?"

"It's nothing, I swear. Just took me by surprise, thinking of Renee out of nowhere." I smiled as best I could. He didn't look fooled. "Hey Edward, I'm kinda hungry now. Can we go eat?" _Anything to get out of this store._ Edward nodded and led the way to the door.

We found our way back to the restaurant where the Volvo was parked. I followed Edward in. It was an Italian themed place. Each booth had a dimly light chandelier hanging overhead. The cozy dinning space had only enough room for two people. Clearly, this was a spot for couples.

As soon as we walked in, the hostess came to meet us. She was a pretty thing, probably about nineteen or twenty, with long black hair that fell to her lower back. Her almond shaped blue eyes looked Edward over fiercely. Obviously approving, she flicked her hair over her should with a coy smile. "Welcome. My name's Tiffany. Will this be a party of two?"

Edward grimaced and nodded. "Yes. And we'd like a back booth, if it's no trouble." Tiffany had no problem with that, of course. I doubt she would have refused anything Edward asked. Him and those damn persuasive, topaz eyes. She told us to follow her to a back table.

Once seated across from each other, the hostess left us to our own devices. I fiddled with the condiment carousal; spinning it, stopping it, spinning it in the opposite direction. I was pretty much lost in thought as the ketchup, mustard, salt, and pepper containers whizzed by. It was one of those rare times when I couldn't get Renee out of my head.

When I had been younger, Renee was my best friend. I was a bit inwardly drawn and never tried to meet people my own age. My mother was all I needed. Sure, it sounds a bit pathetic, but you had to understand a few things about Renee. She was young at heart and still in her younger thirties when I was growing up. She was wild. She was crazy. She was fun. Basically, my complete opposite. The phrase does go 'opposite's attract'. And we were truly glued at the hip.

Renee would tell me often that I was her special girl and no one could change that. She almost babied me. Always hovering around me. Signing me up for countless activities, no matter how horribly I failed at them. Taking me into her kindergarten class to show me off for show and tell. Well, that was actually completely embarrassing, but her heart was in the right place. Renee loved me, plain and simple. And even after she ditched me to live with her new husband, the most irresponsible thing by far she has ever done, I know she still loves me. I hoped so, anyway,

I sighed, plopping my head on the fine wooden table.

"Are you sure you're okay, Bella?" It really touched me how worried he sounded.

Slightly flushed in the face, I nodded. "I'm fine, don't worry."

Just then out waitress decided to appear. Once again, she was a pretty, young woman. Shoulder length bleach blonde hair with sharp amber eyes. She fished the pencil out from behind her ear and turned directly to face Edward. I realized that I shouldn't take it personally; he _was_ gorgeous. "Good evening. My name is Lindsey and I'll be your waitress tonight. What can I get you to drink?" I could have sworn I saw her wink at Edward. I felt an erational twinge of jealousy._ I don't have a claim over him, I don't have a claim over him. _Still, I was wishing the waitress away with all my might.

Edward looked up at me. "Bella? What would you like to drink?"

The waitress shifted a bit to see me. She was sizing me up with her eyes, trying to see if I could pose a threat. Obviously, she saw none. "Um… I guess I'll have a coke."

"Two cokes then," Edward amended. The girl nodded and walked away. "You're looking very pale, Bella. Are you positive you are okay?"

I folded my hands in my lap, smiling slightly at the table. "Yes, I am okay. I don't want to be a killjoy."

There was that crooked smile that I was becoming besotted with again. "Not at all Bella. It's been interesting, to say the least. You're a very pleasant person to be around." Cue the blush. "If you don't mind me asking, why did _Claire De Lune_ upset you so back in the store?"

I was able to take it in stride, my smile still intact. "My mother was going through a phase a few years back. Every time I would come home from middle school, some type of classical music was playing. Mozart, Beethoven, and every other composer you could think of. But Debussy… he was one of my favorites." I bit my lower lip. "Renee learned that I like _Claire De Lune_ the best and played it all the time. Just for me. I would go to sleep to that classic lullaby."

I looked up at Edward as I continued. "A few years ago, my mother was engaged to a man named Phil Dwyer. A nice enough guy. A bit too young for Renee, but she was happy, so I approved. Phil played ball for a living. Not really well, but enough that he moved around a lot. When I was fourteen, I came home one night to an empty house. Renee had eloped with Phil, leaving me all alone. That's how I came to live with Charlie.

"And so seeing that song, after all these years, brought it all back. I try not to think of my dead-beat Mom too much. Not because I'm angry with Renee, but because I miss her. And wish she had taken me with her."

The rest of the meal passed in awkward silence mode. I had the feeling I may have said too much and perhaps made Edward regret having invitied me out.

The waitress had returned with our drinks and then I ordered Lasagna dinner, while Edward claimed he wasn't hungry. So he simply watched me eat. Kind of creepy, but I learned to just pretend he wasn't there. By 6:45, I was finished and ready to head out. Edward handed Lindsey a bill, telling her no change would be necessary, and we left.

The silence continued during the drive home. I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault. After what I had told Edward about Renee, he _must_ pity me, or something like that. Edward's mouth formed a firm line, his eyes a flat black again. _I _knew _that I should have kept my mouth shut._ I simply had too many problems in my life. I was being dragged under the water; he must have seen the wisdom of jumping ship before he got sucked under, too. I couldn't blame him for that, for it was the intelligent thing to do.

When we passed the sign that said "Welcome to Forks", Edward turned to me. "Bella? I hope you won't mind, but we need to stop by the hospital. I have to ask my father about something. Is it okay? It's pretty early, so we'll be out of there in enough time to get you home." There he goes with the eye thing again. That stupid dazzling-melting-hypnotizing thing.

I barely managed to stutter out a "Sure" before he was turning into the Forks Medical Hospital. Edward parked next to a black Mercedes. "Do you mind coming in with me? I don't want to leave you alone in here."

"I'll come in," I replied as I opened my door.

We walked into the building together, Edward a little closer to my side then he was in Port Angeles. It made me nervous. Every wall was painted an eerie, hospital white color, glowing in the fluorescent lights above. Each tan door led into another sick or dying person's domain. That made me feel a bit sick.

A few of the nurses waved at Edward as we walked by, greeting him by name. He nodded back, acknowledging his father's colleagues.

Finally, Edward stopped outside a tan door with a gold plague that read "Doctor Carlisle Cullen's Office" on it in thick, black letters. Edward gestured for me to go on inside. I obliged.

In the large gray room, there was a comfy red sofa against the western wall. A large bookshelf next to a chestnut cabinet. A solid oak desk with a rolling chair was next to the window. And in the chair sat a beautiful blonde man. He looked young, impossibly young. Far too young to be called 'Doctor' or 'Father'. His hair was casually swept to the side in a way that reminded me of a super model. His calm, golden eyes held sincerity and kindness.

He stood up as we walked in. He was just as tall as Edward was, tall enough to tower over me. Even though I knew he shared no blood with Edward, I couldn;t help but to think how simialr these two men seemed.

Dr. Cullen walked - more like glided - over to meet us. "Hello, you must be Bella." That one sentence was enough to leave me speechless. His voice was calming and unintentionally seductive. My hand was trembling as he shook it lightly.

Edward came around from behind me and closed the door. "Yes, this is she. Bella, why don't you sit down?" He helped me onto the cushy sofa, preferring to stand next to me. Edward looked up at his father. "You don't mind, do you Carlisle? I know you have other patients."

That seemed a strange thing to ask for some reason. What did Edward mean by _other_ patients? But everything was cloudy in my mind, being flanked by two gorgeous men. It took all my attention just to breath.

"Not at all," Dr. Cullen answered with a smile. He lifted a large black doctor's bag out from under his desk and carried it over to where I sat. "You know I'd be more then willing to take care of your friend. It is no trouble at all."

_Wait, huh? Take care of? _I blinked rapidly as Dr. Cullen kneeled in front of me. "What do you mean by that, Dr. Cullen?"

"Please, call me Carlisle." He brought a stethoscope to his ears, placing the icy metal part in the back of my shirt. "Would you take a deep breath for me, Miss Swan?"

I froze. _"What are you doing?"_

Carlisle looked at me for a second before turning to his son. An angelic look graced Edward's face as his father stared him down. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you didn't tell her before she got here? I don't approve of tricking people. If she wants a check up, it should be of her own free will."

_Check up!?_

* * *

_A/n: Wow, this was a long one, huh? Please, make sure to review!_


	7. Hypocrisy

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight series**

My throat stuck together in that instance. A thousand and one things were burning on my tongue. They ranged from spouting curse words at the top of my lungs to simply screaming. But to no avail. I couldn't open my mouth to make a single sound. How frustrating.

Instead, I stood up suddenly. Dr. Cullen pulled back from me, clearly weary of my reaction to this kidnapping. Yes, kidnapping. That's what this was. Taken away by a stranger against my will. My mind flashed between accusations I could file to Edward being taken away by the local police. A smile should have fitted across my lips at that. Unfortunately, smiling was the farthest thing from possible at the moment.

I swallowed the pool of saliva in my mouth. Still the ability to speak was beyond me. And just when I needed it the most, had so much to say. Then again, maybe it was for the best that I was mute for now. I wouldn't be able to control my mouth in my sudden fury. Rash things could be said. Not the least of which being myself cursing Edward to the fiery pits of the underworld. Something to avoid, I was sure. That could be saved for a time when his father was not an innocent onlooker.

The innocent smirk on Edward's face was dragging up more unpleasant feelings. Rational thinking was being pushed aside. _Screw the consequences! One punch, one good punch!_ That was all I needed. I had never been a fighter - I never had it in me - but if I could have the chance... Just to wipe that smug look off his overly attractive face. My sudden violent tendencies surprised me; I was normally a nonviolent person. Perhaps my father was rubbing off on me.

Dr. Cullen was the one to break the charged silence.

He coughed slightly, tearing my attention away from the death glares I was sending his youngest son. The handsome doctor snapped his bag shut and sat on the edge of his desk. "Miss Swan, I am extremely sorry about this misunderstanding," he smoothly stated. "I do not approve of the methods my son used to get you into my office. And for that, I apologize. However, Edward clearly thought it very important for you to see me. I doubt he would have used such tactics other wise," he added, frowning at Edward. "I must ask you if you will allow me to give you a very quick check up. Though, I won't force you to stay if you wish otherwise. Do as you see fit."

Dr. Cullen had a very calming aura about him, one that made me not the least bit uncomfortable, even if I was in a hospital against my will. And at least he was asking my permission. He was actually giving me a choice. I admired him for that, for I could clearly see he knew something was wrong. Dr. Cullen's piercing gold eyes, the same as his son's, were sweeping over my frame, almost as if he knew he should be looking for bruises. Maybe Edward had told him about his suspicions. However, my answer was still the same.

I shook my head.

Of course, Edward would not be quiet about that persistent as he was. "Ignore her. She needs a check up desperately."

Even when he was annoyed, his voice was melodious. Damn, it should not be fair that he could make me swoon when I was trying so hard to be angry with him. How could anyone deal with him?

Both pairs of ocher eyes were studying me now. I looked down, embarrassed, and avoided their gaze.

After a second, the doctor sighed. "I wish you would reconsider, Miss Swan, but it _is_ your choice. Very well, Edward will take you home in a minute."

"What? Carlisle, did you not hear me?" Edward was leaning towards him now; his anger gave him enough ferocity to tower over his father.

With them so close, I was able to compare them properly. I couldn't help but to gawk at him. Edward's father looked so young! Barely a few years older then Emmett Cullen looked. To think of this man as a parent to five was insane, especially because his children were my own age. Dr. Cullen didn't even look old enough to be out of collage! In fact, he was far to handsome to be in such a gory business as medicine. He should be laying across the cover of some sports magazine, or at the very least, starring on billboards the world over.

Edward spoke again, bringing me back to the conversation. "Screw the Hippocratic oath, Carlisle. She needs to see a doctor right now. I'm amazed she's still walking around with the bruises on her back." I winced at that. "It's very serious. If you don't do something, we could at least go to the police and report this!"

Dr. Cullen rubbed his eyes. "There is nothing I can do, Edward. If she does not want to be seen by a doctor, I cannot force her. It must be of her own free will. And by my oath, I promised privacy about these type of matters. She has to be willing to make a testament against her father." He turned to me then. "I want to help you, Miss Swan. If this is as bad as my son is making it out to be, it would be in your best interest to see a physician. Please consider it."

I swallowed again. This time, my throat was unstuck. "Thank you for your concern, Dr. Cullen. But I am fine. Edward is exaggerating," I lied to my shoes. In my experience, it was always easier to get away with a lie when direct eye contact was avoided.

I only looked up when Edward placed his cool hand under my chin. His eyes were blazing into mine with such intensity… My brain fogged over again. _How did he do that? _"Bella, what is the point of keeping up with this lie? You already know I know the truth. Don't insult me be thinking I am just going to give up. Let Carlisle treat you. What harm could come from us helping you? You'll get better. And Charlie won't be able to hurt you anymore-"

I slapped away Edward's hand. It was like trying to shove granite, but Edward took the hint. He pulled his hand away from me. "I thought," my voice was shaking now, " that I made it clear this was none of your business, Edward. I will deal with this in my way. So _but out_."

Edward kneeled on the ground in front of me, taking my hands into his. I blushed at the intimacy of the moment; did he not realize his father was right there? "Why are you being so stubborn, Bella? What do you gain from letting this continue?"

I couldn't answer that for it was the same question I had been asking myself for so long. I had no answer then, just as I had no answer now. So I left the question hanging in the air. I bit my lower lip, but held Edward's fierce gaze. "And what do I gain if I break this cycle?" The million-dollar question. "Don't bother yourself with my affairs. I will take the path I see fit. Anyway, what does it matter to you?" I spat, hiding behind my impenetrable mask of helpless rage. "It's not like we're friends or anything."

I didn't really mean for that last part let that slip out. I had just been feeling hurt and vulnerable. So, in a typical Bella move, I pushed him away. This was my world famous defense mode. Someone tries to get close, so I take the coward's way out. No one can hurt you if you're all alone. So that was what I did. I made myself alone. I built a wall around myself. So I could never grow to like someone. So I could never grow to love someone.

_One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you._

_I'd been broken beyond repair._

He drew away then, his face unreadable. The flames that had been burning in his eyes had been put out. Now they were simply a flat gold color. I felt grim pleasure from that. _One less person who can hurt me._ That was an accomplishment. Yet still, I hurt. If not more then before. I knew he didn't deserve my cruelty, but I didn't want to take my words back.

Dr. Cullen placed his hand on Edward's shoulder and offered me a weak smile. "I get off shift in five minutes. Why don't I take you home? Is that okay with you?" I nodded my head. "Excellent. I'll meet you down in the lobby." I stood up, understanding that I had been dismissed. But I paused at the door frame, my eyes finding Edward, still frozen in front of the chair I had been sitting in. A forlorn creature.

I shut the door before guilt could wash over me. Regret would breed sorrow. I couldn't feel sorry for destroying what might have been a deep bond between us - it would be dangerous to feel bad for him now. I shook my head, jettisoning tears from my face. No, I could not feel sorry about this. Edward was the one who brought me here. He was the one who had gotten too close.

He had brought this upon himself.

-break-

The weekend passed quietly after that. Charlie left Sunday morning to go to a convention in Tacoma, leaving the house empty. It was a nice change of pace. With no one to have to make breakfast for, I was able to catch up on some much needed sleep. I cleaned all afternoon. Top to bottom, the house was scrubbed, mopped, vacuumed, wiped, and dusted. It didn't really need to be cleaned spic and span, but it gave me something to do. And I needed to keep busy.

The rest of the evening was devoted to catching up on my homework. And then getting ahead in class. I had to stop myself before I finished a research paper that wouldn't' be due until April by starting a load of laundry. By the time the final spin cycle had finished, it was almost ten. A reasonable time for bed. Of course, since I was used to being up late into the night, I mostly just stared at the ceiling. I tried to count sheep. By sheep number 476, it became obvious it wasn't working. I reread Wuthering Heights for what felt like the 800th time. I guess that must have worked because I woke up to my alarm clock with the book still open to the scene where young Catherine meets her cousin, Linton.

I shook the sleep from my eyes and ambled into the bathroom. I applied a bit of my miracle cream to the small of my back after a quick shower. The bruise was slowly turning back to a creamy pale peach. That put me in a better mood.

I made it down the stairs without a single scratch and proceeded to make myself a bowl of warm oatmeal. It was a bit chilly today, it still being in the winter months. The last bit of snow for the year was falling outside the kitchen window. I personally couldn't wait for it to start warming up in the next month.

I stared out the window as I chewed on my food, but wasn't really seeing anything.

It was Monday, the start of the new school week. I groaned aloud. The thing I had been avoiding thinking of was rearing its ugly head. I couldn't fight it down anymore. I had to face him sometime. I couldn't avoid Edward forever.

Honestly, I couldn't figure out why I was so scared to see Edward now. I had only stated the truth to him in the hospital. We really _weren't_ friends. Sure, I could have said it better, but what's done is done. He most likely wouldn't talk to me anymore...

Still, I didn't know him very well, so it shouldn't be a big deal. So if he was mad at me now or whatever, I shouldn't be affected by it.

Yet I was worried, for some reason. I had basically told him to mind his own business and leave me alone. That was so _rude_ of me. He had only been trying to help, after all…

_But I never asked for his help_, I contradicted myself. I had every right to yell at him after what he did. If anything, I should be the one avoiding him.

But...

I went back and forth in circles like this throughout the rest of my meal.

I dumped my empty bowl in the sink with a sigh. I didn't want to think of Edward right now. I should be celebrating Charlie's absence all the way until Friday instead of morning over a lost sort of friendship. I had been the one to pushEdward away so I had no right to miss him. It was best to just get on with my life.

Before I left the house, I ran back up stairs to my calendar. January 29th. I scratched off another day. One day closer to graduation, a small victory, but enough to make me forget about Edward for the moment.

Mike was waiting for me when I pulled into the school parking lot. He waved me over with a grin. "Bella! Hey! I see you're feeling better. I'm glad."

It took me a while to remember what he was talking about. "Oh, the nausea, Yeah, it was quick passing. I'll be back into work tonight." I walked by him, not in the mood to really talk. But of course he just followed me. "Can I help you, Mike?" I didn't mean to sound so annoyed, but he was quickly wearing on my last nerve.

Mike didn't look too put out. His baby blue eyes sparkled as he pulled me under the under hang of the cafeteria. "Well… I heard Charlie is at the Police Officer's Convention for the week." I nodded to confirm that. "I figure, when the cat's away, the mice will play!"

I couldn't really understand what he was saying. "What do you mean, Mike?"

He ran a hand though his hair. "Since your Dad's not in town to get mad about it, do you want to go out tonight? We could swing by a movie or get dinner. What ever you want, Bella." Mike looked so hopeful.

I just had to shoot him down.

"I work all week, sorry." I thought that would end the conversation, but he stepped in front me of, blocking my way. I crossed my arms.

"My parents can handle it themselves. Come on. Have a little fun for once, Bella."

I fidgeted awkwardly. "Look Mike. You know I can't say yes to you. I just don't feel that way about you. So I… I just can't. Try to understand."

His face fell a bit. "Maybe if you hung out with me, you could see a connection between us. Just give me a chance, please," he added with a plea.

I shook my head. "That's not how it works and you know it. I only like you as a friend, please respect that or I don't think I can be friends with you anymore." I was being bluntly honest, but Mike really did need to get a clue. "It was flattering at first, but now it's just awkward to be around you. And I really like being your friend. You mean a lot to me." I looked up as the swarm of students passing us by. "Look, class is starting, we'd better go." Mike nodded solemnly and followed me into the building.

He was really quiet during class. I could only hope that meant he was seriously considering what I had said to him. Mike wasn't trying to be obnoxious. He was just more interested in me then I was in him. It was unfair, but a part of life, I had come to realize with rue.

By lunchtime, Mike was better. He still smiled at me more then anyone else, but it was a different kind of smile. I couldn't help but to smile back at him.

Angela, Mike, and I entered the cafeteria together. I had finally caved and agreed to sit with them at lunch. As I took my spot after Angela in the lunch line, someone caught my eye.

"Bella?" Angela looked worried again. "Are you okay? You just got really pale."

"I-I'm fine, Angela. Just not hungry." I turned myself so I was out of Edward's gaze. She seemed to accept that. I kept my eyes firmly downcast as we made our way to the end, purposefully avoiding looking towards the Cullen/Hale table.

Mike and Angela kept asking if I was okay during lunch. Maybe the way I kept my eyes focused to the floor the whole time tipped them off. Or how I didn't want lunch. They knew something was wrong, but I didn't elaborate. Indeed, what would I have said?That Edward was giving me the evil eye?

But he look Edward had thrown me… it was so unnerving.

It wasn't even a look. It was a glare. He was mad at me. Very mad. I couldn't help but to shiver just thinking about it, which led to another round of "Are you sure you don't want to go to the nurse's office?" from my two friends.

I was afraid to go to Biology when the bell rang. All I could think of was how I wished Edward would be helping the nurse out in her office and miss class today.

But no such luck. I spotted his truff for strangely colored hair as soon as I walked into the room. Typical.

Edward was at the table already when we walked in. But he wasn't glaring at me this time. No, he was avoiding my eyes completely. I had to think of it as a downgrade. It was like he was saying I wasn't even worth his anger anymore. But I didn't even know why he was so made at me in the first place! Wasn't this a bit of an overreaction on his part?

I slid into my seat silently. He didn't look up. That was depressing but I didn't even try to figure out why.

Mr. Banner came in and announced that we would be analyzing the genetic make up of plants today outside. The whole class cheered besides Edward and I. In fact, I groaned. Because not only would we be stuck in the mushy, melting snow, but we had to find tree samples in our partner groups. _Just perfect._

The class headed to the back gym field then, Edward and I trailing in the back. He didn't even acknowledge me as he gathered the sample bag from Mr. Banner, who wrote our names down as a team. Edward just walked right past me and walked towards the forest edge. Like I wasn't even there… I bit my lower lip to stop the hurt I felt at that.

I ran after him after I had gotten control of my emotions.

He was already peeling off bits of tree bark when I stopped beside him. Still no reaction. I barred my teeth, resisting the urge to grind them together. "Can I help?" I asked quietly, hoping my words wouldn't betray my resentment towards him for treating me like a pariah.

He looked down at me like I was an ant. Never had I felt more insignificant then at that moment. Finding that I was not worth speaking to, apparently, he just continued on with his task. I think that was what made me snap.

"You kidnap me and then have the nerve to give _me_ attitude?" I hissed. My fists were firmly clenched to my side to prevent me from doing something I would regret. "Talk about hypocrisy. What is your problem?"

Edward looked at me over my shoulder, still unresponsive. "Why is it bothering you that I'm ignoring you?" he asked finally. "You asked me to, remember? Besides, it's not like we're friends, right?"

* * *

_A/n: Review, please. :) _


	8. Damnation

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Series**

I felt like I had been struck down in that instance. My own words, turned against me. And they hurt, each and every one of them, hurt much more then I thought they would have. Like blades straight into my soul, tearing me up. It was so strong, that the hurt felt physical rathe then just emotional; he might as well have slapped me in the face.

The pain broke through my floodgates, causing tears to cascade down my face. "You're right," I hoarsely replied. "Y-you're absolutely right, sorry."

He sharply turned around, perhaps hearing the anguish in my voice. He groaned aloud, his shoulder slumping. "I did it again, didn't I?" Edward closed the distance between us in two quick steps that I almost did not catch. He held my face in the palm of his hand, his eyes burning into mine. "I made you sad again. I'm sorry." My own sorrow echoed in his voice.

"I deserved it. I shouldn't have been so cruel at the hospital." I thickly replied, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. "I was just-"

Edward cut of me off with a sharp shake of his head. "No, you had every right to be angry with me. I had purposefully gone against your wishes by taking you to the hospital. I've been told I have quite the stubborn attitude about certain things. If you didn't want to go, I shouldn't have forced you." He stoked the back of my hair. "So please, stop crying. I feel horrible that I did that to you. I hate that I hurt you."

I had no words to reply, so I remained quiet, remarking silently how Edward's face, even when twisted with agony, was the single most beautiful face I had ever seen.

We sat on the cold ground for a while, the biology project completely forgotten. I wrapped my arms around my legs, drawing them into my chest for warmth. Edward didn't seem to mind the weather. He wasn't even wearing a jacket, just a thin sweater, I noticed. Silence dawned on us as flakes of white fell from the tree above us.

I was the one to break it. "Why?" He frowned at me, not understanding my question. "Why… were you so mad at me before? I'd never seen you so angry…" I didn't want to admit how he had frightened me. I laid my head on my knees, watching him.

He didn't answer for a bit. I counted the seconds that ticked away, not sure if he would ever answer. "I was so very angry," he admitted in a whisper. "I can't even be sure why… But I think it had to be with what you said at the hospital. About us not even being friends. I had to admit you were right. I barely even know you. I had extremely overstepped my boundaries be tricking you into seeing a doctor, and I was very wrong.

"But… I saw you this morning… with Newton." Edward looked away then, his eyes sharp. "I couldn't help but wonder 'Would she have minded as much if _Newton_ had been the one to take her to the hospital? Would she have gotten mad at _him_?' After all, he, at least, is your friend, something I have no right to claim." Edward ran a hand through his messy hair, mussing it up further. "This is insane. I actually think I am jealous. Of Mike Newton, of all people!"

I crawled over to where he sat against the tree trunk, despite the cold. My hand reached out hesitantly to touch his knee. "Jealous? Why in the world are you jealous of him?"

"Because at least he_ is _you're friend. Meanwhile, I am just a stranger," he replied darkly. "'You mean a lot to me.' That's what you said to him. But you tell me to but out and leave you alone. That's why I'm jealous of Newton, irrational as it is."

I blushed at that. "You heard what I said to Mike?"

"I believe the whole school did. You two were standing right next to the main entrance." He left it at that.

I didn't reply. Instead, I played with a bit of dirty snow. A gray-white blob. It couldn't even hold its form anymore. Winter was ending early this year. That could only be an improvement. Rain could only be an improvement over the rain and snow during the winter months here in Forks. At least rain wasn't always cold.

Edward started to speak again, but then stopped. He took a deep breath then tried again. Still, his voice was shaken, as if he wasn't sure what to say. Or if he wanted to know the answer. "How come… why is Mike a friend to you, but not me? Do you really hate me so much? Is that why you won't count me as a friend?"

"No, no, of course I don't hate you." Quite the opposite really. _Wow, wrong road to stroll down at the moment,_ I scolded myself, fantasies of Edward and I as much more then friends flooding my mind. But, even as I shook my delusions away, all I could think of in that instant was how we were all alone and how much I really did not hate him. For I really did not dislike him, something unusual when concerning myself and other people.

"Then why…?"

I turned away from him, slightly ashamed of my foreign feelings. "It's... It's just complicated, Edward." _Very complicated._

"I think I can keep up. Try me. Why won't you be my friend?" He demanded.

In that instant, I was blinded with happiness. He wanted to be my friend. A victory for me, the social outcast. I'd never had a real friend before, and had never wanted one, but Edward made the idea all the more appealing. Someone I could depend on and trust and laugh with and love...

My insides froze.

No, I couldn't allow myself to love Edward; that was just taking things too far.

Now that I thought of it, what right did I have to yearn for his friendship? It would only be a plague upon him once he discovered all the skeletons in my closet that I was so desperate to hide. If I kept people away, there was less of a chance of them unearthing my hidden darkness. But if I let him get close to me, close enough to see the ugliness. I mentally shuddered. That would be when the rejection would come.

Or worse, he would try to save me, thus bringing the wrath of my horrid world upon him. Would I let my tainted friendship pull Edward into the abyss? Of course not, even if it meant some amount of salvation for me. No, I couldn't do it to him. I wouldn't even allow myself to entertain such foolish thoughts.

I looked into his topaz eyes as I spoke, refusing to drop my gaze, willing the gravity of the situation to hit him. "You don't want to hear it. Even if you know why we can never be friends, nothing will change. I still won't be able to be your friend, Edward." _Or anything more,_ I berated myself. _I have to keep him at arm's distance. Just like the rest of them. It's the only good I can do for him.  
_

"I think I at least deserve to know why." Edward stroked a bit of my hair behind my ear, forcing my heart into double time. "What reason could possibly sanction why Mike can be your friend, but I can't?"

I knew he wouldn't give up unless I gave him answers, but I wasn't willing to tell him the truth. Or at least, not the whole truth. I ducked my head, deciding what part truths I could let him know. I went with the most obvious: my fear of rejection from people.

"Because… you could hurt me." I felt Edward freeze at that. I continued to look down and urgently explaining. "I like Mike, sure, but not enough that if he were to betray me, it would kill me. I don't have a deep enough bond with him for that to be possible. But with you…" My voice shook. "I'm afraid, Edward. If we got closer, I could really get to… like you." I almost said love. I didn't think Edward needed to know just how far in I was. That would only make matters worse. "It's scary. If I really got to be friends with you, I would only be setting myself up for disappointment. Just like always.

"I really liked my mother," I whispered now, my tone droping so low I didn't think he would be able to hear me. "She was all I had for such a long time. We were never on the same frequency, but it didn't matter. She was my best friend. I loved her, I really did." And there goes the water works. Thinking deeply about the connection I had once had with Renee always did this to me. "That's why it hurt so much when she abandoned me. I simply wasn't enough for her. I loved my mother, and she hurt me. I'll never be able to get over what she did to me. Maybe that's why I resent her more then Charlie."

I took a few breaths. My crying was making me incoherent. That wouldn't do. I needed him to understand this so he would know why I said such awful things to him. Why we could never be close. "I love my father too. I used to love coming to see him during school vacations. We are so much alike. He's quiet, deep thinking, and truely kind. But now… it hurts more emotionally then anything," I admitted it. "My body is numb to the pain, but my heart can't take it anymore. His words are so sharp, stabbing me each time deeper. I can't stand it, but can't bring myself to hate him. To hate either of them. I love them too much.

"So… I just can't Edward. I can see a deep bond could grow between us, like kindred spirits, and I can't let that happen. I can't be hurt again. And it would hurt so much more now because I like you in a non-parental way." My free hand clenched. "Don't you see the pattern? I let them in my heart, and they rip it to shreds. The pain is so much worse because they will always be in my heart. I can't get rid of them. So, just don't, please. Don't make me care about you. Please…don't." I let the misery have me then, washing over me into I had retreated into my shell.

I almost didn't notice that Edward was right beside me now. I almost didn't notice when he ran his fingers through my hair. I almost didn't notice when he whispered my name like a melody. And I almost didn't notice when Edward held me.

It was a light touch, but cooler then the snow below us. His touch was soothing. Not like when a mother hold's you, but like… someone who simply cares about you for the sake of caring. Never could I remember being held in such a way. Like I could just cry and cry, but it wouldn't matter. Because someone was there to offer comfort from the pain. Not take it away, for there was simply too much to be lifted, but to help me through it all. A light though the tunnel. An angel from heaven come to offer salvation, just for me. My own personal angel…

-break-

When I opened my eyes again, I was on a cot in the Nurse's office. I felt groggy, like someone who had slept too long. I rubbed my eyes wearily.

_Wait, the Nurse's office? Why am I here? _I sat up suddenly, sending the stiff comforter flying off my body and onto the floor. I winced, the effects of vertigo making my head swarm.

A chuckle from the other side of the room caught my attention. "Are you always this energetic when you wake up? Or is it only when you fall asleep in school?"

I blinked rapidly. I wasn't imagining it. Edward was actually sitting in the brown plastic chair, smiling at me. I grinned back, my emotions not yet back with me.

What a way to wake up: to see Edward Cullen beaming at you, looking so beautiful, it was unfair. "Good morning," I said, a quick yawn escaping me. "How long was I out?" I was feeling extremely disorientated, like I had slept forever and my body forgot how to function.

"First off, I believe you mean 'Good Afternoon'. Secondly… Well, let's put it this way: when you fell asleep, school was still going on."

"What? School's over?" I found the clock on the wall. Yes, the last bell had rung ten minutes ago. I had little under an hour to get to work. Since I didn't have to make Charlie's dinner today, however, I was sure I could make it in time. I stretched my sore limbs, the bottom of my sweater lifting a bit as my arms reached towards the roof. "What did I miss?"

"Well, Banner is a little upset that we have missed his class two days in a row now. I told him you fainted. Somehow, I thought it would sound better then 'she fell asleep during your class time'." I nodded to agree with him. Edward's voice turned icy then. "Mike was here to check in on you after gym. He was rather upset that you were still sleeping. He wants you to call him if you need him to cover your shift again, by the way."

_Mike. _That name did it. Everything came flooding back then. Edward and I. The forest. Our conversation. My part way confession. Me, crying on him. Him holding me so tenderly. My heart racing... The blood pooled under my cheeks. _Wait, I fell asleep on him? How mortifying_. I swallowed, trying to keep my voice even."Oh! I'm sorry. I fell asleep on you, didn't I, Edward?"

He waved it off. "Nothing to apologize over, Bella. Though I would like to talk to you about… our conversation. But that is for another day. We'd better leave before they lock us in." I jumped off the bed eagerly, more then ready to escape. Edward handed me my shoes. "I thought you might be uncomfortable with them on," he explained as I slipped them over my feet. "By the way, did you know you talk in your sleep?"

I shot up straight. "W-what? What did you say?"

"You talk in your sleep. It was very amusing, actually." There was that crooked smile again. It took all I could to avoid swooning; the man was clearly trying to undermine everything I had said to him back in the forest. I would have called him out on it, but he was quick to cut me off. "But you were only coherent for a few minutes before you woke up, so I didn't hear much."

I sense of relief filled me, though I was still blushing down to my roots. "Much? What did you hear?" I did a quick prayer that it was nothing to do with my situation with Charlie. Or anything that could be embarrassing.

He seemed to be debating whether or not to tell me. "Well, since you fell asleep talking to me, you said a bit about me while sleeping." I kept glaring at him until her went on reluctantly. "Fine. You said my name once." He seemed to be embarrassed too now. "And you kept saying something about an angel. Then you mumbled a stay word here and there for the rest of the time. That was it, I swear."

I was feeling light-headed again. "I said… your name?" I asked weakly. He nodded solemnly. I groaned and pressed my head into my hands. The blush on my cheeks was sure to be permanent. This was beyond embarrassing; I almost wished I had confessed about my abusive father instead. How would I ever be able to face him after this?

My heart nearly stopped. _After this?_ There should be no 'after this'. Right?

There it was again; that yearning to be near Edward. It was almost annoying how I couldn't avoid my infatuation. Everything about him drew me in despite how much I knew I should have nothing to do with the youngest Cullen. But I wanted to be with him _so bad_.

I was being torn into too directions; one fleeing Edward, the other running to his side. And I knew which pull was stronger.

I wanted to cry over my own weakness.

Everything I said about us never even being friends was coming crashing down around us. The sad remains of my safety blanket, gone up in ashes. There would be hell to pay for this, but I couldn't bring myself to be too worried about that at the moment._ I just want to be with him._

"Bella." He was right in front of me now. I felt his cool fingers prying my hands away from my face. I opened one eye to see his face only inches away from mine. I was sure I would hyperventilate with his lips so close to mine. But not because they were too close, but rather, not close enough. This 180 degree turn confused me so.

"Breathe," he instructed. I obeyed, taking a deep breath then expelling it into his face. He pulled back a bit.

I dropped my gaze. Why was he being so nice to me after what I had said to him? I couldn't stand it. He was making me want to stay by his side more and more. In my helplessness, I blamed him for making me like him, love him.

"Bella, look at me." I shook my head, biting down on my lower lip again. "Please. Bella, please look at me," his voice like velvet. It compelled me to do as he asked, like he had hypnotized me into a trance. And when I did look up, I lost myself in his eyes for what felt like the millionth time. It was unfair how he did that. Cheating, some would call it. "There, was that so hard?" His voice teasing, but sounding condescending.

Jerk, was the first word that popped to mind. But I didn't respond. Instead, I stuck my tongue out at him like a five year old.

We both froze, my actions confusing both of us. _Did I really just do that? _Perhaps my brain was in shut down mode after the emotional overload I had experienced.

Then he broke down laughing. His whole body shook as he held himself up against the door frame, my immature response leaving him unable to maintain his customary posture. My face heated up with blood, but I joined in too after a second.

"Did you seriously just stick your tongue out at me?" He asked when he had stopped laughing.

I shoved him lightly and walked out of the Nurse's office with my head held high. I made it to the front counter until he caught up with me.

He grabbed my elbow lightly, but, since I was still weak from sleep, I ended up crashing backwards into his chest. With his lighting fast reflexes, he held me up and steadied me against his body. I blushed and hopped away. He watched me with an amused expression on his face.

"Anyway," he continued as we walked into the near empty parking lot, "I do want to talk to you tomorrow. Would you mind sitting with me at the lunch?"

"No, of course not. It's not like you're giving me much of a choice, anyway." Or more like, I wasn't giving me a choice anymore. I needed him like a druggie needs a fix.

He grew solemn then. "There is always a choice, Bella. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do anymore. That includes having to sit with me, or talk to me for that matter. You could avoid me, if you really wished." He sounded like he wanted me to steer clear of him!

"I don't want to avoid you," I replied, feeling dumb for admitting it out loud. I had just told him that I didn't want to get close to him, that I was pushing him away, yet I desired his company. How ridiculous I was being! My flip-flopping was confusing myself, and perhaps Edward was well. I couldn't have it both ways. Either I pushed him away completely - my heart sank - or I could risk the pain.

There was no contest.

I knew I was taking a huge risk with Edward. Stupid. That was very wrong. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked it. The more I wanted to be with him. _Stupid._ This was very stupid.

"That is the problem," he sighed. "For I don't want to avoid you either. Though it might be for the best."

I paused at my car door. "For who? Who would it be the best for, if you avoided me?"

"Both of us." His face was dark again, as did mine; at least that was one thing we could agree on. "Nothing good can come with letting myself become attached to you, Bella. Remember, I warned you." I wanted to turn his words around to him, but I couldn't find the resolve to try to scare him away from me. He was my fix.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "This gets more complicated by the minute." I had the feeling he was talking to himself more then talking to me. His face was deep with resolve. "Enough of this. You should get going before you're late for work."

"You're probably right." But I couldn't will my body to turn away from Edward. My hand was gripping the keys of my truck, but I couldn't bring myself to take them out of my pocket. If I did, it would be a sign that Edward and I were really about to part ways. It was completely irrational, but I didn't want to be away from him for even a second right now.

He seemed to understand why I was taking so long. Edward took a hesitant step forward. His hand rose up and caressed the side of my face. I shuddered, but not from the chill. His touch reminded me how he felt as he had held me before. I was suddenly stricken with the urge to hug him then, to experience the comforting feeling of his arms holding me close to him. The blush that had faded returned once again, at full force, as the thought came to me. A tiny hug, a friendly enough gesture, right? Just for a second...

But I didn't have to initial the hug.

A horn beeped then loudly. It scared me so badly, I jumped. Edward, being the gentleman I had come to expect him to be, rushed forward with arms open to catch me as I expectantly stumbled a bit forward. In the second after that transpired, Edward was suddenly holding a very red me in his arms. Of their own accord, my hands snaked around the small of his back, pressing him towards me. If this shocked him, he didn't show it. We stood like that for a second. Then my own words came flooding back to me._ If we got closer, I could really get to..._

"Edward," I whispered softly. "Please, stop. Don't make me care about you. I-I can't. I can't be hurt anymore." He nodded and pulled away enough to look me in the face. "I'm… I'm sorry." I managed to stutter out before I yanked myself out of his grip and jumped in my truck. But he held the door open before I could close it.

His eyes bored into mine. "This is not over yet, Isabella. Just one more thing to be discussed tomorrow at lunch. I will see you then." And he shut the door. I watched him, still a bit shocked, as he walked to his very full Volvo. My face glowed deeper as I noticed each and every one of his siblings had been watching the whole thing. And from the way the smallest one - Alice, I think - winked, I could tell she was the one who had beeped the horn.

I glared forward as I pulled out of the parking lot, refusing to look at them all again. But as I pulled out in front of the Volvo, I could almost feel Edward's eyes on me. And he stayed on my mind the rest of the night until I fell asleep much later. And I felt sure I said his name more then one time that night.

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_A/n: Review, sil vous plait!_ _And check out my other stories!_


	9. Rendezvous

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight series**

The next morning, I woke up well rested. Maybe it was from my two-hour nap at school. Or it could have been because I didn't have to sneak into the house last night for fear of my father waking up. Or because my dreams were actually pleasant for once. I couldn't remember my dreams actually, but I knew they were all good ones because Edward's face kept popping up.

That was both wonderful and embarrassing. If I thought nothing good could come with being friends with Edward, I found having an almost obsession that much worse. I flinched at the very word. But what could a girl do? I couldn't shut off my dreams. And, secretly, I knew I didn't want to. Just thinking of Edward brightened my whole day. Pathetic didn't even cover it.

I finished my morning routine in record time. I even had time to fix a plate of scrambled eggs instead of the usual cereal or oatmeal mush. I didn't trip even once or burn myself on the oven today. All my homework was done. Nothing in my life was severally wrong. It was a pleasant change of pace. So I was all smiles and on a natural high as I locked my house door.

My smile was then replaced with a look of shock as I saw who was waiting for me in my driveway. Three guesses who.

He stepped out of the driver's seat grandly. "Bella," he spoke me name with such familiarity, "I was wondering if you would mind riding with me today? I'd rather not take my chances and have you run off before lunchtime." His words were teasing yet he looked 100 percent serious. Like I would actually skip school just to get out of seeing him. I was actually very excited at the prospect of knowing I hadn't just dreamed up his perfection. I had spent the whole morning conjuring up that dazzling smile from my memory banks, but I wouldn't let him know that.

I slowly walked to his Volvo, feeling a bit shy. "Um… sure. Thanks." He had opened my door and walked around to the driver's side with his model-like grace. Edward fiddled with the dials on the car. Warm air came spilling out the vents and light music was playing in the background. I ducked into the car. I couldn't help but to ask, "Did you really think I was just going to run away?"

He pulled out of the driveway without checking his mirrors. "Partly." I pouted at his lack of faith in me. It was a bit insulting. "But I had another reason for picking you up," he added in his defense.

"And that would be?"

Edward spoke to the steering wheel in such a quiet voice then that I almost couldn't hear what he was saying. "I wanted to make sure you were okay after yesterday. I didn't want to have to wait until lunch to find out. I was… uneasy, not knowing. And very nervous." The words left him as if he was confessing a humiliating weakness.

I couldn't find the proper words to respond to that, so I said nothing. I just played with the buttons on my jacket as I turned the words over in my head. Edward was worried about me? I couldn't understand why those words made my heart feel so light. He had no real reason to worry; yet he did. About me! He cared…

Once again, that was a bad road to think down. He shouldn't care. And I shouldn't care if he did. _This doesn't change anything_, I repeated silently. Nothing can. Did I want to get hurt again? Was I not done torturing myself? Was I ready to open up old wounds that had never fully closed? No, no I wasn't. I had to stop this before it truly started.

But, worse then the fear of hurting myself, there was this new fear of hurting Edward. It was one thing to sent myself back into the darkness, but something else altogether to condemn Edward to it as well. That could not be allowed to happen under any circumstances. So I folded my arms and hid behind my imaginary walls the rest of the ride to school.

"Where are you siblings?" I asked as he helped me out of the car. There were giant puddles all across the parking lot from the recently melted snow. My worst nightmare. It was physically impossible for me to not fall into one of them. "They usually ride with you, don't they?"

Edward grabbed my arm to steer me away from a potentially life threatening puddle I hadn't seen. "Yes, but they road in Rosalie's car today. I got into a bit of an argument with them all last night and they felt it best to give me my space this morning," he explained, answering my unasked 'why?'

"What was the argument about?" The Cullens and Hales seemed like a pretty close knit family usually. They always sat together, only talked to each other, and - as far as I had seen - never got into fights. What could have been so bad that the rest of his family was backing away this morning?

He was slow to answer. "It wasn't that bad. Just something small that Rosalie blew out of proportion. Being the typical selfish person I've come to know her to be. That's all." Edward didn't say anything so I figured the conversation was closed.

Edward walked me to my first period class. And eyes followed us the whole time. Hateful eyes. Jealous eyes. Shocked eyes. I wasn't sure what was more usual to them: Edward talking to someone other then his family or Edward talking to me, of all people. It was a thousand times worst then in Port Angeles. At least then the people had been complete strangers.

Outside my classroom, Jessica was waiting. From the way her eyes lit up when Edward and I came into view, I knew exactly whom for.

A smiled fitted across her face. "Good morning, Edward. How are you?" Jessica looked at me briefly, but then focused all of her attention on the Adonis before her.

He seemed annoyed, to say the least. "I'm doing well, Jessica. I was just walking Bella to class." A cool hand rested around my shoulders. "Take care, Bella. And I will see meet you before lunch."

I nearly fainted - and I'm such Jessica faired no better - when Edward leaned down to kiss my forehead. It was a simple gesture. Completely innocent and not necessarily romantic to an onlooker. But it was enough for me. Such a thing was unusual for me, but not terribly so - the opposite of terrible even, I would say. Despite myself, I beamed up at him and waved lithely as he walked away. Jessica was a statue as I passed her as I walked into the classroom. I wanted to cheer.

As I took my seat, I couldn't help but to wonder if I was truly fighting fate be trying to stay negative about my feelings for Edward. No matter how many times I told myself to back away and save the both of us the heartbreak, I found myself being pulled deeper into this.

I didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to be logical. I didn't want to… not care about Edward.

But I was just so damn scared…

I had Jessica in my Spanish and Geometry classes back to back right before lunch. She took this time to glare at me hatefully when she thought I wasn't looking, and then switching into the 'I'm-your-best-friend' mode during breaks in class time. She wanted to know everything: why Edward was walking me to class, if he was interested in me, how I knew him, when we started talking, and much more. She was unforgiving with her questions. But I mostly dove around the bigger ones, offering vague answers.

"So Bella," she turned in her seat when the teacher had set us with busywork, "cut the bull. Tell me honestly. Do you like Edward?"

Too shocked by her straightforwardness, I just blushed and nodded.

"So that's a yes. Well duh, every girl would sell her soul for five minutes of Edward's time. He is gorgeous," Jessica said that as if the trade off was worth much more then a single soul.

I sighed. "Yes, he is. But there is so much more to it then that." My blush darkened as Jessica pressed me to explain. I wish I had left it at that. "There… is just something generally kind about Edward. He's a wonderful guy. He isn't the type of guy who just nods his head to whatever you say. Edward listens and speaks his mind. He expresses what he really thinks and doesn't sugar coat things." I decided to shut my mouth then before I spilled even more to this gossiping girl. No doubt the whole school would hear of this conversation by the end of the day.

"I guess that makes sense." Jessica shrugged. "But you have to admit that it was his good looks that drew you in. It's happened to the best of us."

I shook my head. "Yes and no. I noticed him because he is so handsome, but that's not the only reason he drew me in. There is so much beneath the surface, Jessica. I can't explain it right."

"Sounds like someone is head over heels." Her words were joking, but I could hear the envy right below the undertone. "But don't get your hopes up. Edward does _not_ date. None of the girls here are good enough for him, apparently."

I though it was something like that. There was no other logical explanation as to why Edward was still single unless he just wasn't interested in dating. I had no right to let that demoralize me, but it did. Besides, beauty like Edward's belonged with a girl who could measure up to him. Not some plain girl with issues. Could this be a sign that I was meant to not be with him?

Jessica sighed. "Such a waste… " Then she turned away from me, clearly satisfied with the ample amount of gossip she got from me.

Class passed by slowly after that. I was distracted during notes, not even caring about school work. All I could think about was Edward and how conflicted I was.

I wanted to be near him...

And avoid him.

I felt safe with him...

And yet so afraid.

I was running right into his arms...

And at the same time running away.

Jessica raised an eyebrow at me as I jumped out of my seat at the lunch bell, eager for my lunch date with Edward. "Don't forget what I told you, Bella. I'd hate to see you get shot down like so many before you. I'm only warning you as a friend before you too go up in flames."

_A friend, my ass._ It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was bitter. Why shouldn't she be? The man of her dreams turns her down and starts to hang out with the new girl. That would be more then enough to turn a girl green with jealousy. I actually felt bad for her as I walked out the room.

Ever the punctual one, Edward was waiting for me outside the room. My heart skipped a beat just at the sight of him, my confusion about him melting away. Despite what Jessica had just told me, I couldn't help but to like Edward. He wasn't the type of guy you could just forget about. I learned that the hard way. And he wasn't the type of guy you could just stop liking. What was not to like?

"Hello, Bella." He took my book bag from my shoulder, sliding it over his own. "How has class been so far?"

Jessica made a 'tut' noise as she walked past us, her heels clicking loudly on the tile below. I waved my hand toward her. "Two full class periods dealing with her questioning. How do you think that faired?"

The cafeteria was almost completely full when we entered. I kept my eyes downwards to avoid the looks we caught. Edward and I grabbed our lunches, not a lot of food for either of us, and he led me to a table in the back of the room. Still, eyes found their way to us.

I lifted a shiny red apple from my tray and took a bite, scanning the cafeteria for Angela and Mike. I found them and offered Ang an apologetic smile for not sitting with her. She smiled and shook her head, conveying her understanding.

Mike was another story, however. His food untouched, his fists visibly clenched on the table, and his whole body turned to face us. He was shooting daggers at Edward, who was completely oblivious to this. He was clearly not happy about the seating arrangements.

Edward propped his head on his hand, a playful expression on his face. "Is Newton still giving me death glares?"

Oh, so he had noticed. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Not at all. I think it's very entertaining." I rolled my eyes. "So exactly did the Jessica Inquisition entail?"

_Oh crap. _"Nothing much. She just asked why you walked me to class."

Edward's brow creased. "That doesn't sound like Jessica, to ask just one question. Come now Bella. I already told you. You are a very obvious liar." I flushed. "Now, truthfully this time. What did you two talk about?"

I played with my time, looking for a way out of this. "Why do I have to tell you? Maybe it was a private conversation."

He smirked at that. "Private? You must be joking. I could simply ask Jessica. You know very well she would tell me. She is, no doubt, filling in her cronies with all the details. And I'll find out through someone at some point in time."

Yes, I did know that. And I would much rather he heard it from me then her, or anyone else. "Okay, I concede defeat, Edward. You've trapped me. She… um… she wanted to know about our… 'relationship', if you will."

"Go on. What did you tell her?"

"That we really met for the first time in the Nurse's office. And that we went to Port Angeles together last week. I skipped on the details. And I didn't tell her about going to the hospital either." I took a swing of my orange juice.

He still wanted to know more. "Was that all?"

"No," I admitted. "She wanted to know if I thought you had feelings for me and… if I had feelings for you."

"And?" I think he was trying to embarrass me on purpose at this point. But he did seem genuinely curious about my answer. I tried not to process that.

I whispered my reply. "I told her I didn't know how you felt about me, but that I did like you. Happy now?"

He paused. "Actually, I am."

"Well…" I took a deep breath, gathering my nerves, "I think I deserve to know your answer. What would you have told Jessica if she asked about your feelings for me?"

"I don't think you'll like my answer."

"Oh." I stared down to my lunch, no longer hungry.

"Wait, Bella," Edward took my hands into his. "Don't misunderstand. That is not to say that I don't like you. But what I mean is my answer would have been yes, but also that I couldn't date you. I do like you, don't think anything otherwise."

I was human enough to ask. "Why?"

"I wish I could tell you, Bella. I really do."

A flash of anger. "That's hardly fair, Edward. I've been completely honest with you. You've wormed most, if not all, of my secrets out of me. It would only be polite to trust me with a secret of your own." I pushed my chair out and stood.

Edward was standing the next minute as well. "Bella, please-"

"Edward!"

It wasn't me who had said his name. We both looked towards the source of the voice. It was Edward's sister, Alice. Her face was even paler the usual under her dark hair. Her slight body, eerily graceful, was running over to where we stood. She stopped right in front of us. Her eyes wide. Scared.

"Edward! We need to get Bella to the hospital. Now!"

Edward seemed shocked. "What do you mean?" He asked in a rush.

But I never got to find out her answer. At that second, Mrs. Cope came into the cafeteria. Her face was red and blotchy as she stumbled to a stop next to me. "Isabella. I need you to come to the hospital with me right away. T-there's been an accident!"

My whole world froze. "An accident? What-"

Tears were streaming down her face as she uttered the one word that would change my life.

"Charlie."

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_A/n: Review! O_


	10. Hindsight

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Series**

The hospital was deathly quiet that day. To me at least.

I remember many people, nurses and patients alike, coming up to me and asking if I needed anything. I couldn't stand it. I repeated the phrase, "I'm fine" millions of times, so it seemed, the words eventually losing their vigor as my strength diminished. I wanted them all to just go away. But they kept coming regardless. Thankfully, Edward started to shoo them all away, telling them I was still in shock and needed time to recover. I didn't think I was, but he wouldn't acknowledge my pleas otherwise. He would just look at me with those stern eyes as if waiting for me to fall to pieces in grief.

In all honestly, I couldn't say if it was a lie or not; that I was fine. I wasn't happy about the accident, not by any means. I'd have to be completely heartless to not give a damn that my father was in critical condition. Yet, on the other hand, I couldn't bring myself to cry. I searched my heart that whole night, looking for some sign of sadness or remorse. Looking for anything. But no…

I felt nothing. I was impartial about the accident. Like it didn't involve me at all.

Doctors huddled around me, the only child of Chief Swan, when I had arrived in the hospital earlier. Instead of offering pity, they told me the straight up facts: Charlie was in extreme condition. He had been driving, drunk, on the icy roads of Tacoma. His friends had heard him saying he needed to get home as he took off from the party. No one thought to stop him. It was a dark, moonless night.

I was able to put the pieces together from there and asked them to spare me the rest. I just wanted to see my father, I told them. But it couldn't be done. He was still knocked out cold, being operated on as they desperately tried to save his life. And the chances were grim.

I was led by a kind-faced nurse into the waiting room. She wanted to stay with me, but I told her I was fine - again. She was hesitant, but left me to my own devices. I took off my backpack - I hadn't though to remove it - and lay down on the cushy green sofa. I closed my eyes then.

Even though I hadn't wanted to know how it happened, now my mind seemed bent on playing it out. Over and over.

Each time was different. Sometimes Charlie simply veered off road, crashing into a tree. Then others, he would try to avoid another car, spinning out of control, landing off a cliff. Once he even took some other car down with him into a fiery explosion. But each outcome ended with a dreadful screech then deafening silence.

It was too much.

My eyes flashed open as I felt a familiar cool hand on my back. I turned my head to look at my distraught angel. He said not a word, but pulled me into his lap, holding me to his body. I buried my face into his jacket, taking in his wonderful scent. His comforting was just that: comforting, though I had no need for it.

We sat like that for a few hours. He didn't complain. He didn't try to offer pretty words. He didn't ask how I was. He was… just there. It was nice. So very nice.

His sister can to see us once. The tiny girl didn't comment on our intimate embrace. She didn't even look at Edward, for Alice just stared at me. Her large golden orbs held nothing but pity as she looked at me.

I turned my face away. I didn't want pity. That was the last thing I needed right now.

"Bella?"

Her high voice, the first that had registered in hours, was some how very soft. She spoke as if she feared offending or frightening me. _As if the tiny thing could do either_, I thought with some humor. Alice sat on our other side now, so my face was looking at her.

In her hands, bless her, was a cup of hot cocoa. I wasn't really hungry enough to eat anything, but I wanted to have something in my stomach to warm me up and keep me awake. Edward took the cup from her and brought it to my lips. I placed me hands over his and tilled the cup. It was very sweet and not too hot. Perfect. But it might as well have been caster oil to me.

"Thank you," I managed to force out.

She sat by us for the next few hours. Edward and his sister talked every once and a while. The things they said were never really important, unrelated and trivial. Such matters as homework and recently read books. They only spoke to each other, never trying to include me in the conversation. For that, I was thankful. I didn't want to appear rude if forced into speaking, but I just didn't want to talk at the moment. At all.

In the quiet that was my mind, the scenarios of Charlie's accident continued. Now they were getting more gruesome. I wanted to block them out, to shut my mind off, but I couldn't. I just kept watching. Bones snapping. Red snow. Bodies incarcerated from the flames resulting from the crash.

Around 2 am, my eyes having been watching the clock at the time, I started to drift off. I wanted to fight it off. I didn't want to fall asleep here. I had to stay awake. Surely, the doctors would be coming back any minute to tell me the verdict, something I wasn't sure if I wanted to know but knew I had to hear with my own ears. I fought against my eyelids, but knew I was losing.

"Don't be stubborn," Edward quietly said. His fingers tangled in my hair, stroking through the locks. "Bella, sleep. Please. I swear I'll wake you up when they come back with news. But for now, sleep."

I yawned. "But what about you? You can go home and sleep if you want. I'm fine."

"You keep saying that Bella. That you're fine. But we both know you don't mean it. You're not fine. Don't act like you are." His voice lost it's sharpness. "You don't have to be so strong all the time. Sometimes you need to just trust others to be strong for you."

"But what if you're afraid to trust?" I whispered, half asleep.

"Don't be." His icy lips grazed the top of my head. "Life is hard enough without having to go it alone. So don't. Give me a chance. Trust me, just this once, Bella."

I was unconscious at this point now. Sleep had finally got the best of me. But I could feel my lips form the words, "I do", though I doubt I had pushed enough air between my lips to let Edward hear it. I vowed, as I drifted into dreamland, that I would let him know when I woke up.

Thanks to my extreme fatigue, I slept dreamlessly. And I woke still a bit tired, feeling as though I had just closed my eyes.

My eyes opened to find a crowd of people around. The faces seemed mostly familiar, but I couldn't place it. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, making the faces stand out more clearly. And, oh, how clearly they stood out; I could feel my jaw drop.

They were all extremely beautiful with eyes of butterscotch, jogging my memory. This was the rest of Edward's family. Emmett, the large dark haired one. The twin blondes, Rosalie and Jasper Hale. Even the handsome golden hair Dr. Cullen was among them, his arm around a caramel-haired woman who could only be his wife. Like her husband, she looked much too young to have grown children. And also like Dr. Cullen, her face expressed deep kindness that made me want to simply hug her. I shuffled awkwardly, realizing they were observing me. "Um… hello?"

Edward flipped me around on his lap so now my back was against his chest. "Good morning, Bella. I hope my family did not wake you."

I shook my head, stretching my sore limbs a bit. "Not at all. I just couldn't sleep anymore."

I felt like I was on display with their eyes all on me. I was naturally self-conscious, and all these perfect faces looming closer did not help matters. I shifted around a bit, clearly uncomfortable. Whether this stemmed from the fact that I was sitting on Edward's lap or the fact that none of them seemed to think it strange that I was on Edward's lap could be put up for debate.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I've introduced my family properly," Edward said, noticing my expression. "Forgive me. This is my brother Emmett" -the curly haired man waved- " and you know my sister Alice. Rosalie and Jasper Hale, my other pair of siblings." The two fair-haired teenagers smiled faintly, but otherwise did not acknowledge Edward's introduction. "Of course, you've met my father, Carlisle, already. This is Esme Cullen, my mother." The two eldest of the group (though not by much, it seemed) then came forward.

"It's nice to meet you all," I shyly said as I took in each face.

Edward's mother lightly pushed Alice out of her seat, taking it for herself. Her frail hands took mine and clasped them with surprising strength. "The pleasure is ours, dear. We've been waiting to meet you for a while now." I blushed. "How are you? You look a bit too pale. And rather thin. When was the last time you ate?"

I was slightly taken back by her motherly tone. I supposed it was something that came along with having to watch after so many children. "Lunch at school yesterday," I sheepishly admitted. "But really, I'm not hungry. I'm fine." Edward rolled his eyes, obviously not believing that I was anything close to "fine". I merely shrugged my shoulders at him.

Esme looked shocked. "Yesterday? No wonder you look so weak!" She turned to her son. "Edward Anthony! Surely you thought of feeding the poor girl?"

"I'm not-"

"I'll get her something to eat right now," Edward firmly interrupted. He shook his head when I pouted. "You're not getting out of this. Bella, you do need to eat. No discussion."

I knew it would be pointless to argue. He wouldn't listen to another word anyway. "Fine," I conceded. I jumped off his lap, swaying slightly. I felt a bit light headed but I chalked it up to morning tiredness. It _was _strange, though. Maybe it was the lack of food in my stomach, but I felt so very feeble and exhausted. I turned to face Edward. "Which way to the cafeteria? I need to leave this hall and walk this off."

Edward stood and, taking my hand, led the way. I was very embarrassed - his family was right there! - but pleased at the same time. Perhaps he was just being comforting because of the Charlie incident or to make up for our argument on the lunchroom, but I didn't care. I needed him more then I had realized in that moment and would take what I could get. Pity or no.

As when I had entered the hospital, I was assaulted by well-wishers. I did my best to thank them and walk off. Edward quickened his pace a bit, leaving me to nearly run to keep up. I was out of breath when we finally found the cafeteria.

It was rather empty due to the time, still far too early for actual breakfast but during a slow enough time for a break for doctors. Edward led me to a table in the back and left me to get food. Not two minutes had passed and he returned with a tray laden with every kind of breakfast meal imaginable. My jaw dropped.

"What?" He asked innocently as he pushed the tray towards me, taking a seat right across. "You did agree that you would eat."

"This is more then enough food for an army!" I wailed. "You can't expect me to finish it all."

"I do."

"Well, why don't you have some, too? I can't finish this all by myself."

He grinned as if he knew a secret I didn't. "I'm not hungry right now." I glared at him. "Don't be difficult, Bella. You don't have to eat it all, but just eat something. Esme will have me head if she thinks I'm not taking care of you." He sighed. "Besides, its not like you can afford to lose any weight. So, take your pick."

I gave up the losing battle of wills, lifting a plate of scrambled eggs from the dish. Like in the restaurant, Edward stared at me as I ate. And, also like in the restaurant, I did my best to ignore it. Once I had taken my first bite, I began to notice how very empty my body felt. I finished the plate lightening fast and started on a bagel. It too was gone in the blink of an eye. Edward chuckled.

"I knew you were hungry," He smirked. I refused to meet his eye, choosing to drink a cup of orange juice in my silence. "All joking aside, are you feeling better now?"

I nodded. I was feeling much better now. My brain could function a bit more and a few questions came to me suddenly. "Why was your whole family there when I woke up?"

Edward folded his hands on the table, poker faced. "Carlisle had called them to say Alice and I were staying at the hospital over night. Esme overreacted, of course, and thought he had meant we were patients." I smiled at that, for I could clearly see her doing such a thing. I had her pegged as a doting mother from the beginning. "Of course Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper explained what had happened at school. She still insisted in coming down, however, along with the rest of the bunch."

I paused before asking my next question. "Mrs. Cullen-"

"My parents actually insist on being called by their first names by everyone, even me and my siblings. They think it's a bit excessive to have us call them Mom and Dad since they aren't our birthparents. As it is, you've met them. They are still quite\ young."

That made a little sense. "Fine then. Esme said they've been… waiting to meet me. What did she mean by that?" I couldn't help but to flush by the end of my sentence. Of course it was normal for someone to tell his or her family about a friend. But when she said it… it was implied that the meeting was more then just your son's new friend.

He propped his head up in the palm of his hand. "Esme is very ecstatic to meet you. As you might be able to tell, I'm not the most sociable of people. It's extremely rare that I talk to people outside my family. So, to learn that I had become close to someone, was a shock to them all. Esme was even more pleased that the someone turned out to be a young woman." He smiled apologetically. "Forgive her for the implications."

"_I_ don't mind."

He didn't miss the inflection. A small frown fitted across his face. "I told you Bella, I'm not right for you. Please don't push the matter."

"I don't even deserve the courtesy of knowing why?" I smashed my food together with my fork as I spoke. I hadn't meant to bring up this subject, but now that we were here, I wanted to know. Why? If he liked me like he said - my heart fluttered - then why? If he would stay up all night at a hospital with me, then why? Why do all this for someone you had no intentions of getting together with? I mean, I hadn't imagined his flirting with me, had I?

His jaw tightened. "I wish I could tell you."

"Then do."

"It's not that simple."

"Try me."

He groaned. "Please Bella, not now. Your father was just in a car accident."

"Fine." He relaxed. "We won't do this now. But I still want to know. Will you tell me later?" He didn't answer, just holding my gaze. I knew he was trying to do that dazzling thing he did, maybe to make me forget this. But I was determined. I glared back. "I'm not going to let this go. You already know how stubborn I can be."

Edward's phone started to ring then. He pulled out a silver phone, seeming glad for the temporary distraction, and snapped it open. "Yes?" His eyes narrowed. "Yes, I understand. We'll be right up. Yes, of course. Okay." He hung up. "Bella, then need us upstairs now. Alice only had the bare details, but something has happened with Charlie." He stood.

I, however, remained seated. "Not until you promise me." I folded my arms.

"Don't be ridiculous. Come on."

"Promise me, Edward. You _will_ tell me later."

His eyes flashed. "Fine," Edward snapped, coming around the table. He pulled me up and led my back the way we had came.

We walked into room 234 once we reached the third floor again. Carlisle was waiting for us. A team of doctors surrounded the bed. I was able to get a glimpse from the side. I was barely able to recognize Charlie. He was covered in IVs, bandages wrapped around him making him look like a mummy. His eyes were closed, a rather large bruise around one eye being shown off nicely. Cuts covered the patches of skin I was able to see. He looked… so weak, so vulnerable. Was this really the man who had struck fear into my heart for the past year?

Carlisle pulled the two of us to the far side of the room, out of the others' way. "How is he?" I rushed out, my eyes still glued to my father.

"Not good," Carlisle ran his fingers through his hair, his face grim. "The impact was worse then we had thought. Internal bleeding in some spots. A large gash where glass had cut him is dangerously close to the heart. We can't stitch it up for fear of slicing some very tender skin. Most operations are out of the question. The few that could help are risky due to his age. Donors are difficult to find. All in all, things are not looking well, Bella. I'm very sorry that I don't have better news."

A knot formed in my throat. "How likely are his chances for survival? Please, be honest with me, Carlisle."

How sad his eyes were! "I'm very sorry," he repeated.

I nodded my head, unable to find the words to speak.

"There's nothing that can be done?" Edward sounded frantic.

Carlisle shook his head. "At this rate, we would just be giving him a bit more time…"

I stopped listening after that. I couldn't listen after that.

In all the world, Charlie Swan was all I had left now. He may not have been the best parent, but he had taken me in, for which I was grateful. And now I was going to lose him too. Just like Mom. Except he wasn't only abandoning me, he was leaving the world instead of the country. And I couldn't follow no matter how much I wanted to. And I_ really _wanted to; not because I wanted to die, but because I couldn't stand the thought of him not in my life anymore. Funny how situations like this really put everything into prospective.

Every memory of my father was laid out in front of me now. I chose to store away the ones of this past year. I didn't want to remember him that way. He deserved better then to be tainted in my mind. No. Instead, I chose more pleasant memories. Ones of my early childhood when I would come visit Charlie up here. He taught me how to reel in a fish once. He had held my hand when the spinning of the reel got too much for me. He had helped me land my first fish that day, even if it was just a 7 incher. I had forgotten how happy I had been that day. There were other memories, all equally as bright. The summer I broke my foot trying to skateboard and Charlie had carried me all the way to the emergency room as I cried and bled all over him. Oh, and that time we had had a picnic out on First Beach and he showed me how to identiy tidepool creatures.

I would miss those days so much. I guess this really was good bye, wasn't it?

The next two days passed without incident. Steadily, Charlie's heath deterierated. Edward stayed by my side through it all, though. The Cullen family came to visit sometimes for a few hours at a time. Alice tried to cheer me up a lot and Emmett tried to make silly jokes. Jasper wouldn't say anything, but he gave me a kind smile sometimes. Rosalie followed her brother's example by not saying anything, yet she would sometimes sit down with me and stroke my hair. Esme complained that I didn't eat enough, often times forcing me into having fourth and fifth meals while her husband rolled his eyes. They were everything a person could want in a family. But I couldn't bask in their warmth.

Then, at 7:31 a.m., Charlie's heart gave out. He died February 2nd at 8:13 a.m.

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_A/n: I know that was sad, but it had to be done. Review with your opinions on the ending, please._


	11. Foresight

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Series**

Now the stream of well-wishers turned into a flood of mourners.

Their condolences meant little to me. No words could turn back time. Nothing could be done to change anything. Charlie was gone. My _father_ was gone. And nothing on earth could change that. Just as nothing on earth could stop the pain. So why bother? One thousand "I'm sorry's", a million even! Pointless. Just words. Just like the "I'm fine's"; they all meant nothing. All words were pointless at this point.

No one could understand my internal dilemma. No one knew the burning guilt that bubbled beneath the surface…

Was it wrong? To feel a bit relieved? Was _I_ wrong? Perhaps the worse daughter in history. My father had barely been zipped up in his body bag, and here I was, secretly rejoicing. Rejoicing in wake of my father's premature death. No, I was much worse then a horrible daughter. I was a horrible person. I felt sickened with myself.

I had searched long and hard through my heart and soul, and I had finally come up with the truth. Yes, I was saddened by my father's passing. Deeply saddened. I loved him and needed him and missed him already. It killed me a bit inside to know I would never see him smile again. He would never try to get me to go fishing with him anymore. He was no longer for this world. He was... gone.

I had come to terms with that.

But deeper still, in the depths of my heart were no rays of sunlight ever graced, I was content. No longer would I fear for my own life. I would no longer have to plan my life around his. He couldn't stop me from living anymore. He didn't control me anymore. I was… free.

But was I really?

How long would this haunt me, this sadness mixed with inappropriate happiness? Should I put on a face, shove aside the bit of joy in my heart, let guilt take its place? It would only be fitting, to mourn the loss of Charlie Swan. But then… How could I honestly deny my feelings? I had every right to be relieved now that my oppressor was gone. If the town of Forks knew the truth behind the normality of their Chief of Police… But no.

I opened my eyes. The scene before me was more or less the same it had been for the past three days. Darkened faces, blood-red eyes, people clad in all black. I myself wore a black sweater and skirt that Alice had brought me. But I felt like a pretender. I _was_ a pretender. _Let them mourn the man they knew nothing about_, I told myself with ill humor. _Let them think he was worth their pity. Keep up his façade. Ignorance _is_ bliss, after all._

I stayed in a room of the hospital for those three days after Charlie's death. Carlisle insisted upon it, fearing for my mental sake. Esme agreed, thinking myself not well enough to face my now empty house. Literally, my house. The lawyer came just yesterday to tell me I inherited it all. Charlie had no siblings and his own parents died when I was a small child. Everything went to me. Yet another reason to have mixed emotions about this whole ordeal.

But the lawyer had news that I found grimmer still.

"Miss Swan," the man removed his glasses to observe me with business-like eyes, "as you know, you are still a minor. Not yet an adult in the eyes of the courts. This means that you need to be handed over to a legal guardian of some kind. Your mother… ?"

My voice was hallowed, empty. Like me. "She left three years ago. I have seen neither hide nor hair of her. I have no idea where she is or how to contact her anymore."

"I see." He rubbed his eyes. "Did she have any siblings, cousins, living parents?"

"Renee was an only child, as were both of her parents, meaning no siblings or cousins that I know of. Her father passed when she was young, her mother only five years ago. I believe Charlie's family is the same." Bored, I turned away from the lawyer. "Are we done here?"

He stood. "I'm afraid so, Miss Swan. I can not legally hand over any of your father's money nor assets until you turn 18 on…" The man looked down at my file. "September 13th of this year. As that is the case, I do not know what more can be done. You are much too old to be taken into foster care at this point, and I doubt it would agree with you. I suggest you try living with a friend or on your own until the bank can release your father's things to you."

I too stood. "I take it I can not obtain the deed for my house then?"

"No, I'm sorry. The bank will not trust a 17-year old with the bills." He offered me his hand to shake. "Please take care. Rough it out for the next half a year. To gain your full inheritance, the Government expects you to still attend school and graduate. Until another time, Miss Swan. Feel free to call me if you have questions."

I released his hand, turning back to the window I had been staring out when he had arrived. "Of course."

School. The last thing on my mind at the moment. Tomorrow the school week started up again. I hadn't even thought to ask Edward why he had missed the remainder of the past week with me. Truthfully, I had had a lot on my mind, and even more still when Charlie had passed away on Thursday. My excuse was ready-made, if you'll forgive my frankness. Edward didn't have to stay with me. He could have gone right back to his normal life, back to school.

I snorted. I wondered vaguely how Mike and Angela were taking to my absence. They had come to visit me a few times but I didn't want to see them. I wasn't in the mood for their pity. And more so, why bother them with the demons in my life? My problems were not for their worry. Surely the biggest things on their minds were school and the upcoming state mandated tests. This didn't effect them; didn't effect anyone besides me.

Honestly, why was the world still moving forward? Was it too desperate to leave Charlie's existence in the past?

I had always thought things would simply stop when one couldn't move forward, like myself. Time would just freeze and give me a chance to regain my composure before getting back up from where I had fallen. But no. The world kept on spinning. As if nothing of importance had happened. But then, what did one life mean in the grand scheme of things anway? We were all just ants in the vast cosmos of the universe.

It was on the day that I had decided to check out of the hospital that it happened.

Alice and Edward had come early that morning to see me. As always, they hovered around me as if I could break at any moment. It was a bit insulting - I wasn't that fragile

Alice was running a brush through my hair and Edward was watching us, a sad smile on his face, when Carlisle came in. She had taken to making me her Barbie doll recently. She dolled me up, dressed me up, painted me up; the works. I quickly learned it was futile to fight her. Not only was she willing to pull the wide-eyed sad faced pout, but she was much stronger and faster then she looked.

I felt Alice stiffen when her father came to my side. She pulled her hands back from my hair quickly, the disappearance of her feather-light touch barely even noticed. I shook my head, feeling an elegant knot on top of my head. Alice truly had flair of all things fashionable and stylish. Sadly, I was a much more simpler type of girl and always felt bad about her wasting her skills on me, who wouldn't appreciated them as I should.

"Miss Swan, may I talk with you quickly. Edward, why don't you and Alice get Bella's bags down into the Mercedes?" They nodded sharply and exited the room.

I wrung my fingers in my lap. "Really, Carlisle, your family is doing too much for me. You don't have to take me in. I have a fair bit of savings in my bank account from my job. I could-"

"Not another word. We're more then happy to let you into our home," He rested a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "Now, I have something I have to talk to you about. I know it may be a bit uncomfortable, but protocols must be followed," Carlisle gently spoke. "As his only living relative, certain things are expected of you concerning the… funeral arrangements. The costs are all paid for by his health insurance, of course, and all extra money is put in your savings account. As for the ceremony itself today-"

"I'm not going."

He was taken back. "Miss Swan-"

I beamed at him, falsely cheery, in my plight to ignore the gaping whole in my chest. "Please, Carlisle, drop the formalities. I'm not a patient anymore. So if I can refer to you as Carlisle, please call me Bella."

"Very well then." He sat me down on the edge of my bed. Those eyes, so usually full of light, were suddenly so ancient. "Why, Bella? Why won't you attend your own father's funeral?"

"You know why," I whispered. I didn't want to voice it aloud, by my eyes trailed down to the fading bruises on my wrist. I turned my arm over to expose them to him briefly before tucking them back into my jacket.

He froze. "Oh, Bella."

"How can I face all that? How do I know if it's the right thing to do? To go there and act completely sad while a part of me in justly relived…" My voice broke at the end. "What do I do, Carlisle?"

He sighed and then petted my head. "Do you know I didn't attend my father's funeral either?" I shook my head. "We never got along well when I was growing up. He tried to make me just like him. I couldn't stand it. He was very religious, to an extreme even, and wanted me to join him on his 'quest of virtue and purging the earth of impurity'. A bit of an eccentric. I didn't find out about my father's passing until a while afterwards. Now, looking back, I regret that I couldn't be there. His only son, not able to attend his funeral…"

I took a deep breath. "I understand what you are saying, Carlisle, truly I do. But just see it from my eyes for a second. Yes, I love me father, but…" I shook my hair around me, using it as a curtain to hide my face.

"I can't. I won't. My father's funeral… I don't think I can handle it. When I hear of it, of the tragic demise of my birth father, I can invoke some pity for the poor man. I can hold on to a belief that life dealt him an unfair hand, and he couldn't cope. I can truthfully wish him the best in the afterlife; wish him into a world without regret. I can, dare I say it, love him like a daughter should."

I pushed down the surge of emotion as I finally admitted my feelings to someone. A stranger to me, but I knew I could trust him to listen without judging me. "But if I were to attend that funeral, I can promise you this: bitter would be my prime emotion. I would happily spit upon his grave. Just seeing his face one more time in the casket would drag back those painful memories I have forced down for so long. My happiness would turn cold. Peace would be over taken by rage. And I would hate Charlie. How sad! A girl hating her own _father_! The man who gave me life, Carlisle! Do you know how that would torment me? And I would rather die a million deaths then let my last feeling for Charlie Swan be that of resentment. I won't do that to him. To me."

Carlisle seemed surprised about my outburst. But then the shocked look turned to one of understanding. "You are wise beyond your age, Bella. Your argument is sound and straight from the heart. I appreciate your honesty. And I understand. For the sake of your father's memory, you will not attend his funeral. I respect that." He stroked my dark hair away from my face, sighing as he found moisture upon my cheeks. I hadn't even noticed my crying. The first time I had cried for Charlie since hearing of his fate. Perhaps there were dregs of humanity left in me after all.

His arm around my hunched shoulders, he led me out of the hospital. I had felt ashamed of my decision once I had reached it a few nights past. The guilt had been eating at me. However noble my arguments had sounded to myself, nothing could fight back the shame of my actions. Hearing how Carlisle worded it, however, made me feel better about it. Like my actions were not those of a coward. How lucky the Cullens were to have a father like Carlisle.

Edward met us as soon as we stepped out of the hospital doors. His brow was creased in concentration. I avoided his gaze. Even though Carlisle had taken my choice well, I didn't want to tell Edward yet. I was afraid he would think badly of me for skipping the funeral. I desperately cared what he thought of me, now especially.

I stepped around him, following Alice into the backseat. She had that look again. The one that painfully stated 'I know you're feeling down and it makes me sad'. I hated that. I didn't want her to be sad on my account. But whenever I tried to fake a smile, a laugh, her frown increased. As if she knew I was faking it.

I took her hand in mine as Carlisle and Edward climbed into the front. "Alice. Don't be sad, okay?"

She blinked, caught off guard with my words apparently. "You are truly a strange one, Isabella Swan. You're father dies, you're left an orphan, and yet you feel the need to comfort me?" Alice pulled me into a tight hug. "I'll make you a deal. I'll try not to feel sad if you try not to feel guilty." Edward turned around in his seat to look at us. "I only worry about you, Bella, and when I see you so torn up, I can't help but to worry more."

I sighed, curling my body into Alice's calming embrace. "I'm sorry to have worried you, Alice. And thank you for worrying."

Her tingling laughter filled my ears. "Not at all, Bella. You're almost family to me."

Alice chatted lightly the whole car trip. She told me of all the fun we would have, what the room we would be sharing looked like, ways to avoid falling victim to Emmett's pranks, and much more. It felt more like they were adopting me then that I was going to be a guest in their house. It was a pleasant feeling knowing that Alice considered me family. But the pessimistic voice in my head told me it was just because of my father's death. That they were doing all of this out of pity.

_Shut up!_ I didn't want to listen.

Carlisle pulled down a winding road just out of town ten minutes later. Left, another left, right, left again, right… I lost track of the number of turns he took.

The trees around us got thicker the farther he drove. For some reason, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs came to mind. I almost laughed out loud at the thought. _Deep into the forest lived a merry group of seven dwarfs._ Oh wow. Was this what depression did to me? Carlisle had to be Doc. Not just because he was in fact a doctor, but he was the 'leader' of the family. Alice could be Happy, no doubt there. The slightly shy Jasper as Bashful. Emmett was obviously the Dopey type, even if he was nowhere close to being a dwarf. Rosalie had a bit of a temper, marking her as our Grumpy. She wouldn't be happy about that. The kind and quiet Sleepy belonged to Esme. So that left for Edward… Sneezy? I had to stop there before my laughter broke through the surface. That was a surefire way to land me a cell in the 'happy hotel'.

My jaw fell to the floor when we came to a stop. We were in front of the single most beautiful house I had ever seen! House? More like a mansion. Large, Victorian styled manor, clearly older yet well-taken care of. Now I really felt like I had walked into a storybook. But maybe more of a Cinderella-like story this time.

"Um… wow." I slid out of the car. The house looked larger still up close.

Alice folded her arms, assessing the house, but with a smirk on her face. "Yes, it's okay. You know, nothing fancy or anything. Our humble abode." I rolled my eyes.

Alice dragged me into the house, leaving my luggage to Carlisle and Edward. Esme was waiting for us in the living room. She swept me into a tight hug as soon as I was within range.

"Hello, Bella dear. So good to see you again." She pulled back to give me a once over. "I just went shopping, sweetie, so we're all stocked for you."

I hung my head. "Oh Esme, you didn't have to."

"But of course I did, Bella. I only hope you like the foods I picked out. Rosalie was no help with the shopping."

As if her mother had beckoned her by saying her name, Rosalie appeared at the top of the staircase then. I had misjudged Rosalie at first. I had assumed she would be… well, a Jessica or Lauren type. She had surprised me by being the exact opposite. Like her sister, Rosalie was taking careful measures to be kind to me. When Alice had proposed that I come live with them, she was the first on the bandwagon. Although she wasn't as friendly as Alice or Emmett, I could tell she was taking extra effort to be nice to me. I was a little shocked but grateful.

She smiled down at me. "Bella. Hello. Do you want to see the room you and Alice will be sharing?" I nodded. "Come on up, then."

Alice skipped up the stairs, her arm firmly locked on mine. After a near fatal incident involving myself and a misstep on the hospital's fourth floor staircase, Alice had learned to take no chances with me. With her help, we reached the landing where Rosalie was without blunder. The girls pulled me into the first room on the right.

I was met by pink. Pink, pink, and yet more pink. Shockingly pink bedspread with hot pink pillows. Polka-dotted curtains of the same color along the far wall. Bubble gum carpet, frilly magenta chairs, even a pink TV. It was like Victoria's Secret had thrown up all over the room.

"I think I know what your favorite color is, Alice."

The tiny girl smiled. "Is it really that obvious?"

Edward came in after us then. He placed my things on the far side of the room in a small pile. I had asked Alice to only get the bare minimums from my room, and Rosalie had gone with her to make sure she did just that. I preferred to not visit my old house. Maybe later, but not now. I just couldn't. They all understood that, thankfully.

Esme peeked her head in. "Get dressed everyone. The memorial service for Chief Swan starts in an hour. We leave in fifteen minutes." Then she ducked out. Rosalie followed.

Edward however remained.

"Go get dressed Edward," Alice chastised. "Esme won't want to be late."

He turned to me. "I'm not going. I'll stay here with Bella."

"I'll be fine alone," I whispered. _Damn it, I didn't want him to know I that wasn't going yet. _What had Carlisle told him? "You can go ahead. I think I'll just sleep for a few hours anyway."

Edward came slowly to my side. He lifted my face to his. "I'll stay with you," he repeated solemnly. I found myself nodding in reply. Then he took me by the hand and led me out of Alice's room.

I hadn't been looking forward to staying in this house alone when they all went to Charlie's funeral. I didn't want to ask anyone to stay with me either, however. So I should have been relieved that Edward would be staying with me. But I was anything but. Now, I was stuck alone with him, the first time since Charlie had died. Sometimes it was Edward, Alice, and I. Other times it was Carlisle instead of Alice. Or even Esme. But never just Edward and I.

And I was scared to be alone with him.

Since the beginning, Edward had seen past my outer mask. The one I wore over the scars and bruises and pain and fear. I wasn't able to fool him before. And I know he wasn't fooled now. He _knew_ I was still hurting. He _knew_ I was still sad. I could tell by the looks he would shoot me, catching me in my cheerful lie. No matter how well I hid it, I knew he would see it all. Everything I hid. There was no escape.

Edward opened the door at the end of the hallway and motioned for me to go in ahead of him. I hesitated.

"Relax, Bella," He hovered right behind me, his breath tickling my neck, "I don't bite. Won't you… won't you talk to me?" I turned around to face him. He looked so heartbreaking. "I thought you said you trusted me. Please, Bella. Trust me enough to help you through this."

I heard Esme call up the stairs for everyone. The doors opened and the chain of beautiful faced angels marched down the stairs all in black. Each one turned to watch us as they went. Finally, the front door closed and I could hear a car starting. I looked back up at the most beautiful of them.

Did I trust him? Yes. I did. I didn't know why, but I just did. I knew he would offer comfort from the demons plaguing me. He would let me feel what I feel and not try to fool me into thinking everything was going to magically get better.

But then… why was I so scared?

I wrapped my fingers around him. The cool feeling calmed my nerves. I smiled at him as I pushed open the door and walked in.

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_A/n: Review, my lovelies._


	12. Revelations

_A/n: I dedicate this chapter to **gotbooks93**, who is an awesome reviewer for all my stories! Thank you for you constant support and comments! D_

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**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight series.**

I paused upon entering the room.

Unlike Alice's lodging, this room was toned down and calming. The only similarity was that for both rooms whole southern wall was a window. I was beginning to suspect the entire back of this house was just the large glass window. Looking out, I could see a winding little river. The Sol Duc, if I remember correctly. Also in view were the mountains in the Olympic Range. I could make them out so clearly. This house was deeper in the woods then I had thought.

Several shelves of CDs covered another wall. He had nearly as many CDs as Alice had shoes, a feat I would have thought impossible if I was not seeing it with my own eyes. I had hit the nail on the head when I had first suspected him to be a lover of music, I could see now. A huge stereo system sat in the center of the racks. It looked very expensive, so I refrained from touching it. It would be just my luck to break it.

One of the main things I noticed was the lack of bed. Maybe that's why his room looked so much emptier then Alice's. Although the golden carpet looked very comfortable, I still found his lack of bed odd. He did, however, have a black leather sofa. I could only assume that was what he used for a bed.

He slid past me to enter the room, waving me to the couch.

I couldn't help but to be hyper aware as he sat down next to me, leaving little to no space between us. I thought back to out night in Port Angeles. A careful distance had been kept as we walked, in the store, even at dinner. But now he was close enough that I could smell his very entrancing cologne with ease. What had changed since then?

I leaned a bit into Edward, closing my eyes as I was once again assaulted by his delicious fragrance. Instantly, I knew I wanted him to hold me again. Half of my brain knew it was wrong, but the other half could careless. After all, I had already accepted that I was falling for Edward. So of course I wanted him to be pressed to me. But would he let me? Edward hadn't minded when we were in the hospital, but would he care now? I was nervous to find out, but find out I would.

I summoned all my courage, which was not much. But it was sufficient. Hesitantly, I placed my head on his chest.

His reaction was deathly slow. Edward's muscular chest tightened at my contact and I could hear his labored breathing in his chest. _Hey, he had started this game of chicken. I was just the one who upped the ante. _The question was, how would he respond? Positively - my personal wish - by holding me to him like he did the night Charlie was brought into the emergency room. Or the contrary. Negatively - the more reasonable response, I had to admit - by pushing me away and offering his apologies like a gentleman for leading me on.

I mentally crossed my fingers.

His arm snaked around my waist.

I cheered to myself.

Here I was, being held by Edward Cullen, someone I had recently discovered I had feelings for, and I hadn't even puked! My nerves were tight, yes, but not so nauseated as to make me spill my guts. Literally and figuratively. Literally: vomiting on Edward. Figuratively: confessing my fledgling feelings for him. For some reason, when I became nervous, I could not control my mouth. Things were said. I became extremely embarrassed. Then everything became complicated.

I released a breath I hadn't been aware that I had been holding.

Edward smiled a bit. It was the same sad little expression he had in the hospital. "Oh Bella," He ruffled my hair lightly. Electricity coursed through my veins. "It's a dangerous game we are playing, you and I. We do it willingly, but at what cost?" He stared down at me, seemingly deep in thought.

_A dangerous game… _He didn't know the half of it. Well, maybe he did. I had been warning him, hadn't I? Still, he ignored every warning I had shot at him. He had penetrated my every defense I held dear to protect myself. So, in actuality, this was his fault. He was the one who wouldn't leave me to forget him in peace. He was the one who held a hand out to me when I needed him the most. He was the one who had made me love him.

Oh god. I loved him already, didn't I?

"Yes, what cost indeed."

I was caught up in my own thoughts when he continued with his own out loud so it took my brain a bit of work to process his words. This process was not aided in the least with the way he was touching me, however. He strummed his fingers along my face, tracing my nose, my cheekbones, my hairline. I closed my eyes, bathing in his cool touch. But then I felt his fingers' contact leave me. I opened my eyes.

His face was inches from mine. I blinked rapidly, already more then dazzled.

He sighed into my face leaving me in a state mild confusion. "Bella, Bella, Bella. What shall I do with you?"

Still dazzled, I replied: "Stay with me?"

Edward chuckled, bringing about the expected flush of my skin. "I don't believe I have a choice, Bella."

I pulled away slightly. "There's always a choice, Edward," I reminded him quietly. "I'm not going to force you to stay with me."

The end of his mouth turned up. "It's not a matter of you forcing me to stay. Quite the opposite. No. It's a matter of whether I am strong enough to stay away from you or not." His eyes lingered on my face, as if he was searching for something. Without warning, his icy lips skimmed over my own. It happened in the blink of an eye, not giving me nearly enough time to freeze, unfreeze, restart my heart, AND respond to him lips. I pouted. "And judging from the past few days," He continued, ignoring my expression, "it would seem I just can't bring myself to stay away from you, no matter how much of a healthier choice it would be for you."

I took a deep breath. Slowly, I said, "And at the risk of pulling myself in deeper, I have to admit I'm glad you came to your decision." I fell back into our former embrace. "Very glad," I mumbled into his solid form.

"That is exactly the kind of talk that makes me try harder to… resist." I tilted my head to a side, confused. "Isabella. It is one thing for me to fall for you, to feel this way about you. To… make myself feel so vulnerable and miserable at the same time. But it's a whole other concept for you to recuperate it. It's not good for you. _I'm_ not good for you, please understand that."

I sighed, pulling myself tighter into his chest. "Aren't you tired of it?"

"Of what?"

"Of trying to convince me that you're no good for me? God knows I am." I ran my hands over his chest as I spoke, reveling in the way his breathing increased so rapidly; it gave me comfort to know I was not the only one who enjoyed being touched like this. "No matter how many times I've tried to tell you that I'm not worth it, you don't listen. And I won't listen no matter how many times you tell me.

"I'm… tired, Edward. I'm tired of trying to keep myself away from you. I give up. Clearly, my mind and heart are in conflict. My mind has given up the fight now. When will yours concede? When will you realize that you can't get rid of me?"

"Bella, I-"

"Wait, let me finish. Please. I know how I feel and nothing you can say will change that." I chuckled at the obviousness of that statement. Anyone who could see me, I was sure, could see how much I cared about Edward. "Besides, if I've learned one thing about myself, it's that I'm stubborn. I won't give you up without one hell of a fight."

"I would have to agree with you there. About you being stubborn," he admitted with a chuckle. "But I'm not one to pass judgment. I admit that hardheadedness is a trait I share with you."

"Did you ever think it was a sign? How much we are alike… maybe it's a sign that…" I bit my lower lips, my cheeks filling.

Edward's eyebrow rose. "I really will have to break your habit of stopping mid thought. It's very annoying."

I shrugged. "My mind's a jumbled mess. Some things just spill out."

"Whatever the case, please finish what you were saying."

"I was saying…" Pause. He uttered what sounded like a growl. I plowed on, growing a deeper red as I finally said the words aloud that had been buzzing in my skull. "I think it may be a sign that we're meant to be together."

He thought it over for a second. A very painful second, on my part. "You may be right. Quite the clever one you are, Bella." He winked, easing away my embarrassment.

I looked up at the wall clock. Already an hour had flown by. "I wonder when they will be home…"

"Not for a bit. The service should be over in about two hours."

I nodded restlessly, my stomach churning with butterflies. Looking away, I asked, "Did Carlisle tell you why I didn't want to go to the funeral?"

"I overheard a bit of it," He replied. "Actually, I eavesdropped on your conversation, sorry. Then Carlisle explained it a bit more when we arrived home."

"Are you upset with me for not going?"

"No, I'm upset with Charlie." He stopped for a bit, taking in my incredulous look. "Even from beyond the grave, he still hurts you. When you told Carlisle that you couldn't go to the funeral... You looked so guilty in the car. It wasn't right. Bella, don't you think for even one second that I could think any less of you for being relieved at Charlie's passing. He _hurt_ you. He doesn't deserve your pity.

"But I couldn't understand how you justified not going to the funeral. Anyone else in your shoes would flat out say no because they would hate that man. He was a monster. But you…" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "How can you express sorrow for that man? If there was ever a person less worth your pity." He shook his head. "I am still in awe. How can you feel so strongly for a man who made your life a living hell? How can you pity him? Do you not remember how deeply he hurt you? How… can you be so forgiving?"

Instantly, I knew my answer. "Because I know that anger was merely his way to hide his pain. How can I honestly hate a man who constantly cried himself to sleep, who waited by the phone for 14 years for my mother's voice, who wished himself dead long before the thought could cross my own mind? Never. He needed me. And I did fail him. In the same way that he failed me. I was never able to fill the hole Renee left in his heart. Even worse, just to see my face was taunting him. Forever a reminder of a woman whose heart he no longer had."

"But to take it out on his only daughter? Bella, you cannot validate what that man did!"

"Charlie Swan… was not a bad man. He was just too weak to let his sorrow show. While I can never forgive him for hurting me, he is already forgiven for being weak. Weakness is not a crime. I only wish he could have seen the strength in revealing his helplessness. So, I can invoke some pity for him. I will lament his death because he was just a lost man."

_Poor, poor Charlie. He never learned how to move on. _The remains my inferiority complex, a thing built over the year of hearing how worthless I was, reared it's ugly head then. _If I didn't exist, would Charlie have learned to forget about Renee? It that sense... _"Maybe it was all my fault…"

"What Bella?" I looked up sharply. I hadn't thought he had heard that last part. "What could you have possibly done that would warrant him hurting you so fiercely?" Edward hissed as he pulled my face closer to his. Conflict was written in his eyes.

"Not be my mother."

"It is not your fault he never got over your mother. The blame lies only with Charlie. So don't you dare say anything otherwise."

"You're the first person to say that to me. Charlie has been telling me otherwise since I move to Forks." I couldn't help but to smile faintly though smiling felt like the last thing I wanted to do. "Thank you. It… it really means a lot to hear that."

We sat in silence after that. I had nothing more to say. I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders by Edward's words. _It was not your fault_. His words were a secret talisman. They counteracted everything I had been told to the contrary. And I felt happy. _Charlie _was the one who drove Renee away, not me. _Charlie_ was the reason our lives fell apart. Not me. I didn't do a thing.

But I had another reason to be in on a personal high now. Edward cared about me, it was clear to see now. He didn't hate me for not wanting to go to the funeral. He didn't think I was a coward. Knowing he approved of my actions was a thousand times a better feeling then when I had gotten Carlisle's approval. What Edward thought of me meant everything.

I sighed contently, crossing my legs so my knee touched Edward's. I looked up to find him staring at me, an odd look on his face. All traces of aggravation had flown away. Now a look of pure bliss had taken its place. He looked even more like an angel then ever before. It was beautiful.

"What are you thinking right now?" He asked, his lips millimeters from my neck.

"About how happy I am. I can't remember every feeling this happy, Edward," I confessed shyly. "It's a bit strange, to be honest."

He laughed quietly, as if enjoying a joke. "I've never been in higher spirits since meeting you, Bella. Ask Emmett. The day I first met you, when I came home, Emmett thought I had been abducted my aliens. Apparently, the 'real Edward' doesn't know how to smile." I giggled at that. "I have to say he was right. In the past, well, way too many years, I've had nothing to smile about. You're… a light, no, the light in my life. I don't know how I could go one living since meeting you if I wasn't by your side."

My heart was racing by now. What he was saying… it sounded like wedding vows, in truth, but they were words straight from his soul. My blood was pumping faster and faster, almost constricting me. But it wasn't over. I knew he was just headed to the climax. Something important was coming. If I didn't pass out before then.

Edward took my hand and placed it into his hallowed cheek. My skin tingled. I was touching him! I had to memorize how his face felt, every line under his eye, his defined cheekbones; I wanted it all burned in my memory banks.

"I can't be sure when it happened, to be honest. It might have been when I first laid eyes on you, despite the clichéness of it all. Or maybe when we took our stroll in Port Angeles. But you have me in your clutches. Every move you make draws me in until nothing it left. All of me belongs to you. But most notably, you own my very heart. Bella, I love you."

I heard myself gasp as if I was watching this scene from another world. It was unreal. I was sure at any moment his face would split into a grin and he would say he was pulling my leg. I waited for it, expected it. But no. He continued to sit there, completely serious, gazing into my face.

I didn't know what to say. Well, obviously I knew what I _should_ say, but I couldn't find the right words. I wasn't ready, for crying out loud! I had just given in to my feelings! I wasn't ready for_ that_ yet or anything that might follow. Give me a break; I was new at this!

I sputtered out a strangled reply. "I -er- I-I… I mean…"

An awkward silence passed.

"I understand, Bella." Edward let my hand go, dropping his own to his lap. Disappointment flashed across his face before he could hide it. "It's much too soon. I didn't tell you I love you because I was expecting you to say it back. I just wanted you to know how _I_ felt. I'm if nothing more, I am a patient man. So don't feel obligated to spout out something you don't feel yet or are sure if you mean just because I said it. I can wait until you can give me your honest answer."

Could there be a more perfect man then Edward Cullen?

I blinked back a flood of tears. Angry tears, sad tears, frightened tears, or maybe a mixture of all three. "It's not that I don't feel the same. I'm almost positive I do, actually. But… Edward, be honest. What do I really know about you besides your name? I don't want to tell you my feelings for you until I feel like I actually know you. It seems pointless to tell you I feel one way, but don't even know who you are. I… just want it to mean something. It that okay?"

I was more scared then I would have cared to fess up to at that moment. Would he be okay with waiting? Would he decide that I wasn't worth waiting for? Maybe he would be angry that I basically called him a stranger _again_. That had set him off before.

A millions things blared though my mind. The inner chaos broke through my floodgates, sending tears streaking down my face. One phrase kept popping up in my head: _Don't let me lose him._

In a flash, I was curled into Edward, in his lap, as I had been in the hospital. His fingers combed though my hair, soothing me. "Don't cry. Please don't cry. Shush. It's okay. I understand. I won't rush you. So please don't cry." He started to hum a melody then. I recognized it from the hospital somehow. Had he sang to me as I slept back then?

"Thank you so much Edward." I wiped at my face with my sleeves. He didn't reply but kept on with his tune. I felt myself growing tired. So I closed my eyes and pressed my head to Edward's chest again. As I felt myself give into my weariness, something strange became clear to me. I tried it shake the thought as I lost consciousness, but it followed me into my dreams. I couldn't ignore it.

Even with my ear pressed tightly to his chest, I didn't hear anything.

I didn't hear a heartbeat.

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_A/n 2.0: Ohh! Review, duckies!_


	13. The Nightmare

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series**

_A/n: Some of you have asked, "Where is Jacob? Couldn't Bella have gone to live with him and Billy, like she did before Charlie passed away?" I promise, you will get your answer in this chapter. I think I stated in the reviews for the past chapters, but there will be no BxJ in my story. They are basically siblings, nothing more._

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That night, I chose to send myself away in Alice's room. I just... couldn't stay calmly around Edward.

And all because of a dream.

My dream had left me confused. No, more then that: frightened. Ridiculous, I know, to be afraid of a dream. Strike that, a nightmare. I knew that everything that happened in my sleep was based one illusion and imagination. I was a fairly intelligent person and knew the difference between fantasy and reality.

But all rationality was beyond me now. I was scared and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could say would rationalize what I had seen behind my eyelids.

Edward had starred in my dream. Ludicrous. One would think that any dream involving Edward would be pleasant, especially when the one in question had recently realized their fondness of him. I… loved him. Even though the feeling was young, a fledgling feeling, there was no denying it; I was completely head over heels for the man. He was my everything.

Why had I been so frightened then? Surely, even I could be able to separate my dreams from what was real...

He hadn't been Edward. That must have been it. The man in my dreams was _not_ Edward, but instead a reflection of my own fears. He wasn't Edward. He wasn't Edward! Edward made me feel safe and calm and happy. The nightmare warped him into some… _thing_. One I no longer recognized. And one who caused shivers to run up my spine. I wanted to forget the tainted Edward of my slumber. He wasn't Edward...

Strangely enough though, Edward was not the only familiar face in my dream. Jacob Black had been there as well.

Jacob. Had it really been a full month since I had seen him?

Once I had moved back into my parent's old house, I had partially severed all ties with Jacob unconsciously. We no longer lived in the same house. He was no longer my "little brother". There was no "us" anymore, no dynamic duo. I simply didn't have time for him anymore. At least, that's what I left him to believe, that life was hectic and I was always too busy to go see him.

Sure, that was pretty true, but I had an ulterior motive.

I wanted to cut myself off from Jacob.

See, it all ties back in with my issues with my parents. I loved them, they hurt me. That was what was happening with Jacob, to a lesser extent. Jacob was getting too close too me, getting to be too important. I didn't think anything of it when I had lived in the same house as his family. We were siblings. Yeah, we were closer then we were to Rachael or Rebecca, but we were closer in age. Nothing too special.

Once Charlie and I had moved into Forks, it became obvious that I had been wrong. I still attended the high school on the Reservation, this being my junior year. It was also the year Jacob joined me in high school as a freshman. That's how it all started. He stuck to me like glue. Every day I walked into the lunchroom to find him waving me over eagerly from his friends' table. He had himself transferred into both of my exploratory classes - my core classes were too upper level for a freshman. He traded lockers so we were right by each other as well. Leah mockingly called him my second shadow.

And I didn't mind in the least.

I loved to be around Jacob. He was fun and crazy, just what I needed. Things had gone sour with Charlie now and I could never find anything to smile about. Jacob kept me sane. He fixed me a bit. We would joke around; laugh together, always leaving me in a good mood.

Before I knew it, I was dependent on him. Sound familiar?

That was when the little red flag in my head went off. _"Warning, warning!"_ it shouted. _"Danger, danger!"_

He was much too close.

I guess you could think of him as the pre-Edward. In all counts, that was who he was. The one who I got close to me enough that I had to fear for my hearts sake. He had gotten under my skin, past my exterior visage, straight into my soul. He had the power now. He could hurt me if he so pleased. I knew it wouldn't, but I was not fool enough to take that risk.

In comparison with how I felt with Edward, Jacob didn't seem so bad anymore. Jacob never knew me like Edward. Jacob never made my heart ache with longing. The feeling was always more gentle with Jake. A friendly feeling. Dangerous, yes, but manageable. Nothing like the feeling I got for Edward. Much stronger. Much deeper.

I stopped answering the phone calls from Jacob the very day I switched to Forks High. In fact, I don't think I ever told him about my changing schools. Perhaps he just went into Technology class second period and waited for me to arrive, thinking I was having a late day. After I didn't show up, maybe he thought I was sick. I didn't answer the phone when he called that night. Nor did I answer it any of the days that followed. Eventually, the calls became less and less until they stopped altogether. He must have thought I hated him.

I vaguely remembered Jacob and Billy coming to visit when Charlie was in the hospital. I think I faked being asleep. They didn't come again. I'm sure they went to the funeral, however. Maybe Jacob waited for me to show up once again with the same result.

So why now? Why was I thinking of Jacob now? Why was he in my dream?

I remember I had been running in my nightmare. Running, running, never stopping. It was dark. I think I had been in the forest. Perhaps the one near La Push, where I had sometimes explored with Jacob. Someone was calling me. "Bella. Bella. Bella." Each time I heard my name, I sped up. Why? Why did my body so desperately want to escape from the haunting voice?

Even in my dreams I was klutzy. I tripped and fell. Too tired and weak to get up, I stayed down. The voice grew clearer though it remained deadly soft. Closer and closer. I looked over my shoulder.

There he was. The dark Edward. But dark how? He was just as beautiful as always. He still smiled, even if it seemed sinister in a way.

Pitch black. His eyes were dark again. Maybe that's why Edward - _this_ Edward- looked so menacing. Not at all like the sunny topaz eyes of the real Edward's that I adored.

With exaggerated slowness, he kneeled beside me. Cool breath. My name tumbled again from his lips. Icy hands sliding across my cheeks, over my lips, then stopping on my neck. I had shivered. But still, not from fear. I was memorized by his beauty. By his touch. By him.

That was when Jacob chose to make an appearance. His russet skin bathed in moonlight as he emerged from the shadows. He looked the same as always. A cute face, still with lingering child-like features. His long jet-black hair tied in a knot on the nape of his neck. But his eyes! Jacob's usually bright eyes held none of their usual laughter. Only anger. I registered this all in the blink of an eye before he transformed.

Jacob Black was gone. In his place was a baying wolf.

I didn't even have time to scream before he leaped at Edward. I tried to sit up, stand up, anything, but found my body strangely weak. I looked down in horror to find my body submerged in a pool of shimmering red liquid. Blood. _My_ blood.

That was when I woke up.

I didn't offer Edward any type of explanation - indeed, what would I have said? - but raced out of his room. I counted the doors back as I went, locating Alice's on my first try. I ran in and hadn't left since. Edward had tried to talk to me through the door but I refused to answer. Eventually, he went away.

That had been hours ago. I knew the whole family was back now, but no one bothered me. Perhaps Edward had told them of my strange behavior and they chalked it up to the passing of my father. Whatever the case, I was not disturbed, left to brood in silence.

I took the time to replay everything I could remember about my dream. To my surprise, I realized I had had it before. Well, with a few changes.

It was the night after my first day of high school on the Reservation. Billy had been in a strange mood all day, finally deciding to call a tribal meeting. They usually met once every month. I didn't know why the Elders met from every once and a while; all I knew was Billy was in charge. The Chief of La Push, I had nicknamed him - of course, my father was the Chief of Forks.

From time to time, Jacob and his sisters, along with a few other kids in the Rez, would sit in on the meetings. I asked Billy if I could go once, but he said it was a matter for his tribe only. That had upset me because I felt like I was being excluded. But this time Billy was the one who asked if I wanted to go. Curiosity got the best of me.

It was a larger gathering then Jacob said was usual. I recognized a lot of the faces: Mr. Ateara and his son, Quil; Mr. Clearwater and his children, Seth and Leah; Sam Uley, Leah's boyfriend, was here as well; a few other faces from around the around sprung to mind too. I sat with Ray and Becca, both who wore annoyed expressions.

"What's going on?" I had asked. The girls exchanged scoffs. They said that Billy wanted to remind the Tribe of a local legend. I couldn't understand why that would make Billy so antsy, but I sat back and listened.

He told an ancient tale of the beginnings of the Quileute tribe. A partnership with the wolves that eventually led to the joining of there bodies. Many of the younger members of the group giggled. I couldn't help but to join in too. Did Billy seriously want me to believe that everyone around me was a wolf creature? A werewolf? He had to be pulling me leg.

Quick glares from the Elders shut everyone up again.

Billy continued on to explain of the Cold Ones, beautiful creatures of sinister habits. They drank blood. I wanted to scoff at the vampires too, but Billy's grave face made me think otherwise; he clearly didn't think this was funny. Perhaps he really believed all the legends...

These monsters, Billy added, were the natural enemies of the Quileutes.

I heard myself gasp when he told of the Cold Woman's rampage. A trail of death in her wake. It was a most horrible and bloody picture in my head. The type of stuff that nightmares were born of, I had thought at the time and I hide into my jacket. Ray had wrapped her arm around me and smiled consoling. I then sighed quietly when the tale was ended.

The story had scared me more then I had realized, unfortunately.

That night, I saw the Cold Woman. With her pale, glowing skin, golden locks, and flawless face, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And the most terrifying. Her blood red eyes locked on me, entrancing me, until I was immobilized. The nightmare took a now familiar turn. That was when wolf Jacob came in. I woke up screaming. I never dreamed of the Cold Woman or wolf Jacob again after that. Until now. But the Cold Woman was now Edward.

I giggled quietly. What was I saying? That I thought Edward was a "Cold One"? A blood drinker? I giggled again. Ridiculous. Preposterous. Insanity.

But… he didn't have a heartbeat.

I paused, thinking that over.

I was tired. That was the conclusion I came to. I was tired, and _thought_ I didn't hear a heartbeat. That was it. My brain tricked me into thinking Edward… wasn't alive. That's why I had that crazy dream. It reminded me of what Billy had told me about the Cold Ones when I had woken from the nightmare those years ago.

Billy had been the one to check in on me when I screamed that night. I cried into his lap while he soothed me with words. "Do not worry, Bella, you have nothing to fear. The Cold Ones aren't allowed on these lands. They won't hurt you."

I was the type of person who always believed we feared what we didn't know. So I asked Billy question after question about the Cold Ones. I thought that they wouldn't be so scary then.

Why are they called Cold Ones? Their bodies are cold and empty, like a corpse; they are dead with no pulsing blood or heartbeat.

Why did they attack innocents? They are monsters that feed on blood, vampires.

How come they were so hard to defeat? They are extremely strong, fast, and cunning.

Why are they so pretty?

Billy had a hard time with that question. "We're not sure," he admitted. "Think of them like a Venus Flytrap. Beautiful but deadly. The beauty is a ploy to trick their prey into coming closer so that they may… feed." I was too frightened to ask anymore after that.

As I drew back one of the pink curtains in Alice's room to watch the sky darken, someone knocked on my door. I spun on the spot quickly, abruptly pulled from my thoughts. "Who is there?" My voice was soft, almost hoarse sounding.

No answer came but the door creaked open. Tiny Alice. She hesitantly came into her room, as if she was intruding, dropping to the bed. Her cheerful demeanor was nowhere to be found. With such a grave face, and still in her dark clothing from the funeral, she looked like a completely different person. Or maybe it was the dark images implanted in my imagination that made her seem out of the ordinary.

She pat the bed beside her, but I pretended to not see it. I chose to sit in the chair opposite the bed, curling my legs into my chest as I waited. Alice obviously had something she wanted to say. She sighed.

"Bella…" Alice looked up at me once, then back down to the floor. "Bella, talk to me. Please."

I was a bit confused. "Excuse me?" Talk to her? About what? The funeral?

Her eyes narrowed. "I know you have questions. I can see them on your lips."

Too frightened to say anything, however, I merely stared away into space. In my head, I was replaying everything I knew about Cold Ones. I shivered, someething Alice's eyes caught.

"Ask me. Go on. I want you to ask," her eyes flashed breifly and her tone turned harder. "Bella. Don't you dare just run away; get answers first."

The color left my face. Was it really that obvious that I had been thinking of running away? Perhaps she thought it was because of my strange behavior recently. She couldn't possibly know I was afraid of her family… I felt stupid to admit it, but a part of my believed Billy's story about the Cold Ones. An irrational fear had seized me. Looking at little, forlorn Alice Cullen, how could I honestly think her a monster? She was as much a monster as Jacob! Blood filled my cheeks. I still didn't know what she wanted me to ask her about, but I was a bit embarrassed still for even entertaining thoughts so impossible.

Alice sighed. "Okay, I'll try a different tactic. Do you want to tell me what was your nightmare about?"

"Oh. Edward told you I had a nightmare?" I bit my lower lip. I could never tell her what my dream had been about. Even though it was just a dream, I still felt rude for thinking of Edward in such a way. He was one of the kindest people I had ever met. Not a monster. Not a Cold One. "It was something really dumb. An old story I heard a few years ago. It just snuck up on me again. It frightened me. Sorry for acting weird."

She perked up. "I like scary stories. Why don't you tell me about it?"

I froze. _Crap._ "Um… it's boring, Alice. Just a silly superstitious story I heard in La Push. You wouldn't be interested."

But she did look interested.

Before she could say anything else, thankfully, we were interrupted. Edward himself stood in the doorway. "Sorry to intrude, ladies," he glared at Alice, who glared right back, "but Bella needs to eat. I'm sorry, we didn't want to bother you before, but it's getting late now."

I jumped up. "Oh no, I'm sorry. I missed dinner."

Edward smirked again. That aggravating 'I know something you don't' smirk. As annoying as it was adorable. "Not at all. Esme is waiting with the food." He held open the door for me and snapped it close before Alice could follow.

Esme was shifting a pot of noodles when we walked into the kitchen. "There you are, dear. I made a batch just for you." She smiled as she scooped a pile onto a plate for me, followed by the sauce. Her smiled seemed… changed. More forced, maybe. I couldn't quite place it. She hurried out of the kitchen, leaving me and Edward alone.

I ate silently, feeling nervous. If Alice asked me about my nightmare, I knew Edward would too. I didn't believe I would be able to derail him if he did ask, but I could never tell him the truth. Still, it would be futile to lie. Mr. Lie Detector would see right through it. So them what options did I have left?

The plate was finished quickly. I was starving all of a sudden. Edward took my plate once I was empty and filled it again.

"No, it's okay," I lied. "I don't want anymore." I felt a little embarrassed to be eating all of this food. I didn't like being given things by anyone, food counting.

He rolled his eyes. "You're looking pale. Besides, Esme thinks you're underfed. She made all this food for you. So at least finish this second plateful."

I caved to my hunger, digging in.

Edward took my plate into the sink once I was finished. I had to admit, I was glad Edward convinced me to have a second plate. The food was delicious.

Dinner now over, Edward wasted no time. "So why did you lock yourself in Alice's room? Was it the nightmare?" I nodded. "Do you feel like telling me what it was about?" He asked, sounded concerned, mixed with a hint of apprehension. I shook my head no. "Is it something you can't even talk to me about?" Hurt. Great, now he was hurt.

I hated myself instantly for doing that to him. "I'm sorry. It was just a stupid dream. Really, I'm over it now. I think the stress of the past week had finally gotten to me." I yawned a bit, suddenly tired.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

I flashed him a smile. "Haven't you ever heard that it's bad luck to talk about bad dreams? And I don't think I can afford unluckiness or I'll be the next one in a coffin."

I had meant it as a joke, but Edward's face hardened. "Don't even joke about that."

I yawned again. I blinked rapidly. So exhausted… why was I tired again? I had slept all afternoon! I rubbed my eyes with one hand. I felt… weak. Sleepy and weak. Why?

"Are you okay?" Edward's voice came to me as if from far away. I think I mumbled an "I'm fine" before I blacked out.

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_A/n: I surprised no one has caught on yet. Bella has been sleeping an awful lot lately, yes? I wonder if something is wrong…_


	14. In Sickness and In Health

_A/n: Bella will be unconscious during this chapter, but I needed you all to know what was wrong with her, although Edward plans on hiding it when she wakes up. Think of it as __Dramatic Irony__; the readers know something that a main character doesn't._

_So, this is **EDWARD's Point of View**. :D_

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**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series**

"She's sick." Carlisle took a step back from the bed, his face uncharacteristically grave. Weary golden eyes, deeply troubled, as he observed the sleeping girl before us. When she had fainted I immediately thought to take her to the hospital, but Carlisle insisted on treating her here. She wouldn't be pleased with me if she woke up in the hospital, he had said. Considering the last incident, I had to grudgingly agree. In times like this, I was extremely grateful to have a doctor in the family. Carlisle had already switched to his profession and was clearly trying to take care of me just as much as he was Bella.

Still, I was in no mood for sugarcoating. "Clearly," I hissed through clenched teeth. "Even I could tell she wasn't doing well. Or was her constant tiredness and blacking out your first clue?"

Carlisle didn't respond. Instead, he placed his hand on Bella's brow. She sighed quietly. This was the quietest she had been in the past hour. Once she recovered from her fainting spell, she tumbled into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning endlessly. And her fever had spiked out of control, now staying at a persistent 101.7 degrees. Much too high. It had me very worried.

I dropped to the bed, finding Bella's warm hand, locking my fingers with hers. "I'm sorry Carlisle. I just… " I pinched the bridge of my nose, the tell tale signs of a migraine popping up. Was it even possible for a vampire to get a migraine, and if so, would Advil help in the least? I was desperate. My nerves at the breaking point by now.

_Bella…_ How could one little human change my life so drastically?

She was just a girl. A frail, pathetic girl with wide brown eyes that had seen the horrors of the world around her. Too young. She dealt with it all, but she was so young. At only 17, she had seen the ugliest side of human nature, the darkness, eclipsed part of the soul. Never had I met one who had endured such hardships. She was so brave. So admirable.

How could I have known that day would change the way I would forever more see the world? The day I met Isabella Swan...

My reaction to her… it was strange, foreign, and it scared me. I was… attracted to her, yes, but there was something more. As a vampire, I was more then used to the pooling of venom in my mouth that came when humans ventured too close. It was normal, oddly enough, for the hunger - the despicable creature that I was - to resurface when in the proximity of humans. The animalistic instincts never went away, no matter how many years passed - though you did get more used to tolerating it. So I had long ago prepared myself for the urges kill my classmates. I expected it. I was used to it.

_I didn't expect my reaction to her._

Right from the beginning, I knew she was different. Never had I encountered one whose mind I couldn't read. I was almost dependent on my 6th sense, if you will. So confused was I that I could not hear her thoughts, that I doubted my other senses. Maybe she wasn't there at all. My eyes, my ears, my nose; how could I trust them to be sure this girl even existed? Perhaps she was just a part of my imagination...

I shook off our first encounter in the lunchroom. Even if she was odd, she was just a girl. Why should it matter if I couldn't read one insignificant mind? No doubt her head contained frivolous thoughts typical to any teenage girl. Did I really even want to have to read her mind? I had smirked. She could have been just another Jessica Stanley. In fact, maybe it was a blessing that I could not hear her thoughts. It saved me the torture of having to hear every inconsequential thought that literally popped to mind. By the time I had started my shift in the Nurse's Office that day, the new girl was completely forgotten.

Then she appeared again.

I should have been most focused on her blood. That should be the only reason why a human would perk my interest, as awful as that sounded. But it was correct; to most of my kind, humans were just prey. Why should I treat them any different? True, I did not feed of humans, but that didn't mean they were… on par with my family and I. I wasn't trying to be arrogant, but it was the honest truth. Having the gift that I did, I considered myself an excellent judge of character. And having dipped into as many human minds as I had, I had come to the conclusion that humans were cookie cutter creatures. One just like another. Nothing special to be marveled at.

She why did I give this girl even a second more of my time then necessary? I couldn't be sure. Only later did I come up with a reason that satisfied my family: her bruises. I told them that I was merely worried for her and in awe of her bravery - or stupidity, depending on how you looked at it - for not reporting the abuse. It wasn't a lie, per say, just a truth lacking complete detail. I wasn't so ignorant to believe that to be the only reason why I had invited the girl to accompany myself to Port Angeles. My ulterior motives, however, even I did not know. I was desperate to get to know this Isabella Swan; that was the only thing I knew for certain. I wanted to unravel the mysterious girl with the sad, brown eyes. Perhaps then I would know why I was so utterly and completely enraptured with her.

That fateful trip to Port Angeles proved to be more beneficial then I thought. I was… enthralled in this girl's tale. How her mind worked, how she justified her every choice, how she persevered over adversity, and how she went on without complaint through it all. She was… amazing. Unparalleled. One of a kind. Then I knew I had misjudged her from the get go; she was a unique individual, able to confound and surprised a creature more then six times her age.

That was the moment that she had crawled under my skin. Perhaps the very moment that I had started to love her. I couldn't be sure anymore. Maybe I loved her from the minute I met her. All I knew was that I loved her now, so when I had first fallen was of little consequence.

Yes, I was in love with her. The sheer idiocy; the predator falling in love with the prey. But I knew what I felt for this weak human and there was no going back now. I would not try to deny these feelings any longer.

I flipped Bella's hand over, now tracing each line. Hadn't I heard as a child that one could determine their future by palm ready? One line, I recalled, was the lifeline. The length of this line was side to determine how long you could live. I looked at my own hand. Had it foretold that I would die at 17? What then, of Bella's fate? "Please, Carlisle," I weakly begged. "I need you to tell me. What is wrong with Bella?"

My father fell to Alice's computer chair. He looked ridiculous; a completely serious-faced vampire, well over three hundred years old, resting in a frilly pink chair. I turned so my back was to him, now facing Bella. She looked very pale. _Deathly pale_, my thoughts added. I suppressed a growl. No, I refused to think like that.

"How long as she been fainting? Or especially tired?" Carlisle folded his hands in his lap. His mind was eerily silent. I had noticed that when he tried to organized his thoughts, often times I couldn't pull a single complete thought from his head. It was a bit annoying, in truth. And inconvenient.

I didn't turn around to answer. "All the while she was in the hospital. I remember she slept for long bouts of time, waking up only to be exhausted still. She first fell asleep on me the day before Charlie was taken into the hospital at school." I ran my finger in a circle motion in the palm of her hand. "I didn't notice," I whispered. "I didn't make anything of it. I've been to medical school twice. How did I manage to overlook this?"

"I've been worried about her health for sometime now. I only suspected something because of the passing of her father, though. Adjustment Disorder Depression. But her symptoms aren't right for it." Carlisle checked off the mental list. "Weakness. Tiredness. Fainting. Now a high fever. These aren't depression related signs."

"Then what?"

_I was getting to that, Edward._ Out loud, he continued, "I have a hunch as to what it may be. But before I worry you with it, I think she needs to have a proper check up." He stood up. "I'll get my doctors' bag. In the meantime, you may want to go hunting. Your eyes are getting dark," he commented before leaving the room.

I didn't move from my spot immediately. Instead, I used this time alone with Bella to observe her closely. Yes, she was extremely pale. And her heartbeat was sluggish now that I was listening to it closely. Her breathing, as well, was irregular. I leaned over her body, hovering over Bella with my hands on either side of her waist.

Slowly, I lower myself until my lips touched hers. But I pulled away a second later.

I felt guilty right afterwards. Like I was taking advantage of Bella in her weakened state. But… I had wanted to try that again since this morning.

Soft. Even now, her lips were soft. Warm. Inviting. I licked my lips. "Sleep well, Bella," I pressed my lips to her cheek this time. "I'll be back."

-break-

Carlisle was already in the room when I returned from my quick hunting trip; I felt nervous going too far away, so I kept within a ten-mile radius of the house. But what made my eyebrows shoot up upon reentering the room was the change in atmosphere. Now, the small army of machinery surrounding the bed in which Bella still slept. A few were hooked up to her arms and several were beeping steadily.

_You're back. Good. _Carlisle beckoned my over to the bed unnecessarily. I took my routine spot on the edge of the bed, my hand holding hers, as I waited for Carlisle to gather his thoughts. With his head still swarming, I couldn't pull another complete idea from the jumbled mess yet. So I had to wait patiently to find out what was wrong with Bella.

He pulled the chair over to the bed so we were now face to face. "Well, as you can see, I borrowed some machines from the hospital." He gestured unnecessarily towards them. "In the initial check up, I was able to finally assess the bruises on her back that you had told me about. That's where I first started to get worried. They aren't healing."

"What? How can they not be healing?"

Carlisle took Bella's tiny hand from me, taking it into his own. He placed two fingers on her pulse point. "Listen closely to her pulse. Hear the rhythm? It's constant, yes, but not continuous. The blood is flowing so slowly. There are a number of reasons why it could be happening, and with tying in her not healing back; I think I've come to the right diagnosis."

He was going into full-on doctor mode now, I could tell. "The slowing of ones bloodstream is more often then not because of malnutrition. Perhaps lack of iron in the blood. In this case, vitamins and proper diet can solve it. However, Bella's case is unusual. The central core of the bloodstream is, of course, the heart. If damage is sever enough, the pumping of blood throughout a body could be slowed down enough to be critical."

I narrowed my eyes. "Her heart is damaged?"

"Heart valve, but basically, yes." He placed her hand back on the bed where it stood out brightly against the violent pink of the covers. "I believe a blood clot has formed inside the heart valve itself. It's constricting the heart, letting less and less blood circulate. This all ties in with the bruises on her back." _Let me show you._

Carlisle stood up then. _Pull back the covers, please._ I complied. He gently lifted Bella in his arms before placing her back on the bed, on her stomach this time. He stroked her hair off of her back and onto the pillow. Then, very carefully, he lifted the back of Bella t-shirt. I gasped.

In the very center of her back, extending from between her shoulder blades down to a few inches above her hips, were several overlapping bruises. Patches of half healed skin, still with the pink tissue exposed, dotted across her otherwise dark purple back. It looked the same, if not a thousand times worse, as the first time I had seen her back. But that was almost two weeks ago! How could nothing have changed?

Carlisle fell back into his seat. "As you can see, the discoloration seems as if in mid heal. I was able to date when these were inflicted." He pointed to the pink spots of flesh. "I've estimated these to be about six to eight weeks old. They should have healed in two weeks at the latest if Bella was using the antibiotic you said she was. As for the large black and blue spots," -he pointed to them now- " I would say they are close to four weeks old. Smaller marks, on her wrist for instance, look newer, oh say, two weeks old."

A bubbling anger surfaced then. How long had Bella been suffering? How could she still walk around as if nothing? I could only imagine the pain her back must have been causing her all the while. Yet she never said anything! Did her father know what he had done? I felt grim pleasure in the fact that he was no longer able to hurt her anymore. No one would ever hurt her again; I would personally see to that.

It was less irritating now that I could identify the feeling that had made me protective of Bella the minute I met her. I loved her, so I wanted her safe. _So safe she will be,_ I decided.

I ran my hand over her back slightly, enough for me to feel every bump, but not enough to cause discomfort. "The diagnosis?" I asked in a hollow voice.

"Endocarditis."

I nodded solemnly. I felt as if a textbook from my medical years popped to mind then.

_Endocarditis is an inflammation of the inner layer of the heart, the endocardium. The most common structures involved are the heart valves. In a healthy individual, a bacteremia (where bacteria get into the blood stream through a minor cut or wound) would normally be cleared quickly with no adverse consequences. If a heart valve is damaged and covered with a piece of a blood clot, the valve provides a place for the bacteria to attach themselves and an infection can be established. Antibiotics are continued for a long time, typically two to six weeks. Specific drug regimens differ depending on the classification of the endocarditis as acute or subacute._

"I believe it's a case of Acute Endocarditis as well," Carlisle continued methodically, "judging by her symptoms."

Through clenched teeth, I asked, "And what treatment do you suggest?"

His face darkened still. "Normally, I would say surgery to remove the blood clot. It's risky, however. In a patient any age below 30, the mortality rate is 30 percent." _But there's something else, Edward._ "With her back in the state it is, she is not in any position for surgery of any kind. It's far too risky. Her mortality rate would then be estimated near 70 percent, a percentage too high to be trusted. The white blood cells that fight infection are being blocked by the blood clot. She… she wouldn't heal in enough time for the surgery to be conducted."

"What choice do we have left?"

"None."

The word hung thickly in the air. "None?" I weakly repeated.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

A crashing filled my ears. _None._ The word repeated in my head, echoing of the empty walls. With that one word, my world came crumbling down. I didn't know what to think, what to say, what to feel. I closed my eyes, no longer wanting to see Bella, sleeping so peacefully, completely unaware of her fate. "H-how long?"

Carlisle stood up, placing one hand on my shoulder. "If we keep her on antibiotics, six weeks. I'm so sorry, Edward. I wish there was some other way…" He let go of my shoulder, walking towards the door. However, he paused in the doorway. "Do you want me to be the one to tell her when she wakes up?"

I shook my head. I had already made my decision. Carlisle nodded, thinking he understood, and left. A moment later, Alice came flying into the room.

"What are you thinking!?" She shouted at me. "You have to tell her! You can't just-"

I held my hand over her mouth. "You'll wake her," I coldly replied.

She tore my hand away, but went on in a lower voice. "If you won't tell Bella, then I will." _I won't let you keep this from her. She has every right to know._

"Alice, this is _my_ choice."

"Edward, this is _her_ life!"

I folded my arms against my chest, fighting the urge to break down in that very instance. "_Volume_, Alice. Stop shouting." I paused, making sure she wouldn't interrupt. "She has had to deal with so much, in this last week especially. Either way… she is dying. I… don't want her last few weeks on this earth to be filled with sorrow. I don't want her to know the extent of her condition. It's the least we can do… to make these next few weeks easier." My voice dropped to a sober whisper. "It's all I can do for her now."

Her resolve shook slightly, clearly hearing the torment in my voice. But she wouldn't give up. Alice held my face in her hands, watching me with guarded eyes. "Have you ever thought… about changing her?" _That would solve this._

I ripped myself from her grasp, feeling my eyes fade to a sharp black color despite my hunting trip as anger resurfaced. "I will not damn her to this life, Alice!"

Her hands on her hips, she stared me down. "_Volume_, Edward. And how do you know she will be damned? Maybe she could be happy forever." _And you would be happy, too. I've seen it.  
_

I turned back towards her. "What have you seen?"

"Something that has long alluded you. Love, Edward."

Flashes of images soared through her mind then. _Bella, laughing, as she and Emmett run around the house at lightening fast speeds. Me, grabbing Bella into a fierce hug, then kissing her pink lips. Bella, positively glowing in the sunlight, her face amazed as she observed her skin throw rainbows of light into the air. And Bella, radiant in a gown of pure white, a lacy veil covering her face, a bouquet of flowers in her hands..._

A sad smile appeared on Alice's face as I came back to reality. "You could be happy, dear brother. I want you to be happy." _We all do._

I shook my head, trying unsuccessfully to shake the images of Bella. So beautiful, she full of energy, and so utterly blissful. That couldn't be. Did she not know the horrors of what we were? How long after those visions would it be until she came to hate me for what I had made her? "I won't shove my selfish desires on her," I heard myself answer.

Alice grabbed my arm, shaking me. "Be selfish, for once! Let yourself find happiness! Don't lose her!" _Please, Edward._ "When you lose her, we will lose you too. Don't put us through that!" She pressed herself into my chest, sobbing suddenly. _I've seen that, too! _"I saw it the moment you decided not to tell her that she was dying. You'll become an empty shell. Never smiling, never feeling, never loving again! I never what to see that! Never again!"

I leaned down, laying my head on top of hers. "And what of Bella's happiness? Can you honestly say she won't regret becoming a monster? Having to survive on the blood of others? I don't want that for her. She'll hate herself. She'll hate me. I wouldn't be able to handle that. Can't you see? Her happiness means everything to me. So please, let me make a choice that will best benefit her rather then satisfying myself."

The shaking from her sobs slowly abated as Alice began to calm down. I pat her back as she struggled to get back in control of her emotions. "To put her before you… you truly love her, Edward. And I'll let you in on a secret: she loves you too."

I paused, processing that. She… loved me?

No. No, she loved who she_ thought _I was.

"Will she love me still if she knew I wasn't human?"

Heavens knows I had asked myself that multiple times. Would she still stay by my side? Would she run away? Would she be afraid of me? I knew she said she liked me, but I didn't believe it for a second. How could she even like me - let alone love me - when she didn't really know me? It was just as she was so fond of saying: we were strangers. I was keeping the biggest secret about myself from her. She didn't know me. So she couldn't love me.

_You have to find that out for yourself, Edward. Stop hiding from her. Let her accept you. Let her get to know you. Then let her love you._ Alice slipped out of my arms. "You've been alone for so long, I doubt you know how to trust someone anymore. But Bella is just as cautious, so maybe it's fate. She really is a wonderful girl." And with that she left the room, leaving me and the sleeping Bella.

I slowly made my way to the bed again. I kneeled on the floor so now I was level with Bella. Her face had a bit more color to it now and the heat coming off her skin had lessened. The antibiotics that Carlisle had given her seemed to be coming into effect. I pressed my forehead to hers, admiring how lush her lips looked in her sleep. She sighed softly, a gust of her heated breath stunning me slightly. And then she uttered one word, a word that tugged on my heartstrings, leaving me happy and yet terribly unhappy at the same time.

"Edward."

* * *

_A/n: On a weird side note, as I was re-reading this, a completely inappropreaite song poped into my head. As the line where Edward says to Carlise, "Her heart is damaged?", Danity Kane's "Damaged" started running through my mind. Odd, yes. 0-0_


	15. Til Death Do Us Part

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series**

I wasn't sure what woke me up. I think my body just knew there was someone waiting for me to wake. Or maybe it sensed his body at the end of the bed, not wanting to keep him waiting any longer perhaps. Whatever the case, I found myself awakening in Alice's bed, having no recollection as to how I had even gotten there.

Still feeling groggy, I shuffled under the covers. Sometime during the night I must have flipped over in my sleep because I now found my face in Alice's cushy pink pillow. I blinked slowly, trying to make the form of the pillow stay in focus. I was normally a morning person; I could wake up after only 2 hours of sleep and be completely fine. Sure, I'd crash after a few hours, but at the moment I woke up, I was wide-awake. No coffee needed.

I groaned, turning my face to a side. I felt sick to my stomach. God, what had happened? It was like a thousand needles were shot throughout my body.

"Welcome back, sleeping beauty."

It wasn't that his voice scared me. Rather, I wasn't expecting to hear it right after waking up. In the same room. Not three feet away. So shocked was I, that clumsy Bella took over. I ended up half jumping, half turning over. These two motions combined sent me on a spiral twist right off the bed. I winced, the fall from Alice's bed being greater then I had expected, and my body still sore all over.

"Oh wow. Sorry Bella! I hadn't meant to frighten you." In a flash, he had joined me on the floor. Taking me by my elbows, Edward lifted me from the jumble of shockingly pick covers, placing me backwards in his lap. With my back against the bed frame and Edward directly in front of me, I found myself trapped. A blush crept over my face.

"Um. Hi?"

He chuckled. "Hi yourself."

I blinked rapidly, checking if Edward would disappear once I closed me eyes. Nope. He was real. I smiled a bit. "Hi."

"I think that fall must have given you a concussion." Without warning, his icy hand was in my hair, stroking, checking for a bump.

I was in heaven with him touching me. Complete bliss. I couldn't deny how wonderful his touch felt. Just as calming as always. Just as gentle as always. Just as cool as always.

_Their bodies are cold and empty, like a corpse; they are dead with no pulsing blood or heartbeat._

Billy's haunting words flew to mind in that instance. His words about the Cold Ones. A bit shaken, I leaned out of Edward's touch.

He face fell; clearly he was thinking I was rejecting his touch. I flashed him an apologetic smile.

"No, I didn't mind your hand. Just trying to piece things together." The relief showed on his face. "So, what happened?" I felt like a hangover victim asking the designated driver about the details before I had blacked out.

Edward looked worried now. "You don't remember?" I shook my head, before stopping suddenly. The fall from the bed must have given me a slight headache. "You don't remember fainting in the kitchen?"

"I fainted?" I asked, confused. I racked my brain then. I could remember sitting with Edward and eating Esme's dinner. Then a wave of tiredness had consumed me. Next thing I knew I was waking up in Alice's bed. I shrugged my shoulders sheepishly. "Its vague. How long was I out this time?"

"Not too long. It's about 1 a.m. now, so… five hours?"

"1?" I yelped. "Oh jeez. I'm sorry. Were you waiting with me the whole time?"

"Pretty much. I left once to… eat." I noticed the slight hesitance in his voice. "As it was, I was worried about you an wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn't mind staying by your side because I wanted to be the first one you saw when you woke up."

I played with my hair, looking away. "Thanks," I whispered shyly. "But, really, you didn't have to stay up. You could have gone to bed or something. I wouldn't have noticed."

"Don't worry about it. I'm pretty much a night owl anyway." His eyes lit up. "So what do you want to do now? Go back to sleep?"

I shook my head, stretching my limbs. "No way. I slept way too much today. I'm wide awake now." That was a tiny lie. I still felt really weak, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. "Well, Mr. Night Owl, what do you want to do? The rest of your family must be asleep this time of night. I don't want to wake them." Something clicked then. I looked back at the frilly pink bed. "Where's Alice?"

His answer was smooth and low. "Bunking with Rosalie. She didn't want to disturb you."

Instantly, I felt bad. I had basically kicked Alice out of her own room. I sighed. "So now what?"

"We could watch a few movies," Edward proposed. "Or," -he paused- "you could tell be about that dream. You fainted before you could get around to telling me about it."

I jumped up. "Movies it is!"

For a few minutes we scuffled through Alice's DVD case, looking for something to watch. I wanted to see_ Saw_, but Edward promptly shot it down, saying it would give me nightmares, as there was "a lot of blood". But then I vetoed Edward's pick of _The Godfather_. Those types of movies bored the hell out of me. After a little persuasion on Edward's part, we ended up settling on a marathon of corny romance movies. The first on the list was _You've Got Mail_. I'd never seen it before, but even the title turned me away.

Edward disappeared for a little bit as the beginning credits started. I took the time to race into Alice's private bathroom and freshen up. Nothing worse then bed head. I ran a brush through my hair a couple of times, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. After a quick change, putting on a more comfortable pair of PJ bottoms and a plain white tank top, I dove back into the room. I was just laying out the covers on the floor in front of the TV when Edward returned with popcorn.

I curled into Edward lap just as Meg Ryan appeared on screen. He smiled, his arm snaking around my waist. We were quiet through most of the movie.

"Okay, I don't get the point of this movie at all," I remarked half way in. "So, she's in love with him, but she doesn't know it?"

Edward laughed. "Just about. She doesn't get along with him in real life, but she's in love with him over cyberspace."

I pouted. "That's stupid. She can't really be in love with him."

"What makes you say that?"

"She doesn't really know him. Basically he's a stranger. For all she knows, he could be some 50 year old pervert!" I popped a piece of popcorn in my mouth. "You can't be in love with someone you doesn't really know. Sure, they talk, but they've got this big wall between them. It's like they're keeping a secret from each other."

Edward shifted under the covers. "That makes sense. How could someone love another if they don't know anything about them…" I felt Edward's hand retreat from its spot along my back.

"Urgh. I can't deal with this stupid movie. Next!" I freed myself from the tangle of covers, jumping to stop the movie mid scene. I ejected it, picked up the next DVD, and slid it in. I feel back into my previous spot as The Lake House started to play.

Unfortunately, this movie was a stinker too. All too soon, it was also ejected. We tore through the DVDs again, looking for even one we could watch from being to end. _The Notebook_. Rejected. _Dances With Wolves_. Edward flicked that one in the nearby trashcan. _Titanic_. We'd both seen it several times. _Dirty Dancing_. I rolled my eyes, letting it join _Dancing With Wolves _in the garbage, where it belonged. Did Alice not have a single good movie?

"Ah ha!" I smiled victoriously. "Finally, a decent movie!" I waved the disk proudly to show Edward.

"_Pride And Prejudice_?" He asked.

"Yup, a classic tale." I pushed it into the DVD player. "Personally, I liked the book better, but the movie will do. It was a better book then _Sense and Sensibility_, in my opinion." I sighed, wrapping myself back in the covers.

"Is it safe to assume that it's a favorite of yours, then?" Edward scooted over, inviting me to join him in lying against the bed.

I nodded, pressing myself against his side. "What's not to love?"

"I found it a bit of a chase around. Darcy rejects Elizabeth because she isn't 'worthy of him'. Slowly, he comes to realize what a pompous jerk he was. He falls for her and asks her to marry him. Elizabeth still thinks he is too stuck up. _She _rejects_ him _now. Then Elizabeth finally gives him a chance. She falls for him suddenly. Darcy's aunt tries to scare her away... It's just an continuous game of hot and cold."

"But it ends with Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy finally getting married. And isn't that why the story is considered one of the best? No matter what comes between them, true love conquers all." I chuckled. "Many that's too corny for you though."

Edward leaned in close then. I could barely breath with his eyes holding mine, blazing in the beautiful way as they could do. "Not at all," his voice unintentionally seductive. "It's nice to think that in the end, love does win. Despite it all, Mr. Darcy eventually does get Elizabeth to marry him. They got their happy ending, something life can not always promise."

I leaned in a bit, entranced by his lovely golden orbs. God, he was so beautiful. Unfairly beautiful. Much more beautiful then even Rosalie. "Everyone wants to have a happy ending."

"Don't I know it." And then his lips were on mine.

It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I didn't have a lot of other kisses to compare it to - well, only one, actually - but I could tell it was just… magical. _Icy cool._ The type of kiss that sent fireworks off in random directions, lighting up the sky. _Radiating passion._ The type of kiss you saw at the end of all romantic movies, right before the end credits. _Unbelievably tender. _The type of kiss that girls dreamed of, prayed for, wished for. _Pleasantly sweet._ It was more then enough to make me lose my head.

I wiggled onto his lap, all the while not daring to lose his mouth over mine. His arms enclosed around my waist. My hand locked behind his neck. It wasn't enough. I pulled my body tighter to his. Now my chest was pressed to his. Still not enough. Just then, I felt the kiss get desperate. Not like a first kiss, but like a last kiss. Like a kiss goodbye. It scared me.

But as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Edward lightly released my mouth, pulling away. Breathing heavily, I pressed my face into his chest.

"That was… wow."

"Glad to see the kiss didn't affect your vocabulary, " he joked. But his voice was too tense to pass off as lighthearted. He sounded… anxious. I watched him with careful eyes. His face was taunt, his mouth a tight line, his eyes darker. "It's late, Bella. I think I'll… turn in now."

I shivered as his cool fingers traced my jaw. Gently, he picked me up, cradling my body solely in his arms, my weight obviously not bothering him. After placing me back on Alice's bed, Edward pulled the comforter off the floor, laying it over my lap. He kissed my cheek, chanted "sweet dreams" in my ear, and left. It all happened so fast; I didn't even have time to wish him as good night. I groaned, falling back on the bed.

Why was he acting so strangely? Had I done something wrong again?

I turned on my side with another groan, giving my attention back to the movie still in play.

Keira Knightley was just explaining to her Mr. Darcy, Matthew Macfadyen, why she would never marry him.I even knew these lines well enough to quote them aloud. "And those are the words of a gentleman. From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could _ever_ be prevailed upon to marry."

I had to smile at the irony of her statements, for I knew, without fail, that eventually she _would_ marry Mr. Darcy. And even if she found the idea revolting now, in the end, she would rejoice in her choice. That one event would forever change her life, making her life complete with the one she loved. It was inevitable.


	16. For Better Or For Worse

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series**

The next few days passed without notable incident.

The morning after the movie marathon with Edward, Alice finally poked in to see me. She insisted that I take the rest of the week off, claiming that I was still coping with my loss. I didn't agree with her, but Alice was not in the mood for discussion. She merely smiled and locked me in the room while the rest of the Cullens piled into Rosalie's M3 and drove off to school. By the time Esme came home from shopping and was able to free me, first period was already over, so I just flowed with it.

That afternoon as I baked cookies with Esme, Edward came strolling down the stairs, much to my surprise. I had thought for sure he would be going back to school by now. He had already missed the past week with me. Was it okay for him to miss any more? But he avoided all my questions, saying he already had enough credits to pass anyway. So, with Carlisle working morning shifts, it was just Esme, Edward, and I for the following two days while the others went to school.

I wanted to use this time to find out more about Edward and the mysterious Cullens, but he had other ideas. For the rest of Wednesday afternoon and night, Edward planned for the two of us to have a video game-athon. It seemed like they had every game system known to man. I could only name a handful, video games not being my forte. After beating me in two rounds of Project Gotham City, three rounds of Super Smash Bros., and one of Mortal Combat: Deadly Alliance, we moved on to co-op games like Halo 3. When everyone got off from school, we girls sat around and watched Edward, Emmett, and Jasper kill each other systematically for a few hours in the video games. They somehow made it very exciting; they placed bets on everything, made contests were they didn't exist, and delighted in killing each other even while working on the same team. This all stopped after Emmett broke the TV, throwing his controller into it. He was sent out to buy another one straightaway.

Thursday was interesting. I woke up to the constant rain patters, as usual, around ten. Like the morning before it, I woke up feeling a little drowsy. Both nights I had fallen asleep in a cold sweat, feverish, only to wake up better. Well, not "better" so much as numb. Like when you take cold medicine that covers up that groggy feeling. Except I didn't take any medicine.

Anyway, Edward was in the kitchen with Esme when I came down. I sat down in front of my stack of ten pancakes - seriously; was Esme trying to make me explode? - while Edward sat down for another rousing round of "Watch Bella Eat", a favorite of his. Even though I now lived with the Cullens, I had yet to see _them_ eat. None of them. Were they all anorexics? They didn't have that pinched look, but what else could I think? I was forced to assume I always missed their meal times thanks to my constant sleepiness.

As I struggled through pancake number 3, Edward told me the game plan for the day: he and I would be taking another trip over to Port Angeles today. Only in the upper Washington area would it not dampen people from their outing that it was pouring buckets outside. Still, I hadn't left the house in the last two days, so I was up for anything.

As Edward helped me hide the reminder of my breakfast in the trash, I plucked up enough courage to coyly ask him, "So does it count as a date?"

He grinned and kissed the top of my head, sending my heart into overdrive. It really wasn't fair how he could do that. But I couldn't deny that I loved those little moments. "Why yes," he had replied smoothly, "I like to think it does."

We spent the afternoon strolling up and down the empty little streets in the cold rainwater. We laughed at the cute specialty shops, each trying to outdo the other with the assortment of queer names. Edward won, of course, with the "Pleasure Palace: Adult Video Shop". Then we dangled our feet from the peer as Edward told me the little he could remember about his birthparents, the ones who had died from illness. We held hands as we walked up and down the beach; me picking up little seashells I thought looked neat to show off to Edward. Then we went back to that Italian restaurant, both in high spirits from the day.

Our server was another pretty, young girl. And like the one before her, she spent every second at the table flirting with Edward. She would toss back her bleached hair and bat her eyelashes like it didn't make her look completely retarded and like I wasn't even there. I was getting annoyed, but I knew it wasn't Edward's fault, so I ate my food quietly. Every once and a while, Edward would throw me the cutest face that clearly said "Save me", but I would smirk back and return to my food.My ignoring the girl's flirting seemed to be the head nod she needed to continue to engage Edward in her one-sided conversation. It was hilarious how he tried to tune her out but failed to not look pissed off.

When she returned to fill my three/fourths full coke - for the fourth time - I took pity on Edward. Well, that was partially it. The other side of it was I wanted to enjoy Edward's company and have him to myself. You can't blame a girl for not wanting to share.

With a deep sigh, I slid out of my seat across from Edward, reseating myself directly beside him. Since we were at one of the smaller booths, me sitting beside him actually meant I was halfway on top of him. As soon as I had sat down, his lips were on my neck. His "Thank you" was barely audible from between the gap of kisses. I turned three shades redder when the girl finally reached our table, her mouth literally hanging open at the display of PDA. I had to admit, my reaction was similar to hers.

It seemed like in the course of the past week, Edward and I had gone from awkward friends to suddenly… hormone-crazed teenagers. I didn't know what was the reason for the transition, but I was completely on board. I don't know; there was just something about Edward. He made me feel safe. Happy. Special. Loved, even. That was new.

I was pretty clueless when it came to couple stuff. It never stuck. I mean, you were talking to a girl whose first kiss - and only, before Edward - was from a game of Spin The Bottle. And said kiss wasn't exactly magical at the fragile age of 11. I just… wasn't sure how to play the role of a girlfriend. Was that even what I was? It didn't suit me.

So now today was Friday. I woke to Alice shaking me up around 9.

"What are you doing here?" I mumbled, rubbing me eyes.

The tiny girl grinned down at me, shaking the bed with her slight bouncing. "I live here, silly!"

I rolled my eyes. "I meant what are you doing home. Shouldn't you be at school, young lady?"

I flopped out of bed, yawning slightly, and stumbled over to the window, peeking out. It actually wasn't raining yet. Sure, it was gloomy and most likely humid as hell, but it would be dry. That was a win in my book. Rejuvenated, I skipped back to the bed and plopped down beside Alice.

"Well," Alice started. "I was tired of Edward hogging you. It's no fair that he gets to sweep you off your feet all day as you two act all lovey-dovey." I blushed slightly. "So today, it's just you and me. I sent Edward back to school and stayed behind myself. So guess what we're going to do today?" She didn't wait before an answer before shouting it out. "Shopping!"

I fought vigorously to hide my disappointment. Great, I wouldn't see Edward until the late afternoon at this rate. I didn't even try to understand what torment that thought put me through. Than another word popped back out at me. I winced. "Oh, Alice. Shopping?"

As much as I liked Alice, it was clear we were two very different people. The main differences were our likes and dislikes. Shopping for new clothes every week was completely normal for Alice, but not me. I went with the bare minimums clothes-wise. And while I was a jeans and t-shirt type of girl, Alice had a wild flair for fashion. I was in awe the first time I walked into her closet. It was like I had just stepped into a mini mall!

She pouted. "What's wrong with that? You did promise to go shopping with me. Remember? In the hospital? I was telling about you the finer points of Casmir. And then I said we'd have to go on a spree together sometime. Ring a bell?"

I sighed. Of course it did. "Yes," I reluctantly admitted. "I remember."

"Then why so glum?" A look of understanding swept over her face. "Oh! I get it now. You're upset that you can't spend the day on another date with Edward, right?"

"Alice!" I shrieked, my cheeks glowing.

She smirked, replying in a singsong voice, "Looks like I hit the nail on the head!" I tossed a pillow at her, only making her laugh harder.

Two hours later, we were marching along the Aria Mall. We would have made it there much earlier but between Esme forcing me to a second bowl of oatmeal and Alice making me change my outfit for a third time…

"Keep up, Isabella!" Alice shouted to me for what felt like the millionth time as I fell behind to catch my breath. I looked up only to glare at her retreating back before collapsing over with my hands on my knees, breathing deeply. I'd never known anyone to take shopping so seriously! She -literally- was dragging me into every single store. And she bought something in each one. Strike that. Never just one thing, but more like fifty. And all at prices that were much too pricy for my blood.

"Alice!" I sputtered out while she stopped to attack a nearby rack of blouses in the next store. "Are you buying new clothes for each day of the year? It would take a lifetime to wear all of this - longer even! You'll never be able to wear everything you've bought today."

She flashed her pure white teeth. "Oh, I have faith. Besides, it's not all for me." She pulled aside the three bags on her left arm. "I got a little bit of clothes for you, too."

I wasn't sure what put me more in shock. That she was buying me things even though I _ specifically _told herI didn't want her to. That she bought me in clothes for stores that were so out of my price range that it wasn't even funny. Or that she considered three full bags a "little" amount. Maybe it was a mix of all three.

"Now, now," she reprimanded as she strolled past me to the dressing rooms, "if your mouth hangs open any longer, you'll catch flies."

I slowly shut my jaw, my eyes flashing. "Alice Cullen!" I stopped outside of her dressing room, my hands set on my hips. "Not a chance. We are going back to those stores and returning the clothes, right this instant!" As her reply, I heard tiny, quick ripping from behind the closed door. I pressed my ear to the door, unsure. "What are you doing in there?"

She hummed, continuing on with the ripping sound. "Hey Bella." Rip. Rip. Rip. "Did you know most stores will not let you return clothes after the tags have been ripped off?" Rip. Rip. Rip. "Yeah, it's a stupid rule, but they stick by it fiercely." The ripping stopped and Alice peeked her head out of the tiny room, tossing several tags into the air with a wild bout of laughter. "Game. Set. Match, to Alice Cullen!" And she slammed the door again.

Defeated, I slumped to the floor. With trembling fingers, I picked up the nearest fallen tag and lifted it to my face. My face lost all color as I read the price tag. Was it even _legal_ to sell a top for that much? I dropped the tag back to the floor, no longer able to read the number. I was afraid to check any more tags.

Around four o'clock Alice decided to have pity on me - and my feet - and let us stop in the food court for a bit. Alice claimed she wasn't hungry for anything but more shopping and handed me twenty bucks to find something for myself. I immediately felt guilty.

"Ah! Don't you dare refuse this money, Bella. Think of it as me paying you off. My way of saying thank you for having patience with me and coming with me today, even though I drove you crazy."

"But Alice," I whined, "I can't. You have already spent way too much money on me today. I can't let you pay for my food, too."

"But I had fun with it! Today I got to see you freak out a bunch of times. Remember what happened in Cache? That was hilarious! Who knew you were capable of throwing a fit over a pair of shoes?" Alice laughed quietly. "Like I said, today was my treat. I got to spoil you rotten and learn a bit about you, and you got some nice clothes and lunch to boot. That's a fair trade, right?" She lightly pushed the money into my hand, shoving me off. I grinned, leaned in to hug her tiny frame, and then hopped off to feed my grumbling stomach.

_Now, what do I feel like eating?_

I returned to the table a few minutes later with a salad from a deli to find Alice on the phone. As I slid into my seat, she shoved the phone into my hands. "Help!" she whispered. "He's yelling at me for kidnapping you."

My eyebrow rose, but I lifted the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I asked uncertainly.

"Bella?"

My heart skipped two beats. "Edward!" I ran my hand through my hair nervously, forgetting he couldn't see me. "Hi."

He chuckled. "Hi yourself. How have you been?"

"Good. Just been shopping with Alice most of the day. How was school?"

"Boring. I couldn't really concentrate anyway. I kept thinking about you." His voice became lower and more tender. "I missed you."

I bit on my lower lip. "I missed you too," I whispered. It was getting easier all the time to admit how I felt to Edward. Now, I didn't try to cover it up or pretend I didn't feel this way. It was nice.

"Did Alice treat you well?" A suspicious edge crept into his voice.

"Nah, she was a total monster." I winked at her. "She bought me clothes against my will and then forced me to let her pay for lunch."

He sighed. "I'm sorry you were forced to endure my sister, the shopaholic. But believe me, it could have been worse. So are you ladies almost done there?"

"Let me see." I turned to Alice, putting the phone down. "How many more shops are we hitting?"

"Hmm. Not many more. Tell him he has to wait until six before he sends in the search team for you."

I laughed and lifted the phone again. "Can you wait two more hours?"

"No," he grumpily replied. "But I have no choice, I suppose. Very well then. I'll see you at six, no later." He paused for a fraction of a second before adding in a low tone. "I love you." And then he hung up.

I gasped.

Ever since the day of Charlie's funeral, neither of us had brought up the "L" word. On my part, it was from uncertainty. Yes, I had admitted to myself long before that I was falling for him, but I wasn't ready to say it out loud. If that made any sense. After the past few days, I still couldn't say I knew Edward very well. It still was like he was hiding something from me. I wasn't going to force him to open up to be. But I wish he could feel as though he could trust me.

After all, if he couldn't trust me with his secrets, how could I trust him with my heart?

But he didn't even give me a chance to respond! Sure, I had no idea what I would have said, but to just hang up on me? I lightly pressed the "End" button and gave Alice back her phone.

"This is getting ridiculous." Alice rolled her eyes as my clueless expression. "You and Edward, silly. It's like watching a soap opera unfold. Now I'm waiting for Edward's evil twin to sweep you off your feet._ Then_ we might get somewhere."

I blushed. "Things are difficult, Alice, for many reasons. Charlie's passing. Me still trying to get back on my feet. And we've only known each other for so long." I stirred the lettuce around in my bowl, no longer hungry. "You know, stuff."

"Uh huh. Sure." Alice leaned over the table. "Tell me honestly Bella, and I swear I won't mention it to Edward. But I just have to know: how do you feel about my brother?"

"W-what?" I yelped. If I couldn't say it to Edward himself, why would I be able to tell his sister?

"Girl to girl. Do you like him? I just… I like you, I really do, but I have to know if you really care about Edward. He's my brother. I don't want him to get hurt if you don't feel the same." She folded her hands. "And at the same time, I don't want you to get hurt. If you can, just honestly tell me. I'll help as best I can, give advice, but this relationship is between the two of you. Just think of me as the Nurse to your Juliet with Edward as your hot-tempered Romeo. Now spill."

Girl to girl, huh? Wasn't that what I had always wanted, but never had? A nice girlfriend I could talk about this stuff, who would help inexperienced me in matters out of my realm. Maybe Alice could help me understand these feelings that were rushing about inside of me. And even if she couldn't, I would feel better after venting. Either way, I couldn't be any worse off.

I stared downwards as I spoke, not able to look her in the eye for fear of losing my nerve. "Whenever I think about him, my heart gets light. Whenever he's near me, I can't help but to smile. If he holds my hand, it's as if I'm floating on a cloud. If he hugs me, I hug back and never want to let go. If he kisses me, I melt inside." I shook my head. "I can't explain it right. It's not so much that he has my heart, as it is he_ is_ my heart. Like he's the part of my soul that was missing, but I never realized it until I met him. And without him, I'm nothing."

I sighed. "I just don't get it. Everything used to make sense. I was always levelheaded, you know? I could make sensible choices, responsible ones, and always walked a very thin, straight line. Now…" I laughed humorlessly. "Now, I can't even tell which way is up. I'm a mess. And this whole thing is over my head. Alice, I just can't handle this. I've never felt so vulnerable. So fragile. Is it supposed to feel this way?"

No sooner were the words out of my mouth was Alice tackle-hugging me into a vice-grip. "Oh Bella! Of course it is! What you've just described; that's how it feels when you fall in love for the first time!" She squealed and released me, gripping my hands in hers. "Bella, it is _supposed _to be overwhelming. It's a new sensation. You feel… happy, yes, but it's so scary. And vulnerable! That's totally it!"

Alice's eyes glazed over. "I remember how it felt when I fell for Jazz. I didn't even know him, but I loved him. And I just knew he loved me, even if he didn't know it yet. But what frightened me the most was myself. It was like I had to know my own heart before I could have his. But once I had come to terms with everything, I just knew I would be with him forever.

"But having someone for forever…" Her eyes turned soft as she observed me. "At first, I was constantly afraid. I kept thinking, 'why me?' and 'what did I do to deserve him?' Never had I felt more self-conscious. But I guess we all have moments like that. Yes, it's scary. And yes, it can be painful. But Bella, everyone deserves the chance to fall in love."

"Even me?" I asked thickly, through a fresh batch of tears.

"Especially you." Her words were gentle. "Oh Bella, I'm so glad my brother has you. Such an amazing young woman who obviously cares so much. Opening you heart will make you susceptible, yet you, who has been hurt so many times before, are willing to do it for him? For both of you? I can see what my brother loves about you." And she embraced me again.

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A/n: RAWReview. :)


	17. To Have And To Hold

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series**

As Alice had predicted, we arrived back at the Cullen house just as the digital clock flashed to 6:00. And also as she had predicted, Edward was waiting for us on their doorstep. She rolled her eyes and shut the car off, filing out. I followed her example, though a bit more energized then she. What could I say? I was just as eager to see Edward, as he appeared to be to see me.

"Hello there." His long arms wrapped themselves around my torso, sending a shiver up my spine. The good kind of shiver; one of anticipation and longing. Edward pulled away slightly, giving me a once over. "She didn't harm you, did she?"

I giggled. "Honestly, Edward, it wasn't that bad." Okay, so I was lying. The shopping was pure torture and my feet were still aching from the number of rounds we made in the mall. But the company wasn't bad. "I actually enjoyed myself, despite Alice buying me a fortune worth of clothes that I'll never wear."

"We'll see about that." Alice popped her head out from behind the truck of the car. "Trust me, Bella. I have many ways… Frightening ways." She ominously reminded me, flashing her white teeth.

I ducked into Edward's chest. "How does someone so tiny manage to scare me so profusely?" I mumbled.

Edward's chest rumbled as he laughed. "You haven't seen anything yet. Alice is quite the little monster. Much more frightening then even Emmett could hope to be."

Apparently Alice decided not to dignify her brother's teasing with a verbal response because she merely glared his way before stomping off into the house. Her anger was somewhat diminished by the ten or so bags hanging off her arms, looking as if they weighed more then her. She slammed the door in a way of answering our laughter.

"Pheew." I sighed, leaning more heavily onto Edward for support. I blinked rapidly, trying to make the scenery stop spinning around my eyes. When that didn't work, I settled to just close my eyes. Now is only my head could stop churning… "I guess that shopping trip took more out of me then I thought. Edward, can we go inside?"

A worried look crossed over his face. "Bella, are you okay?"

I nodded, making my head hurt even more. I pressed my hand to my forehead while replaying, "Of course. Just a little worn out. Now I know what the phrase 'shop 'till you drop' means," I joked. But Edward's face remained taunt, his eyes focused firmly on my face. I lifted my hand from my head to lay it on his cheek. "I'm fine, really. A little dizziness never killed anyone."

Apparently this was a bad word choice. His eyes darkened as his jaw clenched, making Edward look more stressed then before. Without warning, he then pulled me into a tight embrace, much more strong then the earlier one. Again, the desperation of his actions were not lost on me. Why? Why was he holding me as if this was the last time? Was he going somewhere? Was he_ leaving _me?

Shocked at my revelation, I pushed at his chest, trying to free myself.

Me shoving him didn't cause him to budge in the least, but he realized what I wanted to do. He released me, taking a step back. "Bella?"

I shook my head ever so slightly back and forth. Something was wrong. _Very wrong._

Looking back at this week, I remembered that look in Edward's eyes that had made me feel uneasy. His eyes had blazed with secrecy and something I couldn't put my finger on. His smile had never reached his eyes. And each kiss had been as desperate as this one had been. Why? Now that I thought about it, they had all been treating me strangely. Why had I ignored the signs? Something was definitely not right. Why else would Edward have been so close to my side this past week? Why else would he be missing school for me? He was keeping something from me. _Why hadn't I seen it earlier?_

I could usually read people pretty well. If fact, I considered myself an excellent judge of character. I could spot right off the back who were people I could get along with and who I would want to avoid. It was as if I could tell a person's motives like big flashing words were floating over their heads in neon lights. And right now "SUSPCIOUS" was hovering over Edward.

What was he hiding?

I chewed on my bottom lip, staring at him as I could find what he was hiding just be observing him. But all the while, my heart was racing. With fright. I was scared. Oh-so scared. I wanted to know what he was keeping from me, yet I was too terrified to ask. What if I would regret knowing?

Slowly, I opened my mouth to ask, "What are you not telling me?"

I had hit the nail on the head, clearly. Shock was the first to cross his face. Next was fear. Then he was able to compose himself under a stone-faced guise. "I don't know what you are talking about." But of course I could see through his velvety voice and how the words had rushed out a bit too fast. I could hear a pinch of anxiety. And his eyes seemed to be screaming, 'Drop it! Please, drop it!'

What was he hiding?

I let out a deep breath, looking away from him. I knew I wouldn't be able to continue on with my development if I kept looking at him. "I must look pretty stupid," I whispered. "I _feel_ pretty stupid. You are hiding something from me, and I know it." I thought back to how nervous he had sounded when we had talked over the phone earlier. Like he was worried Alice would do something he didn't want her to. Or say something. "Alice is in on it too, isn't she?" I guessed.

His face gave away nothing now. He must have known I was searching for his reaction to prove myself right. But his lack of an answer was answer enough. I hazarded another guess then. "That's why you were so worried about me being alone with her. Without your supervision. You thought she would tell me about what you are hiding."

Still no answer from Edward, though I thought his eyes fell a few shades of color.

I was on a roll now. "Is that why you've been spending so much time with me, too? Because you didn't want to risk her telling me?" I paused. _But that doesn't quite explain why he stayed home from school, _I thought to myself._ Alice was gone. He didn't have to baby-sit me. It would have only been Esme and me. So unless she knew…_ "Everyone is in on the secret," I realized with a gasp. "If you had gone to school with your siblings, it would have only been Esme and me, right? Then she could have told me."

_What was he hiding!_

Now my incredulousness was turning to anger. "You've got some frickin' nerve, Edward," I hiss between my teeth. My tiny fists clenched, my nails digging into my skin a bit. But I was beside myself with anger. "What are you trying so hard to keep from me?!"

And he said nothing still.

Tears sprang up to my eyes. The flash of anger was dying only to be reborn as stinging betrayal. I had trusted him with all of my secrets. He knew it all. I believed he cared about me. So I had held nothing from him. But only now was I realizing he was always holding back on his own tale. When he had to offer something about himself, it was always the bare minimum. Why did I trust him with everything about myself only to gain nothing in return?

But that wasn't even what hurt the most.

It was all a lie. Everything was a lie. When he held me hand; a lie. When he smiled at me; a lie. When he kissed me; a lie! Edward wasn't being nice to me because he liked me. No, it was all so he could have an excuse to watch me around the clock, to keep me away from his family. Just so they wouldn't blow some secret!

How long?

How long had he been pretending to care? How long had he lied straight to my face? How long had he caressed my cheek, ran his fingers through my hair, and tickled my neck? All of it: empty. It all meant nothing to him. I meant nothing to him.

"I really am stupid!" I sobbed, the ground blurring before my eyes. It felt like I had done nothing but cry nowadays. Maybe I just wasn't meant to be happy. "Stupid, stupid, stupid! To think I was convinced you cared about me. And that I had…" _Fallen for you too, _I wanted to say. But I bit back those words. No, he had embarrassed me enough. He already knew I had trusted him. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of know he had made me love him too. With his forked tongue, spewing pretty words, he had captured me. But I'd never let him know he had won. No, I still had that much pride left.

"I'm done feeling this way, Edward." I turned on my heel, storming into the house.

It seemed like everyone was home already. Carlisle must have gotten his shift ended early, for he too was in the living room when I stomped in. They all turned to look at me, Esme and Alice actually jumping up, clearly to come to my side. But I held my hands up to them, closing my eyes, and breathing haphazardly.

"I'm done. I want to thank you all for what you've done for me. I'll never be able to repay your family for taking care of me when I needed someone the most." I smiled as best I could through my burden. "I'll never forget you all." Then I hurried up to Alice's room before anyone could understand what had happened.

Some shopping bags still sat on the bed when I opened the door. I could tell them were the ones Alice had got for me. _Such a sweet girl. _But I walked past the clothes, turning to my still half packed suitcase. I ran around the room picking up the rest of my clothes and shoving them into my bags as quick as possible.

"Bella! What are you doing?" Alice was at the doorframe, her golden orbs wide.

I turned back to my search. "Have you seen my blue turtleneck?" I mumbled. "I know it's around here somewhere."

"Answer me right now! What are you doing?"

"Packing." My answer was casual and simple as I continued on my quest for the missing top. "Ah ha!" I dug it out from under the bed and added it to the pile of things.

"W-why?"

"Generally, when one is packing, it is because they are going away, Alice." I hadn't meant to be so sharp, but my patience was at an end. I yanked the zipper of my suitcase closed while sitting on top of it. Now that the big things were done, I rushed to the bathroom.

Alice followed me of course. "You can't leave."

"I believe I can. Last I checked you can't hold me hostage." I retrieved my toothbrush from the cabinet. "I really am sorry about my leaving so suddenly."

"Bella! Be reasonable!" Alice stretched her arms out, blocking my exit of the tiny, tiled room. "W-where would you go?"

I shrugged. "Not too far. After all, I still am registered at Forks High, and my father's lawyer said I need to finish my education or I can't inherit his stuff. Maybe I'll just rent close by. I have some money saved." I tried to push her out of the way but she wouldn't budge. "Alice, I'm leaving. Don't be difficult."

"How can I not be difficult!" She shrieked, making me wince. "You two idiots are both being so stubborn!"

"Can you blame me!" I ducked under her arm, tossing my things into the top pocket of the bag. "How do you think I feel? I've trusted your brother with everything! He knows me better then either of my parents ever had. But it's too much to ask for him to trust me in return? I don't like having things kept from me, Alice."

"Even if it's for your own good?"

I stopped. "For my own good?" I repeated. She nodded. "Alice, whatever he's keeping from me… it has to do with _me_. I think I deserve some honesty, especially if it concerns_ me_. I want to be informed of something that involves me, not have others decided what is for the best. It's my life."

A ghost of a smile grace her angelic face but it was a sad shadow of the real thing. "Bella, I agree. One hundred percent, I am on your side. In fact, I told him the same thing." She led my over to the bed, sitting us both down. She took my hands into hers. "He doesn't want to hurt you, you know that, right?"

"No, I don't." Gently, I pulled my hands away. "I won't go through this again. I… I won't be hurt by someone I care about. Not anymore. I won't survive this time." I crossed the room, pulling away the curtains as I spoke. "My heart's too weak for this again. To be hurt again…"

"Don't you trust Edward?"

"Yes, and I am beginning to think that was my first mistake. He promised…" I swallowed. "He promised me that night in the hospital. He said he would never hurt me, if only I would trust him. Pretty words. But empty. If what you say is true, that he was trying to protect me from this truth, then he doesn't know me very well. I don't want to be protected. I want to be trusted. I want him to have the decency to tell me the truth. I can't be here otherwise." I tucked my hair behind my ear, swinging my duffel bag over my shoulder.

This time Alice didn't try to block my exit. But she did follow me down the stairs, her tiny footsteps silent in comparison to my bearish ones. I offered her a small smile just before I opened the door to the Cullen mansion. "Please, don't be sad, okay? If it's any consolation, this isn't personal. I'm not leaving because I don't like you or your family. Actually, you're the best friend I've never had." Her pale face perked up a bit at that. "There's a smile." I dragged her into a one-armed hug. "Thanks for everything."

But before I could open the door, it swung up seemingly of it's own accord. Of course it was Edward himself who now blocked my path. But I couldn't summon the same amount of rage I had felt just moments ago. Now, looking into his empty eyes of the richest goldenrod hue, I only felt sadness. Deep, aching sadness.

With no emotion, I finally spoke. "Move."

"I won't."

"You must."

"I won't let you leave. Not yet."

Our eyes locked, both sides unyielding, unrelenting. Stubborn. Determined. And frightened. "I'll leave if I damn well please. So get out of my way." I knew trying to shove past Edward would be near impossible, so I just folded my arms, trying to look intimidating. "Edward. Edward, I mean it." He didn't move an inch. I was losing my patience. "Get out of my way! Now!" But of course, he just stood there like a marble statue.

I turned on the spot, intending to leave out of the garage door, but he caught my arm. "Bella."

"What?"

"I need you to listen. Hear my side." He wrapped his fingers around mine, his eyes pleading. "Please."

Of course I melted. What else could I say? No matter how betrayed I was, I was not able to resist him. Those eyes had me in their clutchs, unyielding. So I sighed, defeated, dropping my bag to the floor and crossing my arms with a huff. "Fine. You have ten minutes. Start explaining."

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_A/n: Another short one, sorry. Guess what? a secret get's told next chapter. Review with what you think it is! :)_


	18. The Truth

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series**

Slowly, I took a step closer to her, my eyes guarded. Instantly, I was coated in that strange perfume of hers - the one of lilacs, freesia, and wildflowers. Her scent was... deliciously distracting. A poor choice of words, but none closer existed. In close proximity, such as I was now, the aroma was beyond mouthwatering; it was hellfire. I couldn't understand the complexity of her scent - how it drew me to her and repulsed me so - but Emmett had tried. _La tua cantante_. Literally, 'your singer'. It was a term most of vampire kind had set aside for those whose blood was more tempting then other, though it often varied in degree - no two humans sang in the same way.

Many years ago, Emmett had come across a woman whose blood sang for him so invitingly that he snapped. The others waved it off as another fall off the bandwagon (Emmett was well known for his slip ups by then) but I knew differently. I had smelt the blood in Emmett's memories after he had stalked and killed the woman. No human ever had smelled so wondrous to him - to me, via his mind. It had confused me, and I had talked to Carlisle about it. But, with the woman dead and no way to discover why she had smelled so strong to only Emmett, we let the incident die, so to speak.

Until another female with the same reaction for poor Emmett appeared only two decades later.

In truth, those slips had fallen to the back of my mind. Until now.

When I had first met Bella, her blood was the opposite of what you would expect from a singer. I wasn't sure what could have been the cause. As used to I am with humans and their blood, I had never come across a case when I experienced absolutely no reaction to them. My venom always pooling in my mouth. Always. But when I first caught sight of the strange, pale newcomer in the cafeteria... nothing. She might as well have been as bloodless as I.

It confused me and somehow lured me into a false sense of security. Perhaps that was why I rushed to her aid so willingly. Or perhaps I was just a fool.

We had held a family discussion that night about the girl. Alice, of course, had seen the girl's plight and was beyond horrified; she always had been the one to extend sympathy outside of our family thanks to her queer gift that let her know complete strangers. It was only natural that she wanted to interceed. But what was odd was her reaction was seconded by both Esme and Rosalie.

Esme, I might be able to make a case for. She had been beaten and abused by her first husband, after all. To know something similar was occurring to a defenseless girl right under our noses lit a fire in her the likes of which I had never seen before. Besides that, Esme was one of those rare, kind souls. Her love was no limited to only our family or even only living beings. She tended her flowers and houses with just as much time and devotion. So I might have been able to forsee her reaction to Bella.

But Rosalie?

Surprisingly, Rosalie's reasoning was right in line with Esme's, though she tried to block it from me perhaps out of embarrassment. Since he death, there were a few things she had never been able to let go of, such as her lack of children and her ache for humanity. But another was her disgusted rage at the men who had killed her. Since managing her control, Rosalie had been in and out of political encircling female rights and activism - always under fake names and never head-linging such rallies, but always there with her support. She detested more then anything weakness, and at that, the stereotype weakness for woman. To even hint at her gender being lesser at anything was like slapping Satan in the face.

I was only able to catch glimpses of her thoughts that night and Jasper only get bits of her emotions before she locked herself away under a wave of indifference. But, what we did get from her, was completely out of character for the blonde narcissist: compassion. We all knew she wasn't the cold-hearted female that she liked to play, but her compassionate side only extended to family. So for Rosalie -the Rosalie- to be overwhelmed with pity for Bella Swan, a human stranger, was unheard of.

I had confronted her about it when she accompanied me to Bella's house that night.

"People like Charlie Swan," she had hissed through her teeth, "are the scum of the earth. What right has he, has anyone, to make another feel weak and useless? To destroy the life of another? If his type of men - I mean, _people_ - never existed, then deaths such as mine would have never needed to happen."

I thought to read between the lines enough to see her true meaning: she didn't give a damn about Bella as a person, but instead saw her own past in the girl and refused to let it happen.

But, it turned out once again, that I was being arrogant in my thoughts.

Rosalie did see herself in Bella, yes, but that wasn't the only reason she wanted to save the girl. While she held Bella in the hospital, a calm look was on her beautiful face. And in that moment, she thought to herself, _"If I had experienced the love of my family before my death, I think I would have been more content and gone on without too many regrets. This girl... has she lacked that love as well? Perhaps it is the least I can do to give her such love, to do well to remember how much I had needed it when in her situation."_ These words radiated such a depth of love and sadness that I was floored and could not even respond to them.

And even now, as I stared upon the young woman in question, I could hear Rosalie's remorse for the girl. _She looks so frightened, poor girl. _Her mind took on a sharper edge. _Oh, what a horrible way to tell her Edward! So bluntly! Hasn't she suffered enough?_

That she had. I had just never realized the level on which she had been hurt before. A level I had only added to by keeping such a secret from her.

How could I not have noticed how sad her eyes looked? I had been paying so close attention to her looking for sense of her illness, I was blind to her heartache. That was so typical of me. Thinking I alone knew what was best. My family, especially Rose, always told me I did such yet I never saw this flaw as clearly as I did now. _I could curse myself to the fieriest pits of hell and it still not be punishment enough_. But I wasn't so deluded now. I clasped my hands together, waiting for her reaction. Her reaction to the terrible truth I had finally told her.

Blank. Utterly blank. Her face had paled a bit, but other then that, I had no idea what was running through Bella's mind after learning such a horrid fact. And learning that I had been keeping this from her for so long. I shifted my weight to my other foot, feeling antsy. I just wanted her to speak._ Say anything_, I pleaded._ Yell at me again. Scream. Tell me you want nothing more to do with me. Anything. _I just needed to hear her voice. Needed to hear if I had broken her too far now.

But nothing. Bella just… stared forward. Was it too much of a shock for her?

_Patience, Edward_. Alice chided me silently. She shook her head. _Let her cope. She's a big girl; she'll be fine. Just give her time._

_I am giving her time! But can you blame me for feeling impatient?_ I wanted to respond that and more. But I couldn't risk upsetting Bella further by yelling at Alice. Not just yet. Such a pity my ability didn't work both ways, allowing others to hear _my_ thoughts at times.

I turned to look at Carlisle. Was it normal for her to just stand there like this? Did she really go into shock? What should I do then?

Far too slowly, he came to join the three of us in the foyer. Carlisle peered at her with guarded eyes, his face and thoughts alike giving nothing away as he examined her from a side. He dug a hand through his golden hair, a slight smile playing at his face._ Nothing to worry about, Edward. Let her process this. It's… a difficult thing to hear. You, of all people, should understand that._ An image fluttered across his mind. It was one of me, many years ago, in the morgues of the Chicago hospital, incredulous at what I had become. _After she recovers,_he continued,_ tell her she is more then welcome to come see me if she has questions._

I glared after him as he walked away, focusing on his paper work that needed to be completed. But then a speck of movement caught my attention again.

The color was gradually returning to Bella's face now as she blinked rapidly, as if to clear herself from something. As I watched, her eyes lit up with what I realized to be understanding. Something must have clicked.

Was this the part when she started screaming at me? Or crying? I wouldn't be able to handle it if she started to cry. That would be so horrible. Please don't let her cry-

Bella caught me off guard then by sighing loudly. She tilted her head slightly, all signs of aggression having passed. She even looked… happy. Was Jasper influencing her? I didn't think so. But then… How…?

"Bella? Are you okay?" I ducked down to her eyes level, watching her carefully, waiting for her demeanor to swiftly change.

But she nodded her head. "Uh huh! Never better."

Now I pressed my hand to her forehead. Was she ill? _Perhaps she has gained a fever as a result of stress..._

"I'm fine, really, Edward." She peeled my hand away. "_Really_."

But I didn't trust it. No one could be "fine" after learning such a depressing secret. She should be terrified. And… sad. Why was she putting on this face? "You don't have to pretend, Bella. It's okay. I understand. And I'm sure you're still very angry that I kept it from you-"

"No, no. You've got it all wrong. I'm not mad - well, not anymore." She grinned sheepishly. "I just glad to you told me now. And… Well, I'm relieved."

I raised an eyebrow. "Relieved?"

I then noticed that she hadn't let go of my hand yet. Instead, her little fingers curled around mine. "Yes. So relieved. You can't even imagine. I had blown the whole thing out of proportion, thinking it was something much worse! So hearing that I was wrong actually lifted all of my anxieties." Her eyes softened. "And I can understand why you didn't tell me. I would have done the same thing, if I was in your position. Sometimes… the truth is so scary. And you wanted to protect me, right? So I wouldn't be frightened?"

Oh, silly girl. I brought her hand up to my lips, kissing each finger in turn. "You give me too much credit. I assure you…. My reasoning for not tell you was much more selfish. _I_ was frightened. More then I would have thought possible. Of losing you. I… I didn't want to lose you. I still don't want to lose you. And for that I am sorry. I should have told you from the very beginning."

She curled into my chest, locking our arms in-between the two of us. "No, don't apologize. It's okay. I'm… I'm not scared. Not at all. So don't apologize."

I rested my head on top of hers. "How… how can you not be afraid? A _normal_ person would be."

"Since when have I ever been normal?" Emmett laughed quietly from the living room, easing away some of the tension.

"Case and point," I muttered into her hair. "Still, I would have thought you would possess a little more common sense. A sense of self-preservation, at the very least. But no. you baffle us all. Now, the only question is, where does this leave us?"

"Right here, Edward. Me, in your arms, enjoying your company." Bella shuffled awkwardly in my embrace. "So don't look so sad anymore, okay?" I said nothing. But my silence clearly spoke volumes to her. "Please? I'm not worried. Why should you be?"

"Bella, you need to take this a little more seriously. Do you not realize you are living with-"

At that moment, Alice tugged on the back of my shirt. I turned my head over my shoulder, looking down at the tiny girl who was my sister. An edge of irritation swept through me. "Yes?"

Alice firmly placed her hands on her hips. "I just thought you'd like to know that Bella is asleep." I looked back at her and, surely enough, her eyes were shut and faint sounds of sleep were spilling from her lips. Her cheeks were a rosy color and her skin no so pale anymore. She always looked calmest in her sleep, so much to the point that I loathed to wake her.

"So, now that the cat's out of the bag, can I hang out with Bella more often? Please?" Alice begged in her lithe tone as I lifted the brunette into my arms, grabbed her baggage and proceeded to carry her up to Alice's room. The pixie kept pace with me easily as I dashed up the stairs without jostling Bella.

"Now Alice, why in the world would I trust you with her?" I pushed open the door to the frilly, pink door. Careful not to wake her, I yanked the covers down and placed Bella in the center of the bed. I kissed the top of her head as I tucked her in. Even asleep, she looked like an angel. "Why would I trust you with my heart, hmm? Not everything is out in the open yet. You forget, she only knows_ one_ of the secrets," I soberly reminded her.

Alice followed me out of the room, our steps fluid and silent. "She'll figure it out eventually," she darkly remarked. "Bella isn't stupid. She'll get suspicious. And, even if you don't say anything, she will get it right, too."

"I know, I know. I just…" I paused, letting Alice pass me as we entered the living room. She joined Jasper and Esme on the sofa, her tiny body sinking into the cushions on impact. Emmett sat on the floor, wrapped up in his video games while Rosalie picked though a magazine. "I don't want to scare her away." _Not anymore, at least_, I realized, noting the irony. Just two weeks ago, I would have given anything to keep the humans away from me indefinitely, Bella Swan included.

Emmett leaned back on the floor, staring at me blankly. "Doesn't she deserve to know the truth? I mean, you do plan on saving her, right? For that to happen, she's gotta know what the heck is up."

I threw him a dirty glare. "You know very well that I don't plan on biting her. And I don't want any of you to mention anything of the sort to her."

"Gee great," Rosalie groaned. _He's such a coward_. "Another thing we can't tell her. Honestly Edward, what are you really afraid of? Bella knowing the truth and leaving or Bella knowing the truth and wanting to stay?"

For some reason, I couldn't quite answer her. Both sides were terrifying. No one in their right mind would wish this life on a loved one, but was it worse then losing that loved one to death? I was selfish enough to not tell Bella that she was dying. Was I selfish enough to not let her die too?

I growled, shoving those thoughts away. They were distracting. And, as it was, now wasn't the time for them. She still had time.

_Time is ticking away, Edward._

"I know, Alice, okay? I know." I fell to the floor beside my largest brother, pinching the bridge of my nose. "But please… respect my wishes on this. We don't want to overload her, anyway. Learning that she is dying… I think that's enough for one day," I hissed._ Enough for a lifetime, actually._ Several members of the family agreed with me on the statement, though they were tactful enough to keep it to themselves.

Emmett was the one to break the heavy silence. "Aw man! This game has to be rigged!" Just then, the screen turned black and the words 'GAME OVER' flashed in red across the screen. Emmett tightened his grip on the controller, shouting profanities at the game console. With a snarl, he chucked the controller straight into the TV like a child. Predictably, the screen shattered, sending shards everywhere. A large blue crackle flashed briefly before disappearing forever.

Rosalie didn't even look up from her magazine as she shook the glass shards from her hair. "That's another TV down, Emmett." She 'tsked'. "Better get moving. The Best Buy in Port Angles closes in an hour."

Jasper kicked the remains of the controller with his foot, an annoyed expression on his face. "Sheesh, Emmett, that's the second TV this week. Show some self control, would you?"

I couldn't help but to frown as I observed Esme lifting the now-broken TV by herself (and one-handed) as Alice zipped around the room with the vacuum cleaner at lightening pace. Emmett disappeared then to buy the replacement TV, crashing though the door in his haste and breaking it clean off it's hinges. Rosalie shouted after him at an impressive volume, her eyes darkening to a flat black color, and her hands crumpling the magazine to dust.

No, Bella definitely wasn't ready for this world yet.

* * *

_A/n: Tell me that wasn't confusing..._


	19. Crash

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series.**

To be left behind… or to leave behind. I wonder what hurts more?

This thought had been haunting me since that night. The night I found out my fate. To die at seventeen. It had resurfaced now, festering, plaguing my thoughts. No matter how I tired to shove it away, it still sat in the back of my mind, nagging. So, in moments of complete quiet, like now, it could voice itself. Sometimes, I would ponder it, examining the thought from every angle. Other times, I would just shove it away again, not able to cope with the thought of leaving this world behind. Had Charlie had this same thought as he slowly faded into the abyss too? Or had he been lucky in that it was much too quick to see his life come crashing down?

I wondered briefly if Charlie had even thought of me before he died. Maybe, while in his coma, he did what I was doing now: looking back on the past and regretting every second of it. If given the chance, I would have liked to have asked him if he felt dismayed when faced with his mortality. And I would have asked his opinion of who suffered most with death, the one dying or those forced to keep on living.

Still, no matter how many times I turned the thought over, I came up empty handed. At first, I would say, without a doubt, it hurt more to lose someone. After all, what could compare to losing a loved one? Of knowing you would never again see their face, hear their voice, nor feel their touch? It gave me shivers to just think of. And then, to _see _them dying. Hurting, aching, crying. Surely, nothing could compare. Yes, the real victims were those forced to lose someone.

But then I would think of Edward.

My heart would stop beating as I picture his flawless face; I couldn't breath for that second as I realized what I would be doing to him. How could I stand knowing he would be in pain when I was gone? Would he ever be able to cope? Would he ever smile again? What if it was my fault if Edward never recovered? I couldn't stand it! It just wasn't fair!

I would end up hurting him. It was inevitable, I saw now. Hurting Edward with my stupid sickness and my even more stupid death. Suddenly, I hated myself. With every fiber of my being, I truly _hated myself_. How dare I just go up and die on him? So soon after falling in love, I would be ripped away from him. How was that fair to him? Fair to me?

Perhaps it would have been better if I had never met Edward after all. I knew I would cause him pain - granted, I hadn't known that it would be to this extremity, but I did know that pain came with the fucked up package that was my pathetic love. As these thoughts enveloped me, I became over come with self-hatred and… deep sadness. _How will Edward be once I have left this world?_

Even worse, how could_ I_ stand to be without him? I didn't want to leave Edward behind. Didn't want to know that my time with him was coming to an end. _Why? Why can't I be allowed to stay alive, for Edward's sake as much as my own?_

I wasn't afraid of death; I was afraid of losing Edward.

Coming to terms with this each morning that followed would reduce me to hushed tears. I would stifle the sound with the back of my hand, not wanting to disturb Alice's sleeping form beside me. Thankfully, she always came around once I had pulled myself together, and never commented on my puffy eyes. And she didn't tell Edward either, though I would often catch her pitying looks.

My eyes slowly opened after another fitful night. I vaguely became aware of my surrounds, not sure what had woke me this time. Looking at the clock. I found that it wasn't even 6._ I might be able to sleep a bit longer. _ But as I turned on my side, drying my face with my sleeve, I came face-to-face with a wide-eyed Alice.

"Oh!" I squeaked, my voice a bit hoarse from my latest session of sobbing. "I'm sorry; did I wake you Alice?"

She shook her tiny head as she lifted herself off the pillow. "Nah. I wasn't sleeping anyway." She slipped out of bed, opening the curtains to welcome in the dreary, early morning light. The sky was even darker then normal. "Are you getting up?"

I rolled my eyes, making an effort to act normal. "Alice, the sun isn't even up yet; why should I be?"

"So? You wouldn't be able to see the sun through these clouds even if it _was_ up. Besides, haven't you ever heard, 'the early bird catches the worm'?"

I groaned and pulled the covers over my head mumbling, "It's too early. Don't beautiful people need to sleep, too?"

Alice's sparkling laughter filled the air. "Get up, grumpy!" I tossed a pillow in the vicinity of her voice. "Oh, don't be like that. Today will be a wonderful day. I have a sixth sense about these things."

"Whatever." I pulled a pillow over my head when I felt the bed sink under Alice's slight weight. "Oh, come on Alice. Why would today be any different from the past… Sheesh, how long as it been now? A week, since I found out about my condition? What makes today any special?" I peeked out of my make-shift fort.

Edward had been… beyond difficult lately. I think it mostly had to do with my reaction to finding out about my impending doom. It took great efforts on my part, but I had managed to act calm and collected about the whole thing. I showed only the tiniest bit of fear in the face for my death for one reason: I wanted Edward's trust. I needed him to be able to trust me with important things like this. And I knew that if I broke down like my body wanted to, he would have thought me unable to handle certain things - hell, he might have even tried to protect me from more truths. I couldn't have that. So I played the part of a brave young ingenue, all the while feeling like the world's biggest fool.

But, this attitude of mine had held consequences that I never could have dreamed of. Apparently, since I wasn't concerned enough about my own welfare, Edward had taken it upon himself to worry enough for the both of us. When everyone went away to school, Esme assumed the job of my babysitter. And, true to any babysitting job, Esme was given a strict list of things I could and could not do by dear Edward. 1) Make sure I ate a proper breakfast and lunch. He would take care of watching me for dinner. 2) Absolutely no strenuous activities. This included, evidently, walking, since he insisted I be lying in bed or sitting on the couch at all times. He blatantly ignored my argument about getting bedsores. And, my personal favorite: 3) I was not allowed to leave the house. At all. No exceptions. I couldn't even go food shopping.

Now, the last bit was too extreme for me. I mean, I felt just fine! And I had done the math. Five weeks to live -I cringed- meant I didn't have to really worry until mid to late March. Then, my time would be up. But, for right now, I should be fine. Even Carlisle had said it. The only thing would be a constant tiredness, but it was less severe then not having sleep for a day, so he thought I should be fine as long as I wasn't driving or something. So why shouldn't I be able to do normal things? Like going to school for instance. Not that I wanted to go only to have to deal with those pitying looks, but it was just an example.

Emmett had pointed out a few days ago, as I begged Edward to lessen up on my house arrest, that I didn't _have_ to go along with those decisions. "I mean," Emmett had offered with a shrug, "what's he really going to do if you refuse? What, glue you to your bed? As if. Bella, if you wanted to leave, he couldn't stop you."

But I wouldn't even entertain that idea. If Edward thought for even one second that I would just sneak out while he was at school, he wouldn't go to school at all - he had told me so with such conviction that I couldn't doubt that. And I couldn't let that happen. He had already missed a week of classes for me! What about his future? What about collage? I didn't want to mess that up anymore then I already had. So I had promised him I would go along with his stupid rules if he promised to keep going to school. And he had trusted me enough to agree with my conditions, to my pleasure. So I would stay within his rules. I wouldn't betray his trust.

Alice beamed mysteriously as she disappeared into her closet then. "Oh, trust me, today will be a whole new experience for you. Now, get up and get dressed, Miss Haystack hair." She paused for a half a second. "No, wait, _I'll_ pick out your clothes. Just get in the shower." She was using her 'resistance is futile' voice so I didn't even bother to argue with her. I merely groaned again as I climbed out of the bed.

While I waited for the water to get warm enough for me, I started to think of my mother; I had caught my reflection in the mirror and thought of the woman whom I supposedly took after in looks. _Renee..._ What was she doing right now? A slight smile crossed my face as I pictured her sunbathing on the European beaches, perhaps losing track of time and ending up with a massive case of sunburn. That would be so typical of her. My harebrained mother. Hopefully, Phil was taking care of her though.

As I dived into the shower water, I couldn't help but to wonder if she thought of me on occasion. Did she wonder if _I_ was doing well? Did she perhaps pick up the phone and sometimes think of calling Charlie's house. Just to check up on me. Or maybe think of emailing me? Did she care at all what I had been up to the last too many years?

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair and working in my favorite strawberry shampoo, trying to ease away the tension that had filled me. I hadn't thought of my mother in such a while. Too painful. But it felt good to picture her now, worry-free and hopefully happy. I wondered then how would she take it when the news of my death finally came to her? Would she weep at all for me? I couldn't doubt that - a bad mother, perhaps, but a loving person she had always been. I knew that even after leaving me, such a thing would destroy her. Kill her, even.

Her reaction as I pictured it tightened my stomach. Perhaps it would better if the word of her daughter's premature death never reached her. I couldn't stand to think of how she would feel once she realized it was all her fault…

I wrapped a towel around my body and tiptoed back into Alice's room once I was squeaky clean. She was wringing her fingers, her eyes closed tightly, as she sat on the bed in a bright pink dress. In this pose, she looked like a dark-haired angel. As soon as I came within a foot of her, her golden eyes shot open. "About time, Bella! I thought you had drowned in there!"

I chuckled, shifting through the pile of clothes Alice had left for me on the bed. "Well, don't worry your pretty little head: I live." _For now._ I shook my head, clearing away that negative thought. _Stay normal, Bella._ "So um… what's the plan for today?" I asked nonchalantly, slipping on my clothing.

"It's a secret. But, I will tell you that you are getting out of this house today!" I wasn't so sure of that, but nodded my head anyway. She seemed to notice my skepticalism though"Aw, come on. Have a little faith. Stranger things can happen on a day like this."

I held the skinny black jeans up to me, examining them in the mirror. At first glance, they looked a bit small. But as I compared them to myself, them seemed to fit perfectly. Still doubtful, I pulled them on. "Does Edward know your plans yet?"

"Um…"

_That is a bad sign._ I sighed, pulling the red, long-sleeved top over my head. It was a little tighter then the type of clothing I was used to. Still, I had to admit, the top was very flattering, although wasted on me. "Alice…" I started.

"Okay, so he hasn't been clued in yet, but don't worry. We can get around my brother." She, at least, seemed positive this would work. That made one of us. I crossed my arms, glaring at the tiny girl.

"I made a promise to him. I'm not going to go sneaking around his back-"

"But that's the beauty of it! We won't be sneaking or anything." Alice's whole face lit up. "And we are going to ask his… 'permission' to take you out. Actually, he will be coming out with us today, too." She dumped a pair of earrings into my hands, gesturing for me to turn around so she could fiddle with my hair.

"How exactly will this work? And shouldn't the two of you be going to school anyway?" I wasn't too sure of the date, but I thought it was still during the school week at least. Time was blending together now, every day like the one before. These blended days were speeding by, too, as if desperate to leave me behind.

I felt Alice's tiny hands gently combing through my still-wet hair. "Today we have a day off, even though it's Friday. Teacher Duty day or something. Perfect timing, huh? I've always thought this day should be a day we get off from school. It's more important then Christmas in some aspects." That left me confused. What day was Alice taking about? I tried counting the days backwards, trying to figure out what big day I was missing.

"Anyway," she continued as she whipped a blow dryer through the back of my hair. "We'll all gang up on him. Oh yeah, it's going to be all of us, by the way. Rose and Emmett are in on the plan, and Jasper of course, too. But you are the queen in this chess match, Bella. You hold the most power."

"Huh?"

Alice kneeled in front of me. "To convince Edward. He won't listen to the rest of us, trust me, so it's all up to you to win him over."

"What?" I yelped. How was I supposed to convince him to let me out of the house? I had been trying to do that for the past few days to no avail, after all. What made today any different?

"Trust me, you hold more cards then you think." Now Alice started messing with some make-up on me. "You see the thing most important to Edward is your health. He just doesn't want you to get hurt. So, when we tell him our plans for the day, right off the bat, he'll say no. That's where you come in. Make with the puppy eyes. Tell him you feel great. And say you _really_ want to spend today with him. That will make him melt. Now pucker your lips, Bella." I did as she asked, letting her apply something to my lips. "Don't freak out; it's just lip gloss. Nothing fancy. Now, open your eyes."

When I did, Alice was holding a mirror up to my face. But I was staring at a stranger. Her eyes were outlined with careful amounts of eyeliner; not too much or too little. Her flushed cheeks had a delicate, rosy coat to them. And her hair was in slight curls, her perfectly straight bangs framing her heart shaped face. This beautiful young woman couldn't be me!

"Wow! Alice, you are a miracle worker!" I charily caressed my bangs. The girl in the mirror mimicked me. "I hope you are considering the life of a high profile fashion designer and make up artist to the stars as your career. You're squandering your talents on me."

Alice huffed. "Bella, to qoute one of the best movies in the world, 'the dress is only as pretty as the model who is wearing it'. This wouldn't have turned out half as well if you didn't already have a natural beauty. Remember that." Alice grinned, pulling me off the bed. She twirled me around once, giggling. "Now, hopefully, you'll remember that you're a knock out. Act as confident as you look and Edward doesn't stand a chance."

Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were waiting for us in the living room. Rosalie was stunning, as usual, in a red, V-neck blouse and black mini skirt that showed off her long legs. Beside her on the couch was Emmett in a dark red button down and dark jeans. In a red and white-stripped shirt and casual black slacks was Alice's boyfriend, now walking to her side. Did Alice want as all to look like the Brady Bunch, in matching colors?

Alice gestured for us all to huddle in closer. "Okay team. Bella has been briefed and beautified" - I blushed and Emmett wolf whistled - "so it's time to start phase one. Jazz, where is the target?"

Jasper saluted formally. "Ma'am, he is out with Esme, Ma'am. We are expecting his return at oh-eight hundred hours, Ma'am."

Alice nodded. "Good. He, er, doesn't know, right?"

Emmett grinned. "Nah. We've been real careful around him. He hasn't a clue."

"Good," Alice turned to me. "Okay Bella, you heard them. It's all up to you now. Edward will be here in less then ten minutes, four if he speeds, which he most likely will. We're all here for you. Now, any questions?"

"Yes, just one. Is our matching colors to signify our allegiance to Team Alice?" I asked, gesturing to our attire. "And, if so, couldn't we have worn your colors in less formal clothing?" Alice looked at my like I was missing something obvious. "What?"

Rosalie looked amused. "Bella, do you know what today is?"

"Um… a Teacher Duty day? Friday?"

She placed her hands on my shoulders, leaning down to look me in the eye. "Bella, we aren't wearing matching colors because we are in Alice's army. Do you not realize what holiday today it?" She tugged on her shirt, not waiting for my answer. "Today is Valentine's Day, of course"

I could feel my face form a little 'O' shape. Was it really? Now, as I took in everyone's outfits, it seemed glaringly obvious. Duh! "V-valentine's Day?" My face lit up like a beacon.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Of course! How could such an important holiday slip your mind?" Jasper wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "That's why this plan is bound to work. On Valentine's Day, you can't refuse a single thing of your girlfriend. It's an iron clad rule."

I nodded dumbly. But then a word struck me, sending me into another blushing fit. "G-girlfriend?" Was I really Edward's girlfriend? We had never really discussed it. I didn't even know his sibling knew that we were… together. If we even were.

Emmett scooped me into his arms, laughing, his whole frame - and mine by association - shaking. "Sweet, naïve, Bella! _Of course_ you're our baby brother's girlfriend!"

A ghost of a smile graced Rosalie's perfect face. "There are no secrets in this house." But her eyes said otherwise, like I was still missing something big.

Emmett put me on the ground, his head snapping towards the door. "They're home."

Alice jumped up and down, dragging me into the living room. "Remember the plan!" She whispered, dropping to the sofa. Jasper joined us on Alice's right. Rosalie pushed Emmett into the armchair, then dropping into his lap herself. Jasper switched the TV on just as I heard the soft purr of Edward's Volvo. I straightened my top, fluttered with my hair, and ran my hands over the wrinkles in my jeans. Thankfully, I was able to act normal, despite my nervousness, when Esme and Edward spilled into the house.

Immediately, Edward looked suspicious when he spotted our group in the living room. . His eyes jumped from Alice to Emmett to Jasper to Rosalie, finally landing on me. I flushed with pride when he did a double take. I heard Alice whisper, "Go get him, girl!" before she shoved me off the couch. I closed my eyes, only opening them once I felt Edward's arms wrap around my back. That was the first time I had tripped/fallen, but hadn't worried about crashing to the floor. Somehow, I just knew Edward would catch me. He always did.

"Quite the lackluster greeting," he murmured. His breath tickled my neck, sending goosebumps up my spine. I pulled back slightly, just realizing how much I had missed his face since last night. God, he was even more handsome then I remembered. I dug my fingers into his pure white, collared shirt, laying my head against his chest once again.

"Um… morning."

He chuckled. "Good morning to you too. And happy Valentine's Day." I felt him sneak a single flower into my hand, freeing it from his shirt. "I take it my siblings woke you up? Would you happen to know why?"

I took in a deep breath. "Well, Alice said we had plans for today, what with it being Valentine's Day and all."

"Plans?" He repeated, a frown in his voice.

"Yes." I heard Alice speak up, coming to my rescue. "Edward, there's-"

"No."

"Please? Come on Edward, it'll be fun!"

"No way Alice."

"Why not?" Now it was Emmett who spoke up.

Edward's arm tightened arm my waist. "In case you've forgotten, Bella is very sick. I don't want to endanger her farther."

Now it was Jasper's turn. "She's doing much better."

"Yeah," Alice added. "Even Carlisle said it would be best if she got some fresh air every once and a while. It's got to be better for her then being holed up in the house all the time."

Edward freed me from himself to look me over. "Are you all conspiring against me?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. "Bella, you understand I only do what I do because I worry about you, right?" I nodded again. "So can't you understand that I want to keep you safe? I could never live with myself if you got hurt because of me."

"Oh, just lock her in a glass bubble then." Rosalie finally spoke up. "She's human. She wants to experience life, while she still has time." My throat tightened up at the thought of it. Time really _was_ running out. I turned my body so I could face her now, taking in her sharp demeanor.

"This is not the time for that," Edward hissed between closed lips, glaring at his impossibly beautiful sister.

Rosalie placed her hands on her hips, cocked her head, and planted her feet firmly. Everyone knew this stance; it was the female 'I'm-right-and-you're-wrong' pose. "Then when is? Seriously, if not now, then when? At her funeral?" Her eyes narrowed. "But, forget my opinion. Instead of always doing what _you _think is best for Bella, why not let _her_ decided? It's as much, if not more, her decision then yours. I mean, think about what happened when you decided it was best if she didn't know she was dying. That sure blew up in your face, oh all-knowing Edward."

Alice smiled at me, her eyes dancing with triumph. "She's right Edward, even if you don't want to hear it. So, Bella, tell him. Tell him what you want, for once."

"Edward?" I focused on his face alone, running my fingers along the flower he had placed in my hands. A single red rose: meant to symbolize romance, undying devotion, and the truest of loves. "I really do want to… live, for as long as I can. I… I don't want to spend the time I have left sitting in bed. I want to experience a bunch of things. And I feel fine right now. So… it would really mean a lot to me of we could all go out." I blushed slightly, but continued on. "I really want to spend Valentine's Day with you, Edward."

Like Alice predicted, he buckled. I could see it in his face. His glorious topaz eyes brightened, and my favorite crooked smile cam over his face. Not breaking our eye contact, he lowered his face, pressing his lips to my own. When he pulled away, I knew my smile must have been too big for my face. "I take that as a yes." His only response was to kiss me again as I heard Alice cheering in the background.

* * *

_A/n: Some long awaited fluff in this chapter and and the next._ _Review, please. and Don't forget to check out my other stories._


	20. Blast

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series.**

"Are we there yet?"

For the third time since we had gotten on the road I heard the loud whack of Rosalie smacking the brains out of Emmett. I could only shake my head. Seriously, you would think he would have learned his lesson four minutes ago. Still, it was good entertainment, and most likely, would continue to be for the rest of the ride to wherever we were going.

With Edward having admitted defeat, Alice seized the chance to shove our party of six outside. From there, we plied into Edward's Volvo, while Jasper and Alice snuck away to hijack Carlisle's Mercedes.

"Are we the-"

I winced as I heard Rosalie continue her attack with increased force. But she didn't seem to be the only one annoyed. While I thought Emmett's childish antics were hilarious, I could tell from the look on Edward's face that he was just about ready to shove Emmett out of the car. His face became taunt and a small scowl held firmly in place. Every once and a while, his eyes were narrow, flashing black, as he chanced a look in his rear view mirror at his larger brother.

It was going to be a long ride.

A few more minutes into the ride, I tried my hand at calming Edward down. Casually, I slipped my hand out of my lap with my heart pounding, gently laying it on top of Edward's. His dazzling smile in return melted my heart. He mouthed a quick "thank you", flipping his hand over. Now our palms were touching.

My gaze drifted from our entwined hands to out the front window, carefully avoiding the speedometer. I could already tell we were going much too fast. How could he not be getting pulled over? Granted, the undersized police force in Forks might have made it easy to break road laws, but I didn't think we were in Forks anymore.

"Edward?" I asked, watching the trees thin out as we drove pass them. "Where are we going?"

He rolled his eyes. "There's a carnival just outside of Sappho that Alice saw on the bulletin boards at school. Predictably, since it's Valentine's Day, it's opened tonight as a couples day of sorts."

"Really?" I felt excitement bubble forth. The last time I had been to anything close to a carnival I had been nine. Renee had been going through another of her random job fits, this time being the assistant coach of an all-girls basketball team. As a reward for not coming in last place (they had ended 8th in the league) the coaches treated the girls to the state fair. And, as a coach's daughter and lone cheerleader, I had been dragged along. There had been only a few rides I was brave enough to try, but I had still had a great time.

With an amused expression, Edward remarked, "I take it you like these sort of things?"

I nodded in earnest. "Of course! Though, it's been a while. But who doesn't love the carnival?" It that wasn't just that, though. To a person who hadn't left the house in a week, this was huge. Heck, at this point, I would have been excited to go to the local dump.

And also… I was just happy to be near Edward.

I really didn't want to sound like one of those bubble-headed girls, but… I just wanted to spend some time with Edward. As a couple. Not as Edward being my nurse, frequently checking to see if my illness was taking a toll on me. No, I didn't want our relationship to be like that.

Edward constantly said he only did what he did because he loved me. Yet, could you blame me for thinking differently? I appreciated everything he had done for me; really, don't get me wrong! But… there are times when a person needs a parent. There are times when a person needs a friend. And there are times when a person needs a boyfriend. That was clearly the case this time. I wanted him to take my mind off of everything, to pretend that I wasn't basically on my deathbed.

I didn't want Edward's concern; I just wanted _him_.

But how could I ever tell him that? Edward was just doing what he thought was best. Even if it was fussing too much over me or keeping me locked up for my own good. His heart was in the right place and I could never blame him for that.

I clutched Edward's hand tighter. His weary gaze turned on me, but I responded with a tiny smile. "We're going to have so much fun. I'm really glad you caved."

"How could I say no to such a beautiful face?" He sounded so serious that I had to blush. No one had ever made me feel beautiful. Before Edward. It was not only the things he said, for it's very possible to lie with your words. It was the way he looked at me too. It could make a girl feel like she was waking on air. He did it to me constantly.

A loud coughing noise from the backseat temporarily confused me. But then I remembered, to my embarrassment, that we were not alone in the car. I leaned back into me seat, just then realizing that I had somehow drifted closer to Edward's side during the ride.

"Edward," Emmett whined, the pout obvious in his voice, "I'm bored! Are we-"

"Say it again and I swear I will turn this car around, Emmett Cullen," Edward cut him off, malice in his tone. I heard Emmett huff loudly, as he kicked Edward's seat. This made me giggle to myself. Sometimes it was hard to tell whom was older then whom with this family.

Slowly, I was starting to get used to the behavior of the Cullen family. Just as I was starting to get used to the wild range of beautiful faces among them. Every second I felt in the Cullen household just felt normal. Like I belonged with them. Whether it was planting in the garden with Esme or watching Rosalie tinker with her cars, I had a warm feeling. I was _happy_. This was how a family should be. This was the type of family I had always dreamed of. Like… the Brady Bunch meets the Adams Family.

I turned in my seat, facing Emmett. "Hey, wanna_ really_ annoy Edward?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."

"Bella," Edward started, suspicious.

I ignored him, a grin spreading over my face, as I began chanting: "Ninety-nine bottle of coke on the wall, ninety-nine bottle of coke!"

Emmett joined in was a gusto, his baritone making the whole car quake. "You take one down, pass it around! Ninety-eight bottle of coke on the wall!"

Edward groaned, slamming his face on the steering wheel. "Oh Bella, do you know what you have done?" I didn't respond, too busy keeping up with the song. Just then, Edward's phone rang. "Hello-" But he was cut off by a voice loud enough that I could even hear it: "Ninety-eight bottles of coke on the-" Edward snapped the phone shut.

A horn beeped then. I looked out my window, laughing, as I spotted Alice in the passenger seat of the Mercedes beside us, clearly singing along with Emmett and I. Jasper had the same look on his face as Edward. Rosalie rolled her eyes, but she had an undeniable smile on her face.

By the forty-third bottle of coke, we had pulled into a parking lot. Still singing, Emmett and I rushed out of the car to avoid Edward's wrath. We hadn't even walked inside the gates of the carnival and I was already in the best spirits I had been in since I was a child. I laughed boastfully as Emmett proceeded to take my hands in his, doing a funny waltz to the song. My clumsiness didn't even diminish the fun I was having, I was so high in spirits. Alice clapped along loudly, a silly grin on her face as she watched the two of us enjoy ourselves.

Emmett, going for a big finish at the finale of the sing, hiked me up into the air, swinging me about like a rag doll, and topped it all off by dipping me backwards. A small group of carnival goers had gathered around for our very obnoxious display, breaking out in applause at the end. Emmett and I bowed in response, my face very red.

One of the crowd, an older man, stepped towards up. He took a single pink flower from his bundle and handed it to Emmett, smiling at me. "Such a cute couple. Here you two are."

Emmett handed me the flower, but grinned when responding, "Oh, she's not my girlfriend. Bella here is my sister. But thank you." The man retreated, waving at us. "You hear that, Bella? We make a cute couple!"

I sighed, pushing the flower back into his hands. "Careful now, don't want to make Rosalie jealous." Edward pulled me into a tight embrace.

It was strange. I was living in the Cullen household. I was dating Edward. I got along with all of the children. I adored both of the parental figures. And by all means, I might as well be a Cullen. Still, there was no denying that I wasn't. I wasn't the same. No matter how much I felt I belonged with them, I knew deep within my heart of hearts that I didn't fit in. They were… different for the others. They were different from me. I was just an interloper. I didn't belong.

No matter how much I wanted to.

"I think Edward is more likely to be jealous." Emmett winked. He then turned to Rose and dropped on one knee. "Here you are, my one and only angel. A flower for a flower."

Rosalie pushed him aside. "Oh please. A rejected flower? Give that back to your 'sister'." She offered me a tiny smile and pulled me out of Edward's arms, dragging me out of my sober reverence. "Are we just going to stand in the parking lot all day?"

Alice skipped over to the two of us, linking arms with me. "Oh! This is going to be so much fun! Where do we go first? Huh? Huh?" Her face fell a bit as she studied my own, clearly looking for some reason for my suddenly mute mode. "Bella?"

I shook my head, clearing away my thoughts; now clearly wasn't the time to dwell on such depressing realities. Best to dump my problems at the door so as to not spoil the mood. "I've never ridden on the bumper cars," I stated truthfully, hugging Alice to my side.

"Really?" Emmett looked at me like you would a six-eyed cat. "Well then, that's where we are headed first! Come on!" He yanked me from Alice and swung me over his shoulder, taking off into the park with the rest of his sibling in tow.

-break-

With a huff, I dropped onto the bench beside Edward. His long arms pulled me into his lap right away. "How were the bumper cars?" His voice sounded as he could tell from my expression.

"We nearly got kicked out of here, thanks to Emmett," I growled, closing my eyes. The mortification still hadn't lifted.

"Do I even want to know what he did?"

I shook my head but answered anyway. "First, he tried to jump the whole line, telling everyone his mother was on the front. Alice and I pulled him back before the guy taking the tickets could notice him though. Once we did get through the line, however, Emmett got in a fight with a ten-year-old." The annoyance in my tone doubled. "A ten-year-old, really! And all over the red car! He insisted that he could only drive the red car, the one, I might add, that this kid was already in!"

Edward sighed. "Typical Emmett. Believe me, he was a thousand times worse at Six Flags last year."

I pressed my head into his chest. Great. Emmett had given me a massive headache. "How can you deal with that 24/7? He's fun, sure, but does Emmett even know the meaning of the word 'patience'?"

"You just get used to it." I felt his whole body shrug around me. "Emmett will be Emmett. At least Rosalie can control him sometimes. In my book, Alice is a thousand times worse." He raised his voice now. "Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear." I turned my head to see Alice and Jasper approaching.

"Oh, ha ha," Alice muttered, folding her arms. "Very nice, Edward."

"Where did you guys go? Emmett and I lost sight of you two after the technician booted us from the carts."

Alice dropped to the bench beside me. "We went to go scan this place out. I've picked out our next ride, Bella!" The pointed down the path she had just come from. "The Chinese Fireball! You'll just love it! There's a loop and everything!"

"Alice," Edward interjected, disapproval coloring his words. "Isn't that a rollercoaster?"

"Of course! That's exactly why Bella will love it." Her eyes sharpened. "Don't be difficult about this, Edward. Today is the first day she's been out of the house in such a long time. I won't sit back and let you kill our fun!"

Edward didn't respond to her. Instead, he rested a hand under my chin, pulling my face just inches from his. "You don't want to go on that ride, do you, Bella?" I blinked rapidly, my brain losing my train of thought as I gazed into Edward's brilliant topaz eyes. "I just don't think it's safe," he cooed, his sweet breath stealing my own away. My shoulders slumped and my eyelids drooped. "So, you'll sit this one out, right, Bella?"

I swayed slightly, my head falling back onto Edward's chest. "Who's Bella?" I asked, the familiar feeling of my brain flooding sweeping over me. Rather dazed, I slumped over, my whole body going numb.

"Edward!"

"Bella? Bella are you okay?"

I blinked rapidly again. "Huh?" Edward, Alice, and Jasper were hovering over me, each face somewhere between worry and hilarity. I pressed my hand to my forehead, my cheeks heating up. "Sorry, don't know what came over me."_ Must have been a heat flash._

Alice sighed deeply. "Well, okay, maybe Bella shouldn't ride the rollercoaster. Let's at least find Emmett and Rose. I know they'll ride with me."

Jasper took Alice's hand as we went off on our search. "Where did those two run off to anyway?"

"If I know our siblings," Edward replied darkly. "We will find them destroying something. They both can get a bit out of hand when they are loose together."

My face scrunched up. "What do you mean? I mean, Emmett can get wild, but didn't you just say Rose can control him?"

The three of them exchanged glances. Finally, Jasper spoke up. "We love our brother, but Emmett has a habit of getting into trouble. And, more often then not, Rosalie lets herself be pulled down with him."

Alice shuddered. "Come on. Let's go get them before the carnival administrators do."

In due time, Jasper and Edward had retrieved their respective siblings from the dunking booth at the east entrance. And with minimal damage. Apparently, Rosalie had had a fit when the clown of the booth began to harass her. Rose, being the short-tempered person I had come to fear and love, had promptly purchased 50 of the baseballs to toss at the target. And she hit every one of them, much to the clown's discontent. The real trouble arose when he refused to let Emmett play after Rose had gotten her fill. Dear Emmett refused to let that go without a fight, almost getting himself tossed out of the park. Luckily, smooth talking Jasper was able to bail him out before he go in too deep.

"Now that the gang's together again, let's get on that coaster!" Alice shouted from the head of our group. She waved cheekily, dashing towards the large metal monster just in view like a small child. Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett followed after her, though as a more reasonable pace.

"So now what?" I asked, falling into step with Edward. Now it was just the two of us. Alone. On Valentine's Day. _This stuff just rights itself._

He wrapped his arm over my shoulders, hugging me to his side. "Are there any more rides you'd like to try? Reasonable ones, I mean."

"Gee, don't you mean rides that _you_ deem reasonable?" I didn't think he could hear me, but of course I was wrong.

"_Bella._"

"You know, Edward, in celebration of today, I think you should lighten up a bit." Just a little bit. It's not like it would kill him.

He ducked his head, dropping to my eye level. "Please, don't be like this. I do want you to enjoy today, but not at the risk of sacrificing your health."

I exhaled loudly. "Is there no point in telling you I feel fine?" I didn't wait for an answer. "Look, my days are numbered. Literally. And, I know, you care so you will worry about me. I get that. But, is it too much to ask that for just one day - one tiny day - for you to put my illness on the back burner? Let it just fade into the background?"

His grip tightened. "It's not something you can just ignore."

"I, of all people, understand that." As much as I wanted to put this whole thing out of my head, it would always be there. But I accepted it. I wouldn't let this thing beat me. I was too stubborn to be defeated and surrender. "Look, the fact is, I'm not going to get better. Even if I rest all the time, never leave my bed, and eat properly, I won't get better. So why are you trying to escape the inevitable?"

"Because I'm scared."

I didn't even notice that was had stopped walking. But now we were near the parking lot again. And very alone. Weren't we just surrounded by couples? How did we get to be alone?

"I'm scared. I've never been so scared." Edward refused to meet my eye. "I've lost everything, Bella. My mother. My father. My old life ended completely. Even now, among my new siblings and loving parents, I haven't changed. I'm still alone. I can't phrase it correctly. It's like… I'm a shell. Vacant. Hollow. I can't tell you the last time I've smiled from the heart or truly believed I were happy. I can't lie to myself. I'm not happy. And I am alone.

"Until I met you."

When did the atmosphere change? Weren't we just having a light time with his siblings? How did it shift to this?

"You can't possibly understand the drastic change you've been in my life," he continued. "The world had turned upside down. You, being the catalyst. Since I've met you, befriended you, fell in love with you, everything is different. _I'm_ different. Its as if life was a black-and-white sketch before, and now everything is sprinkled with color. You are the one who added color to my world, Bella. Can you understand how this color has changed how I feel about everything? No longer am I living an empty existence. The days stand out clearly in my mind, no longer blending together in a jumbled mess. Every day with you is special. Every moment is unique. Such an imprint you've made in my life…"

Suddenly, I was in his arms. "I can't stand this. Losing you. Feeling weak. Having this fate forced upon me. The sad reality is I've never felt so helpless. To fall in love so unexpectedly." His breath with ice on my neck. "I never meant to fall in love with you. Above all, I never meant for things to be like this. Yet, if I knew this was where that first encounter would lead, I can't bring myself to think I would have changed a thing. I don't regret falling in love with you, Bella. I only regret not meeting you sooner." I writhed in his touch, feeling as if my every nerve-ending was aflame. "I love you. And I'm scared of losing you."

How does one respond to such a thing? How does one feel about such a revelation? My own emotions were in turmoil. Happiness, and sadness. Regret, and pleasure. And love. Deep pools of love. All mixed up in my heart, threatening to explode and spill everywhere.

To have Edward open up to me so... I was bursting with love for him. I loved this man. Who was so strong, yet so fragile underneath it all. He wasn't so different from me after all. He hurt, too. And he feared.

Loss. Never an easy thing to endure. But for so long, I had nothing. This was so true that loss could not effect me. No, I could only gain, from the pit I was in. And gain I did. Alice. Emmett. Jasper and Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme. Edward…. I was blessed with the family of caring souls. They took me in. They gave me their love. I had gone to a girl with nothing, to a girl who had everything. A miracle. And all because I met this man with the mysterious golden eyes and a smile that always seemed half formed.

"I was born to meet you, Edward," I whispered into his chest, kissing the bit of flesh that was exposed. "That must be it. I endured such hardships only so I could meet you, so I could fall for you. I don't mind. It's a fair trade." I would endure so much more if only to be with Edward for a little while longer. Nothing else mattered. Gladly, I would take all the world could offer me if only to have a minute of this man's time.

Time was the enemy. But I wouldn't be defeated.

-break-

"Bella!"

I could feel a bright smile overcoming my face. "Hey Alice. How was the rollercoaster? Did you ride up front?"

Her pixie features turned into a sneer. "That stupid guy at the coaster booth pulled me out of line! Can you believe it? I mean, what idiot made a height limit anyway?"

Edward propped his elbow on top of her head, using her as a table of sorts. "Aw, come on, Alice. They just worry about your safety. They can't just let little girls go slipping out of the seats, can they?" He jumped back, swiftly avoiding her skin level kick.

"Doesn't matter," she scoffed. "I snuck back on when he wasn't paying attention. The ride wasn't even that good."

Rosalie nodded solemnly. "My M3 could outstrip that sad excuse of a rollercoaster three times over."

"Rose," Jasper placed his hand on her shoulder, "these carnivals have safety limits they must keep to. Otherwise they would get sued."

Emmett yawned. "These rides are a bust. Hey, Bella, did you guys go over to the carnival game booths yet?" I shook my head, making his face light up adorably. "Cool. I'll win you three years worth of teddy bears. How bout it?" He ruffled my hair in a brotherly gesture. That was what I considered him now: my big brother.

Rosalie clicked her tongue, sounding more annoyed then she looked. "What about your girlfriend?"

So Emmett backtracked, starting to grovel to an unresponsive Rosalie. Every time he tried to pull her to his side, she ducked under his arm and delivered a jab to his stomach. Laughing, Alice and Jasper followed them, Alice almost yanking her boyfriend along by the hand. As for me… well, I was content to just stroll along the tacky red and white booths, hand-in-hand with Edward, watching the clouds above head turn a tainted orange as the unseen sun fell behind the horizon.

It really was the best day ever.

* * *

_A/n: Fluff powah!_


	21. BOOM

_A/n: The chapter everyone has been waiting for. ;)_

* * *

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series**

How did this happen? How could it come to this?

They say that when you know you're about to die, your life flashes before your eyes. So I shut my eyes and waited. I waited for the flashes of my early childhood with Renee. I waited for the flashes of the years I had lived in the Black household. I waited for the flashes of the dark years I had spent with Charlie. I even waited for the flashes of more recent times, the happiest parts of my life, that involved the Cullens. Strange. How could those times - scarcely starting just weeks ago - already have climbed the list of happiest moments to steal the top spot?

I waited for the hauntings of my past, but I got nothing. What a let down. Really, was I just going to die without even getting to relive the time I had spent on the earth? How unfair. Not only was I to die at 17, but now_ this,_ on top of it.

Movies always made death seem exciting. I mean, sure, you always cried when the hero/heroine dies a tragic yet memorable death, but the _excitement! _Perhaps the person's life ending in a large explosion that makes you gasp aloud. Or a close up as the color drains from his or her face as the light forever lives their eyes. You know? Your blood starts to race from just watching and your heart pounds so loud, you're sure everyone can hear it. A primeval thrill just races threw your veins setting everything on fire.

Why couldn't I have a death like that? At least, that kind of death would offset the dull and traumatic past life I had lived. But no. Well, maybe that death would have been lost on me anyway. I wasn't anything special, why should my end be any different?

But... I still had time. Maybe that was another thing that made this moment seem off. I had resigned myself to death already, but this felt wrong; it wasn't my time yet. My clock was still ticking away until the time the blood clot surrounding my heart valve would cut off the bloodstream completely, killing me. _I still had time._

I heard a small thump noise as my head banged against the wall behind me as I backed-up as far as I possibly could. _Crap. Now I have cornered myself. Real smart move, Bella._

Slowly, the figure came closer, lurking in the shadows, just a silhouette in my eyes.

Why? Why was he taking so long? I already knew what speeds he was capable of - or at least, I had a vague idea. So why was he dragging it out? Amusement? Or was he actually starting to realize what he was about to do? Did he realize whom he was about to kill? Would that be enough to stop him?

I severally doubted it. He was no longer himself. His instincts had long since taken over.

I knew I should try to run, fruitless, as it would have been. I shouldn't have just sat there. _Move!_ I wanted to scream to my limp legs. He'd catch me, yes, but I didn't want to be one of those horror movie dolts that just sat there as they were murdered. How could my body be so useless at a time like this! My joints were all frozen stiff. I couldn't even be sure if I was blinking. A statue. Now I understood what they meant by deer in the headlights.

Maybe I should try to yell for help then, at the very least, although I knew no one was home. Surely, I would be able to do even that. I opened my mouth. No sound came out. My throat must have stuck together. _Useless! _But it didn't matter. He still leaped forward and pressed his hand over my mouth, clearly to muffle any sound.

Now, just inches away from my face, I knew the end was near. He was so close. Maybe my scent had flooded his brain by now. Or maybe the smell of my still bleeding tongue was what was driving him crazy now. There was… blood-lust in his eyes. Pitch black. No light. No soul.

He was a predator now. And I was his prey.

Frightened, I yanked at his icy hand, trying to pry it away. Nothing. I dug my nails into the skin. Nothing. I tried to bite his hand that was so tightly clamped over my mouth. Still nothing. Nothing was working! I shook my head from side to side, trying to convey a "No" to him. Trying to make him stop. I knew it would be useless, but I had to try! I couldn't die like this! I wouldn't!

There was no compassion on his face. There was no mercy. There was nothing. There was only a sinister hunger.

I couldn't say what really started to make me start to cry in that instance. Maybe it was just that everything was piling up on me.

I couldn't say I was blindsided by this revelation. I had blinded_ myself_. I didn't _want _to see that the Cullens weren't human. I knew the signs were there, but I ignored one after another. Ignorance IS bliss. I, of all people, should have known right from the get go that they weren't humans. After all, who besides me had heard the legends of the Quileute tribe, sans the Tribe themselves? It was as if some force out there wanted me to be able to identify the Cullens as what they were, wanted me to know in my mind that they were dangerous.

My heart was another story, however. It wouldn't hear a word against the Cullens. It already knew I loved this family, loved Edward. Me having learned the truth behind their mysterious ways should have been a way to combat my feelings. A way of stopping myself from falling too far in. A way of saving myself from this type of end.

From being drained of blood by a vampire and left for dead.

My tears were warmth on my face. I could only imagine what I must have looked like to him: a frail girl with brown eyes widened in shock, crying a flood as my face paled. But, then again, was he even looking at my face? Maybe he didn't see a face at all. Just a body full of blood. A source of nutrients. Nothing more. I was just a faceless human.

Through my blurred vision, I tired to study his face.

Familiarly pale and beautiful. Narrowed eyes of the deepest onyx. The darkened bags under his eyes were more pronounced now, giving him a tired look. I saw no hint of his familiar smile, nor the slight indent of his dimples. I recognized the face, but not the person. I… didn't know this person who was staring back at me. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

My hands dropped. I wouldn't fight him anymore, not that I was making much headway. The truth was, if he wanted to kill me, he would kill me. That was all there was to it. I turned my face to a side as much as his hand's grip allowed possible. I couldn't stand to see his face this way.

The taste of rust was faint in my mouth. The bleeding was stopping. But it was too late. The damage had been done. Why? Why did he have to have forgotten a textbook and come rushing home? Why couldn't he have just done without it? Why did he have to come home when I was eating breakfast? Why did he have to scare me enough that I bit down on my tongue, drawing blood? Why?

_Emmett…_

I stomach churned as the foul, hot liquid leaked down my system as I swallowed the blood mixed in with saliva. Ever since I was little, I couldn't stand the smell or taste of blood. It always made me sick. Today was no exception, clearly.

I flinched as his face drew in closer to my exposed neck. Everything seemed to be happening so slowly. Was it in actuality only because I was the victim? Was he really moving very quickly, quicker then usual, with the fresh allure of my blood still in the air? Like in a car crash, I was able to assess every detail in the moment in less then a full second. Then this really was the end.

Of course, since I had already resigned myself to death, the exact opposite was sure to happen. Fate was funny like that.

I had just shut my eyes tight, awaiting for my skin to be ripped away as Billy had described that one night many years ago, when a thunderous growl filled the air. It was as terrifying as it was beautiful. Like that of a wild cat. The air was cut in two by the sound.

In the time it took me to reopen my eyes, Edward was there, crashed through the swinging door of the kitchen, sending splinters flying. Now, everything was speeding up as if in fast motion in comparison to the slow motion I had been living just seconds before. Edward wasted no time, perhaps sensing that there was little to spare. Emmett was removed from over me, sent flying into the air, being slammed into the faraway wall. The thud was sickening. I shielded away, ducking my head. _Emmett…_

With Edward pinning Emmett against the wall, I was able to assess the scene before me. I tore my eyes away from the two struggling brothers, spotting two more figures. It wasn't just Edward who had appeared. Alice and Rosalie were there too, now rushing to my side.

Could you blame me for flinching away from their touch?

"Oh Bella…" Alice pulled back her outreached hand as if I had burned it.

I said nothing in return. What could I have said? But my silence was just as eloquent as any words could have been. I didn't even have the strength to stare at them with accusing eyes, so I ducked me head, letting the remainder of my tears fall on my t-shirt without a sound. I curled my arms into my body, trying to prevent myself from falling to pieces.

Subconsciously, I picked up the scattered hints I had once ignored, sliding each piece in like a puzzle:

_Edward had been hiding something…_

_No heartbeat…_

_Beautiful faces…_

_No bed in Edward's room…_

_Never in school during sunny days…_

_A world all their own…_

_The Cullens never seemed to eat…_

_Cold to touch..._

It all clicked. Of course, in the heat of the situation, I had known instantly what Emmett was. What his whole family had to be. But, now out of danger, I couldn't quite place the word out there. I couldn't clearly see everything for what is was, perhaps still being in shock from what had just happened. The facts I had applied had all vanished. Everything vanished. I didn't know what to think. Well, of course, I _knew_ what to think, but rather, I was frightened to admit it aloud.

The façade was broken. I had seen it all. There was no going back to the way things had once been.

"Clearly," I squeaked, finding my voice, "You all have something to tell me. Or… were you ever planning on telling me that I was living in a houseful of vampires?" Silence. Eyes avoided mine. I nodded my head slightly, receiving my answer. With shaking limbs, I got to my feet. No one tried to stop me as I wobbled out of the room; past where Edward still held Emmett against the wall - I vaguely noticed a large crater in the wall around his body - and shutting the door behind me.

I was numb all over as I calmly made my way up the stairs. Thankfully, I didn't fall to pieces until I was in Alice's attached bathroom with the door locked. It wasn't until then that I realized how weak I felt and how my body ached. I didn't think. I lunged to the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach.

"Urgh," I groaned, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, flushing away the mess with my other hand.

Generally, when one vomits, you feel… relief. As if a great weight was lifted. But I still felt sick. I clung to the toilet, sobbing. It was so painful. I slid onto the floor. The marble was slightly cooling to my aching form, but still, I was dry heaving. I didn't even have the strength to move. So I stayed there, lying on the tiled floor, curled around the base of the toilet, forcing myself to remember what I had just seen.

The Cullens were Cold Ones. Blood drinkers. Vampires.

How easy it was for me to wrap my mind around this fact! That the ones I had been living with were not even human! Was I sane?

I knew what Edward had been keeping from me now, but what did this knowledge mean? What did I have to do now? I knew I should confront them all, demand to know why they never told me. I snorted. Well, I could actually guess why they had never told me. But I still needed to confront them all about… this.

Or, I could just run far, far away. The cowards way out.

I just… didn't know how to handle this.

There was a battle inside myself, one between my brain and heart. The brain, the organ that knew the Cullens were dangerous. Emmett almost killing me was the proof, as if I needed any. I knew the legend. And even if I didn't, any horror movie could tell you that vampires were deadly. They feed upon blood. And I, as a walking sack of blood, was just not safe in their midst. I should just leave them as soon as I could. That would be the smart thing to do.

But then, my stupid heart, had to speak up. Hadn't I realized long ago that I was hopeless without Edward? I loved him, end of story. He took care of me when I had no one, all of the Cullens had. They were almost like family. I loved them all unconditionally, and nothing could change that.

But…

_Did_ this change anything? Everything?

Fright.

Betrayal.

Confusion.

Anger.

Sadness.

Such was the turmoil inside my body, that I couldn't face them. Not yet. I needed to make my decision first. To stay… or go.

I ignored the knocking on the bathroom door. _Go away_, I wanted to tell them, _Leave me be. _But I couldn't find the words. I just sobbed. I cried to myself until I lost consciousness on the cold tile floor.

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_A/n: Next Chapter will have little to no contact with the Cullens. Was this chapter what you had in mind for how Bella would discover their secret? Quite the rude awakening, if I do say so myself.  
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	22. Aftermath

_A/n: Ya'll complained about the lack of Cullens in this chapter, so I re-wrote it. Happy now? xD_

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**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series.**

I felt stiff all over from sleeping on the tile all this time - how long, I had no idea, but I reckoned it must have been a few hours. Tiny goosebumps had sprouted across my skin as well from the cool floor, another reminder of my sleeping arrangements, causing my to rub my forearms together fiercely. And, of course, I knocked my head against the toilet in my daze when I woke up. All surefire ways to not improve my mood.

At first, I couldn't be sure of why I was even on the bathroom floor when I awoke. Shouldn't I be in Alice's four-poster bed, curled up against a pillow? I had thus sat up too quickly, resulting in the large bump on the top of my head. Frantically, I had taken in my surroundings, the slight tears in my eyes helping to wake me. Perhaps that conk on the noggin was just the jolt my brain needed to restart itself.

My face paled and the tears started falling more profusely.

How could I not remember what had occurred just hours ago? I pressed my hand to my mouth before my sobs could alert anyone. But then, who's to say they hadn't already become aware of my awaking once my breathing rate had picked up? These creatures weren't human after all. Maybe they could hear miles and miles away. Or perhaps it was not beyond them to just sense these types of things. Like… a radar detector for blood.

I couldn't hold in my wailing any longer as my hysteria broke over.

_No, is was no good._ I clamped my eyes shut, willing my mouth to close as well. I had to get a hold of myself. I pressed both of my hands to my cheeks, attempting to cease the flood and calm myself down. I remembered what a nurse had once told me about deep breathing being soothing. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in again. And breath out one more time.

There, that was better. A bit.

Slowly, I got to my feet. Since I was in a bathroom, I might as well go through my morning routine.

I ambled to the sink, my feet numb from my frosty night, and turned the dial on. A jettison of lukewarm water filled the basin. I dipped my hands in, filling my palms before splashing the water into my face. I repeated this a few times before drying my face with a hand towel. When I dropped the towel, I merely stared back at my reflection.

The dark rings under my eyes made me look even paler today. This, in turn, forced my too-full lips to appear bright red. With a sigh, I picked up a brush, hacking through the tangles of brown locks bed head had left me with. Once I had sorted out the mess, leaving slightly wavy, but undeniably tangle-free hair tucked back into a hair tie, I pressed my toothbrush under the fountain.

Why was I bothering to go through this routine, you may as? I wasn't quite sure myself. Perhaps it was just the familiarity of it all. After a day so strange like today, that would make sense. I needed something familiar. Something ordinary, to help my clear my mind. For I knew a clear head would be crucial in this decision I must make.

But I wasn't ready to face that just yet. I needed to procrastinate a bit longer.

Now, with my teeth brushed, I started the shower. This would help relax me, I was positive, more then anything else could. A nice warm shower. I slipped off my wrinkled clothing as if shedding a second skin, quickly jumping into the water for warmth.

I dipped my head back, allowing the water to rush over my face. As a child, I had often pictured myself standing in the rain at the gentle patter of the water fell upon my ears. I would close my eyes and just listen as my face became soaked. This always proved to make me serene. But not now. Maybe the trick had worn off as my body had gotten bigger. Or I simply had too much to stress to just shrug off.

I squirted some shampoo in my hair, rinsing it through thoroughly. This was a favorite scent of mine. Strawberries. I had blushed when Alice told me how her brother loved this smell on me. Was that why I loved this shampoo so much? Because of him?

After the conditioner, too, had been washed out, I wrapped a towel around my body, stepping out. Then, I turned to the white cabinets over the waste bin. I had learned a while ago that I was Alice's favorite Barbie doll. This proved especially true for nightwear. She would force me into the most ridiculous outfits, usually with thousands of bows and pink shades. I could never image anyone actually sleeping in clothes like that. So, I now remembered to pile clothes I really could sleep in inside this cabinet. This way, Alice couldn't make me dress up since I was already dressed for bed. Score one for Bella.

With hair still dripping, I wiggled into my undergarments, yanked a large T-shirt over my head, and stepped into a pair of PJ bottoms. Now, squeaky clean and dressed, I jumped on the bathroom counter, starting the drying by towel then blow-drying of my hair. And while I did this, I finally decided it was time to mull over everything I had learned this morning.

Quite clearly, I had almost died. This thought was not as frightening now because I knew that every second I spent in this house I was tempting fate. I could be murdered at any second. A locked door would not be able to stop them. Neither would any flimsy weapons I could throw at them. Cold Ones were durable. The tribe of Quileutes had learned that after first encountering them. So really, what chance did a bedridden teenage girl stand? I'd be dead before I had time to blink.

But how could I think this way? These were the Cullens! They had opened their doors to me so willingly. They had never hurt me.

Before today. I shivered, despite the heat of the blow-dryer.

Honestly, why was I even still here? I was not safe here.

I paused, the blow-dryer just hovering over my gathered hair strands. Was I really considering running? I lifted my hand to the air, watching as it trembled. I was scared. Really scared. Of dying? Somehow. I didn't think so. But of what then? What was I so frightened of? I already knew I was dying. Did it make a difference now that it would be by another's hands rather then suffocating on my own blood?

I held my hands to my face. I couldn't stand this! Why? Why did this have to happen to me?

The scene from this morning played again in my head. How dark Emmett's eyes had turned! It took me a while to realize that he was going to kill me. I had thought it all a joke. How foolish I had been.

Perhaps Emmett was what was making me so terrified…

"No!" My voice was hoarse from lack of use, but it still sounded determined. I knew I was not afraid of Emmett. I could never be afraid of him. I loved Emmett. He was the one who always made me laugh. He tickled me and played with me. He called me his little sister. And he was my big brother.

No, I was not afraid of him.

_I did not know this person._

Those words had repeated in my head as I watched Emmett in horror just hours ago. I did not know him in the instant that the hunger swept over his face. From that point on, he was not Emmett. He was not my lovable brother. He was… a predator.

Yes, I had been afraid of this side of him, the side I did not know. The side that would have killed me without a second thought.

But I was never afraid of Emmett.

I could never blame Emmett for what he had nearly done. I realized that now. Charlie, my own father, had hurt me without a second thought. With his sharp words more so then any bruise inflicted. On purpose or not, he had hurt me. And for what? What reason did that man have to hurt another human? His own daughter, much less?

In comparison, however, Emmett had nearly killed me. I knew this without a doubt. I had seen the look in his eyes. But he did have a good reason. Blood. To him - to all vampires - I knew blood to be the source of their nutrition. They killed out of necessity, not cruelty.

So this was how vampires differentiated from humans. Humans killed mercilessly. Murderers, serial killers, rapists, even soldiers. But for what gain? For land. For wealth. For pride. For sex. For vengeance. Really, what gain were any of those? Those were all sins of men. The evil of humanity.

Vampires, on the other hand, were much more deadly then the worst of humans combined. They were super human. Nothing could stop them. And as far as I knew from the Quileute legend, they were damn near invincible. Vampires are worst then humans, some would think. But then, think of their reasons for killing. Vampires do not kill for land nor wealth nor pride nor sex nor vengeance. Merely for survival. They killed because they want to live. This, finally, is an acceptable reason for killing.

How strong the need for blood was, I had no idea, but I knew few things could keep a vampire from their feeding. Had her thirst not been the cause of the Cold Woman from the Quileutes' tale 's undoing? She could not concentrate on the task of killing Taha Aki while the Third Wife's blood was left open in the air. She was consumed with blood-lust, leading to her end.

I put the blow-dryer on the marble sink, now done. My hair was straight to perfection.

Again, I pictured this morning. My tear ducts welled over when I pictured Emmett's face when he was ready to attack. I had seen it myself; he was no longer Emmett. The blood drove him wild. A predator and their prey: that was all it was. It was nothing personal.

So, in that mind frame, how could I blame Emmett? It was not his fault. He was a vampire. Birds have to fly. Fish have to swim. And… vampires had to suck blood. Not the best analogy, but this was working from my limited knowledge.

Limited knowledge…

I jumped up. That was right! I didn't know anything! All this time, every dark thought I had had about vampires came from a_ horror story_. One from their enemies on the other side of town. Of course they would only have bad things to say about the Cold Ones; they didn't know them!

Not like I did.

Yes, that was it completely. I knew the Cullens while the Quileutes did not. All they saw were monsters that fed upon their fallen comrades. So of course this made the Cold Ones their enemy. _Their_ enemy; not mine. I had spent the last few weeks with the Cullens. I had laughed and joked with them. I had been held in their arms as I cried. I had came to love each and every one of them. I did. _I do_. I love the Cullens.

How cruel could these Cullens be, truthfully? Had they every tried to attack me before this? No. Instead, they opened their door to a complete stranger who had nowhere else to go. Again and again, they proved that my trust in them was justified. Never had they given me a reason to doubt their character.

I rubbed my eyes angrily. How could I have doubted them now? How could I have been so stupid! The answer was right in front of me all along!

With renewed spirit, I yanked open the bathroom door.

The first thing I saw as I opened the door was Edward. He sat opposite the door, his head in his hands, curled on the floor. As soon as I had stepped out, his head raised. There it was again. That tortured look in his sunny topaz eyes. The one that always told me that he was hurting. Had he stayed here the whole time I had locked myself away? Did he really care that much?

"Bella," he started looking as nervous as I felt. He got to his feet, wringing his hands, not looking at my face. "Bella, I don't know where to begin. This is a thousand times worse then last time... I was so stupid to not tell you. I can't even imagine what this has done to you. There are no words to explain how sorry I am. God." He pressed his hand to his face, anguish written all over it. "Oh god, Bella. I would understand if you never wanted to speak to me again - if you wanted to leave this place right away. But I am sorry. So, so sorry. For everything. For lying to you. For having you find out that way. For encouraging this relationship even though I knew it would end this way. For everything, Bella."

I folded my arms, fighting a grin. "Are you done with your pathetic apology, Edward?" He nodded slightly, an action I could barely register. "Good." I closed the distance between us, holding myself against his chest then. His body froze up, as did mine; would I ever get used to the icy feeling of his skin, as refreshing as it was unusual? "Now, you listen here. I have had an epiphany. So be quiet for a second and let me talk."

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "Okay, here's what I've come up with. This has been one of the hugest shocks I've ever had to deal with, and the way I found out has taken years off my life, I'm sure, but… I'm glad." I felt his jaw lock up just over my head. It occurred to me that his arms were still dangling at his side. I wanted him to hold me so badly, though I knew it would through off my train of thought. "I'm so relieved, Edward. Now, I finally understand why you always seem so sad, and why your touch can be so hesitant, it's like you don't like to hold me at all. I get it now. That little something that has been nagging in my ear for so long has been uncovered, at last.

"Thought, I must admit, I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't tell me-"

"Bella, I-"

"Shh," I whispered. "My turn to talk right now. And I'm sure you'll have a lot to say, but try to keep it in until the end. Okay? Nod if you'll try." Slowly, I felt his body move slightly as he nodded. "As I was saying, I wish you would have been the one to tell me. I mean, for something this important for you to hide from me?" I shook my head. "I was confused as first. I understood why you wouldn't want to tell me, but at the same time, I _couldn't_ understand why you wouldn't. If that makes any sense at all. I won't blame you, though, for not telling me the truth. Actually, I'm a little offended; have you no faith in me? How about a little trust?" I chuckled, remembering when he first told me those very same words.

"But, as you saw, I really couldn't handle it all… at first. I had the typical human reaction, I'm guessing. So, I kept thinking at first that you were right in not telling me." I clung to his shirt, my fingers locking into the fabric. "But I also realized that nothing had changed. That, even thought I now knew what you and your family were, nothing changed. I still cared for each and every one of you."

"You're wrong." I looked up, examining Edward's face. "I'm sorry, but I can not stay quiet any longer. Do you not realize what you've just said? That you still care for me? That you care for a monster?" I flinched at that. "This is all my fault. I never should have continued through with my feelings. I knew what I was. I knew that we could never be together. Yet I foolishly stayed to your side and hoped that you would love me in return."

"And what was so foolish about that," I asked timidly. "I do. And you you told me that you loved me, right? I don't see a problem here."

"Bella," he spoke slowly, as if talking to a three year old, an edge of irritation creeping into his voice. "Do you still not see? I am not alive in the literal sense. Of course we can never be together."

I shrugged, already having predicted this response. "And I am dying. I don't have long on this Earth, but, for the time I do have, I'll love whomever I damn please. So don't try that card with me."

His eyes darkened. He tried a different approach. "Obviously, you realize what I… drink. What I need to carry on my existence. This is more serious then you seem to realize. Just remember what almost happened-" He froze mid-sentence, closing his eyes tightly. Edward's fists clenched. I already knew what scene he must be remembering.

I bit my lower lip. "Yes, I know." My voice sounded frail, even to me. "I know how… difficult this must be for your family. I never realized this strain I put on them all. I'm so very sorry for that." I must have put them through hell.

"Don't _you_ apologize," Edward growled. "Don't you ever apologize for being human."

I huffed. "Then don't you ever apologize for _not_ being human."

He didn't retort, so I continued on where I had left off before he interrupted me. "But it's not just you whom I stay for; I love all of them. Alice, who was a comfort to me and let me share her room. Esme, who let me into her home and made me meals..." I paused, just realizing with a start; Esme really_ did_ cook for me and just me. I doubted the rest of the family could eat human food. That touched my heart even more. "Rosalie, who would talk to me and allow me to watch her tinker with cars. Carlisle, who was my doctor. Jasper, a good person who made me smile when I needed it. Emmett-"

"Who very nearly killed you?" He sneered.

"Stop interrupting; it's rude." I glared. "Emmett, who is a big brother I've never had. I love him dearly, so nothing can change that."

Edward was livid. "Are you sane? You cannot still think of us the same way. Bella, we're vampires!"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, thank you for finally admitting it to me, though you're a tad late."

"This is not a joke!"

"And I am not joking!" I pulled away from him, crossing my arms. "Edward, I used to live on the Quileutes land. I was even allowed to sit in on a counsel meeting. That was when I first learned of the Cold Ones. Of blood drinkers.

"Admittedly, I was frightened." He snorted. "At first. Not anymore. I didn't know you back then. Anyway, my friend's father, Billy Black, is the Tribal Leader. He's the one who told us the story of the Cold Woman's rampage and how his ancestors turned into wolves to combat her." I paused. "Wait, if Cold Ones really exist, then…"

"Yes," Edward reluctantly spoke. "The Quileutes really do transform into wolves. 'Werewolves'." He added unnecessarily.

My mouth fell open. "How many mythical creatures can this place hold?"

Despite it all, Edward chuckled. "You'd be surprised. But please, go on."

I blinked back this newest revelation. "Er, right. Well, in the story, the tribe leader had grown old. All the other wolves had fallen to the hands of the Cold Woman. They had slaughtered her mate and she was out for revenge. Just as the old leader was about to die, his young wife took a blade to her chest." Edward raised an eyebrow. "She loved her husband and wanted to save him. So she used herself as a sacrifice. The Cold Woman could not resist the scent of fresh blood." I shuddered.

"So, I assume with that little background knowledge, that Emmett was not himself. He… he couldn't control that side of his nature. He just smelled blood and that was it."

"So then you claim to not have any hard feelings toward him," Edward asked, skepticism in his voice.

"Yes." I placed my hands on either side of his face. Oh, how I adored those eyes. "He could not help himself, Edward. I don't think any vampire could. Tell my honest, tell me true: if _you_ had been the one to forget your books…. If you had been the one to come in, making me bite my tongue, would you have acted any differently from your brother? Would you have had a choice?"

I immediately wished I had never asked. Distress poured from all his features, his eyes ablaze with soft agony. The truth was hurting him. Without feeling, a single word spilled from his lips. The dreaded: "No."

I nodded. "With all the love you have for me, even you wouldn't have been able to stop?" He shook his head. "Then my point has been made. Emmett didn't stand a chance."

I ran a finger over his stone-like lips. "It is your nature. So I could never fault Emmett, or you, on it. I know it would not be intentional. You'd never hurt me on purpose."

"But the fact remains that I still _could _hurt you, intentional or not. And then there would be no going back then. Do you know how that thought has tortured me?"

I turned this thought over. Yes, Edward could hurt me. He could kill me. For this reason, should I leave his side, _despite_ my feelings for him? Does he want me to leave his side, _because_ of his love for me? Never had I been so lost. Never had I been so confused. Why couldn't I find a proper answer? Was there even one?

I pressed my face back into his chest. "I want to stay by your side. Please don't send me away," I begged.

There was a slight pause. "I would never send_ you_ away. Though I know I do not deserve to stay by your side because of what I have am."

"Don't leave me!" I buried my face in his chest, my words now becoming muffled. "Don't ever leave me! Promise! Promise me, Edward!" His silence was not lost on me. "I won't live without you. I won't _want _to live without you!"

"Don't talk nonsense," he sharply answered. "You lived before you met me, did you not?"

"If that was living then I'd rather be dead!"

"You can be so dramatic." Without another word, he scooped me into his arms, bridal style. He walked fast, faster then I was usual to. So I held on tighter to his shirt, though I knew he would never drop me. I only opened my eyes once I knew we had come to a stop.

We were in Edward's room now. He bent over, placing me on the couch, freeing my hands from his shirt. While I curled into a ball, he turned the stereo on. The music was too quiet for me to try to identify the song.

I dried my eyes on my T-shirt, sniffling. "Edward?" He dropped to the seat beside me. "I've only just realized, I don't know anything. Nothing about real vampires, besides what the Quileutes know. Nor about the your family, too. Or about you. Tell me? Please. I want to know it all. Tell me everything."

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_A/n: Review, please? And check out my other stories; just updated "Duskfall"._


	23. Opinions

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Any Of The Twilight Series.**

I winced as Rosalie pounded her fist through the solid oak table. Splinters flickered everywhere, littering the carefully vacuumed living room floor. It really was a shame to see that table destroyed in one fierce blow; Esme had taken such good care of it.

And naturally, I was the only one affected by the destruction among our group. They must have all been used to such things by now. Perhaps they even had a secret stash of replacements for furniture for such an instance. Wouldn't surprise me.

Without breaking stride, Rosalie finished her thought. "So just listen to me for once in your life, Alice! I won't be silent about this! I won't let you kill her!"

Alice sniffed, her arms folded tightly across her chest, her eyes dark and dangerous. "Either we do it or let nature take its course. But, both ways, she dies."

"I know that," Rosalie snarled. A little growl sound was actually growing from her chest, as menacing as a threatened lioness'. "Of course I know that. But you know very well that she'd be better off dead in that way then roaming the earth as a murderer!"

Emmett placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to force her back into her seat beside him. "Rose, baby, she wouldn't have to murder."

Her head spun around so fast, it gave me whiplash just to watch. "Oh, is that right, Emmett?" Sarcasm dripped from her every word as she turned her attack on him now. "Then, let me ask you, because my definition of murder and yours obviously do not match up. What do you call that thing we do about every two weeks in the woods that ends in the burying of multiple skeletons and the satiating of our bodies, hmm? Because _clearly_ that is not murder, in your little world."

"Is it any different from hunting? I mean, humans don't consider it murder either."

"But it is! The taking of one's life is not limited to just humans! We still kill for selfish purposes."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, and I suppose you only ate grass when you were human? If that's how you see it, 99.8 percent of the world's people are murders." She paused. "Well, not murderers, per say, but they still feed upon the murdered. So… vultures?"

This assessment, of course, sparked another fierce round of yelling - on Rosalie's part - and sharp retorts - courtesy of Alice.

This whole thing was all Alice's fault, really.

After I had just finished listening to every detail Edward had offered about his human life, why he was transformed along with the years that followed, and vampire mythology; she had appeared with her perfect timing. Actually, I guess it wasn't really perfect timing as much as it was the help of her little gift. Finding out your boyfriend was a mind reader and your best friend could see the future - on top of learning the whole family were mythical beings - could take some getting used to.

Edward didn't have a chance to stop her before she blurted out that she couldn't wait till I became one of them. At that point, there was no taking her words back. So I had her explain what she meant by that.

Me… a vampire?

She had foreseen it, apparently, for quite a while now. Me, as a vampire. Living forever with the Cullens. With Edward. Never growing old. Never dying.

At first, the idea was too big of a shock for me. I mean, we were talking about me becoming one of the creatures I had been deathly frightened of not a full day ago! Having to live off blood like a monster, even if it was the blood of animals rather then humans. But slowly, the idea started to sink in. Really, could there be a more perfect solution? Now I wouldn't have to die! Now I wouldn't have to leave Edward! The two of us, for all eternity. Literally.

Of course, I hadn't predicted Edward's respond to this idea.

He was… so angry that Alice had told me about her visions. He fought with her, screaming that he would never let it happen. That he would never see me changed. I couldn't believe how strongly he felt about this. I couldn't believe how strongly against having me forever. I couldn't believe he wanted to just let me die.

Edward was hell-bent on not letting anyone save me!

So, this of course made _me_ angry. Edward tried to calm me down, explaining his reasoning as best he could. Most of it went over my head, such as his belief that he did not have a soul. Other things made me regret getting so angry with him at all, like when Edward said he could not bear to have to see me as a monster. Of course, by calling _himself _a monster, I just got fired up again. We could never come to an agreement, both of us merely going around in circles, too stubborn to yield. Needless to say, fights started to spring up quite often.

Eventually, the whole family got dragged into the debate, with everyone picking sides quickly. Esme and Carlisle told me they would let me make my own decision, and would support me either way. However, the rest of the family had very strong opinions on this issue and wanted me to hear them out. But, no one in this family seemed able to talk this out, so arguments always raged heatedly. And these types of arguments that had been popping up for the past few days were terrible. Very violent arguments that included the smashing of furniture, walls, and even windows. It was enough to make my head spin.

Now that the proverbial cat had been let out of the bag, I was being reminded again and again how blinded I had to have been to not see the Cullens as the apparent non-humans they were. Alice, on her part to prove herself as a non-human, had taken to telling me the number of times I would trip every day and who would be the one to catch me. This type of teasing, however, was okay by me since it at least meant Alice was looking out for me. At least it wasn't just teasing to annoy me.

And speaking of teasing….

Well, things were still rough between Emmett and I. No matter how many times I told him there was nothing to forgive or explained my reasoning for not being mad at him, Emmett still felt the need to tread lightly with me. For the whole day after what I was now calling "the Incident", Emmett couldn't even look at me. If I entered a room, he would turn quiet and excuse himself in a manner most unlike him. Or, if he was forced to be around me for some reason, he would stare at his toes meekly, not saying a word to anyone. And Edward was not helping matters with the way he would hiss at his brother if he even came with ten feet of me. The whole ordeal was completely confusing.

I had then turned to the family empathic to find out Emmett's feelings in hopes it would help me smooth this over. Jasper had said the guilt of what he had nearly done was too much to bear for Em and that he thought I would be afraid after such a horrid event. "He wouldn't be able to stand it if you flinched from just looking at him, Bella. The thought of it is killing him." But the thought of Emmett hurting min my stead hurt_ me_. So, I had turned to his wife with my plight, who rose to the occasion wonderfully. Rosalie had sat be his side, telling him how awful I felt with him ignoring me until he finally had the nerve to face me again. I had stopped his apology before it even started, telling him if he apologized, it would only make me miserable. But even now, every once and a while, he would just stare at me was such sadness that I couldn't stand it.

I had asked Edward to explain why Emmett still wasn't over it the other day. "He's still blaming himself," Edward had replied frankly. "Just as he should. Emmett is sickened that he would ever try to attack you, Bella, because he loves you. You're his sibling. He wants to be the one to protect you, and it's cruel irony that you needed to be protected _from_ him."

Maybe Emmett's guilt was one of the factors that led him to join the side opposite his wife on the issue of my mortality.

Alice jumped to her feet now as well. "Rosalie, if not for Bella's sake, think of Edward!"

"What about Edward," Edward hissed darkly, lifting his head from it's position against my neck. "I've already stated my side in this. Bella stays human. End of story."

Alice ignored him with a flick of her short hair. "He needs her. We can all see it. Right, Jazz? Give us your honest opinion: if Bella were to pass away of natural cause, how would Edward fair?"

Jasper looked up from his book, assessing the situation as all eyes fell on him.

Rosalie snorted. "Of course he's going to agree with your side, Alice: he happens to be married to you!"

"Don't assume," Alice growled, her lithe form stiffening with fury. "Emmett sided against you, didn't he? Besides, I asked Jasper's honest results of Edward's feelings. I didn't say for him join my side on this."

"Rose, Alice_ is_ right." Jasper closed his book, placing it in his lap. "The fact is, Edward really cares about Bella. There is no denying it, just as you cannot doubt what you hold with Emmett is the real thing. Or Esme with Carlisle and Alice with I, for that matter. He loves her and will not be able to cope without her."

His eyes avoided Alice's now. "Still, with that being said, I do not agree with the decision to bite her. You forget, I lived for many-a year surrounded by newborns. I felt every emotion that raced through them. The strongest feeling, aside from thirst, was self-hatred. Most could not deal with such anger, which led to most of the fights among the newborns. I won't wish those feelings upon Bella, nor the blood-lust that follows."

Rosalie smirked a bit, glad to have an ally. "Good to see that Jasper can see reason, unlike his psychotic wife."

"Is it psychotic to want my best friend to live with us forever? To want my brother to be with the woman he loves? To not want to have to bury her at seventeen!"

"Alice, look around you. Each of our empty graves bares ages similar to hers." Rosalie stopped, letting that sink in. Then a completely different look came over her features as she turned to face me. "Bella, I don't want you to think me cruel. That isn't my goal. I merely want to remind you that this is not an alternative to death. It's a death all it's own. A hell, even. Not to say that there are not good points to living forever, if you can call this living. But, in the grand scale of things, this is not worth it.

"Bella, I've told you my story already. That I was murdered at eighteen, just a year older then yourself. I won't deny that the idea of living forever was appealing to me a bit. I was young. I was foolish. All I could see where the surface changes with my becoming a vampire. I would forever be youthful and beautiful and strong and fast. I was… a little placated by the beauty that was now mine." She glared at Edward, who had snorted at that. "Fine," Rosalie snapped. "I was enamored with my beauty."

Edward met her gaze. "Oh please. Even that is an understatement. Even now, you still take pride in the fact that you are the most beautiful creature. Well, in your opinion at least." I blushed as Edward smiled coyly at me.

"Will you not even allow me the solace that I got _something_ out of my death?" Her eyes dropped a few shades to flat black. I curled into Edward's embrace, the natural response with such a harsh gaze directed at someone I cared about. "Why should I not take comfort that, _at least_, I still possess beauty. It compensates a bit that I shall never be able to do so many things!" Rosalie started to tick them off on her fingers. "I'll never have a career, for I look too young. I'll never be able to mingle perfectly with humans with out my throat itching for their blood. I'll never be able to bare children!" Edward dropped his gaze then. "Edward, children! You know me so well, oh omniscient mind reader. Tell me, what was my greatest desire in the years you knew me as a human?"

He said nothing, but it wasn't necessary. Clearly, it was a rhetorical question. "Since my childhood, I would see young mothers and their children, and I would swoon. I just knew I would make a wonderful mother. I would nurture my childhood like a good homemaker while my well-off husband paid for our every luxury. My children would want for nothing. And, oh, how beautiful my children would be! With hair as fair as mine, perhaps even my blue eyes! I would adore them, spoil them, and love them."

I saw her fists tighten, the skin on her hands becoming even whiter. "I was so happy to be engaged to Royce. He had enough money to keep our children and me happy. Not to mention, his own fair hair and good looks would be enough to please me for children. They would be angels, just like their parents. I would have it all, it was clear to me."

She sighed, falling to the couch. Immediately, Emmett wrapped his arms around her. "Of course, we all know how that little fantasy ended. And I am very happy with my husband, as you can see. More happy then I thought I ever could be." Emmett grinned, kissing her neck. "But Bella, I will never have those children I had pictured in my head since my own childhood. I can never give Emmett an adorable little girl with pigtails nor a cute son with his own dimples. Bella, those things are beyond my reach forevermore. Instead, I can look forward to a life without ever growing up. My own, twisted Neverland. I just… I would never wish this life on anyone. Not upon my worse enemy, and not on you, who has already suffered too much."

Alice let her arms fall to her sides. "I can not remember if I wanted such things in my life. Did I want a future like the one Rose described? Did I have a passion I wanted to turn into a career? I really do not know. But, I do know that being transformed into a vampire turned out to be a wonderful thing for me. I got my Jazz, my prince charming. I got a warm family, something I cannot be sure if I ever possessed beforehand. I got a second chance."

She took my hands in hers. "I want that for you. And you'll have it much easier then any of us ever did. You already have your family waiting for you. And your own prince. Not to mention a pretty awesome best friend," Alice added with a chuckle. But the smile fell just as suddenly as it appeared. "All I'm asking is for you to consider this life. Things will be tough - I won't lie. But… we'll all be here for you, Bella. You won't have to go through it alone."

I put down my pen, sighing. I was starting to lose track of all the arguments everyone was putting up, so I had taken to writing them down in a "Pros VS Cons" type list. And so far, the lists were pretty close. Every time the Cons started to outweigh the Pros, I would look at Edward and suddenly come up with three mores Pros. So the list was a little biased.

"Everyone," I started meekly. "I really want to thank you all. You've all given me a lot to think about. And I am taking this very seriously, I want you to know. But… don't direct your views at me. This choice… really isn't mine."

Alice's eyes bugged out. "What are you talking about! Bella, this is your life; only _you_ can decided what to do!"

I shook my head. "Alice, you know that is not true. The final choice lies with Edward, not me."

"What he wants doesn't matter. It's what _you _want."

"And_ I_ want to be happy with Edward. Whether it is for the next few weeks or until the end of the world." I shrugged. "He might not be happy with my choice. So, it's Edward's choice. Either way, I will be spending as much time as possible with him."

Alice frowned, sulking as she sunk into the couch. "I guess in a way, you have made your choice. To be with Edward for as long as time permits. Okay. We understand." But I could tell from her voice that she wasn't ready to admit defeat just yet.

Rosalie smiled confidently, glad to have her side win, I'm sure. She tugged Emmett by the hand, telling him she needed to hunt after all the excitement. The two of them took off without another word, disappearing in a flash, as it seemed to me. Alice and Jasper disappeared too, leaving me to bask in Edward's company.

"Have you really given up?" His voice on my neck sent chills through my spine. "It's not like you to just give in."

I leaned my head back into his chest. "I don't see it as giving up, Edward. My whole point in these clashes has always been that I want to be with you."

"Bella, you know that I want to be with you too. Not wanting you to be with me… that has nothing to do with this. I want you by my side, and always will. But-"

I silenced him with a brief kiss, twisting in his embrace. "I know. So, I want you to know, living forever isn't such a big deal to me. I just want to be happy with you for as long as I have, 'kay?"

He nodded, relief showing over all his features.

But, in the back of my mind, there was a voice nagging. I knew, deep down, I was still hoping Edward would change his mind. Nothing had changed; I was still stubborn in wanting to be a vampire. But…

Alice was wrong. This choice really wasn't mine to make. If Edward didn't want me to be a vampire - if he didn't _want_ _me_ as a vampire - then there was no point in having someone else bite me. I wanted him to _want_ me to be like him. So, no matter how much I wished to become a vampire, it would amount to nothing unless Edward wanted the same thing. Thus, I would abide by his wishes. Even if those wishes meant me dying. And if I was to die, I wanted to die happy. So I would stop fighting Edward on this. For both of our sakes.

How's that for twisted logic?

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_A/n: Review, sil vous plait?_


	24. Rejection

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own The Twilight Series.**

I awoke in a cold sweat, visibly shivering. Yet another nightmare. This was the third night in a row. And as time went on, they just grew worse and worse. Remembering the most recent one, I had to curl myself into a ball to try to keep myself from throwing up. I just barely managed.

"Bella?"

I instantly recognized the voice, and had never been more relieved to hear it. "Edward," I called to him, my voice still hoarse from sleep. Suddenly I felt his body join mine in the bed, as cool as mine was burning. My body relaxed into Edward's embrace right away. He could calm me with a single touch. And I really needed calming at the moment.

Alice, Jasper, and Esme had gone hunting yesterday afternoon, and weren't due back for a few days. With this in mind, Alice had asked me to stay in Edward's room while she was gone. She claimed it was only because she worried about my health, but I had my doubts. With Alice, you could never expect to get the full story upfront. The little psychic lived only in the future, seeing things as eventually they would be rather then how they were in the here-and-now. So I had learned that her every action was carefully thought out to benefit the world she saw in store for us days, weeks, months, or years later. But I had no idea what she wanted to come from me moving one room down from my original lodgings.

Now, however, I was extremely grateful. Edward held my tightly to his chest, though not enough to hurt me, as his other hand stroked my hair. It was a comforting gesture. He didn't need words to know I had had another nightmare, just as I didn't need words to know he was telling me everything would be all right and he loved me. Some things just didn't need to be expressed aloud when you knew each other well enough. Like we did. This was the type of relationship most girls dreamed of.

And I was living the dream. This thought, along with Edward's close contact and quiet lullaby, helped lull me back to sleep.

The house was very quiet the next two days. Rosalie and Emmett were in Tacoma for a car show and Carlisle worked most of the time, leaving Edward and I with the empty house. I couldn't help but wonder if this was all a part of Alice's visions; perhaps she was hoping I'd use this time alone with her brother to convince him to change me. That would be just like her.

But, if that was the case, then she was dead wrong. Neither of us brought up my impending doom, nor the only means of survival possible at this point. Instead, Edward took me to his secret spot each day and well into the night.

The meadow. It was… gorgeous. There was no other word for it. A perfectly symmetrical patch of grass deep inside the forest where flowers bloomed in the droves. And when you lay back in the grass and looked up at the sky, it seemed so much closer because of the height of the trees. The stream that ran just behind the trees was crystal clear and peacefully slow. How Edward had found such a sanctuary was beyond me, but he said he had had too much time on his hands before me.

"The water's not even cold," I marveled, flicking my feet about as I sat on the edge of the bank. My socks and shoes lay abandoned back in the meadow as I allowed my legs to soak in the warm water found in the stream. It reminded me of the tide pools I had enjoyed so much as a child. "I would have thought it would be freezing since the sun hasn't been out in so long."

Edward came to sit beside me, also sticking his bare feet in the water. "It is rather strange," he agreed. "Then again, the weather has started to rise with the end of February." Edward turned his face up to observe the sky. It was a murky gray color, but with hints of sun lurking behind the clouds.

"Does the water feel warm to you, too, Edward?" I was curious; Edward's skin always felt like it was running at the freezing point. Did heat differ for vampires?

"A bit," Edward stated. "Temperature is perceived differently for my kind. Sure, we can tell the heat from the cold, but neither affects us. For instance, on the coldest of days on winter, we could get along fine without a jacket. Emmett would actually enjoy going swimming more on colder days back in Alaska because no one would be on the beaches. He was free to be himself, though it wasn't such a good thing for the rest of us." A tiny smile broke across his face but didn't quite each his eyes. I could tell his thoughts were miles away. And yet he still managed to keep himself in the conversation somehow; must be a vampire thing, I decided.

I was having a hard time picturing beaches in Alaska. "What was it like up there?"

"Very dark, naturally. The winters especially. And Alaska is less… tamed? Is that the word for it? Anyway, there were many miles of forest in Alaska. Lots of woodland creatures and large game. Sometimes I would go off in the nights and just marvel as the wide, open snow fields. We would have large snowball fights that would go one for days among the permafrost, ones that would usually only end when we had to hunt. And there were several beautiful beaches, as I mentioned before. Usually, if one was going to a beach in Alaska, such as Monashka Bay Beach, it was only for the hiking. The land was rough, and it was a strange sight to see a beach covered in a blanket of snow," he added with a chuckle.

"It sounds nice. I'd like to see the North territories sometime," I decided suddenly. I'd never been an impulsive person, but Edward's words painted such a picture in my mind that I was memorized. "The farthest north I've ever been was Toronto."

Edward nodded his head, a little crease appearing just over the bridge of his nose. "We have lived in parts of Canada before, but we've spent the most time in Alaska." He tangled a hand in my hair, his touch as light as feather brushing through my tresses. "There's another coven of vampires there like us there; like us, as in, they feed from animals. We lived with them for several years before coming to Forks."

"Really?" I leaned against Edward, kicking my legs in the water, causing cascades to splash up. "Is it rare to find vampires who don't drink from humans?"

"Sadly, yes. The Denali coven is the only one we've found besides our own. We meet the occasional rouge vampire or pair sometimes, but none of them restrain." He made a face. "Our family and the Denali coven are strange among our kind because we all have a conscious. Most others lack one."

"Then doesn't that make your family all the more admirable?" The Cullens were all the more respectable because they were in the minority. At least, that's how I saw it. Edward said nothing for so long a time, that I changed the subject. "What are the members of the Denali coven like?"

He chuckled, though it sounded forced. "Their coven is mostly female, which is very strange. Have you heard the legend of the Succubus?" I shook my head. "It's a very old story of beautiful females who would seduce their male prey. After spending the night with them, these women would kill their men." I shivered slightly. "Yes, not a very pretty picture. But then, Tanya always justified those actions by saying at least their prey got a night of pleasure before their deaths."

"Tanya?"

"She's the leader of the Denali coven and one of the original Succubi. She has two sisters, Kate and Irina. The three of them are all well older then a thousand years old." He held his finger to my lips, correctly guessing that I was about to interrupt again with this new piece of information. As I pouted sullenly, I felt rather then heard him laugh. "Do you want your original question answered of not? Now then. Over time, they grew to regret what they were doing. They truly loved then men they took to their beds and disliked killing them afterwards. So, they grew to feed of animals. And they've maintained that creed to not drink from humans ever since."

"Wow," I mumbled. I wasn't sure what was the most shocking part of the story: the fact that these vampires seduced their prey or that they were over fifty times my age. Both were rather shocking. Yet I couldn't help but to admire their change of heart most. From what Jasper had told me, going from drinking from animals when you fed from humans for a long amount of time was a very difficult process and took a long time to get the hang of. It was something he hadn't quite mastered yet, Jasper had admitted sadly.

"Yes, well, over time Carmen and her mate Eleazar joined them. Now they are a coven of five. Like I said, it's rare to find 'vegetarian' vampires, so we were thrilled when we found them. It's rarer still to find any type of grouping with vampires. Our natures make it difficult to live together. Carlisle believes that since we are 'vegetarian', it's easier for us to live as a group. Most of the time, you'll find nomads by themselves or with their mate, but never more." His eyes hardened. "Unless you're taking the Volturi into consideration."

I was about to ask who or what the Volturi was, but then the sun peeked out from around a cloud.

My jaw literally dropped as Edward began to sparkle like a diamond. It was… beautiful. Yet, a bit unnerving. Of course, I knew what the sun did to vampires. Edward had explained in detail the differences between myth and fact. So I knew the sunlight didn't burn them, but rather made them 'glow'. I didn't understand what he meant by glow at first. But now I did. It was something that couldn't be described properly was just words; it had to be seen with your own eyes. He seemed to be sparkling more then glowing. As the sun hit him so perfectly, prisms of splendid light shot out in rainbows. Now, he really was dazzling.

I became aware of Edward's eyes glued to me, perhaps nervous about my reaction. I smiled tentatively, drawing back a little to see him better. It was as if gems were embedded in his skin, sending out gleams as the sun shone on them. I couldn't stand to take my eyes off him.

Still, for as beautiful as this sparkling Edward was, I was terrified. This unearthly display made it all the more clear that we were worlds apart. He wasn't human. I was. Did this mean he would forever be out of my reach, with I as a mere mortal?

Eventually the clouds swept back over the sun, sending Forks back into darkness. With the return of the clouds, Edward's skin stopped glowing. I couldn't help but to be a bit relieved.

I reached my hand out to stroke his face. It didn't feel any different from before. Still cool and flawlessly smooth. "Does it hurt when the sun does that?"

"No. I barely even feel it." His eyes didn't leave my face. "Did I frighten you?"

"No," I answered quickly. Too quickly.

He raised an eyebrow but said no more on the subject.

We sat for hours in the meadow, basically doing nothing. Apparently Edward would sometimes just come here and feel the heat of the sun on his skin - "It's a very subtle thing, but I can feel it," he had stated - or stare at the sky. I had teased him about it, but I knew how he felt. I had really enjoyed just laying in the grass and flowers. It felt… peaceful. When the sky darkened enough that it was obviously nighttime, Edward sat up.

He brushed the flowers I had placed in his hair away, offering me a hand to help me up. But instead of just helping me to my feet, in that one motion, he had gently thrown me on his back. "Hey!" I whined, clinging to his form desperately. He brushed me off with a quick roll of the eyes and then set off at his impossibly fast pace.

This was the part I always dreaded. The getting to and from the meadow. Edward didn't want to upset me so he only made me ride piggyback the part of the way we couldn't go by car. But even those 2-minute journeys were enough to make me dizzy. And Edward didn't seem to have a medium. Either briskly "slow" or break-the-sound-barrier fast.

Once Edward stopped beside his Volvo, I dropped like a rock on my butt. The fall wasn't really bad, but it had been so much worse after the dash through the woods. I glared at Edward who was clearly trying not to laugh as I got to my feet. "Yeah, yeah, yuck it up, Cullen. It's all fun and games until Bella shatters her tailbone," I growled as I slammed the side door close behind me.

Edward joined me in the car a second later. I turned my body so I wasn't facing him, pulling both of my hands in my lap so he couldn't try to hold them. "I really am sorry Bella, but you cannot deny that was funny. You forget, I live in a household of graceful vampires. I'm still quite shocked that someone as clumsy as you can actually exist. Can you blame me for being caught off guard? I was so shocked my reflexes couldn't even react fast enough to catch you. You must see the humor in that." He didn't sound very apologetic so I keep my gaze out the window, my lips crammed shut.

"Bellaaa," he whined when he realized I still hadn't forgiven him. "Please don't be upset."

"Hmph!"

He sighed. "The silent treatment, really? That is the one form of punishment I can't handle. I'm so used to hearing a person verbally or mentally that this silence is unbearable. Please, speak to me Bella."

I turned my head towards him. His face lit up, most likely in recognition in his victory. So I stuck my tongue out at him then sharply twisted my gaze back to the window.

A moment of shocked silence followed.

Then Edward burst out laughing. "First the silence treatment, then sticking your tongue out at me? What are you, five?"

I could feel my cheeks fill, but I held my ground. "And what does that make you, a pedophile?"

"Ouch. That's a bit below the belt considering how very true that is." But I could hear the grin in his voice. "Emmett and Jasper where actually teasing me about being in love with a girl who could have been my granddaughter in other circumstances. I think you've poked an open wound there."

I couldn't help but to laugh at that. "Then should I call you grandpa?"

-break-

"What did you want to show me, Edward?" I asked as he dragged me out of the kitchen after I finished dinner.

He smiled that heartbreaking smile, leading me to the piano. "I've finished a piece. This one I've had in my head for quite some time." He joined me on the bench and slid the cover back from the ivory keys. Edward glanced at me one more time before turning back to the keys. And then he played.

Such a sound - such a magnificent sound - had never been heard before. The beautiful composition filled the room, despite its slow and soft twinkling of the keys. This melody was like honey; so sweet. I knew in that instant that Edward could play this enchanting lullaby for hours on end and I could never bore of it. I let my eyes close, heightening my hearing. Then I gasped. This melody!

"You inspired it, love."

I felt tears spring to my eyes. This was the lullaby Edward often hummed to me, the one that made me calm and safe. He really created it just for me? He had cared about me this deeply for so long, since he first lulled me to quiet with this tune at the hospital?

I leaned my head on his shoulder gently. "Oh, Edward. It's beautiful." Yet even that word seemed insufficient, so I quickly shut my mouth and let the song fill my head.

Eventually, what seemed like several hours later, the melody slowed to an end. The final chords echoed in the near empty house, ringing artfully, making me feel extremely small. "Thank you," I whispered, wiping at my eyes.

"I'm glad you liked it," He replied modestly, pulling the cover back over the keys.

"Of course I did. That was… amazing." I allowed Edward to pick me up, wrapping my arms around his neck. "It's hardly fair how amazing you are, Edward. I'm begining to wonder if there's anything you can't do."

Edward flashed me his crooked grin, but didn't contradict me. _Stupid, perfect vampire._

With ease, Edward carried me up the stairs and into his room. Alice must have seen me sleeping in his room for three days as an opportunity to go shopping; the day she left, a furniture truck arrived. I don't know why I didn't see it coming.

At first, it really annoyed me - I mean, who goes out of her way to buy a clearly expensive bed in a house where no one sleeps? Not to mention, there was already a perfectly good bed in Alice's room that was currently going unused. Her logic escaped me. But then, Emmett had made it pretty that every bed in the house got "used". No, _that_ wasn't an innuendo or anything. Insert eye roll here.

Edward placed me on my feet just outside of his bathroom. "Get ready for bed, love. It's already pretty late." I nodded and went into the tiled room.

Edward's bathroom was more or less the same as Alice's. The color scheme aside, of course. Maybe that was why, out of habit, I checked the secret cabinet for my pajamas. Imagine my surprise when they really were there! However, upon closer inspection, I found that these were not my usual T-shirt and sweats. Instead, there was a rather cute camisole and shorts. Curious, I picked up the top and held it against my body. A pink note card fell from the folds to the floor as I did this. _Alice_, I realized, as I bent to pick it up.

_Look cute for my brother! Love, Alice._

I rolled by eyes, but put the clothes on the counter and began to prepare my shower.

Ten minutes later, I was squeaky clean and "cute" in the pjs Alice had picked out for me. I spun on the spot in front of the mirror, taking the outfit in. It really wasn't too bad. No frills and bows at least. And the blues on the camisole matched the shorts perfectly. All in all, this was the type of sleepwear I would pick for myself - if I had that kind of money.

Pleased, I combed through my damp hair quickly, letting it hang loosely down my back. I folded the clothes I had been wearing before out of habit. _Should I just leave them here?_ I briefly debated, but in the end decided to leave them in the secret cabinet, with the intentions to come back for them in the morning. I did one last check in the mirror before opening the door to the bathroom.

Edward was sitting on the bed, waiting for me. He had changed into a pair of comfortable pajama pants and a T-shirt. I had to giggle, making his head flick up to me. I blushed slightly as I heard him gasp, his eyes wondering over my body. It made me feel a bit self conscious, but I tried to ignore it.

"Your family sure likes to spend money frivolously," I commented, as I headed towards him on the bed. "I mean, buying brand-new beds and pajamas in a house where no one sleeps? It's a bit silly." Then I twirled on the spot. "And Alice must buy me new clothes every day, or so it seems. Is this how the other half lives?"

Edward's eyes were still roaming, taking in my outfit as I talked. However, they flickered back to my face once I was finished. From his glazed look, I didn't think he had heard a word I said. Edward lifted his arms, a nonverbal sign of wanting me to go to him. "Beautiful," he whispered as I fell into his arms. I curled my legs up beneath me so I was now completely in his lap. As my exposed skin brushing against him lightly, I could feel a tingling like electricity spark. I shivered as his fingers paved an icy path up my leg, stopping only once my shorts obstructed their path.

"Beautiful," he whispered again, pressing his face to the hollow below my neck. I sighed as he place butterfly kisses there, my hands locking around his neck to keep me balanced. Then, Edward's hands were running up and down my sides slowly. Rubbing, stroking, tickling as they went. _Oh, his touch._ I could barely breath by now, his hands sending chills up my spine. I whimpered when I felt them leave me. But my whimper was cut short as our lips collided.

His hands stopped at my hips, holding me in place as he deepened the kiss. I crushed my chest against his, destroying the gap between our bodies. "Bella," he moaned over my mouth. But the second he opened his mouth, I let my tongue invade it.

It was a very new experience for me. His mouth was very cool and tasted just like he smelled: sweet. My feverish tongue, almost bursting with heat, made a welcome combination with the chill of his mouth.

Edward seemed shocked at this development, his limbs freezing up. But once our tongues made contact, he visibly relaxed. In fact, he got more into the kiss, now taking the chance to explore _my_ mouth. I shivered again as he ran over my teeth delicately. Not allowing our mouths to lose contact, Edward lowered our bodies on the bed.

Everything was electrified now. When Edward's hand ran along my thigh, I felt this current tenfold. It made me tingle and swoon at the same time.

I ran the palms of my hands over his chest, feeling the muscle through the shirt. I shifted my hips ever so slightly. The motion was enough to make Edward moan, however. The sound of it made my hair stand on end. I broke contact with his lips, moving to his neck. Each time I kissed his Adam's apple, a throaty sound spilled from him. It drove me wild with want. I kissed him again and again, never wanting to stop.

But, apparently, Edward had other ideas. In one motion too quick for my human eyes, he had switched our positions. Now,_ I _was pinned on the bed as Edward hovered over me, our bodies only touching briefly now. Somehow, the lack of contact was even better then it had been when it was in full connection. Like… he was teasing me.

I slipped my hands to the edge of his T-shirt. Our eyes only lost contact as the clothing was lifted over his head. It was quickly tossed aside.

Now it was_ my_ turn to let my eyes travel along_ his_ body. He was sculpted; Edward had more muscle then his lanky form would have hinted at. I examined each contour, memorizing what he felt like. As to be expected, his chest was firm and smooth. _Like marble_, I marveled as my hands explored.

Edward leaned in closer, his disheveled bangs now tickling my face. I raised myself on my elbows to capture his mouth again. This kiss was softer, gentler, and yet still passionate. In a word: perfect.

I took one of his hands in mine, bringing it to the edge of my top. With my hand over his, we slowly started to inch my camisole back, exposing more of my stomach. But Edward pulled his hand away when his hand touched the cup of my bra.

"Bella," Edward mumbled. "We… can't."

Confused, I sat up. "Why not Edward?"

"I'll hurt you." He rolled onto his side, not facing me. "My… resistance to blood isn't perfect. We- I… can't. I'm sorry."

I crossed my arms over my chest, letting my top fall back down to cover me completely. This rejection stung more then I thought it would have. "So that's it? You're not even going to try?"

His voice still wasn't angry, unlike mine. "I won't put you in that kind of danger. I can't stand even the thought of it."

"And I can't _stand_ when you do that!" I crawled off the bed, heading towards the door. I was determined to spend the night in Alice's room. Until Edward caught my wrist.

"Please try to understand." His calm, cool demeanor made me even angrier.

"What is there to understand!" He drew back at my volume. "You're always making my decisions for me. And I don't mind because I know you only do it because you care, but do you realize how frustrating that is?" I started to list the things on my fingers. "You decided that I always have to have a babysitter. You decided not to tell me I was dying. You decided not to tell me your family were vampires. And now you've decided I'm going to die a frickin' virgin! Urgh!" I took a deep breath and locked my eyes with his.

"I'm not going to live much longer. And I've accepted that. But, for the time I have left, I want to live it the way _I _want to. So… I have something to tell you Edward." I sighed, mentally preparing myself. "And here it is: I'm in love with you, okay? I think I've loved you for a really long time now, too. I didn't know how to tell you, but now that my time's running out, I don't want to waste a minute of what I have left denying what we have. For however long I have left I want to be with _you_, Edward."

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe for him to scoop me off my feet and finish what we started or something, just like in every romantic movie. But his reaction completely took me off guard. It always did.

His eyes narrowed as he looked just over my head. "You don't know what you are saying. I am a monster; a soulless being who feeds on the blood of others - even if these others are animals now - to sustain myself. Do you not realize how much danger I have put you in by even standing in the same room as you? Do you not realize how close I was to losing myself back there? Do you not comprehend how easily I could hurt you? _Kill you? _Or did Emmett not make it clear enough for you?"

My first thought was to slap him. I couldn't stand how terrible he was being to himself. But then I came to my senses; if I slapped him, I'd only break my wrist and he wouldn't even feel it anyway. That would solve nothing. So I took a deep breath and did my best to speak calmly. "Are you trying to offend me? Do you think I don't know myself well enough that I am 100 percent positive of my feelings? I'm in love with you, _damn it_, and I won't have anyone tell me otherwise! Not even the absurdly handsome object of my affections."

"I don't want to hear that you feel this way, Bella." His eyes were colder then his skin now. It was enough to put me on the verge of tears. "It will only hurt both of us in the end." He shook his head.

I swallowed, holding back the urge to burst our crying. _Why would he say such a thing?_ _I would have thought he'd be happy to finally hear how I felt… _"You are being ridiculous. Do you really love me?"

"Unequivocally." His tone hinted at anger – finally - for me even doubting him.

"Then why are you so hell-bent in denying my feelings for you?" I cut him off before he could speak. "I may _only be human_, but that doesn't mean my feelings are any weaker then yours."

"I've been around the human race for over 100 years. I know what they say and I know what they mean. Love and lust don't always keep the same company for humans. Just because you're attracted to someone-"

"Doesn't mean you love them?" He nodded. I paused, turning that thought over. "That is perhaps the _stupidest_ thing I've ever heard. I'm not saying it wrong - for _most_ humans. But, what you seem to forget, is I am _not_ most humans. Just because you can read their minds and know every little detail about them doesn't mean you can generalize those things to all humans." I rolled my eyes. "That's actually a bit egotistical of you, Edward."

His shocked expression was adorable – or at least, it would have been if I wasn't so pissed off. "Egotistical?"

"You heard me. You think you know everything - which, in some aspects, you might - but you don't understand all humans. You don't understand _me_. Perhaps it's because you can't read my mind." For once, I wished I wasn't the only exception to his power; it was so inconvenient! If he could see what I was thinking and feel what I felt for him, perhaps he wouldn't be so quick to write me off.

"Then enlighten me. What are you thinking?"

"Okay, here is my logic: every person I've ever loved has hurt me. Well, I guess I shouldn't say 'every' because I've only really loved two people: my parents. You already know how they've hurt me. Can you blame me for being frightened for loving anyone anymore? I didn't want to set myself up for more disappointment. That's why I hesitated when you told me you loved me.

"In my heart, I knew I already had fallen for you. But the little voice in my head wanted to make up an excuse - any excuse - to not feel the same way. At first it was because I didn't know anything about you. Then it was because you lied to me about being sick. The last reason was because of the legends about Cold Ones I heard from the Quileutes. But do you know what I've decided now?" He shook his head. "_I don't care._ I don't care if you hurt me in the end. Or rather, I don't think you'll be able to hurt me enough that I could ever stop loving you. I love you; so that's it. I will give up on protecting myself and I'll let the pieces fall where they may because I want to be with you.

"Does that make any sense to you?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

Edward closed the gasp between up in a flash, his face now inches from mine, hindering my breathing. "No, it doesn't." And then he kissed me again just before I fell into a restful sleep.

* * *

_A/n: Yeah, this may seem like useless fluff, but, trust me, this chapter has some deep significance. For one, Bella has finally admitted how she feels about Edward to him. And, now that he knows his love isn't one sided, he might be able to adopt Alice's optimistic attitude a bit more. Or not. Dx  
_


	25. Salvation

_A/n: For those of you who have read __"Tears of Blood"__, we have finally reached the point in which Rio had stopped the story. Read on, my loves, read on._

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Series.**

The happy days came to an end, of course.

Eventually, there came a day when my body failed me. I became an invalid, worse then a cripple. Useless and fragile and pathetic and human. Bedridden and too weak to do much of anything, all I could do was wait.

Wait for my death.

Once you go through some certain about of hardships, you just get to a point where enough is enough. You have suffered, and suffered, and suffered; and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You give up the will to keep fighting. You're just done. Living was harder then dying, so you were so ready to leave this world behind.

I was at that point by now.

Why? Why had God forsaken me? Did he hate me? Was I really his sick, little joke like I always assumed? My fate had been wrought with misery. What other conclusion could I reach?

Now, surround by beeping machinery and the IVs Carlisle had seen fit to poke in me, I knew death was on its way. While I still loathed leaving Edward and the Cullens behind, I had to admit that at times my own misery took over me. And I would_ want_ to die. I would forget who I was leaving, only seeing what I was gaining: forgoing all the pain and hardships and hatred and sadness. I didn't know exactly what was on the other side, only that it had to be better then this own world that cast me such an unfair hand. I wanted the easy way out; I had already died inside long ago anyway.

My back hurt almost constantly. Sometimes, I would pass out from the pain only to wake in a cold sweat many hours later. Not that it mattered. I already slept too much thanks to my constantly tired state. But it was inconvenient and downright annoying to realize that the last bits of your life were being wasted in a bed. Then again, there were plenty of days that I could care less.

Sometimes, when a particularly bad spasm hit me, I would try to give up. The fight drained out of me and I only focused on letting myself go. On stilling my heart forever. Then, Alice and Edward would storm in and shake me. Edward would inject some foul-smelling liquid (one he admitted a short time ago that he had been giving me in my sleep for weeks to help ease my pumping bloodstream) into me while Alice held me down. And then I would drift into a false, medicine induced sleep.

I became aware of my rapid weight lost. My skin was stretched over my thin, pale arms, gaunt and lifeless. It disgusted me. Now I truly was a corpse. But one still stuck in limbo, just waiting to go to the other side.

Slowly, I was losing control of my body. Tremors would run up and down my arms at will. Sometimes, a veil of tears would swarm down my cheeks without warning or cause. My neck in particular hurt, most likely the product of my attempts to sit up and read books to distract myself. So I gave up on my reading, letting the boredom have its way with me now.

One of the worst pains, though, came from my heart. No, not figuratively; quite literally. I could feel the sluggish pace it beat at try to speed up randomly. When this happened, I was forced to scream out with the pain. Edward and Carlisle would rush to me, but there was nothing they could do besides drug me up until the hurt eased away. Carlisle said that my bloodstream trying to get back on track could be a good sign, that my body was trying to fight back for it's normalcy. But then Edward was cut his father off, saying that the sudden rush of blood through the clogged heart valve would only serve to pain me. To kill him faster, too, I assumed from his grave face. After that, I tried to remain quite when the blood pumped too fast, hoping Edward's prediction would come to fruition.

Oddly enough, religion came to affect me deeply as I lay awaiting my end. I convinced Carlisle to come to my side and talk to me for hours about everything his pastor father had taught him. I wanted to know what was waiting for me beyond this world. Was there really a heaven, and if so, what about hell? And who determined which realm you would spend the rest of eternity in? Would my soul finally find peace, or would it roam forever in darkness as it did now? He couldn't answer all of my questions, of course, never having died before. But, he tried his best to soothe me about the unknown with promises of a heaven that I would find my place to. It was all he could do for me and I appreciated that very much.

I was never without visitors. This was meant to placate me, I thought, but only served to ruin my plans to end my life quicker. Besides that, I hated how each face looked at me with such sadness and pain. I hated how they all thought me weak. I hated_ looking_ weak to them all, indestructibly strong vampires that they were. It made me sick with envy, something I knew Jasper had sensed and most likely told Edward, for he kept their visists as far away from the topic of my impending doom as possible.

I had one surprise guest, though. Well, two really.

One day, as I was trying to wiggled an IV out of my left arm with no success, a booming knock on my door distracted me. I rolled my eyes. "No need to knock, Em. Come on in." My voice was weaker then I was used to, but it didn't matter in a household full of beings with super hearing.

But when the door eased open, I was shocked. For the new occupant of the room was not Emmett; this person was far too different. The person was large like Emmett, though I thought a bit larger. He was tanned in a way that made me think he was of Native American decent, though I could not remember meeting a Quileute of such stature. He was rippling with muscles in his plain, white wife-beater and was beyond impressive – he went straight to down right frightening. On instinct, I scooted back in the bed, ignoring the pain coming from my bruised back and the IVs that tugged at my arms.

The man's coal-black eyes widened. "Wait, Bella! Don't move around so much; they said that would hurt you."

I ignored the man and continued trying to back away. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" Panic was growing within my very being; why had Edward let this frightening stranger into my room? What in the world was going on?

A wave of sadness came over the person's face. "You don't… you don't recognize me?"

"No, I don't. Now I am going to have to ask you to leave." _Like, now_, I thought as I scanned over his large frame with wide eyes.

He ducked his head then, a short mop of dark hair flopping over his face ungracefully. "Come on, Bells. Don't be like that. I haven't changed that much, have I?"

His voice was somehow familiar when he said that nickname, but I still couldn't place it. "Do I… know you from somewhere?"

"Doesn't even recognize me," he grumbled to himself, his hand shoved in the pockets of his khaki shorts and kicked the carpet sullenly. "Thought we were family…"

Something within me clicked and without thinking, I replied, "Would you like some cheese with that whine, kid?" Those words just came to me, like I had said them a dozen times over in the past. With a gasp, I realized, I had. I tilted my head to a side, trying to look from the features I was familiar with in the person I thought he was. "No way… you can't be… Jakey?"

His head shot up. Yes, there was that silly smile of his. His eyes even shined in the same way, despite how much time had passed since I had last seen him. "You finally recognize me, Sis?"

"Jakey!" I squealed, unable to control myself. Being so loud strained my voice, but I didn't mind in the least. "Gosh! I forgot how much I missed you, kid." I patted the bed beside me."

He sat down with a level of awkwardness, the whole bed sinking under his weight. "How could you ever forget about me? Thought we were 'family in everything but blood'."

"We were," I allowed, being careful with my words. "But then we weren't. You must admit that we lost our closeness. These things happen, kid."

His face darkened. It reminded me of the pouting face he used to make when Ray, Becca, and I wouldn't let him play with us at times. I giggled, causing him to glare at me. "That's not funny, Bells. I have been meaning to ask you since you left La Push: why did you start ignoring me. I know now might not be the best time, but it's been killing me. Did I do something wrong?"

I patted his arm. "Sorry. But I don't think you'd understand, kid. Maybe when-"

"If you say 'when you're older', I swear I will walk out of here and never come back."

I shrugged. "So be it. It's the truth."

"I'm not the little kid I used to be. Just look at me."

And I did. "How did you get so huge, Jakey? I mean, I've heard of growth spurts but-"

"Not now, Bells," he sighed. "I'll explain after you explain why you ditched me. I'm plenty old enough to take it."

I smiled at him the best I could. "Jacob, just because you don't look so little anymore doesn't mean you're not still a kid." I paused, counting the days backwards. "Oh, you're birthday is coming up, soon, isn't it?"

"Turning 15," he mumbled, ducking his head into his chest again.

I reached over to ruffle his hair like I used to when it had fallen to the nape of his neck. Looking at him again, I knew that if we had been standing up, that wouldn't have worked anymore – he had to be at least six feet now. "Congrats then."

"You wont…" he paused as his voice broke. He cleared his throat loudly. "You won't be around to see me turn 15, will you?"

This must have been why the Cullens let him in: to say my last good bye to him. It filled me with appreciated mixed with turmoil. "Oh, kid," I sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry."

"You can't be apologizing for… dying, can you?"

"Sorry," I said again, falling back against my pillow. "But let's not talk about that right now. How about you tell me what you've been up to since I started avoiding you, huh? How was your first year of high school and all that? And Billy?"

He took a deep breath, staring at the wall as he spoke. And he spoke of amazing things. How he had started coming to Forks quite constantly since a few months ago, hoping to run into me (cue the guilt). And how he started to not feel well in January and had had to stay home for a full week while his temperature spiked out of control and his body ached with pain as he grew several inches in only a week. And how Billy had known was was wrong right away despite the doctors in La Push being clueless. And how he fulfilled that Quileute legend I had heard so long ago,

Now, I knew my fear was well deserved. He was a monster. A werewolf.

I pushed myself against the frame of my bed, my mouth opened in horror. A monster! A monster only a few feet away from me! "Jacob… because tell me this is just some stupid joke."

His voice was harsh, something I had never heard before. "If your _bloodsuckers_ exist, it only stands to reason that the other half of the legend is true too, Isabella."

"Don't call them that," I snapped, aware that the way he said bloodsuckers made it an insult. "Don't you dare call them that, Jacob Black. They have taken care of me and-"

"And you know me and Billy would have gladly done the same if you had asked!" His voice faultered then. "W-why _didn't_ you ask? You'd rather be in a house full of… vampires then stay with me?"

I was not in the mood to be guilted into anything. "At the time, I didn't know. But don't let that delude you; even if I had known what the Cullens were, I still would have stayed with them."

"Do you hate us that much?"

"Don't twist my words take it like that." I forced myself calm then. "Look, the fact is, I like it here. I like the Cullens – love them, even. It had nothing to do with how I felt about you and Billy. You know I have always been grateful with how you took care of me when we lived with you."

Jake turned to face me then, his eyes narrow slits. "It's not safe for you here, Bells. Do you realize that?"

I glared back in return. "I'm not an idiot, Jacob. I know the danger." I chose not to tell him about my near-death experience with Emmett. Who knows; if I had gone to La Push after Charlie's death, perhaps something of the same would have happened to me with Jacob. Already in my mind, werewolf Jacob was a thousand times more frightening then my vampire Edward. "Besides, it don't matter at this point. If the Cullens did slip up and kill me, they would only be quickening the end of my life. I assume they told you about everything," I said, gesturing to the multiple IVs and machinery.

"Yeah…" He ran his hand through his messy hair. "I didn't believe 'em at first. Thought they had killed you and broke the treaty."

"Well, it's the opposite. If not for them, I'm sure I would already be gone." I played with the hem of my covers. "And even if they did, what were you planning on doing, kid? What, come here alone and throw down the law?"

He shook his head. "I'm not alone. Sam's going around the perimeter-"

"Sam transformed, too?"

"Yeah. Right now it's Sam as the Alpha, Paul as his Beta, and then me and Jared. But Paul and Jared thought it was stupid to come here, so they are back in La Push communicating with Sam, ready to attack if something goes wrong."

"Explain again, this time minus the wolfy stuff."

It was Jake's turn to roll his eyes. "There are four of us. Uhh... Sam is in charge with Paul under him. And we can communicate with each other in our wolf form through our minds."

I took a second to absorb that. "That's kinda creepy, Jake, I won't lie." Scary creepy. A bunch of mutant wolves sharng their thoughts?

"Only the half of it, Bells," he stated darkly.

"But what did you mean by if something went 'wrong'?"

Jake didn't say anything for a few minutes, perhaps wondering how much he could tell me. When he did speak, his tongue was heavy, though. "You know that we've always considered you family, right Bells?" I nodded. "It's not just me, either. I mean, since you were allowed to sit in on that tribe meeting before and hear our legends, we've always thought of you as one of us... even after you started to ignore us. And we protect our own, no matter the cost and no matter who has to die for that to happen."

A chill shot through me. "Do you mean to say, that if I_ had_ been dead…"

"We would have destroyed every monster in this house."

A loud snarling reached me ears then. "Hush, Edward," I spoke in a normal tone, knowing he would hear me. "I will handle this."

"Forgot how good there hearing is," Jake stated off-hand.

I crossed my arms, glaring at the boy who was once my brother. "How could you even think about killing the Cullens? Aren't you even the least bit grateful for everything they have done for me?"

"A: it's not killing when the thing in question isn't alive." I snorted at that. "And B: we had no idea what was going on. We didn't know you were really sick, so you can't fault us for assuming the worst when you were living with these monsters."

"Please, you are just as much of a monster as them, Jacob," I lied – in truth, I didn't think the Cullens were monsters at all, yet I wasn't so sure about these werewolves yet. Jacob admitting that he had came here with the intentions to wipe out Edward's family only served to drive my point home.

"Don't ever compare us to _them_."

"Because you don't match up to them? Glad you realize that."

"You are impossible, you know that?"

We sat locked in a glaring contest for a few minutes before Jacob relented. He dropped his gaze to the floor. "You could come with us for as long as you… have left. You know that, right, Bella?"

"I know I could, but you know I won't." I was more then content to stay near Edward until my last breath. Anything less then that would be torture.

"We could provide for you just as much as they can – without the threat of drinking you dry."

"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "Do you have a doctor with over a hundred years of experience who can treat me all hours of the day, literally, because he doesn't require rest? Not to mention all of this machinery that Carlisle has access to thanks to his prestige at the hospital." I waved his reply away. "Besides, Carlisle is immune to the smell of human blood. I must have bled on him at least four times this week and he's always been fine about it."

"What about the rest of them?" he growled, shaking with rage.

"Edward would never allow them near enough to hurt me," I replied confidently.

"There's always the chance-"

"Are you done here, kid?" I asked unkindly. "Because you're really not good for my health. No, really. If you say one more stupid thing I may just have to rip these IVs out and strangle you to death. And where would that leave me, huh?"

A cocky smirk stole over his face. "I doubt you'd be able to lay a finger on me, Bells. I'm much stronger then you."

"But not stronger then me." I looked up with a smile as Edward appeared in the doorway, a cold expression on his face. His eyes were a flat black as he stared down Jacob, and I knew the color had only to do with rage instead of thirst. A thril ran through my bones as I realized how firecely protective of me Edward was. I smirked at Jacob.

He then jumped to his feet, Jacob's shaking limbs more pronounced. "You wanna bet, leech?"

"Calm down, dog. You're much too new to transforming to be able to control it." Edward's eyes flickered to me. "And if you were to lose control, you might hurt Bella, something I won't allow to happen."

"I'm perfectly in control of my body," Jacob hissed, his voice somewhere between embarrassment and annoyance.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Edward replied condescendingly, bypassing him to come to my side. As soon as he was close enough, I pulled him into a cool embrace. He brought his face down to mine until we were eye to eye. "Do you really wish for him to leave? I would be more then happy to make it happen."

"In a second," I decided. I turned my head so I was now facing Jacob. He looked so devastated! I had to console him in some way; I owed him that much. "I really am sorry about all of this, Jakey. I've been wanting to apologize for everything I put you through, but I'm much too much of a coward. Forgive me?"

His shoulders fell. "Of course I do, Bella. I could never stay mad at you. Love ya too much, Sis."

"Sorry it has to end this way," I added.

"Me too. You were one of the good ones. Shouldn't have to die like this." Even from a distance, I was sure I saw tears in his eyes. "You don't deserve it, Bella. Not at all."

Tears filled my eyes too. "Fate seems to disagree, kid."

Edward helped me to sit up long enough for Jacob to crush me into a hug. I nearly yelped from the heat radiating from him, but I still held on tightly, knowing this would be the last time I got to hold Jacob. My little brother.

"I'm gonna miss you, baby brother. I love you forever, kay?" I gave him one last squeeze before pulling away.

"Me too." He forced a smile over his features. "Don't mean to be rude, but Bella, you stink like vampire."

A watery giggled filled me as I leaned into Edward's embrace. "I'll take that as a compliment. Now get out of here. And tell Billy I love him, too."

Jacob got all the way to the door before he stopped. His eyes turned not on me, but to Edward. "Before I go can I-"

"I'll be there in a second," Edward smoothly interrupted. Jacob nodded and walked through the doorway without another look to me.

I tugged on Edward's shirt. "What does he want? You won't hurt him, will you?" Then again, I was equally as frightened that Jacob might hurt him.

Edward shook his head. "He just wants to talk, love. I swear." He tapped his forehead. "My gift does come in handy every once and a while." He kissed me lightly on my lips. "Now you just rest for a while, okay? I'll be back before you wake."

I was already fighting with my eyelids. "You promise?"

"Upon my very existence." And then he was gone.

* * *

_A/n: I know a lot of you have wanted to read about Jake's involvement in my story, so, here you are. What could Jacob want to talk about? Warning: next chapter is the last one! :O  
_


	26. The Promise

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Series.**

Young Jacob Black was waiting for me in the front of the house, sitting on the hood for Sam Uley's blue impala. His arms were wrapped around his legs in what I recalled to be a defensive position. His thoughts were still lacking aggression, but I knew better then to take foolish chances with a new werewolf. I stopped a good few feet away from where he sat.

His head was down, so I couldn't see his face for a reference point, but I could already tell what type of person Jacob was. He was a good kid, in general. A bit foolhardy and rash, but still a kind soul who only took the paths that hurt his loved ones the least.

I was truly touched as I listened to his conversation with Bella – it wasn't really eavesdropping since they spoke loud enough for me to hear them anywhere in the house and I wasn't willing to leave the area in case Bella should need me. While Bella did not have my second hearing, she could not understand the torment of his thoughts and feelings. How much it hurt him to only see Bella now that she was on her deathbed. How frustrated he was that he could be of little help to her. And his devastation that Bella had seemed more afraid of him then she was us, the cold ones he had been taught to hate. It was almost too much for the poor child to take in, but I was still quite proud of how he handled himself in front of Bella.

Jacob Black loved Bella. She was his friend, but more then that, she was his sister. I could only compare how he felt about Bella with how I felt about Alice. He would do anything he could to protect her and look out for her, all the while still cherishing the joy she brought him. I understood his feelings and I could not fault him for them, just as with how I could justify his hatred for me and my family. Not only were we his sworn enemies, but we had to go and add insult to injury -though, in our defense, it was a pain we caused unknowingly. We had taken away his sister whom he loved from him. He could never get her back now and he resented that her last hours would be shared with me and not him.

But as I looked upon Jacob now, I could see his fragile self that he had hid so well from Bella. Again, I was reminded of his youth despite his size. Bella had been right: he still was a child, no matter how he tried to work around it.

I became aware of his shaking and immediately went on the alert. From past experience, I knew that the shaking of a Quileute's limbs was the prequel to their explosive transformations. I eased back a step, watching him more carefully.

That was when I discovered that he was not shaking from rage; he was sobbing.

Truly, the sight was heartbreaking. Yet, I did not move to him. I knew not how to comfort the boy, and I knew he would appreciate sympathy from his 'enemy' like he would a stab through the heart. So I folded my arms behind my back and pondered what I had learned of Bella through the medium of Jacob's mind while he tried to compose himself.

Mostly, they were mental snapshots of Bella as he remembered her: a quiet girl with soft, chocolate hair and warm, brown eyes. She had a lovely laugh and the brightest smile he had ever known. She hadn't changed so much in those aspects. No, what had changed was how she coped with life – or lack of coping, as it was.

Once upon a time, Bella had been what could be defined as a normal child. I saw her as she was only two years ago: full of life and relatively happy. There were many memories of her as such. Ones of her running along the beaches in a mob of children, standing out as the only one with fair skin. Her smile was radiant as she held on to Jacob's hand to prevent herself from falling. And there was another of her in a pale pink dress, laughing as she began to tear through colorfully wrapped boxes. It had been a memory of a past birthday, I assumed. One memory that had struck me sharpest though was one of her sitting in Charlie's lap as a very small child, perhaps of 5 or 6. Charlie was not the man I had expected him to be in that memory. The Charlie I had met in the hospital was aged and harsh looking, as if he had been a very unhappy person all his life. This Charlie was more youthful, his eyes aglow as he tugged on little Bella's pigtails. I was nearly floored with the amount of love that pour out of him for his little girl. It really was quite sad how drastically he had changed over the years.

But seeing Bella so joyful and full of energy had unearthed me the most. For in the many visions of Alice's that like to assault me with from time to time, Bella's expression was the same if not a thousand times brighter. Bella, my Bella… blissful as a vampire? As a soulless being? I just couldn't understand it.

Jacob began to get a hold of himself, so I fixed my whole attention on him. His eyes were bloodshot when he looked at me finally, but he no longer wept, to my relief._ I have to do this_, he thought suddenly, still unaware of my gift; I had thought it best to keep my trump card a secret from the youth. _For Bella, I have to do this._

"Hey," he said aloud, his voice lacking the volume it had when he stormed up to the house and demanded to see Bella only a few hours ago. It was like seeing a bear reduced to a cub.

"Hello, Jacob. I don't think we were introduced amidst the confusion," I stated politely. "My name is Edward Cullen."

_Hard to see bloodsuckers as people, but I have to try. Do it for Bella, Jacob._ "Nice to meet you, Edward," he muttered, forcing out my name. "I need to… talk to you."

I tilted my head in acknowledgment. "Then proceed."

_Sheesh, he may look like he's my age, but he sure as hell doesn't talk like it_. For some reason, my politeness was annoying him. That was odd. "Yeah, well, it's about Bella."

"I had assumed as much. If it's not too much trouble, could you hurry this up? I don't like being too far from her when she is in this state." I could hear that she was already entering her deeper sleep and was shifting about restlessly. Since a week ago, she never could manage to sleep properly. I couldn't do much about that, but I wanted to be by her side should she wake up suddenly or upset a bruise with her tossing and turning.

_I'll take care of it, Edward._ Rosalie dashed from the living room into my own lodgings then, sitting by Bella's side on the bed in my stead. She began to hum the melody I had constructed for Bella while cooling her head with her icy hand. Bella visibly relaxed.

I still wished to be near Bella's side, but I appreciated Rose's help all the same. "Thank you, Rose. Be sure to give her the proper dose of morphine." I looked back at Jacob to see him watching me wearily.

"Morphine?" he asked hesitantly.

I nodded stiffly. "We've seen that by medicating her in her sleep, her pain lessens. Not nearly enough, but it does help." I sighed. "But, back to our conversation then."

"Right."

He scooted off of the car's hood, perhaps in an effort to make himself seem like more of my equal with him an inch or so taller then me. I had dealt with the Quileutes before, but I was always intrigued by their genes that morphed their very DNA. I could see from Jacob's memory how drastic his growth spurt had been and I could even tell that he was still growing. It was very interesting.

_For Bella. For Bella._ He was repeating that like a chant in his head so I opted to duck out of his mind to better concentrate. "I suppose you heard every word I said to Bella?" I nodded. "Then I won't have to repeat myself.

"Bella is very important to me. You can imagine how pissed off I was that, as her_ only_ family, I wasn't even told of her condition. I mean, I had to learn from rumors and crap. That's messed up."

"I understand that you feel slighted, but do not assume you are her only family." His arms tightened. I went on gently, "My family has just as much of a right to call her as such, Jacob. You know that."

"Fine," he retorted. "But that doesn't change the fact that I should have been contacted."

I allowed that. "You are right. But I was merely thinking of Bella's well-being. You know her as well as I do: you know how she hates being made a big deal of. And she wasn't ready to say her good-byes quite yet, Jacob."

Jacob shifted uneasily. "H-how much longer does she…?"

He didn't have to finish his sentence. "At most, a week. Her body is constantly trying to give out on us, but we are doing everything we can to prolong her life." I glared over Jacob's head, my fists clenching. "Not that we're doing much good with it anyway."

"Have you… Have you asked Bella how she feels about that?"

"What are you talking about?" I snapped a little harsher then I should have. I could hear Sam, the pack's Alpha growl faintly from his place in the trees.

I could tell the boy was picking his words mindfully. "Only that… You're right when you say I know Bella really well. I know her better then anyone else in the world." I knew it wouldn't be courteous to disagree with that, so I said nothing. "Ever since she was small, she hated being a burden on others above anything else. I know that you guys are doing a lot for her, but she doesn't seem too keen on it." Ah, he caught on quick. I had hoped he wouldn't notice Bella's discontent. "Maybe it would be best…"_ I can't believe I'm saying this, _he thought to himself ruefully_._ "Maybe the most ethical thing to do now would be to pull the plug."

A violent sound tore the air in two then. I wasn't even aware that the snarl came from my own throat. All I knew was I was about to lose my control and shed blood. Jacob's blood.

But before I could take even one step forward to act, Bella whispered my name in her sleep. It was a soft sound, but it served to bind me in place with surprising strength. I hissed at Jacob, turning away, intending to return to Bella's side and never look back.

But he reached forward to grab my arm. "Wait for a sec, will ya?"

I shook of his arm roughly, almost snapping a bone or two. "I won't sit here and listen to you talk about killing her!"

He drew away, calculating. "I shouldn't have said that, I guess. But I am only thinking of Bella. And she is _suffering_. You can't expect me to be cool with that."

"What more can you do – can _we _do!" I was pacing now to distract myself from breaking Bella's 'brother'. "Short of going back in time, we can't stop what the future holds. Bella is… she is going to die." How it hurt to say those words aloud! Nothing had ever stabbed me so surely then the knowledge that the woman I loved would go beyond my each soon – and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. I wanted to just hit something with all my strength. I wanted to yell and scream and cry all at once. Helpless rage. That was what this was.

I saw my own anguish mirrored on Jacob's face. "Don't you think this is hurting me just as much as it is you? I love her, Edward."

"And I do too!"

Jacob said nothing as he processed that slowly. A tiny frown appeared over the bridge of his nose. "I thought it might be something like that. Only excuse I could think of as to why she wasn't dead yet by your own hands." He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe you are hurting just a bit more then me then. But, if so, then why haven't you… ya know… made her one of you." An image of Dracula biting down on the neck of a pretty woman filled his head. "You guys can do that right? Bite her? I mean, I won't like it one bit. She's my sister and I don't want her to become a blood-thirsty monster, but-"

I held up my hand to stop him just as Sam howled in the distance. He must have thought as little of Jacob's idea as I had. "What you and my sister seem to not realize is that we are not like the vampires you see on TV. One little bite will not satisfy us. If I bit Bella, there is no guarantee she would survive." Disgusted to even be talking about this, I quickly changed the subject. "Besides, you know as well as I do that it's against the treaty. We don't want to cause a war with your tribe."

A vein in his neck throbbed. "I thought you loved her?"

"I do! How dare you doubt that-"

"Then isn't she worth starting a war over!" His fists were clenched as he shook with waves of rage. "And you know there are ways around that treaty. Take her away from here. Take her far away and… and bite her! I never thought I'd have to beg you to do it, but I need toy to bite her! Change her, Edward! Save my sister, goddamnit!" And then he was sobbing again.

A bitter taste was in my mouth as I watched Jacob break down. I knew what it must have cost him to betray his own tribe by coming here. What it cost to accept losing his sister. What it cost to ask his enemy to take her away from here. And what it cost him to beg for his enemy to make her one of them. He had more courage then anyone I had ever met. But he didn't know what he was asking!

I fell to my knees, glaring at the ground below me. "You just don't understand, Jacob. You say we are monsters, and you are right. We all know that. So why… why would you ask me to turn the woman I love into a monster? To take away her soul and place in heaven all at once? To make her hate herself for taking human lives? Why would you ask me to do that? Wouldn't death be a better alternative?"

Jacob thundered as he stepped closer to me, tears still running down his face. "This has nothing to do with what _you _want, Edward. _I could give a_ _shit _what you do and don't want! I am only thinking of what is best for Bella! So don't be selfish and condemn her to death just because _you_ don't want her to-to hate you when she becomes a monster! It's not about you any more! This is about _everyone _who loves her!" His voice failed him then. "I'm not asking you to do anything. I am only saying that if you really loved my sister, you would do what was best for her, not you."

And then he jumped into the Impala and took off with Sam howling as he followed in his wolf form.

-break-

Bella woke only a few hours later. As I had promised, I was lying beside her on the bed when he eyes opened, my arms wrapped around her tiny waist, squeezing lightly. As expected, her heart rate picked up a bit, though thankfully, not enough to hurt her. She moved determinedly until she was laying on her side facing me, wincing at the effort it had taken. Her lips found mine.

Kissing Bella had always been a wondrous experience. Even now, with her almost too weak to move at all, I still cherished each and everyone one of her kisses, quite aware any one of them could be our last.

"Hello Edward," she whispered weakly, a smile appearing on her face. "You kept your promise."

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"True. And you've always been a man of your word." She placed her head to my chest, sighing lightly. "So what did Jakey want?"

I said nothing as I stroked her heard from her face, wondering how best to avoid this subject. Lying was out of the question, but I couldn't tell her the whole truth. Couldn't tell her what that foolish boy had asked of me. I tightened my grip around her waist as my muscles contracted. Jacob's words buzzed around my skull angrily, refusing to be extinguished, hard as I tried.

I had heard that same speech before more or less from Alice, so the content didn't exactly shake me as it did before. But there were two major differences from hearing it from Jacob's mouth. One was that Jacob was a werewolf. He was my natural enemy and hated our kind with a burning passion. Yet, despite what his instincts screamed at him, he still wanted Bella to be transformed. I could not as easily ignore his words.

But the other major difference was what really made a true impact. When Alice spoke of changing Bella, she had in mind both of out happiness. Alice wanted me to bite Bella just as much for Bella's sake as it was for mine. Meanwhile, Jacob really could careless about my happiness, something I had in common with him. He only cared about Bella and wanted what was for her own good. He wanted Bella to live, albeit, in an unorthodox way. That, I could easily understand, if I was not biased as I was.

I thought back to Rosalie's words from the fair we had gone to only two weeks prior. She had chastised me for always doing what I thought was best for Bella without Bella's consent. And she was completely right.

Why was I thinking of everyone else's opinions of what was right when there was only one person's opinion that really mattered?

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

It took great effort to do this, but I knew it was the only thing that was right. "I haven't been complete fair to you. As you have said again and again, this is your life to live as you please." I took a deep, unnecessary breath of her scent to steady myself. "I have to wonder, if the choice was in your hands as it is now, would you wish to become… one of us?"

I hated myself for asking her, for I knew either way, her answer would hurt me. If she said yes, then I would hurt because I knew I would have to bite her. And if she said no, I would know how she truly felt about my kind, and me by extension. "Keep in mind, " I added, "that though you would not have to drink from humans, the instinct will always be there. At times, it might be able to take over you. And we would all do our best to stop you from taking human life, but there would be no guarantee that we would succeed. And this is all assuming I don't… kill you when -if- I was to bite you."

She was silent for too long of a time. I had already assumed that she wouldn't answer me when her soft voice finally broke the air. "Why are you asking my opinion now? I thought you refused to have me as a vampire."

"I'm not saying I have changed my mind about whether or not changing you is right," I was quick to repair. "I only ask because your opinion does count. And I am willing to… consider it."

Her tone was hesitant now. "Remember that time I told you that I didn't need you to save me?" I nodded vigorously. "Well, I lied. I did need you to save me back then, and still do now. This time, though, it's from death." She paused. "If you changed me to be like you, it could be a whole new start of me. I could happily bury the last of my old life with Charlie. And I could start anew with the one I love. It's everything I've dreamed of, Edward. But I won't ask you to change me."

She was thoroughly contradicting herself, confusing me. "So you don't want to be changed," I concluded after a few minutes of consideration.

"No, I do," she whispered quickly. "Desperately. But not because I fear losing my life, but because I fear losing _you_. Compared to you, my life has never meant less to me. But I won't ask you to change me. I can't do that to you when it's so against what you want_. I_ want you forever, but you seem opposed to having me that long."

How in the world could she get that idea? "That is not it at all, silly Bella. You don't seem to realize everything that you will lose if you become one of us. Your chance at heaven, your humanity, your soul. I could never take those things from you. You deserve so much better-"

"Like rotting in a grave at 17?" I winced at that blow. Her tone took on a gentler side. "My life has never been better since you entered it and you know it. The way I see it, I won't lose a thing by getting to be with you forever; only gain what every person yearns for." I was about to interrupt, but she cut me off. "And don't start that 'I'm-a-soulless-monster' garbage, either. You say you think vampires have no souls, but let me prove you wrong for once.

"Consider this, Edward. My father beat me senseless. He hurt me again and again until I had lost the will to live. He took away any chance I had at happiness as a human, and chance I had at life. But he was human. Did he have a soul?"

"Yes," I growled back. "It was black as night, but he still had one."

She did not lose her determined expression. "_You_ take me in. You let me live with your family and made me whole again, picking up the pieces my father had so expertly shattered. You are selfless and kind and caring and gentle. Besides all those wonderful traits, you have also loved me in a way most can only dream of being loved. Does Charlie still have more of a soul then you do? Does that man have more of a right to be in heaven then you do just because he was human?"

"You regard me so impossibly. I've killed many humans, Bella."

"He was very nearly the death of me," she shot back "In fact, he still will be, even if you _do_ change me."

"I am a monster, Bella!" I was quickly exhausting my patience against her overly-optimistic attitude. It reminded me too much of Alice. "All vampires lose their souls when they transform. It's why we are demons."

"Strange, I was under the impression that soulless being weren't capable of love." Bella tilted her head up to look at me from under her eyelashes. "Does that mean you lied when you said you loved me?"

"No! Bella-"

"Think now of your family," she interrupted with a fierce glint in her deep, brown eyes. "Esme, your wonderful, caring mother. Is _she_ a monster? Alice, your sweet sister who loves us both dearly. Is_ she_ a monster? Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie! And then Carlisle. Perhaps the kindest soul in the world. And yes, I did say _soul._ Anyone who dedicates their life to helping others has to have a soul – an impossibly kind one at that. It is even more insightful about him because his life is endless and he will always be around to do good for humanity." She took my pale face in her hands, the heat from her skin cooling from the ice of mine. With honest, wide eyes, she asked, "Am I kind?"

"The most benevolent woman I have ever met!"

"But vampires are soulless?"

"Yes…"

"So even 'the most benevolent woman' loses her soul when she is bitten?"

"Bella!"

"Just answer this question. If I were to become a vampire, like you, do you honestly believe it possible for my soul to be lost in the process?"

I thought it over, pulling the theory apart as I examined it. I knew there was a god. After all, there was a devil that had created my kind. But if this god did save a place for all pure souls, would he really send someone as angelic as Bella to the devil? Even if she was a blood drinker? Somehow, I thought not. Denying her entrance into heaven after our existence eventually did end would be the greatest sin ever committed.

"I… think not."

"Then what do you have to lose? _Now_ do you see my point? The true issue here is whether or not you do want me for eternity"

"Of course I do!"

"Then what, Edward, is stopping you?"

I already know what was. My fear. Fear Bella would come to hate me after she realized what she was. Fear that she would fall out of love with me once she was just as beautiful as I. Fear that I would not be able to equal up to the man she believed me to be. I was paralyzed by my own fear.

But no more.

Jacob was right. This wasn't about me and what I wanted.

"Do you truly want to become one of us? This will be the last time I ask, so be positive of your answer."

I never could predict Bella's responses before. Her mind worked in a way I was not familiar with and it was so alien to me. But I thought I understood her just a bit better then I ever had before. And I knew already knew what her answer would be to my question. Two magical words that Alice often saw her repeating in her visions while in a dress of pure white:

"I do."

* * *

_A/n: And this is the end of "The Forsaken"! I am toying with the idea of a sequel, but it may take a while to get up. I have to have the right inspiration – all I have now is a vague concept. Review and I'll send you a teaser of said 'vague concept.' _

_And let me just thank all of you for sticking with me throughout this story! All your reviews have meant the world to me! Thank you!!  
_


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